Decdoug - I Am Doug

Ten Years Part 2

Screw it, I can’t sleep, I’ll write some more.

Things have been rough for Louise and I, since I saw that text. Better now and I am thankful for that.

I didn’t say anything, I didn’t have to. As always, she picked up something was seriously wrong and, the next night, she confronted me about it. She actually had not even picked up on the significance of that comment from Tom and, at first, tried to pass it off as nothing. She knows me well though, she sighed and told me the time had come to do what she had wanted to do for a long time. Tell me the whole truth. It took a while, it all came out over a few days, with a lot of soul searching, especially on her behalf. This is a way shorter version than the reality of where our conversations went. At my insistence, she told me every detail, at least every detail she can remember. I am 100% certain I know the whole truth now.

In 2014, she went to a weekend carnival with the kids. Everyone went to dinner on the Saturday night, they put the kids to bed and some of the adults ended up partying on a little. They passed around some chocolate that had been left on a table outside (it was summer), Louise had melted chocolate on her fingers and said “what’ll I do about this?” To Tom. Well, he took her hand and sucked the chocolate off, he took his time apparently. She got another piece and gave it to him, letting him suck her fingers as he took it with his mouth. One of the other mums (one who turns out to be one of the swingers our neighbour Anna told us about) saw it, she came over and whispered that they could borrow their bedroom if they wanted. Lou said she could feel herself blush, Tom winked at her.

Sometime later, they all left to go to bed. Tom called her and told her was melting some chocolate and wondered if she’d help him eat it. She fucked him that night.

She told me the guilt “nearly killed her.” Tom flirted with her a lot after that night and asked her many, many time to do it again. She didn’t, not until a training camp in 2017. She went along as a parent helper, she admitted she knew they would do it if they got the chance. Yes, they did, in a similar way. She snuck off to his room after the kids were all asleep. She fucked him a couple of times that night.

There was an incident between those two times too, earlier in 2017. It was at a school camp, I was there. There was lots of late night parent partying that weekend and, on the second night, many of us sat around the fire, down by the lake in the camp grounds. Several of the women and a couple of the guys went for a walk around the shore, to the jetty. I followed along a while later, not suspecting anything at all, and met Louise on the track, she was walking back to the fire. I learnt that if I had been a few minutes earlier that night, I might have busted them coming out from behind some bushes. They were heading back, he had dragged her off the track. They had done some heavy kissing and good old Tom had his hand in Louise’s pants for a couple of minutes. He told her then that he was going to fuck her again sometime. He did a few months later, as mentioned above.

In 2019, I suspected they were having an affair. They actually started again because of me, after I first confessed my fantasies to Louise. I remember the night clearly, I was away, we had talked and it got naughty. By then she had told me she had gotten to know Tom, through the sports stuff and that he was someone she might consider. After we hung up, I sent her a message. Feeling brave I told her she should fuck him sometime. She said something like “what about if I did it tonight?”

At first my replies were of a “go for it nature.” Then I guess I got nervous, or scared, and I texted a few more times, asking if she meant it. She didn’t answer, I got more nervous and texted to say I didn’t know if I could handle it while I was away, I needed to be there. No answer. I called, no answer. A couple of hours later she called, she told me was really sorry, she had been doing housework and ironing and her phone was on charge (or something like that).

She had, in fact, been at Tom’s. She was sure it was ok by me and called him. He had been telling her he was going to fuck again ever since their last time, his kids were at their grand parents so it all fell into place. She even told him, that night, that she was allowed to do it and that it was all ok by me. He wouldn’t believe it though, he told her she shouldn’t tell me, not yet at least. When she saw my messages and missed calls she got too scared to tell me and went with his opinion.

She said she tried on so many occasions to tell me the truth. One thing she was right about was me any my suspicions, even though I had confessed my fantasies, I was struggling with thinking it was happening behind my back. I had read about all the “hotwife rules,” I was supposed to be the one in control and so on. The more I struggled with that, the harder it became for Lou to tell me the truth.

They didn’t stop though, not for quite a while at least. Louise says the longer it went, the harder it got to tell me. I remember the times she was nearly there, I thought she was going to confess several times but she chickened out and turned it back to fantasy talk. Or talk about how she thought I couldn’t handle it.

I said I was going to be short right?

They continued up until Covid lockdowns changed our lives. Even then they managed to steal a few sessions in Tom’s bed. He told her he loved her and asked her to leave me. She did tell him she loved him but she also told him her “heart belonged to her husband.” She kinda broke it off with him then, she said he had even agreed it was too serious (for him especially).

He got active in the dating scene, trying to find someone else, and was seeing someone for somewhere around a year. They still talked occasionally, Louise loves to be a sounding board and to give advice and, apparently, Tom needs lots of it (from a woman’s perspective).

Short right. He broke up with the other woman in 2021. He needed a “good fuck,” to move on and Louise, bless her, came to the party. Tom told her he had done a lot of soul searching and he was glad he hadn’t succeeded in breaking up our family. Interestingly, they came to their existing arrangement well before I knew and have been “friends with benefits” ever since. Mostly anyway.

The night of the “first” blowjob was almost the truth. They did go back to his place and, just as I had been told, she only sucked his dick. The lie was about it being the first time.

One last thing, for now at least. I asked her how many times, “rough estimate,” I said. She was crying at the time and she said she didn’t know, “probably hundreds of times.” She later said that was crazy, it couldn’t have been that many. But it was definitely dozens of times. Lots of dozens.

This sounds almost like an afterthought but it’s not, it’s just another part of a long story. She’d had several threesomes with Tom and Grant too, before the one I knew about She’d also had one with a different friend of Tom’s, someone I have now seen photos of (on Facebook) but have never met.

So, as per earlier posts of mine, her body count is actually one more than she let on.

I have been struggling lately, I’ll write more about that in another “short” instalment. Something really strange - Grant’s part in all the deception, I thought I really trusted him.

………

Love the answer to this question (love this lady’s whole blog actually).

I can certainly relate to the response and its sentiment. Louise is also the jealous type, she made it very clear, long ago, that she could not handle me being with another woman. It is actually not something I fantasise about and, even if I did, I would never do it because I could not ever hurt her like that. She also had fears that I actually could not handle the reality of her being with another man, it is part of what kept her from doing it for a long time. She is a very sexual creature, she loves sex and, now, is enjoying the experiences she is having but she would never have done it if it threatened our marriage.

For my perspective, yes I truly do get jealous. Sometimes that thoughts I have, or the things I see her enjoying, rip my guts out. But, at the same time, they make my heart race with excitement (and my dick very hard) and they make me desire her even more than I thought would have been possible. That only scratches the surface by the way.

I know most guys don’t see it my way and I am comfortable with that. Well, maybe not to the point of totally “coming out” publicly about it, but comfortable in myself with it.

So, to back up @milfincognito and her response to this Anonymous, why do others think it is fair to judge another person, their situation, their fantasies and their feelings about their relationships?

You say you have no desire to see your husband with another women yet you want to be a Hotwife while he remains faithful. Why do women who want to be a Hotwife think it’s fair to have sex outside of marriage with other men and their husbands aren’t free to do the same with other women?

This question pisses me off a little. I don't claim to speak for all women or all hotwives. I can only tell you what I'm feeling. Someone asked how close I've been to living out the hotwife fantasy and I answered honestly. The closest I've come to being in a situation where it could have happened was a few times when we went to swinger clubs. In retrospect, that was a bad idea. The truth is I am the jealous type and do not want to share my husband. He says the idea of other men fucking me turns him on, and the idea obviously turns me on as well as evidenced by this blog. The reason I haven't pushed harder to live out the fantasy in real life is because I fear it could ruin our marriage. More specifically, I fear he will not be able to handle the reality of seeing another man penetrate me. The reality of seeing and hearing me having an orgasm on another man's cock. I know him well, and I think it would be too much for him to take, and he may never look at me the same way again. I'm actually trying to be considerate of his feelings and protect my marriage.

Twists and Turns

Let’s begin by saying that, over the last few days, I have received little surprises about a couple of things. Also, and I probably should be used to a twist or two by now, I got quite a big surprise about something else. In a way, they’re all inter-linked but they still weren’t foreseeable for me.

As we came into the new year, I really thought Louise was very close to hooking up with J, the guy we have known for a while. She had started messaging him again and I must admit I thought she would have met up with him by now, it seemed so close. However, as she explained to me in the pool last night, she has been really busy with work (she has) and, apparently, so has he. She also said she is still chatting with him occasionally and building their connection. I’m sure I have mentioned elsewhere that connection is really important to her. It is highly unlikely that she will ever fuck a stranger (forgive the crude way of saying it, but it turns out there is a very important distinction there), not unless some really fast and really big chemistry occurs. That is not impossible of course, it just makes it much less likely than if she actually could set out to find a one night stand.

Mind you, she “reassured” me that it is going to happen with J. As much as it started as a joke, she is determined to make her post-marrying me body count higher than the before me one, and she says J is going to be the one that gets her there. I guess all I can do is wait and see how it plays out while she continues to tease me mercilessly about it.

The other small scale surprise came to light a couple of days ago. We had been talking about her going to see Tony, her regular masseur, and whether I should go along again. Well, speaking of work busy, I had one of those weeks where I just couldn’t get a day off (things can usually be flexible when I’m not away) so I encouraged her to go see him, make the most of what has been a rare day off for her of late. I was dying to hear all about it of course and that night she filled me in on not only the details of that massage but something else that has been happening with him.

He is teaching her a bit about massage and she is practicing on him. We are talking erotic kinds of massage here, happy ending stuff at least. So, her visit on Wednesday morning included a ninety odd minute massage for herself, with “two lovely orgasms.” Then she spent half an hour massaging him, finishing him off with an oily handjob. She told me she really enjoyed rubbing his dick and watching him cum, and that it was the second time she has done that for him now.

The fact that I got quite the hard on while hearing about it certainly led to a really nice blowjob but also to the more surprising revelation, one which didn’t come until later last night. It was after the couple of margaritas she, apparently, needed to have before she felt brave enough to tell me.

Going back a couple of months, Louise and I had a really good talk. During that talk the subject of her fantasies came up, she knows all about mine but I had never heard any of hers. It was then that she told me about a mild bondage kind of interest and how the thought of being restrained and smacked a little turned her on. That is where the interest in J re-started, he had sent her a naughty bondage related pic a few years ago.

So, we were sitting outside, after dinner and her margaritas with the place all to ourselves, when she just popped out with a question.

“Would you like to hear about another fantasy I have babe?”

Something like that anyway. My reply was considered and intelligent.

“Fuck yes.”

I’m quite sure I sat up straight in my chair too, ready to pay perfect attention. As I said before it was quite a big surprise.

At first she talked about her massage with Tony or, more precisely, massaging his dick. She said she hoped I didn’t think she was being too slutty but she wanted to remind me that she really likes seeing and playing with dicks lately. It was something she first told me after being with my mate Steve. Then she said all the massage stuff we had looked at got her thinking about some things and how it had turned into a bit of a fantasy.

On that, to explain, naughty massages had been the only fantasy I thought would ever be reality, for quite a few years. So, I often searched for guys who did that sort of thing and showed her some of the things I found. It was how we first came across Tony, through his online presence. I have shown her things I have found many times and, naturally, when you search for something like “sensual massage for women,” that is not all you find. She had looked through loads of other results and saw plenty where happy ending services were on offer for guys. It led to her wondering what it would be like for those girls who did more than just a back massage for their male clients. She went on to tell me that she thinks it has become something of a fantasy, one that she thinks about from time to time and something she wanted to try with Tony.

Of course I had a question or two, something like these.

Question 1: “But how would that work for you, without any connection.”

“Babe, the connection I need is for someone to have sex with someone, especially for them to actually be inside me. Massaging someone and playing with their dick isn’t intimate like that.”

Oh, that was a large penny drop moment, I had never realised the connection is really about the intimacy of it all. She did also say that properly kissing another guy, without a connection, would

Question 2: “When can you start.”

She laughed at that one, of course, and checked that I would find it a turn on. Of course I would I reassured her, I also wanted to do some checking in of my own. I asked her if she really fantasised about it or if she was just teasing me. The answer was actually closer to a fantasy than I had imagined. She said it’s not like she thinks about it when we’re having sex. It’s also not something she thinks about all the time, not like me when I’m driving the car, doing yard work, eating breakfast or just general breathing (they’re my words, not something she said). But, whenever I send her a picture of a guy, or of a girl with a dick in her mouth, she has started to fantasise about what it would be like to feel it, or be the one in the picture.

We talked a bit more of course, about that and how she generally enjoys playing around like that. I am sure there is an element of truth in it but I don’t really know if she is just mainly teasing me. I will say that Louise is being very dirty in the bedroom at the moment (again) and I’ll close that comment out by saying I never imagined my wife would love getting cum on her as much as Louise does right now. That just has to go hand in hand with enjoying playing with guys (forgive the intended pun).

That’s about it In guess. I didn’t sleep much last night, there was just too much mind activity going on. I didn’t come close to any practical or possible way she could ever take on a part time naughty massage business and I’m sure that part, at least, isn’t seriously in her mind either. However, I just cannot help but wonder what might happen if I found her a “mutual massage” guy, like the dozens of them that messaged us on Red Hot Pie (to no avail) several years ago now?

If/when the time is right I may have to casually mention it!

I have admitted it, I totally do/

Immensely

She has unrestricted permission, who will be next I wonder?

When we started talking about the whole hotwife fantasy, one of our early “rules” was that she would send me photos if there was ever a time that I wasn’t there. The reality has been nothing like that, the guys she has been with aren’t really into it and, more importantly, who wants to interrupt the excitement and flow of what is happening to get a photo! She did send me one recently though, her new friend J suggested it and took one showing a bit more than this pic. I’ve gotta say it was a nice surprise, especially her little message that indicated they were getting ready for round two.

I don’t have many followers but thought I’d share my story, a very short version of it at least. I thought my fantasies would never become reality, my wife tried but couldn’t actually get over the line. The taboo seemed too big.

Over the past few years, I had read a lot, here on tumblr and elsewhere. It fuelled my fantasies and I put some names to what I felt, learning about hotwives, stags and cuckolds. From what I read, I explained to her how we needed rules of engagement, how I had to be involved in selection of and meeting guys and, finally, how I really should be there to share the experience.

Things changed though, I studied myself and figured that wasn’t what I wanted at all. I learnt that I don’t relate to the alpha male stag type of model, I’m certainly nowhere near the cuckold, sissy end of the spectrum but I don’t want or need the control. My inner truth was that the fantasy burnt strongly, but I wanted it to be more on her terms, for her to choose to have sex with another guy, or not.

Then, maybe four months ago, she apologised. She said she couldn’t do it and was sorry that she was a disappointment to me. I tried to tell her that wasn’t true, and ended up writing everything to her in an email (I was away with work at the time), it was long, pages and pages if it had been printed. I have analysed the fuck out of myself and, in the email, I wrote as much as I could about it, about me and my fantasies. I tried hard to let her know that I was not disappointed at all, how something forced would not have been right for me anyway. I told her she will always have a book of hall passes, for her to just imagine them in her purse. One day, if she so chose, she might show me she’d used one. When the time was right, she might also tell me a little or a lot about it.

Her choice entirely, if the passes remained untouched, then I would always remain the proud husband of a beautiful woman who could not bring herself to touch another man.

A couple of months later, she got the devil in her and gave a friend of her’s a blow job. Two weeks after that, I had to miss something we’d had tickets for a long time for, because of work. She took the friend, he booked and paid for their hotel room. They had afternoon, evening, during the night and morning sex. Two days later, remarkably, she had a threesome with him and friend of his. She chose to keep that part from me for a week or so, enjoying teasing me about “something that happened.”

Since then, she has been with each of them a couple more times, but not together. She tells me stuff, if and when she pleases. I know they are very different, the friend is a “love maker,” he likes to be all tender and passionate. His friend is the opposite, he’s big (dick size) and likes to fuck her hard, slap her ass and rough her up just a little (which she loves). I have been there once, with my wife and the friend of the friend.

We both know her actual friend, the first guy, will never go for me being there.

It was like some kind of release occurred I guess. the pressure came off and she found herself in the time, place and mood for something to happen, and went for it. From there, it’s like the awakening that many talk about occurred, that is real. She didn’t feel dirty and she saw that I did not get angry. In fact, I still can’t keep my hand off her and she is really enjoying this boost to our sex lives, let alone the other fun she gets up to.

Who knows if, or how long, it will last. It doesn’t matter either, it is incredible.

She took a mirror selfie of her new bikini and sent it me. She later showed me the message she sent to Tom, of the same selfie. I had to admit his replies were better than mine. This happened several years ago, I had no idea they were already doing much more than a bit of flirting and sexy texting.

Should I make a comeback? Will base my decision on number of people that reblog this post, and possibly the comments 😘.