Latest Posts by distinguishedsaladphantom - Page 9

oh whatever shall i do ౨ৎ

It’s so toxic

the dichotomy of girlhood

the dichotomy of girlhood

bomria's 8 female hairstyles

junimo breakdancing

animated on stream !!

the most embarrassing part about being a virgin smut writer is that those tiktoks of pussy eating/cock sucking tips and tricks have me taking notes. not to use irl because HA nobody's touching me any time soon are you kidding. but to make sure sex havers think I know what I'm talking about when writing my fictional character porn

oh hey!! yall watch out for this shit!!

it’s so dumb ??? like oh yeah, tumblr is totally gonna send an ASK to contact me? 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Your roommates have one rule. No boys allowed if they ain't home. Which is silly cause their almost never home but it could be worse.

So when your coworker opens the door carrying you inside to the couch, they nervously look up at the camera.

"Um hi I'm y/n's coworker Eric, she's got a fever and passed out at work. I had her take medicine on the way here." He holds up the box and sets it in the coffee table. "Um just gonna go now?"

The click of the cameras speaker echos.

"Keys are still in yer pocket." A deep voice growls through the mic.

The young man frantically searches his pockets before practically throwing the keys on the table and high tailing it out the door.

-----------

They tell you the cameras are for your safety while their gone. No, don't worry there isn't any in the bathrooms or your bedroom. (There is)

No men allowed because you could be taken advantage of (you're theirs and they only share with each other)

And you listen to their silly rules, follow all of them even when their gone. (Such a good girl you are)

-----

Your phone chimes as you're putting on your heels in the hallway. Smoothing your dress out when you straighten you grab it out of your purse.

◇ Where ya going, Lass?

Jeez, you should have known one of them was watching. Those guys act like your parents sometimes.

♡ I'm going out

You check your makeup in the mirror, applying some lip gloss. Your phone chimes again.

♤ No shit, where?

You can't help the eye roll. You swear Simon can't go a single sentence without cursing.

♡ Where else on a Friday night? Got a date.

You check your purse, making sure you have your keys, mace, and the kitty knuckles Price had bought you. Counting the ticks on the clock till your phone starts blowing up.

◇ What?!

♤ Think f'kin not

♧ To dangerous, stay home instead.

☆ Agreed, stay home. Order take out and watch a movie.

You sigh. They're a little overprotective sometimes.

♤ Breakin the rule

You glare at the camera before responding.

♡ The rule was not to have anyone over, didn't say anything about going to someone else's place.

You regret sending it immediately.

♧ Not gonna happen.

♤ Your ass isn't going anywhere

☆ Seems like some rules need amending

◇ Bonnie, yer diggin yerself a hole

You flip the camera off

♡ You guys are overreacting! I swear you're worse than my parents. I'm not a child, I'm allowed date. I dont bother you guys when you go out.

Your phone rings and you ignore it, knowing it was Simon wanting to give you an earful.

A chime

• Hey, I'm outside. Ready?

You flash the camera a smile and wave,

"Bye boys! Don't wait up."

You put your phone on silent and walk out the door.

-----------

You wished you had stayed home. This date isn't going well at all. He seemed like a nice guy too.

You slip your phone from your purse and quickly text the group chat. Promptly ignoring the missed calls and texts while your date drones on.

♡ Okay...you guys were right. I should of stayed home...No I told you so please.

-- 5 minutes later--

You ended the date after another backhanded insult. Placing some cash down for your food (which he ordered FOR you) and enough for a tip because you know this asshole wouldn't.

You were walking down the sidewalk ordering an Uber when his voice caught up to you.

"You're seriously gonna just leave me in there like that?!"

You pause, turning to see him walking towards you. Oh just great. You resume your walk towards the 24/7 store to wait for your ride. He follows you the whole way, yelling about how you should be grateful for a date with him.

You check the group chat (no messages)

♡ Texting so theres a time stamp if this guy does something stupid

--30 minutes later--

You slam the door open and closed again. Sliding the lock into place, throwing your keys and purse. You mutter angrily taking your heels off. You just want to take a scolding shower, open a bottle of wine, and get some actual food.

You practically rip the liquor cabinet open, cursing when the only thing you see is they guys stuff.

"Fucking Kyle drinking my stuff."

Okay, scratch the alcohol, that's fine. You'd love to order takeout, but your cellphone screen is shattered to pieces and refuses to turn on. With a sigh, you make your way to the bathroom closing the door behind you.

Turning the water on and stripping down you look at your wrist. The blooming bruise makes you grimace. He had tried to stop you from getting into the Uber.

While you're showering, you don't hear the front door open. Boot thuds through the apartment.

You're wrapped in a towel when you open the bathroom door. Steam rolling out behind you and off your skin. Padding to your room you try to decide if you want to just sleep or put a movie on.

You open your dresser drawer, grabbing some panties, shorts, and an oversized shirt. Setting them on the bed you grab your hair brush, turning towards your door at a creek. You scream and launch the brush at the person in the doorway. John easily catches it.

"Fuck you John! Scared the shit out of me!"

----------

John's eyes drag over your form for a moment before tossing you back your brush.

"Get dressed then come to the kitchen. Pull a stunt like not answerin' your phone again and I'll take you over my knee."

"My phone is broken, can't answer what won't turn on. Did you just threaten me?"

"Seems like it was work'n fine earlier when you were being all defiant."

You rolled your eyes.

"Yes having a life is defiant. I dropped it on the way home okay. Now let me get dressed its cold."

With a sigh John leaves and shuts the door behind him. Sending a quick text to the group chat for the guys only. The one that's full of pictures of you, stolen panties, their thought about fucking you...

☆ Kyle, get her a new phone while your out. Says she dropped it n it won't turn on.

♧ Dropped it? Musta been a hell of a drop. It's late but I'll see what I can do.

☆ Simon, how's the food coming? Decide what yer getting yet?

♤ That honey chicken she likes so much. Got us some stuff too.

☆ Johnny how're things on your end?

◇ With him now

☆ Good, make sure he can't touch what's ours again.

------

You opt out for a different shirt, an oversized hoodie you've stolen from one of your roommates at one point. (They left it in the laundry room for a week, fair game) it will cover your arms. Effectively hiding the bruise so you won't have to look at it. If John says I told you so, you swear you'll cry.

Padding to the kitchen, you see him sat at the table. He's changed out of his uniform and into his loungewear. Did he drop everything to be here? You dont know much about what your roommates do for work. Just that they were all in the military. They said you didn't need to know so you've never asked.

"Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I would be, if you would of behaved." He's texting on his phone. Occasionally scribbling in the notepad next to him.

"Behaved?" You took a slow breath, "I didn't break any of your rules!"

His gaze always makes you nervous, like he can see all of your thoughts.

"John, you and the guys have so many rules for me. I have 3 for you. I know I don't pay many of the bills here, but I don't think that's cause for treating me like a child." You're fiddling with the sleeves of your hoodie.

Truthfully, you're not sure what bills you pay exactly. Once a month, you send money to Price, and he takes care of it. He says it's easier that way. The other guys do it to...you think? All the bills you've seen are addressed to Price.

"Gonna redo some of the rules." He sets his phone down. He motions for you to sit.

"You said changes can't be made unless everyone was present."

"Good thing we're all here then." Kyle's voice sounds from the hallway.

You deflate, of course they're all here. You know what's gonna happen. They say the voting is fair but it's not. They always agree with each other.

Johnny comes and sits at the table, gone is his usual peppy self. He stares at you.

Kyle comes into the kitchen next, setting a box down in front of your usual seat. He sits to John's right as always.

You can feel Simon's glare on you when he comes in. You ignoring his calls is a peev of his. Your stomach betrays you when you smell delicious food.

"Should eat this infront of ya. Little shit." Instead he drops your favorite takeout by your spot. "Sit."

He sits on the opposite side of your usual seat, passing out more food to the others. You're always squished between Simon and Johnny.

"You guys are-"

"If you don't sit down right now."

Ah yea that's real mad...you sit in your chair with a pout.

Containers squeak and plastic wraps rustle for a few minutes before Price speaks up.

"Start from the beginning, what happened on yer date."

Your eyebrows furrow, "That's not really-"

Kyle's hand slaps the table in annoyance. "You're on thin ice already. Do as you're told damn it."

You tense, fork abandoned in your container. A glare present on your face as you take them all in. You calmly stand.

"If I wanted to be scolded and interrogated, I wouldn't have moved out of my mom's place." You push your chair in, "I'm going to bed."

You make it about 4 steps before your wrist is trapped in an iron grip. Johnny's angry response lost to you as tears pricked the corner of your eyes and a small whimper comes out of your mouth.

The kitchens deadly quiet. Johnny's grip loosens as he looks at your wrist, he shoves the sleeve up and you can practically see him bristle like a cat.

"Price..." Johnny won't let go of your wrist. Soon the others are crowding you both. The bruise looks worse now.

"Let go Johnny!" You're ignored. The guys are passing looks to each other.

------

"He put his hands on ya.."

"Let go!"

"Bastards gonna lose a hand"

"For fucks sake Johnny let go of me!"

He releases his grip only for Kyle's hand to replace it. Softly turning your wrist back and forth, watching your face for discomfort.

You just want to crawl under your covers. They always take things too far.

"Kyle I want to go to my room, please let go."

He passes a look to Simon as Price and Johnny leave the room, talking quietly to each other.

"You're gonna sit and eat while we get your new phone set up." Kyle grabs the box and opens it.

"I really-"

Simon's large hand is around you in seconds. Pulling towards your chair, only to drag you onto his lap instead.

He stabs a piece of chicken with his fork and brings it to your lips.

"I can feed myself you know.." Simon raises a brow at you. You know he won't let you leave until the food is gone. With a sigh you take the offered fork in your mouth. He nods and stabs another piece, you chew slowly trying to think.

Kyle is tapping away on your apparently new phone. Of course it's the newest model. There's no way you're going to be able to afford payments on that and knowing the guys they'll say,

"Don't worry about that, gotta have some way to get ahold of ya."

But you do worry about that stuff. You work your ass off to afford things. Hell you'd been living with your mother because she charged less rent than any apartment around you.

You thought it was to good to be true when you saw the advertisement for this place.

//Roommate wanted//

• Set amount of rent

• Own room with lock

• Internet included

• Looking for someone who doesn't mind sharing space with 4 guys who are hardly present.

• Expected to keep the house tidy in their absence and to bring the mail in.

• Upkeep the plants and fish

You didn't hesitate to apply. Farther from your job of course but the thought of not living with your mother who berated you for any little infraction? Worth it.

-----

"Open up." Simon's voice cuts through your thoughts briefly, and you mindlessly take another bite.

If you could pick up some more hours for a few weeks, maybe you could pay enough of the bill down so the payments were less?

Another bite

But the guys would get upset if your schedule changed.

Another bite

You stuggle... the set rent is great. Let's you work on your debt. Sometimes your friends wanna go to lunch and it's a nice place. $17 for a small portion of food ain't worth it. Your friends laugh sometimes. And when you get home, the guys do the same thing. "Should of just got something good."

Bite

You pause and let go. Glaring at Simon who's chuckling to himself, looking at your small bite marks on his hand while Kyle shakes his head.

"Excuse you. When's the last time you washed your hands, Simon?" Tongue licking your bottom lip.

"Not my fault ya wernt payin attention."

-----

No, come back here, gimmie your thoughts about price coming home, sweat soaking through his clothes. Reeking, needing a shower.

But you just won't let him. Clinging onto him before he washes it all away.

“Bloody hell love, what’s gotten into you?” John snorts as he watches the way you shove yourself deeper under his arm, nose pressed firmly against his armpit and he raises a brow at the whine that leaves your throat. You had ambushed him on his way to the shower, blocking the doorway as you rut against him like a bitch in heat

“Shmellsh goodsh..” John can’t tell if your voice is muffled or slurred, or a combination of both, and he swallows when he feels the slick heat of your cunt against his thigh.

“Jesus pretty, at least let me-“

“No! No you can’t!” You beg, breath catching as you hump yourself against his leg, dragging your tongue over his collar bone, collecting the sweat that had pooled there.

“Fuck you’re a nasty fuckin girl.”

- cherry wine is about domestic abuse. it’s now called a cute proposal song.

- too sweet is about seizing the day and ignoring healthy habits in favor of having more fun with unhealthy ones. he’s actively critical of himself in the song. it’s now called a song about thinking you’re superior for drinking black coffee.

- take me to church is about worship as a metaphor for sex. it’s called a religious song.

- eat your young is a song about war and political greed. it’s called a song about sex.

- now, the strongly political message of nobody’s soldier is being ignored in favor of calling it a metaphor for hozier’s relationship with his fans.

when are we going to stop simplifying hozier’s music down to cute little cottagecore bogman forest music? maybe you dont want to hear this but i don’t care. quit listening to hozier for the aesthetic. there’s a reason why empire now, foreigner’s god, butchered tongue, etc. songs with unignorable political messages are among his least popular songs.

If you're struggling to write sex, write food. if you're struggling to write food, write gore. if you're struggling to write gore, write sex. They're all variations on the same themes.

Thought I would expand on this post a bit...

Pairing: Johnny x fem!Reader (american, unfortunately), tried to keep the reader's body type and race relatively neutral (but this lil fic is also completely self-indulgent and I'm fat and Asian so take that as you will).

Tags/warnings: alcohol, suggestive language, some semi-public making out, but no explicit sex (yet?), bad scottish accent. (if I left anything out please let me know!!)

A/N: This is my first time doing any sort of creative writing since college and I wrote this in my notes app so please be so nice to me. I'm sorry this isn't smut galore, it's more just a set up for everything. Although I do have plans to make things more spicy, I'm just a lil nervy about it. Anyways.... enjoy!

Your eyes follow the trail left by the bead of condensation as it makes its slow descent down the side of your frosted martini glass. Picking up the speared olives by the skewer, you twirl it between your fingers before sliding one off into your mouth. Savoring the briney bite before washing it down with a sip of your cocktail.

You had an early flight tomorrow and weren't planning on being hungover for it. Just attempting to decompress after a day of meetings and to soothe some of the jitters for your upcoming trip at a pub down the street from your hotel. There weren't many patrons this evening, and the dark lighting allowed for some additional anonymity. 

In your peripheral, a body slides into the stool a few down from you. Not looking for any small talk tonight, you keep your eyes trained on your glass. You take another sip and finish off the second olive.

A deep voice colored with a rough Scottish brogue asking for whiskey makes you glance up. You find sparkling blue eyes already on you. They're on a roguishly handsome face. Attached to a devastatingly built body. The man tilts his head, catching you in the act of ogling him.

"Stiff drink for a Monday, no?"

You huff out a laugh. "I suppose, but could say the same to you," nodding at the drink the bartender had placed before him.

He shrugs. "So... American? What brings you to London?"

Maybe small talk isn't so bad if it's with a statue of a Roman god come to life. "Oh, I'm here for a work trip. Last day, actually."

"Ah, a shame. I've just started my leave. Military," he explains. Though you could've guessed from the size of his biceps.

"How'd the UK treat you?"

You mull the question over a sip. "It was mostly enjoyable. Though I'm looking forward to finally having food with seasoning again," you say with a small, teasing smile.

"Cannae blame ye lass. The Brits went through all tha' trouble with the spice trade and promptly forgo' about 'em," he says with a sad shake of his head. "Ye should come to Scotland."

"What's the difference?" Feeling brave, you scoot over one chair. "The food's worse? I've heard about haggis, you know."

"Och, ye wound me!" Feigning injury with his hand clasped over his chest, he slides across to the stool next to you, your knee now brushing his. "Maybe an acquired taste, but a delicacy still."

He's looking at your face with amusement, but you're trying not to stare at the way his denim jeans look like they're painted onto his muscular thighs.

Tearing your eyes back up to his, you can almost count the dark lashes framing his eyes. But before you get too lost in the deep blue, you take in his rather silly haircut. 

"A mohawk?"

"Aye, it's tactical. Gives a bonnie lass something to hold onto," he smirks.

Eyeing his dark locks, "Not sure how having less hair to grab would make that any easier," going to finish off your drink.

"Already thinking about pulling my hair, lass? Very forward." He leans closer. "I like it."

You sputter at the insinuation, and he chuckles, leaning back, giving you some space.

He's hitting on you. This absolutely stunning man is hitting on you, and you're not sure why.

You can't help but notice the way his long fingers wrap around his glass as he takes a small swig of the amber liquid. They look strong. And thick. This close to him, you get a faint whiff of cologne and something more natural, as well. It's heady. More intoxicating than your cocktail.

The look on his face says he knows what you're thinking. You've been caught, and you feel your face warm.

"But last night, ye say?" he questions, stretching his arms over his head, gifting you with a peek of his stomach and dark happy trail. "Swear I could make it the highlight of your wee trip."

You have no control over the way your jaw drops, dumbfounded. 

Are you actually going to entertain this? The man is arrogant and a complete stranger. You really aren't the type to hook up with handsome men you’ve talked to for less than five minutes. Not that you’ve ever been presented with a situation like this before. But there's a magnetism about him, something pulling you closer to this man. Maybe just the martini hitting you quicker than you were expecting. You can't ignore the heat pooling in your core at the thought of his offer.

The rational part of your brain says to politely depart and get a good night's rest. But the part of your brain focused on the fact you haven't had sex in months after a particularly nasty break up says fuck it. There's an obviously interested, gorgeous man in front of you. Fuck him.

You slap some money down for your drink, saunter towards the door, and turn back, quirking your eyebrow at the Scotsman.

He seems a little shocked, but he scrambles to put a couple bills down and throws back the rest of his whiskey as you push out the door.

You're at the mouth of the dim alley next to the bar when you feel firm hands grasp at your middle, spin you, and pin you up against the wall.

He's got one hand up against the bricks, leaning over you as his other hand drifts down to your hip. Taking in his broad shoulders, you can't help but put a hand out to graze the outline of his pec, feeling the muscle underneath tense. 

The Scot looks hungry, eyes trailing up your body. A veritable feast. His gaze lingers on your lips for a moment before his eyes meet yours again.

He starts to open his mouth, and you can tell he's going to say something that could make you regret leading him out here. You quickly clutch his shirt, bring his face down to your level, and crash your lips onto his to shut him up.

Fortunately, he gets the hint.

He deepens the kiss, bringing the hand that was bracing him on the wall down to cradle your face. The other kneading the fat of your hip.

His lips are surprisingly soft and clearly experienced. You feel him roll his hips into yours, and a gasp escapes your lips. He takes the invitation to begin exploring your mouth with his tongue. His kiss still has the bite of whiskey, which has you moaning into his mouth. Your hands trail down his chest over his toned torso. Wandering fingers just reaching the waistband of his jeans, when his breath hitches.

Raucous laughter explodes at the opening of the alley as the doors to the pub burst open, a group spilling out. They don't look your way, but still, you draw your hands back up to his shoulders as you pull away slightly. He groans.

"I'm not really an exhibitionist."

"I think I could change tha'," he murmurs with a gleam in his eye. 

You roll your eyes. "I'm staying just around the corner," you offer.

"Well then, what are we waiting for? Lead the way, lass."

You grab his hand and start towards your hotel.

"It's Johnny," he says when you reach the sidewalk.

"What?"

"My name. It's Johnny. You'll need it so you can scream it later."

That almost causes you to stop in your tracks. You were so blinded by lust that you hadn't even gotten the name of the man whose tongue was down your throat moments ago. You give him your own name in return.

He hums. "Pretty. Though I think I'll call ye mine," he quips with a wink.

Could you strain your eyes from rolling them too much? You might need to be careful if he keeps his oneliners up.

"We'll see about that lover boy," you toss over your shoulder, hauling him down the street towards the privacy of your room before you can change your mind. 

--------

You wake up early in the morning with a slight ache in your hips, shocked that you received zero noise complaints last night. 

There's a faint rumbling next to you and a heavy arm draped over your stomach. Johnny's sleeping peacefully. He deserves it, you suppose, after the work he put in last night.

A glance at your phone shows you miraculously managed to wake up before your alarm, but it's still almost time to go. You thank your past self for having the foresight to pack up before going out yesterday.

Trying your best not to wake him, you shimmy out from under his arm and sneak your pillow into the space you were occupying. You freeze when he stirs. For a moment you think he might wake up, but he just squeezes the pillow closer and his soft snores resume.

You change into the comfy travel outfit you had set aside. Sweats, your softest tee, and a sweatshirt. After slipping on your sneakers, you turn to the small desk against the wall, eyeing the thin hotel stationary notepad and pen.

You think to write Johnny a note, but you don't want to leave your number or anything. No need to stay in touch. You opt for a little rating of your night together. It's fun. Maybe a little demeaning, but ultimately harmless since you know you'll never see him again. Not that you would turn down another night with the sexy Scotsman. You just had a flight to catch and no intentions of returning to London anytime soon. You scribble out a quick review:

4/5 stars. Nice hands and ate pussy like a god. Talked too much and fuckass haircut though.

You smirk to yourself as you slide the note onto the bedside table. Grabbing your suitcase, you make your way out of the hotel room. Fingers crossed he's up before check out.

୭ ✧ ˚ Cardamon agere nighttime edit .  ᵎᵎ  

Thinking about Simon Riley offering to give you a massage… rough hands massaging sweet oils into the curvature of your back, gently rolling his fingers over your spine as he soothes the knots out before his hand lowers, gripping the flesh of your ass as he spreads you apart, presenting your holes to him before you feel his tongue diving into your wet heat. Your pathetic whines egging him on as he slurps at your juices, rough fingers teasing your sopping entrance as you flutter around the tip of his digits <3

Masterlist

The tags are everything I know. I am sharing this with every single one to try and spread the word.

Normalize subs taking longer to cum. Not everyone is super sensitive and untouched. Some subs are on medication, are stressed, masterbait frequently, or just naturally have a higher stamina. Not every sub you meet is gonna cum within the first 10 minutes and there’s no reason to assume they will. It doesn’t reflect on the sub as a person or on your skills as a dom/top. That’s just how the body works sometimes

zlibrary gone... FUCK TIKTOK FUCK BOOKTOK I hope that app burns in hell

Games I wish existed

This is a bit random and not what I usually do.

Also if a game like this DOES exist, then let me know in the comments.

Number 1: Everdell as a farming cozy game

A cozy videogame farming game where you get to be one of those cute animals from picture books living under a tree or a rock or something.

You know what I mean! Cute beds made from tiny boxes or storages of berries in baskets. Basically the Everdell Board Game only as a farming game like Stardew valley or a town rebuilding game. It'd be so CUTE!

Number 2: Cute spoopy games

I can't wait long enough for Haunted Chocolatier but I'd like more videogames with cute ghosts. Maybe we play as a cute ghost who goes around doing fun ghost stuff? Idk. I'm tired of scary games and want more spooky cozy games with cute animations! Like Love, Ghostie!

Number 3: Medieval Sims

Yes I know the sims 3 had a medieval one that came out. It was the first sims game I played and it was okay. But I'd like a new version of it where it's truly just a fantasy/medieval games of the sims instead of a weird rpg sims hybrid. It doesn't even have to be from the sims! It could be any game that lets you basically create a family in a fantasy/medieval world with dragons and cool stuff.

Number 4: Dating Romance Games without Routes

This may be unpopular of an idea but I really loved how Obey Me never had routes because you got to learn and get to know the characters before choosing your favorites/preferences. Usually in dating games you get a short introduction then are expected to just pick, which I never really loved since it also meant every choice I make is always going to surround the love interest and never just something I want the character to try.

I'd like more of it where you just follow a story line and goof around with characters, even if means I don't get the kisses or traditional happy ending with the love interest. I just want to have a ball!

i love nonsexual submission. like yes please let me worship you and kneel at your feet and lay my head against your leg while you run my fingers through my hair

ⓘ You can Bite your Friends.