The Way Hannibal's Gaze Is Glued To Will In This Moment (when He's About To Give Up Everything) Is Making

The way Hannibal's gaze is glued to Will in this moment (when he's about to give up everything) is making me sick because he was so desperate to have Will's attention on him one last time. My vulnerable little pumpkin just wanted to be loved 😭 He simply never learned how to express his emotions in a normal + healthy way and that is why I'll forever be a Hannibal Lecter apologist.

Hannibal could've stayed inside Will's shed and Jack eventually would've found him in there. But he decided to kneel down onto the snow which is monumental in itself because of his childhood trauma: the last time Hannibal was on his knees in the snow was when he was a child; directly after the death of his parents and sister; when he was on the verge of death from starvation. I think this action was a form of self-inflicted punishment because he felt that he was losing Will and resorted to this: something that would seep into his bones + rival the ache in his heart. Hannibal had no one to look for the last time he was knee deep in snow. He had no one to turn his gaze to; no one that would even remotely care. He did in Digestivo. He made sure Will saw him, so that he wouldn't be forgotten, because what he feared most was Will's apathy and disinterest.

I need need need a fic where Will learns Hannibal struggles with chionophobia (extreme fear of snow) + then links it back to the moment Hannibal surrendered and knelt in the snow in his backyard.

Imagine Hannibal being taken post-fall when it's the dead of winter. He fights back (but is sedated and severely wounded in the process) and collapses in the snow + it ends up triggering his chionophobia. He's out there for what feels like hours. Will is desperately searching for him the entire time. He's curled in on himself to stay warm and unresponsive (with a glassy-eyed gaze) until Will's hands come to cradle his wet, freezing cheeks.

Tėtis is a word Will's only ever heard in instances where Hannibal sleep-talks during fitful nightmares. He knows what it means now (after his curiosity had gotten the best of him one night + he ended up resorting to google translate; only for his heart to shatter in the process). Will's chosen to never tell Hannibal that he sleep-talks and instead cherishes the moments Hannibal unconsciously seeks out comfort + unknowingly lets his gaurd down once he's subsequently cradled against Will's chest + soothed with gentle touches and soft words of reassurance until he ultimately settles down + returns to a peaceful state of sleep.

Imagine Will bundling a shivering Hannibal into his arms + carrying him to the car + reassuring Hannibal that it'll be okay. That Daddy's here. That he's safe now. That he'll be warm soon. Imagine Will wondering throughout all of this: if Hannibal had been close to regressing that night in his backyard + if any more time had passed would he have found Hannibal in a similar position: curled up in the shed + shivering + begging for the comfort of his dead father in a language Will wouldn't have been able to understand.

Imagine Will taking notice of the large wet patch on the front of Hannibal's crotch + the acrid stench of urine clinging to the ruined garment. Imagine Hannibal whimpering and whining as it's quickly removed because he's far too cold + then Will comforting him with gentle words and wrapping a jacket or a blanket around his waist. Imagine Hannibal being in the backseat of the car (or even the loading trunk because it's easier for Will to strip him there and bundle him up in the blankets designated for their dogs, who occasionally reside in the trunk during car rides) + panicking because he lost sight of Will, who is now driving them to a getaway boat. Imagine Hannibal calling out for Tėtis in a frightened, tearful voice; so unlike the precise manner in which he usually speaks.

Imagine Will wondering what would've happened if more time had passed before Jack had arrived in Digestivo. If he would've had to witness Hannibal in a state such as this; being whisked away when he felt cold and frightened and in search of reassurance; in search of Will; in search of someone who loved him. It's at this moment where Will realizes Hannibal hasn't felt loved since he was a child.

Will gets Hannibal to the boat and changes him into a set of fresh clothes and attempts to feed him a bowl of soup to help warm him up, but Hannibal panics and refuses. It's the first time Will's ever seen Hannibal cry and consciously seek out physical and emotional comfort, burrowing into his chest to be held.