kasuga707

Latest Posts by kasuga707

“It’s always dark. The sky if not grey, is black. The snow thigh high slowly grows waist deep. But the tall woman, her dark shawl pulled taut, walks on anyway. The tall woman walks alone, deeper into the woods among a crowd of trees she finds her place”

— Sujata Bhatt, from “She Finds Her Place”, Collected Poems

“The moon is a loyal companion. It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human. Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections.”

— Tahereh Mafi, Shatter Me

Sometimes I think this world is cruel and unjust but then I remember how I dropped my wallet when I was on the bicycle 8 years ago and a homeless man ran 6 blocks to return it to me. Sometimes I think this world is lonely and grey but then I let the rain touch my body and hear birds make their way home at evening and for a moment, just a moment- I understand why Prometheus stole fire and laid it at man's feet, why dying stars leave a trail of wishes, why I still love 6-year-old Erica I met on a summer trip a decade ago, even though I never saw her again.

Sometimes I think this world is a bad place, but then I look around me and in all its chaos and mosaic of bodies and souls and dreams, I see beauty and goodness hidden behind kind eyes and rough hands.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

— I'm glad your sickness, Marina Tsvetaeva (translated from the Russian by Elaine Feinstein)

Everything you did to me, I remember.

Mama, I made it out of your home alive, raised by the voices in my head.

— Warsan Shire, from “Extreme Girlhood,” Bless the Daughter Raised by a Voice in Her Head

Whoever first said that poetry is dead failed to provide the autopsy. If poetry is dead, what a rowdy and glorious ghost. Poetry haunts. Poetry permeates the walls we put up. Poetry startles us awake and into our own aliveness. Poetry rustles the hairs on the backs of our necks and chases us into more compassionate rooms. Though it is difficult to change a stubborn mind, poetry can change our hearts in an instant.

Andrea Gibson and Megan Falley, from How Poetry Can Change Your Heart

Franz Wright, from God's Silence; "Why Is the Winter Light"

[Text ID: Empty me of the bitterness and disappointment of being nothing but myself]

I can't live as I once did, telling people that I was doing fine and desperately wanting them to wade through the language and see that I was in pain.

Hanif Abdurraqib, A Little Devil in America: Notes in Praise of Black Performance

I need a father. I need a mother. I need some older, wiser being to cry to. I talk to God, but the sky is empty.

Sylvia Plath

James Baldwin, If Beale Street Could Talk

Feeble though sweet

light pours

over the immense meadow

expanding in my eyes,

unmoved by the night sky

thundering upon it.

The moon is to follow its own instincts

navigating the ocean of endlessness

not hiding in itself,

but with a open-heart

bleeding and scarred

and cold.

It is not a bringer of sadness.

It is a reflection of reality.

Not the one we’re living in,

yet both our senses

and mind

are touched by it,

as if it were no more a caress

than it is a warning.

Lonely moon,

and lonely woman,

not to be found in rationality

but in the inexistence of both

the self and the ego.

This mere chaotic peace between wanting to be the greatest and wanting to rot in the room all alone for the rest of eternity.

The voices won't leave me alone,

Crawling out the shadows,

Like vines that have overgrown,

Blocking out the windows

To sanity, to reality

I'm not sure if I want them to leave me

Because atleast they stayed

Unlike the people with empty words and hollow promises

I feel like I'm digging my own grave.

Maybe I've always been desperate for some company even if it destroys me.

“Hiding your hurt only intensifies it. Problems grow in the dark and only become bigger and bigger. But when exposed to the light of truth, they shrink. You are only as sick as your secrets. So take off your mask, stop pretending you’re perfect and walk into freedom.”

— Rick Warren

"I had a room to myself as a kid, but my mother was always quick to point out that it wasn't my room, it was her room and I was merely permitted to occupy it. Her point, of course, was that my parents had earned everything and I was merely borrowing the space, and while this is technically true I cannot help but marvel at the singular damage of this dark idea: That my existence as a child was a kind of debt and nothing, no matter how small, was mine. That no space was truly private; anything of mine could be forfeited at someone else's whim."

Carmen Maria Machado, from In the Dream House

“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”

— Roy Croft

“Anyone who has actually been that sad can tell you that there’s nothing beautiful or literary or mysterious about depression.”

— Jasmine Warga, My Heart and Other Black Holes (via perfectquote)

Relationships are like two temporary lines meeting once and staying still for a given time.

No one expects them to stay still forever,it is almost an obligation that of growing together to better strengthen themselves for future events.

And as for the latter,they might not be practical happenstances or chosen career paths;

they might be no more than the meeting of new lines.

Whether each of them will be remembered or not is up to the mind of said person.

There’s no obligation in this,not even in letting each meeting last till its own time is up,which would be the natural course of life never actually followed through.

We’re all living temporary meetings with others,where there should be no necessity of planning nor of requiring more than is being given.

Let’s live relationships as they come,with no requests or overthinking,as if they were a random object you picked up and kept stored on one of your most precious shelves.

“But just because you’re strong and resilient doesn’t mean you never need someone to be there for you, to take care of you.”

— Tammara Webber

“I can’t tell you exactly what I’m looking for, but I’ll know it when it happens. I want to be breathless and weak, crumpled by the entrance of another person inside my soul.”

— Aimee Bender, The Girl in the Flammable Skirt

Journal Prompts

All the following questions were found from PsychCentral in the article 64 Journaling Prompts for Self-Discovery. I’m going to be using them in my next following posts

Who do you trust most? Why?

What are your strengths in relationships?

How do you draw strength from loved ones?

What do you value most in relationships?

What three important things have you learned from previous relationships?

What five traits do you value most in partners?

How do you show compassion to others? How can you extend that same compassion to yourself?

What are three things that work well in your current relationship? What are three things that could be better?

What boundaries could you set in your relationships to safeguard your own well-being? (*****This is particularly going to be a challenging one for me. I’ll get into that later.)

What do you most want your children to learn from you?

How can you better support and appreciate your loved ones?

What does love mean to you? How do you recognize it in a relationship?

List three things you’d like to tell a friend, family member, or partner?

What values do you consider most important in life? How to do your actions align with those values?

What three changes can you make to live according to your personal values?

Describe yourself using the first 10 words that come to mind. Then list 10 words that you’d like to use to describe yourself. List a few ways to transform those descriptions into reality.

What do you appreciate most about your personality? What aspects do you find harder to accept?

Explore an opinion or two that you held in the past but have since questioned or changed. What led you to change that opinion? 

List three personal beliefs that you’re willing to reconsider or further explore.

Finish this sentence: “my life would be incomplete without….”

Describe one or two significant life events that helped shape you into who you are today.

When do you trust yourself most? When do you find it hard to have faith in your instincts? (***Interesting. See to post 1).

What three things would you most like others to know about you?

What difficult thoughts or emotions come up most frequently for you?

Which emotions do you find hardest to accept? How do you handle these emotions?

Describe a choice you regret. What did you learn from it? (***)

What parts of daily life cause stress, frustration, or sadness? What can you do to change those experiences?

What are three things that can instantly disrupt a good mood and bring you down? What strategies do you use to counter these effects?

What are three self-defeating thoughts that show up in your self-talk? How can you reframe them to encourage yourself instead?

What go-to coping strategies help you get through moments of emotional or physical pain?

Who do you trust with your most painful and upsetting feelings? How can you connect with them when feelings low?

What do you fear most? Have your fears changed throughout life?

Describe your favorite thing to do when feeling low.

What three ordinary things bring you the most joy?

List three strategies that help you stay present in your daily routines. Then, list three strategies to help boost mindfulness in your life.

How do you prioritize self-care?

Describe two or three things you do to relax.

What aspects of your life are you most grateful for?

How do you show yourself kindness and compassion each day?

Write a short love letter to some object or place that makes you happy.

What place makes you feel most peaceful? Describe that place using all five senses.

List 10 things that inspire or motivate you.

What are your favorite hobbies? Why?

What parts of life surprised you most? What turned out the way you expected it would?

What three things would you share with your teenage self? What three questions would you want to ask an older version of yourself?

List three important goals. How do they match up to your goals from 5 years ago?

Do your goals truly reflect your desires? Or do they reflect what someone else (a parent, partner, friend, etc.) wants for you?

What helps you stay focused and motivated when you feel discouraged?

What do you look forward to most in the future?

Identify one area where you’d like to improve. Then, list three specific actions you can take to create that change.

How do you make time for yourself each day?

What do you most want to accomplish in life?

List three obstacles lying in the way of your contentment or happiness. Then, list two potential solutions to begin overcoming each obstacle.

Obviously there are not 64 questions listed here. I’ve eliminated any regarding work. Just not the topic of conversation that I’m wanting to have right now.

Welcome Me

Lately I’ve found myself… lost.

I mean everyone has been in their own way over the past year and half. Been there, said that. 

But when I feel stuck…or lost..or wandering…it’s not good. Not that it’s great for anyone. I just tend to spiral.

I’m losing touch of what makes me happy and honestly maybe what’s even scarier to me is that I’m losing a sense of what I want. And I don’t mean in life. I’ve never had any answers to that question. But rather whenever I make a decision lately, no matter how small or large, it’s like I’m looking at myself from outside my body. It’s a stranger making that decision. 

Maybe thats imposter syndrome. I’ve heard the term thrown about a few times here and there. But I’m trying to walk away from labeling myself, those around me, and behaviors. I feel like we as a society are teetering on the edge of the toxic thought process: “If we label it, we understand it.” Right now, I’m not caring too much about the diagnosis and more about the symptoms. 

Interestingly enough, I just remembered a take on relationship communication that connects nicely to that thought process. They (@kyleleejenner on tiktok) said that “more often than not, when your girlfriend is sharing a problem with you she’s probably talking about an emotional one….what she is feeling about the problem is actually more important to her than the problem itself. Therefore listening to her feelings will solve the problem. She doesn’t want your practical solutions right now.”

I don’t necessarily care about the label or maybe even to the solutions right now. But I do care that I feel this way. I care that it feels like I’m someone I’m not. I care that I’m worrying about regretting decisions. I care that what I think I’m feeling is not really how I’m feeling. 

I’m hoping writing my feelings will help to acknowledge how I’m feeling or even to discover how I’m truly feeling. Next steps will come later.

“I’ve got nothing to say but it’s okay.”

— The Beatles, Good Morning, Good Morning

Bonds are burdensome.

They are what makes life worth living,

albeit the feeling of burdening someone else with your own emotions or lack thereof obliges you to take a step back or running away on a 180 degree path in comparison to the one you’re on at that moment.

You begin craving that loneliness that picked at your heart every night,the one that made you cry your own blood since tears did not hurt enough.

I want to turn back in time,or keep being the myself i knew before giving out pieces of it to others.

Opening up is not much of a good decision sometimes,or easy to accomplish either.

Everything just hurts.

It’s overwhelming.

It’s flooding my well.

Oh wait—

how long has it been since my well last had a shape?

What is happening around me?

What am I?

“Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment. Which is pretty amazing, when you actually think about it.”

— Sarah Dessen

“it was a cry / meant for no one / but the moon—”

— Sujata Bhatt, from “The Langur Coloured Night”, Collected Poems

I think it’s one thing to be born a pessimist and have heartbreaking experiences that confirm your doubts.

I think it’s a second thing to be born a realist and have heartbreaking experiences that hurt, but not in ways that aren’t foreseen.

I think the it’s a much different thing to be born an optimist and to have heartbreaking experiences that tear down your hope and alter your expectations.

I think the pessimist comes out, not much different, but with better understanding of the world and its cruel sentences.

I think the realist comes out a little different, with cosmic changes in strength and compassion.

I think the optimist, most of the time, is broken into an entirely new human being.

I need to know

"I find talking hard I find explaining impossible And I find trying arduous

It was never easy to talk It was never possible to explain And it was burdensome to try

But I realized that to comprehend I had to write I had to read and I had to know more

And for that I will always love writing for I can finally communicate I shall always love reading for I see and understand myself through the characters And I will keep trying to know for I have to try and need to know"