Anyone Else Homicidal Instead Of Suicidal?

"A symptom of being schizotypal is dressing weirdly"

You can just say you have no fashion sense it's okay

I need psychosis friends

why did you have a crush on me? why did you keep pushing for sex when I said no multiple times? Why did you even like me? Why didn’t you listen to me when I spoke about my feelings? Why are you so selfish? Why are you an asshole? Why don’t you care? Why do you lie so much? Why are you delusional? We still could’ve been friends but you broke my trust and made me feel disgusted in myself, you brought back my disgust in sex you made me realize how much I hate my vagina again, why didn’t you listen why? Why are you telling people what they heard is a rumor knowing what you did? Why didn’t you listen? Why are you playing the victim again? I have a boyfriend why didn’t you listen? I don’t want to have sex with you why didn’t you listen? I don’t like you why didn’t you listen? I don’t secretly like you why didn’t you listen? I developed hatred for you because I realized you crossed my boundaries multiple times and I didn’t say much back then because I still wanted to be your friend but I’m human I could only take so much you made me mentally exhausted it was a chore to be your friend sometimes I didn’t even want to be on call with you because I knew you are sensitive and we would argue over nothing I hated the way you disrespected me over stupid arguments why didn’t you listen? Then I stopped caring I found new friends who didn’t treat me the way you did and I slowly stopped caring you, I would care if you listened the first time we still would’ve been friends, but after the people I met what is there to care about a friend who didn’t care about my feelings? Who played mind games? Who let me know my voice doesn’t matter? Who only cared when I threatened to leave? What is even the purpose of being my friend if your going to treat me this way, my new friends made me realize you are the problem and I didn’t deserve any of this my new friends gave me hope that I can form friendships with my disorder if you listened I would still be there with you, I would probably be on a call with you right now, we would probably be making jokes or I would make up a silly argument because those silly arguments were fun but I don’t trust you anymore you’ll probably sexualize me again and that makes me feel dirty like I have to shower why didn’t you listen?

I want him to hug me so hard that my bones crack, I want him to love me so hard his heart is in pain when I’m away from him, when he kisses me I hope my lungs are in agony from being out of breath

Me to my man

mother :)

Mother is within us all she is within all forms of life if one isn’t with life then they would have to cleanse themselves because they are sinful and use items that represent life to show your worth to mother, that could be menstrual blood, plants, blood, animals even dirt take care of life as a duty to mother

if I ever kill my self it would be out of anger not sadness

I will connect with the gods from my culture then I will have a deeper understanding of the divine feminine and be closer to mother once that takes place I will sacrifice my blood for her :) mother will love me then maybe I can even be a high priestess for her :)

Last night I was terrified to fall asleep because I felt like I was being watched again :(

maybe I am meant to be alone maybe I’m unlikable maybe I’m unlovable i don’t know anymore everyday I have to fight off delusions on wether people actually like me or not I have to fight off isolation