I Only Have Tiktok Bc Of Edits And Sending Them To My Friends But I Genuinely Miss When 2020/2021/22

I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive

Chungking Express (1994) dir. Wong Kar-wai

thinking about how last year when i was genuinely going through it because of a situationship and how in the midst of it all i was having so much fun and how this year im going THROUGH it and i can’t even blame her.

i think about how it was the first time i really liked someone and that i could see it evolving from simple messages and how i was so forthcoming with what i liked and how much they meant to me. and told them how id appreciate it back but never got that. im so glad its over and i don’t harp on it anymore but its like will someone communicate like how i do.

i want someone to tell me they hate me or that they need me or that they don’t want me. i genuinely don’t care if it’s a negative thing i just would rather it be communicated.

i want to take care of a butch lover so much. i want to kiss their arms when they're sore or tired and hold their hands in mine circling heart shapes on their palms. i want to hug their neck and hold their head safe and close to my chest to tuck them away from the noise of their day. i want to gently caress their nape and neck, calling them "darling" and "adored", listening to their worries and whispering back the most softest words. having them sleep on my body, while i keep the warmth of the blanket in check to cover them fully. make them something sweet as they prefer, smooch their lips the moment they're asking what i'm making for them. filling them with "i love you"s at the most random moments and finding incredibly aching to be departing from their closeness even for a moment. because i adore them so deeply. because i constantly want to remind them that they're everything to me.

it’s such a beautiful song

i don’t get periods often like i’ve had a year where i didn’t have one at all and i also was really late into having one but im on it now and im horny as hell AND in pain ? how does this work

also the apps are so good for creating community and helping queer people but like at what cost?

i only have tiktok bc of edits and sending them to my friends but i genuinely miss when 2020/2021/22 when i deleted it and had a sense of freedom.

i’m already a very anxious person and an overthinker but lately it feels like everything is fuelling discourse and like they’re so minuscule and normal. it’s like people are fabricating so many fake things in order to fuck people up and the same thing with twitter.

believe it or not in those years that app was like a safer place and funny but ever since elon took over it feels like a deep pit of hell. the butchfemme discourse that goes on the there is another type of hell, mind you i don’t say shit there but it feels like everyone’s regurgitating the same shit to get likes and i hate it. im trying to ween myself off but with the way the world works, these apps seem to be an important part of our lives.

We Are Who We Are: 1.01 (2020) dir. Luca Guadagnino

i’m kind of resenting my friends for being straight.. and not understanding how certain things affect me or how i yearn for people who are similar to me.