I Dunno If You Guys Were Considering, @ingopotato And @rockmiyabideusexmachina, But This Is Pretty Useful.

Injustice 2 Quotes

(All fake).

Just a few scenarios I dreamed up involving characters that didn’t make it into  Injustice 2.

Tara "Terra" Markov

  VS Deathstroke     Introductions       D: Well, well, if it isn't my... protege.       T: Well, well, if it isn't Daddy Deathstroke.       D: You were such a good study.

      T: Oh, good, it's the limp fish.       D: Nothing personal, but you're a liability.       T: Why? Don't want me to spread it around?

      T: I don't want anything to do with you.       D: You have no idea what you want.       T: I'll start with your head on a spike.

      T: Oh, look, my teenage mistakes all in one place.       D: I showed you what you could be.       T: Yeah, but could you have shown me a more exciting time?

      T: Garfield was right about you. The whole time.       D: Ah, but is he right about you?       T: ...You go to Hell.

   Clashes      D: So what hole'd you crawl out of? T: The one I dug myself!      D: I taught you everything, brat. T: Hey, Mr. WIIILSON! This is how you PUNCTURE someone!      D: I'm hard to kill. T: Hard to get rid of, anyway.      T: I'm nothing like you. D: Not in the good ways.      T: I'm DONE with you, Slade! D: You act like a hunted animal.     VS Cyborg     Introductions       C: Man, if it isn't just a parade of unexpected faces.       T: What, you see any other ghosts of your past?       C: If I didn't know better, I'd say you look a little green.

     T: Well, look who's outta the hospital!      C: Don't pretend you care, witch.      T: Hey, I care! Wasn't even gonna mention that new car smell.

    Clashes       T: Tell me where you saw Garfield! C: What, the ex got you all hot and bothered?       C: Do you know why he did this to me? T: I bet you got in Garfield's way.

  VS Raven     Introductions       T: Oh, look who it is, the one-woman pity-party.       R: The advice of loved ones should not be cast aside so lightly.       T: Ugh. Why does Gar care so much about your opinion?

      T: Wow, and people called me a traitor.       R: You mock only because you do not comprehend.       T: Chicken Soup called! They want their sob story back.

    Clash       R: You broke Garfield's heart. T: You should let him off the leash./Oh, so he's "Garfield", now?       T: Not so sexy on the inside, are you? R: I will carve out your tongue!

Rachel "Raven" Roth

  VS Dr. Fate     Introductions       F: Wherefore does the Princess of Perdition step into the domain of Fate?       R: Order is order, regardless of the binding.       F: Trigon's fickleness has caused untold disaster.

      R: You know of the Changeling's and Terra's arrival. Speak.       F: The fault lines of reality are shifting.       R: I see why Gar hates it when I don't give a straight answer.

      R: You will yield your secrets to me, willingly or otherwise.       F: You know nothing of my arts. You cannot hope to defeat me.       R: I'm a quick study.

    Clashes       F: The cosmos must have order! R: Then we have no quarrel.       F: The lords of order speak true. R: Not even you believe that.       R: Give me the knowledge I require. F: I do not serve tyrants.       R: So the helmet feeds more lies to you? F: You know nothing of these matters!

  VS Changeling     Introductions       R: You-- you're alive?       C: Surprised to see me, Rae?       R: No. Illusion or Delusion, you shouldn't be here.

      R: So there is some truth to your story.       C: Don't worry, it weirds me out, too.       R: **giggles** It does my heart good to see you, Garfield Logan.

      C: So, do I pass the Official Titan Test?       R: I see naught but doom in you.       C: 'Course you do, Rae. I'm a Patrolman, too.

      C: So you never mentioned you were living with your Dad again.       R: Your safety is guaranteed here. I mean it.       C: Enough to fight him if you have to?

      R: So. I see you reject my hospitality.       C: The fancy cell in Castle Trigon was nice, but I'm homesick.       R: Garfield, I cannot allow you to confront her.

    Clashes       C: Loser buys lunch? R: Are you ever serious?       R: Forever putting your head into the lion's jaws. C: Too bad for the lions, huh?       C: Our line of work is always dangerous. R: I will not abide the loss of another friend.       R: I can't lose anyone else! I won't! C: Raven, I've got to go now!       R: You can't leave! NOT AGAIN! C: I'm gonna miss you, too, Rae.

Garfield "Changeling" Logan

  VS Cyborg     Introductions       Cy: You, there! Freeze! I order you to back it up!       Ch: Whoa, chill! What's wrong?       Cy: You're wearing a dead man's face.

      Ch: Wow. You guys are serious about this Regime thing.       Cy: I know it's not easy to understand, Gar.       Ch: The only thing I don't get is how you're the good guys.

      Ch: You just got outta the hospital, Vic.       Cy: None of this woulda happened if you hadn't broken out.       Ch: I've got bigger worries than the New World Order.

    Clashes       Cy: You've got some explainin' to do. Ch: Wish I could, Victor.       Ch: Why can't you leave it alone? Cy: You wouldn't come peacefully!       Ch: You gotta understand this ain't personal. Cy: It feels pretty damn personal.

  VS Atrocitus     Introductions       A: You'd make a fine addition to the Corps.       C: I've already served with two outfits. Three just seems greedy.       A: Ahh, then I must be imagining Nekron's influence.

    Clashes       A: You reek of the unliving. C: I could really use a shower.

  VS Mento     Introductions       M: So you've finally come back to the Patrol. Must be looking for some real action.       C: I certainly didn't come back for the memories.       M: Heh. It's certainly been gloomy without you.

      C: The gauntlets are new. Something to balance the helmet?       M: And what's wrong with the helmet?       C: Oh, my God, Dad.

      M: Things have changed since you've been gone.       C: I... I heard I have a sister, now. She a good kid?       M: Holly adores your every story.

      C: It's weird to think I got my start here.       M: You were wasted on the Titans.       C: Heh. Didn't know you cared.

      M: And when were you going to tell me?       C: I was hoping I wouldn't ever have to.       M: I'm your father. I know when you're lying to me.

    Clashes       M: You have no DISCIPLINE! C: YOU HAVE NO HEART!       M: How can you expect to save the world? C: I just want it to be worth saving!       M: If you have a job to do, then DO IT! C: You say that like it's easy!       C: Would you just LAY OFF? M: Get your head in the game!       C: I'm not afraid of dying! M: Because you're Doom Patrol!

  VS Terra     Introductions       T: Don't try to stop me, Logan. It won't work.       C: Sheesh, what's gotten INTO you?       T: They call it a heart of stone.

      T: Doctor, doctor! I feel the madness coming back!       C: Cut the crap, Tara. You know exactly what you're doing.       T: God, you would've been so good at roleplay.

      C: If you don't stop, people are going to get hurt.       T: It was 'people' who ruined my life, Garfield!       C: You can stop this before it gets worse, Tara!

      T: Why? Why are you so persistent?       C: Time's up, Tara. We've got to go.       T: I am not going back. You can't make me!

      T: What kind of animal can come back to life?       C: I made the arrangement to bring you back.       T: Oh, now I get it! You're just a lapdog.

      C: I thought that diamonds were a girl's best friend.       T: Not since I created the Lazarite crystals.       C: Yeah, thing is, Nekron calls that grand larceny.

    Clashes       C: Kicking up another fuss, Terra? T: But you know I'm noisy at night!       C: I'm begging you, Tara! Stop it! T: God, I love it when you beg.       T: I've got the madness in me! **cackle** C: You're not crazy, you're just blind.       T: The world won't love you back, Garfield. C: It's not the world I'm worried about.       C: It's time to go back, Tara. T: NO! I am not dying again!       T: Tell Nekron he can kiss my ass! C: We can tell him together.

  VS Black Hand     Introductions       BH: And what would the Red's orphan child seek of Nekron?       C: The opportunity to hunt down a lost soul.       BH: To act in service of death? Intriguing.

      C: So I get a whole week to get the crystals back, right?       BH: Fail to obtain them, and the unliving hordes will follow.       C: So that's the catch.

      BH: You destroyed the Lazarite crystals! You deceived Nekron!       C: He don't know me very well, do he?       BH: There will be nothing left of you for Heaven!

    Clashes       BH: And what drives you to serve Nekron? C: My beasts just want to hunt again.       C: So Nekron has no interest in the stones? BH: Nekron’s plans are no concern of yours!       C: And I can't ask for help? BH: We thought you a mighty hunter!       BH: MONGREL! VERMIN! CUR! C: Ain't I a stinker?

VIDEO FROM THE SURFACE OF A COMET

This is truly incredible.

Details:

Remember Rosetta? That comet-chasing European Space Agency (ESA) probe that deployed (and accidentally bounced) its lander Philae on the surface of Comet 67P? This GIF is made up of images Rosetta beamed back to Earth, which have been freely available online for a while. But it took Twitter user landru79 processing and assembling them into this short, looped clip to reveal the drama they contained.

https://instagram.com/p/BhzNYT4FUOb/

Hidden landscapes the heatwave is revealing

Imprints of old and ancient settlements not seen in known memory are emerging from the soil as the heat takes its toll on greenery.

Britain’s warm mid-eighties temperatures dredge up old baggage.

For anyone even remotely interested in sci-fi, today SpaceX’s Falcon Heavy launched a Tesla Roadster into space. Don’t Panic is written on the Dashboard, the radio is continuously playing David Bowie’s “Life on Mars”, and the dummy in the driver seat is called Starman. EDIT: As a bonus, here’s a livestream of the driver. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2p55BmwmJM

It’s officially Thanksgiving in the USA

Time to smell the gravy, marvel at your auntie’s pretty place-settings, and listen to the 5edgy9me once-a-year intellectuals crawling out of their local Starbucks like zombies from the damn grave, moaning

C̪̹͉͔͔̳̕h͈̼̯̥̭̗̍̒ͧ͟ṙ̠͍̹̈̄̈́͗ͥ̅͟i͎s̸̭̣̬̼͚͊̊ͨͬ̈́̅̚t͍͌̏̏͐͞o͈̐̉̓͐̅p̮̞͟h̦e̶͌ͪr̬̻̩͕̱̎̌ͩ͗ ̐̔͏͕̲͉̺͕Ċ͉̰͕̹́̊ͯ͆̓̾ͅo͇l̮̟͡ů̱͖̬͙ͣ̓͋̆̎m̧ͫb̵̠̲̗͂u͎͗s̟̤̭̼͕͈̃̉̒̔ ̖̹̗͔̮̱̯ͭ̅̋̆ͯ̽̍w̱̰͈̰̔̃͆́͋͌a͚̮̬ͮͨͤͬs̩͖͙̬̟̦ͫ̓̀ ̝̰̼͇̹̲͑̉̿̽͒͞a͔̬̮͠ͅ ͙͙͇̖͇͛͞m̠̲͖ͯͫ́̿ͤ͜u̪̪͖̮͂ͪ̎̽̚r̰̜ͪͩ̀ͫ̅d̬̹̲ͯè͖͇̦̖r̝̀è̯͙͈̻͖͓̪͌ͤ͑r̵̭͖̖̋ͥ̂ͅr̸̭͎͈͑r̞̫̀̔̅r͎̖̿̑̒͠r̬ͬ̄ͫ

@sixpenceee has already joined in the festivities of hilariously bad revisionist history with this little gem:

‘Cept Christopher Columbus never actually set foot on American soil – And Thanksgiving has nothing to do with him.

Thanksgiving in the USA was officially adopted as a holiday during the Civil War, though it had been off-again-on-again celebrated since 1621 – This is thought to be the famous ‘Pilgrims at Plymouth’ Thanksgiving.

Originally, it was celebrated because of a particularly successful harvest was managed less than a year after the Pilgrims first settled the Plymouth colony with the few surviving members of the journey from Europe. This sort of feast wouldn’t happen again until a bountiful rainfall broke a treacherous drought in 1623.

Only one or two other colonies celebrated similar days of thanks, and all of them were related to farming practices. Natives frequently attended these meals. Indeed, the first Thanksgiving saw about 90 Natives join in on the festivities.

That might not sound like a lot initially, but keep in mind that there were only 50 Pilgrims there, so the feast was almost 2:1 Native.

Now, with respect to ‘Genocide’, lemme learn  you some knowledge..

Claims of Native genocide by the Pilgrims mostly originate from happenings during the 1637 Pequot War – Also known as the Mystic Massacre.

Essentially, in the area the Plymouth Pilgrims had settled, there were a few major warring Native bands. Specifically, the Pequot, the Mohegan, the Narragansett, the Wampanoag, and the Algonquians.

Basically, the Pequot sucked. They were the most powerful tribe, and were constantly trying to expand their territory – Even before the Pilgrims had come. They regularly raided the Wampanoag and the Algonquians, and bullied the Mohegan and Narragansett. When the fur trade started up, they tried to scare all the other tribes out of competition.

This led pretty much all of the tribes in the area, with emphasis of the Mohegan and Narragansett, to ally with the Pilgrims when shit started to go down.

The Pequot seemed to have the least resistance to the foreign bacteria the Pilgrims brought in, and it weakened them a lot, leaving the other tribes and Pilgrims the ability to reclaim or take over a lot of their land.

About 700 Pequot died during the war. A great deal of them were also taken/given to the other tribes as slaves.

A great deal of the bullshittery surrounding the settlement and colonization of North America comes from people who are unwilling to admit that Natives were brutal with each other… That they were just these awesome, no-socialist hippies that just sang songs and ate berries all day.

I don’t just think that’s dishonest, I think it’s pretty derogatory.

I remember vividly a time I was on a long busride in my home of British Columbia, which has a very high Native population. I was seated next to an Aboriginal man from a Kwakwaka'wakw band and he told me, very proudly, about his tribe’s impressive archive of ancient weave records depicting a great victory over neighboring tribes leaving 600,000 of them killed by the Kwakwaka'wakw warriors, who were greatly outnumbered. I would find out later that Kwakwaka'wakw were known headhunters and cannibals. 

Once again, Thanksgiving was celebrated very sporadically, and certainly not as a consistent holiday, until the Civil War.

Thanksgiving never had anything to do with the Natives, other than their participation in a mutually-beneficial relationship with people who genuinely appreciated their help, and thus were willing to share what little food they had with them. It was about farming and harvesting, and later about peace and reconciliation.

We here in Canada celebrated Thanksgiving back in October, but I’ve always liked the story of American Thanksgiving better. To me, all of it’s incarnations have represented unity in one way or another – Different people working together to make everyone’s life better. Whether that be the Natives and the Pilgrims, or the Northern and Southern States.

People just being good to each other, if only for a little bit.

(Oneida Indian Nation has participated in the Macy’s Parade every year since 2010 in what they call ‘The True Spirit of Thanksgiving’)

Happy Thanksgiving, guys!

Something I wrote ages ago about villains and motivation from the Super Mario Games. More a meditation than a straight-up essay.

On Villains and Motivation

Since Cleanup Crew obviously isn’t written in the gag-a-day format like many if not most other webcomics, it’s given me a lot of opportunity to think about storytelling. And since I realized I have a ready-made blog for the comic here, I figured I’d file some of my thoughts here as they occur to me.

Having played every Mario Bros. RPG through Bowser’s Inside Story, I’ve come to the conclusion that one of the big flaws of these games is the villains.

More specifically, their lack of motivation.

Now, we can talk entertainment and characterization until the cows come home, about how much fun they are to watch, but the simple fact of the matter is that a villain needs a WHY, and no amount of plans or goals, the how and the what, will make up for the fact that there’s literally no reason for any of these villains to do what they do. This failure of characterization steals context and meaning from their actions.

Take Grodus, of The Thousand Year Door. As impressive as his organization is, as clever as the plot and storytelling are (that game does such tricks with the fourth wall that the couple of times it breaks it directly just barely limp along), it’s really hard to get invested in the villains because Grodus simply has no -drive- to accomplish his goals, no reason to do what he does. Given the fact that he’s a robot with a noble title and a pretend magic staff, his lack of even a token backstory is rather jarring.

On the other hand there’s Count Bleck of Super Paper Mario (which we will pretend is an RPG for conversation’s sake), who suffers from a broken heart and intends to solve that problem by committing a rather exagerrated form of suicide. THAT is a motivation, something Grodus is severely lacking. In fact, Super Paper Mario gives a lot of character to its villains, judging from what you can dig up about O'Chunks and Nastasia. Now, Dimentio hasn’t got any stated motivation, but this is deliberately done to emphasize his mystery – the game very obviously knows what it’s doing as far as the villains are concerned. (On a side note, the only real problems I have with Super Paper Mario are that it’s just a little too impressed with itself – to start with, the story is addicted to waxing melodramatic – and that it’s not actually a Mario story. It’s really about the game’s original characters – Mario has literally nothing to do with anything, Peach and Bowser are involved only for the sake of a joke, and Luigi has more involvement with the plot than all three combined, only because he’s the villains’ patsy).

But the rest of them, Cackletta and Fawful and the Shroobs (we’ve already discussed Grodus, and you could say the same about the Shadow Sirens) are devoid of motivation. You can see this in how they’re remembered less for their stories and more for their gimmicks. Cackletta is remembered primarily for being 50% of Boobser Bowletta rather than her desire to screw around with the all-powerful Beanstar; Fawful is bonkers and has a speech impediment, and “crazy narcissist” is not a decent motivation any more than “evil” is one, and then there’s the fact that the guy has no real plan except to set himself up as the local bigshot until he decides to destroy absolutely everything just for the heck of it. The Shroobs almost have a motivation that you can reverse-engineer by studying their actions (do they *need* to prey on the Mushroom Kingdom?), but putting the burden on the audience like that is bad writing for lazy authors.

This failure to motivate the villains is especially notable in Smithy, who argues with the heroes as if Super Mario RPG had an Honest to God *theme*. Smithy’s got enough going on that you can almost piece together the motivation that should be there. He wants to take over the Mushroom Kingdom as a stepping stone to ridding the world of wishes (which suggests that it’s no accident that Exor broke the Star Road on the way in, nevermind the fact that his minions have all been collecting the pieces), but why? Well, for most of the game, all the information on Smithy is at best second hand, suggesting he’s taking a leaf out of Orcus’ book, but when we get to finally meet him face to face, we realize he’s been busy the whole time. Smithy has been building his army piece by piece, by hand, and then delegating responsibility so he can keep building. Smithy is a craftsman, achieving his goals through the work of his hands, definitely -not- making wishes to get what he wants the easy way. All this together suggests that Smithy has some kind of enmity with the stars and their habit of granting wishes, a hatred so strong that he’s willing to conquer entire planets to get a shot at completely shutting them down. But after that, everything else would be pure speculation.

Now, I admit that this sort of thing’s not easy. Bowser’s generally easier to write than coming up with new villains wholecloth, insofar as he comes with the motivations built-in, like “FINALLY succeeding where he’s failed so many times before” and “sticking it to Mario once and for all”. I generally tend to ignore the “romantic interest in Princess Peach” motivation that he’s occasionally saddled with, because the implications are creepy in ways that make “Asmodeus covets Sarah” look Appropriate for All Audiences. I’m generally more favorable to the idea that Bowser takes an interest in the Mushroom Kingdom because he’s spent his whole miserable life a corner of Hell and the Mushroom Kingdom is a place of beauty and plenty and Her Highness may figure in his eyes as an emblem of all things beautiful, hence his fascination with her, since he only knows ugly things. You could get some serious mileage if someone spent five minutes figuring out a halfway decent motivation for the King of Awesome.

Something like, say, “somebody invaded his castle and stole something from the treasury, so now he’s driven to get it back and punish whoever had the gall to penetrate his fortress security and make a goon of him and his forces”.

And now I have spent entirely too much time writing about Mario characters.

encouragement mario

Barring, of course, the sporadic misfire of whatever bots Tumblr is employing to target posted art.

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Mad bombers, matchmaking, magic spells—what’s a butler to do?

Meet Bostwick von Dogsbody, a sardonic door-to-door magician, and his white rabbit, Emmaline, who just happens to be a cursed human princess. The two are traveling through the goblin-run continent of Ataxia in search of the legendary Domino of Nonpareil—a mask that allows the wearer to become anything he desires—in order to return Emmaline to normal. Their journey has finally led them to Styx Castle, where they meet Millicent, a human maid who wound up in Styx due to mysterious (and embarrassing) circumstances, and Delilah, a goblin queen with a taste for the chaotic.

But Bostwick’s theft of the Domino does not go unnoticed. To avoid a harsher punishment, he agrees to be Delilah’s butler for a hundred years. Before he can escape the queen’s clutches, he’ll have to face mad bombers, an all-bugbear police force, romantic schemes gone awry, and a mysterious goblin-turned-cat named Sebastian who also has designs on the Domino. And as if that wasn’t enough, he soon learns that Millicent is also a magician—and needs him to teach her!

Read more at rosecorcoranwrites.com