Be You But Remember 👆

Be you but remember 👆

Festival Friends

Music Festival Friends

You know how at music festivals you get to enjoy some groups you love and sample some groups you would’ve never considered? Let’s start there.

Ray was a friend from work who was a mutual fan of “Band Name Here.” (I’m going to keep real names out of this tale because I don’t want to poison the well.) When the “Americana Pop Countryfest” announced their tour dates, the next work day I tracked Ray down and told him about the show. “Band Name Here” or BNH, wasn’t the headliner. The top act was Country Music Legend Who Always Delivers.

Ray was thrilled, “That line-up is awesome! Jennifer and I were hoping they would do a show in the area but walking distance?!”

“That’s Right! You guys live right there! Do you want to get seats together?”

This was a bit impulsive on my part because I’d only met Jennifer when Ray had dragged her along on work get-togethers. I really didn’t know either of them very well. Ray was a cool guy, hard worker, good looking and funny to talk to. Jennifer was in finance, super attractive petite redhead, and she liked to do shots. They both were fans of BNH so we had that in common.

I liked them but I didn’t know them well. And committing to a 7-hour festival show…well I immediately felt like ‘what the hell am I saying?’ But Ray was like, “Man, let me run it by Jen. I think the call we need to make now is ‘do we spring for pavilion or chill on the lawn.’ Let’s talk tonight.”

2 months later I was ringing in to the call box at Ray and Jen’s parking garage. We got pavilion seats because of the brutal Texas sun and had agreed that I should park at their place. We would pre-game at their apartment and take an Uber to the show. Jen buzzed me in and met me at the door. She was wearing short cut offs, a checked shirt tied up to show her flat belly, and hiking boots. She looked like mini-ginger-Daisy Duke and she made some joke to that effect while we went inside. As I followed her upstairs trying not to stare at that little bubble butt I thought, “Ray is a lucky man.”

When we got to the apartment Ray was on the balcony. “Jerry, put that beer in the fridge and step right up for a bong hit!” I really liked the way this was going. We smoked, chatted, drank some beer.

“Are you sure its ok if I crash on your sofa? I’m not sure if I’ll have to. But I had to swear I wouldn’t drive back to the burbs if I was buzzed after the show.” My wife has no physical or romantic interest in me. But for some reason she wants me to stay alive and out of jail.

“Sure dude. Right Jen?”

“If your wife doesn’t want to have any fun at least she’s letting you live a little. Relax and enjoy yourself. Mi sofa es tu sofa! But I won’t make any promises about breakfast.” Jen did seem to have a carefree attitude every other occasion we had met up with co-workers.

“Jerry, Bro, we’re going to see BNH! Let’s get going.” Ray ordered the Uber and we were off.

The show far surpassed all of our expectations. Several of the afternoon acts were upbeat and got us amped up for the headliners. It was a long day but excellent music with great company.

Jen was totally cool and outrageously attractive. She and Ray were very affectionate but not in a way that was annoying. It was actually pleasant to see two people who clearly loved and desired each other.

One of the groups was kinda hip-hop and Jen started twerking. “Come on boys! I want to see you working those asses!” So Ray and I obliged the lady. First she stepped up behind Ray and started grinding and smacking his ass. I struggled to contain my excitement as she pressed up against my ass next and started grinding. We all started laughing which was a good thing. Lots of guys would’ve freaked seeing their wives grinding their friend’s ass, but Ray and Jen were too fun for that foolishness. The bands were great. But we were all really enjoying the breaks between acts as well. Between the food trucks and overpriced beer, I was getting to know them. And I liked them a lot.

Country Music Legend closed out the festival in excellent form after an amazing (far too short) set by BHM. And we started the walk back to their apartment. It was less than a mile through an entertainment district that was already busy with the regular Saturday night crowd.

The first bar we came to Jen ran up ahead to the door. “Come on boys. I’m sick of giant beers. Time for some shots!”

She insisted we start with Patron. We paid up and continued our trek until we reached another decent looking bar. “You know. You don’t start with the best and work your way down to junk. I think we better just stick with Patron.” Neither Ray or I could argue with Jen’s logic.

And so began our pub crawl. We did manage to get some heavy apps and water in at couple of places along the way. But eventually we were across the street from their building.

Ray said, “We could get another round but we do have alcohol that’s already paid for upstairs.”

“And WEED! You don’t fool me for a minute,” said Jen. We all laughed. We had all hit a joint someone passed down the aisle during Country Music Legend but that was just a puff.

So we settled up and went upstairs.

While Ray and I smoked-out on the balcony Jen said she wanted to rinse the dust off. She wasn’t gone long, and walked out wearing the same clothes but minus the hiking boots.

I thought it was odd she hadn’t just put on a tee shirt and sweats. But I was glad she hadn’t because her outfit had me hot and bothered all day long. She didn’t tie up the blouse but she did button it low enough to see that she had ditched the bra now. Her breasts were amazing and natural. I felt my dick twinge as she walked out with beers for us and gave Ray a peck on the cheek. Ray is a lucky, LUCKY, man.

We were feeling a little cooked. Ray and I left our shoes on the balcony to air out. Then went inside and sat on the sofa that would eventually be my bed for the night. Jen sat in the middle of us and we laughed and talked for a while. Then I remembered I had shot some video of BNH on my phone. I pulled it up and we started watching it. Ray grabbed the other end of the phone and we held it out in front of Jen while we were watching.

“Man they were ON tonight! It just got over too soon.” Said Ray.

Jen said, “Jerry, this video is really good. Usually its too shaky to watch but this is solid as a rock.” At this point we were all leaning forward, Ray and I were holding the phone by each end, with Jen sandwiched between. I could see right down her shirt and her leg was against mine. I was trying to focus on the video or else my dick would be solid as a rock.

We watched several videos and Ray and I were nerding out over how great BNH is. Jen was enjoying it but clearly we were being goofy and she was in the middle of it.

At that point, Jen sprang up from the sofa and said, “You boys are high and you’re out of beer.

I’ll be right back.” And stalked off to the kitchen. Ray and I leaned into the gap that Jen left and we continued to watch the video of BNH on my phone. “I can’t believe that turned out so good. You should post it on YouTube.”

“I just don’t see why BNH isn’t more popular. Their music is just great.” I was feeling like a fanboy and was little embarrassed. But Ray was all in and so was Jen. I was really enjoying getting to know them and liking everything that was happening. Sure the weed didn’t hurt but it felt really good being around fun, likeminded people. Everything was really cool, then…

Ray and I both looked up from my phone as Jennifer walked out of the kitchen buck naked carrying 2 beers.

“I hope this doesn’t bother you, but I’ve had enough of those clothes.”

As she walked over to us my jaw dropped. She was spectacular. Jen handed us both beers and plopped down on the sofa to my right. My mouth was wide open as I tried to stare at my beer.

“Ray, you’re a lucky man…”

Ray and Jen both started cracking up! I took one last look at my beer, tilted it to my mouth, and drank every last drop.

“Jerry! Now I’ve got to get you another one!” and she bounded off to the kitchen. Her firm little butt bouncing a little bit.

“I am a lucky man. And you are a lucky man too. Jen told me she wants play with you.

She wants to ‘share with you.’”

I paused for a second, then I laughed nervously, “You guys almost got me.”

Ray laughed and said, “Just so long as everyone is having fun. No judgment, no pressure.”

And as she walked into the room with another beer she was nodding her head. “Ray wants me to have anything I want. And I want both of you boys tonight.

Is that ok with you?”

Ray said, “Look man, do you think I could say no to my hot little Jennifer? I’m just saying we’re both safe. We’re all adults. Just don’t give my wife any cooties.”

“Oh no, no one has touched me for years. Not even my wife!” I laughed but Ray knew that my marriage was sexless and that it was more like a business arrangement.

She leaned over and kissed me sweetly on lips. I was in shock. I had an erection that was pressing against my zipper and my friends naked beautiful wife was kissing me while he was sitting 3 inches away.

“Jerry…Its ok. Let’s do what she wants.”

I broke the kiss with Jen and looked at Ray. He was totally cool. Jen kneeled down in front of me and started unzipping my jeans. Ray and I both watched as she pulled out my hard cock through the fly. I could see he was hard too and we were both breathing hard.

Jennifer started sucking my cock. Licking up from the base and circling the tip with her tongue. Placing the tip into her mouth and slowly starting to bob up and down. It made me harder as I watched her. Ray was watching her too. After a moment I looked over at Ray and he turned and looked me in the face at the same time. He smiled and looked back down at his beautiful wife sucking my dick.

Then something happened that I will never forget. I reached over and put my hand on Ray’s neck. I started to rub his neck and the back of his hair while he was staring down at Jen. With my right hand I started rubbing the back of Jen’s neck underneath her hair. She was sucking the tip of my cock like a popsicle slowly and sensuously. Occasionally looking up at me, at Ray, then bobbing up and down.

I looked at Ray and he looked at me again. Then I just gently pulled him by the neck. There was only a 5-inch gap between our faces. I pulled his lips to mine and kissed him deeply.

I’ve never kissed a man in my life. But it was somehow natural and simple.

And intense. I wanted to taste his mouth. I held him to me and we started kissing passionately. Jen looked up with my cock still in her mouth. She bobbed up and down twice and released my cock and stared for a moment at her husband and I French kissing.

Then she purred, “Oh baby. This is so hot.” And took the tip of my cock in her mouth again and started working her tongue again.

Ray and I started caressing each other while we kissed and I eventually said, “Can you get undressed for me too?”

Ray quietly and quickly stood up next to his kneeling wife and stripped. When he pulled down his boxers his erect penis sprung out. It was wet from pre-cum. It was amazing. I have never wanted to see another man naked before much less been attracted to a dick. Here was my friend Ray standing in front of me while his wife was sucking me beautifully. And I wanted his cock in my mouth.

It was at that point I decided to do what I wanted. I wanted this man and this woman to fuck my brains out. And I wanted to do the same for them. Whatever happened we were going to enjoy each other tonight.

Jen again pulled my mushroom out of her mouth and looked up at Ray and I. I looked her in the eyes as I placed my hand on Ray’s waist and pulled him towards me. I reached up with my right hand and slowly guided Ray’s cock into my mouth. I didn’t even think about it. I wanted it. I was hungry for it.

I took Ray’s cock into my mouth and slowly started to circle it with my tongue. Ray moaned and leaned forward across the sofa to give me a better angle. Jen watched kneeling on the floor between my legs as Ray straddled the sofa to put his delicious dick in my mouth.

Having never experienced a penis I was unsure of myself. In my left hand I had Ray’s firm buttock. I loved the feel of his hard shaft in my hand and spongy tip on my tongue. Jen watched me for a moment and started sucking me again. I started following her lead: what she did to me I did to him. We were all going slowly and deliberately as we were riding a wave of ecstasy. Ray put his hands on the back of my head, eventually bracing his hands on the back of the sofa and fucking my face.

Eventually my head started to spin and I had to stop and take a deep breath. I moved Ray’s cock out of my mouth. Jen knew how to keep me on the edge of coming and I was doing the same for Ray. We all paused and looked at each other. I broke the silence with a whisper, “Will you take my clothes off?”

Ray stepped down from the sofa and Jennifer stood up next to him. I silently stood in front of them. Jen pulled my shirt over my head and Ray pulled off my jeans and boxers. Jennifer folded my clothes and placed them on the side table.

The 3 of us were standing nude in a circle and we all moved in to embrace. I kissed Jennifer for the first time, her lips were soft and she tasted like my musk. I’m sure I tasted like Ray’s cock too. We kissed deep and long as Ray caressed us both. She and I started kissing Ray. One hand was on her tight little ass and the other was on Ray’s muscular butt. I could feel Ray’s dick pressing against me. We were both sticky with pre-cum. Jen opened her legs and pressed her dripping pussy against my leg.

My mind was racing. I’d never experienced such freedom and I wasn’t about to stop.

None of us were going to stop.

Jennifer broke our embrace, took us both by the hand, and led us to a giant ottoman. She pushed me back on it. She kneeled over me, kissed me, then sat up and guided my throbbing cock into her tight wet pussy. She was amazing. Her small frame started to move up and down on me.

Ray sat down next to my shoulder facing her, and started to kiss her while she was fucking me.

He worked his way down her neck to her breasts and licked her nipples as she grinded up and down. She paused for a moment and leaned down to kiss me with my dick still in her dripping wet cunt. Ray followed the movement of her body and started to kiss me too. I pulled him and her closer and we were kissing 3 ways again.

Then Ray stood up and walked behind Jennifer. He kneeled on the floor behind her and started kissing her ass. It wasn’t long before I could tell by her contractions on my dick that he was rimming her tightest hole. Her squeezing cunt on my cock was her only movement as we devoured each others tongues and mouth.

He stood up behind her and I felt Ray slide his hand down her stomach. He started working on her clit with my cock inside her. She started to squirm. The squirming quickly turned into her bucking and contracting. Somehow I managed not to cum but she was riding me hard and fast.

She screamed as she had her first orgasm and gushed on my cock and Ray’s fingers.

He then removed his hand and Jen collapsed on my chest. Ray kneeled behind Jen again and started to lick the bottom of my shaft and balls. I was soaking wet with Jen’s juices and Ray licked my balls clean, taking them one by one into his mouth.

Ray stood up between my legs and lifted Jen up and kissed her. I watched them kiss passionately for a moment. Then Jennifer giggled, and jumped on Ray where he stood and wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck and they started kissing. Ray eventually put his hands on her waist and she dropped her feet to the floor. He slowly lifted her and guided her pussy back onto my cock, but now facing away from me. Ray kneeled below her and started licking her clit and my dick as it slid in and out of her, and my balls again. My mind was spinning and then he lifted my legs up and started rimming my ass.

That was it for me. I grabbed Jen’s waist and positioned her so that I could penetrate her even deeper and started pounding. I wasn’t long before we were both cumming and dripping on Ray’s face. Eventually Jen climbed off and my cock fell out of her pussy. She turned and laid down on the ottoman beside me, hugging and kissing me. Ray didn’t skip a beat, and quickly pulled my softening dick into his mouth while she and I embraced and kissed in the afterglow.

I again gently grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled his face to mine. I kissed him, I could taste our mixed juices in his mouth. Jen joined our kiss for a moment then we started taking turns kissing each other. We lied there on the ottoman for a few minutes. Softly kissing, caressing, and taking it all in. My body was tingling all over and I could tell they both had the same sensation. They were so beautiful.

A tear welled up in my eye and I broke the silence. “All I can say is ‘Thank you guys…’

I didn’t know… I didn’t know I could feel anything like that.”

They both hugged me a little tighter. Jen nuzzled my neck and said, “It’s ok baby. You give just a good as you take. Thank you for not freaking out.”

“Jerry, I swear we’ve never done anything like this before. I mean, we’ve talked about threesome fantasy stuff. But I never thought anything like this would happen. But I’m glad it did.”

“Me too.” And I squeezed them both tighter around me.

Again it was Jen who sprung up and stood over us, still naked and beautiful but sticky and ruffled, “Break time is over! I’m not anywhere near to finished with you boys!” She flipped her red hair and bounced off to the kitchen again.

Ray and I we alone for a second lying there. My mind flashed for a second, ‘is this about to get awkward and weird?’ Ray was resting his head on my shoulder and caressing the hair on my chest. He broke the silence, “Bro, are you ok?”

I exhaled deeply, “I’m better than I have ever been.” It was true. Sexual pleasure and freedom had been missing from my life for so long. But this… this was beyond anything I could have conceived. I suppose I’m bi or something now. But it wasn’t even that, these two were unlocking something in me.

“Look Jerry, I’ve never done anything like this. I had your cock in my mouth and I loved it. Until tonight the kinkiest thing Jen and I have ever done was she fucked me with a strap-on, ONCE.

It was fun but we both thought it was just something we were doing on a dare with each other.”

“Ray, like you said, ‘No judgment and no pressure.’ I’ve never even thought of doing the stuff we’ve already done. I want to see this through.” And then we kissed.

We were lying there staring at the ceiling when Jen came in with a tray of tequila shots.

“Here’s the plan boys. Shots. Then we all get in the shower and get cleaned up. My goal is to have both of your beautiful cocks inside me at the same time tonight. If you would like to make some goals of your own, then by all means share them with the group!”

What happened next will have to be another chapter…

You’ve been lied to your entire life.

Not about taxes. Not about calories. Not even about the clitoris.

No — I’m talking about the taint.

That glorious, forgotten slab of flesh. That unclaimed demilitarized zone between the promised land and the chocolate factory. That thin, sweaty strip separating birth from exile.

Let’s set the record straight:

Women. Have. Taints.

And the fact that society pretends otherwise is the greatest act of anatomical erasure since we collectively agreed that “muffin top” was a nice term.

🧠 What Is a Taint?

Also known as:

The perineum (if you’re a doctor)

The gooch (if you’ve owned a PS2 and body odor)

The grundle (if you’ve ever dated a drummer)

The Devil’s Slip-N-Slide (if your festival record is sealed)

Technically:

“The perineum is the area between the genitals and the anus.”

But spiritually?

It’s the unspoken pause in God’s sentence. The hallway between the temple and the abyss. The place where gender, shame, and chafing meet.

🔍 Who Gets One?

Let me be clear:

Whether you’re packing heat or holding space, slanging meat or curating petals, carrying a baby cannon or a soft serve dispenser—

You. Have. A. Taint.

And if you’ve gone your entire life without realizing that, congrats: society’s gendered body-shame campaign worked.

😤 But Isn’t “Taint” a Male Word?

Historically? Sure.

“Taint” was born in locker rooms. Raised by Xbox parties. Educated in Reddit threads. And baptized in the sweat of men who didn’t understand the purpose of a washcloth.

It was linguistically colonized by testosterone.

But anatomically?

It was always co-ed.

🚺 The Untold History of the Female Taint

You think the patriarchy invented oppression?

No. The real villain is linguistic erasure.

Because while men gave their taints nicknames, stories, and occasional bar soap—

Women got radio silence.

Your undercarriage has been:

Ignored

Unlabeled

Uncelebrated

Unclaimed

You’ve spent years exfoliating your thighs and waxing your peach…

…but no one told you there’s a full-blown diplomatic zone beneath it.

A biological Bermuda Triangle. A tactile twilight zone.

Your taint.

📉 Let’s Break Down the Cultural Bias:

Body Part Coverage

Boobs Over - celebrated

Butts - Literally worshiped

Clitoris - Found in 1998

Labia - Misunderstood poetry

Taint - Ghosted

Why? Because it’s funny. And neutral. And sweaty.

You can’t put the taint in a perfume ad. You can’t put it on a billboard. So they buried it.

💀 What Makes the Taint Powerful?

Because it’s:

Genderless

Timeless

Politically neutral

Sensually charged

Biologically disrespected

It’s the only body part that:

Isn’t sexualized

Isn’t sacred

Isn’t politicized

Isn’t aestheticized

Isn’t protected

It just is.

Unbothered. Unbranded. Unapologetically indifferent.

And that makes it sacred.

📚 Linguistic Justice: Let’s Rename It Properly

Unisex taint aliases, rebranded for the equality era:

The Fleshbridge

The Forbidden Fajita™

Undercooch

The Sin Tundra

Devil’s Hallway

The Emotionless Alley

The Oathbreaker’s Strip

The Nether Yawn

Purgatory Patch

The Biblical Buffer Zone™

Choose your fighter. Reclaim your stripe. We’re not asking anymore.

🧼 Taint Hygiene: No Gender Exemptions

Let’s get raw.

Your taint:

Sweats like a liar in court

Collects funk like it’s in a blues band

Suffocates in yoga pants

Smells like the ghost of mistakes past if ignored too long

Male or female — it don’t matter.

Your taint will betray you unless:

You lather.

You exfoliate.

You show it the respect you pretend to give your “self-care routine.”

The taint is the final frontier of bodily respect. Ignore it, and it will out you in summer.

🧪 The Psychological Impact of Owning Your Gooch

Let me be dead serious.

When you finally accept your taint:

Your shame collapses.

Your ego softens.

Your sex becomes better.

Your humor becomes darker.

Your subconscious literally trusts you more.

Women who accept their taint become dangerous. Not because they’re wild — but because they’re free.

💥 The Taint Test: Feminist Edition

Ask your friend with the “Divine Feminine Energy” tattoo:

“Do women have a taint?”

“Can I call mine a gooch and still be empowered?”

“If you ignore your perineum, are you really body positive?”

Watch her hesitate. Watch her blink. Watch her glitch.

Because the truth is hilarious. And hilarity burns the shame right out of you.

🧘‍♀️ If You’re a Woman Reading This…

You now have no excuse.

That strip of skin between the peach and the abyss?

That subtle runway between entrance and exit?

That’s your taint.

And it deserves:

A name

A scrub

A shrine

A Wikipedia page

You don’t need to gender it. You just need to own it.

🤯 TL;DR

The taint is real

The taint is universal

Women have taints

The patriarchy ignored it

But your loofah doesn’t have to

This isn’t just anatomy.

It’s resistance.

💣 CALL TO ACTION

🔁 Reblog this before someone calls it “cisnormative perineum propaganda” 🧽 Send to the friend who forgot to wash hers today 🍑 Share if you’ve ever worn tight leggings with no idea what’s happening underneath 🫧 Save this if your taint is a neglected spiritual quest waiting to happen

⚖️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

This post is satire, anatomy education, performance art, cultural rebranding, locker room theology, and biological diplomacy.

It is protected by the U.S. Constitution, the Geneva Convention of Postmodern Memes, and the sacred covenant of shower-based self-respect.

If you’re offended:

Wash deeper.

Laugh louder.

Reclaim your gooch.

Because if you can’t name it — the patriarchy still owns it.

And that is the real tragedy.

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eddieindfw

1 month ago