Elegance, For Me, Is The Manifestation Of Sophistication And Tranquility Of The Soul, Knowing How To

Jealousy

Midnight parties in Wimbledon

Sketches of Julius Caesar on idle sheets of paper

Football games in Wales when it’s nearing dusk

Academic trips to South Africa in Spring

Sunsets from Roedean, on Brighton’s coast

Family pictures in front of Rad Cam in Oxford

Sushi dinners and British accents

and boys in black blazers

and evening walks to Grantchester

and Warwick in the summer months and taking pictures of the sun

and hair waving with the onslaught of wind on sunny shores

and Mediterranean villages on the sea

and 4AM strolls in Kensington and Leicester

and dinner dates in Porto Torres

and running through palm-ridden forests

and reading Dead Poets Society and the Secret History in dark corners of rooms with oak wainscoting

and Alexander in Eton tails

and-

To live so much

That I die

When I see you

23 years old and I’ve never had a significant other.

I’ve never held hands with someone. I’ve never gone out on a date. I’ve never even been kissed. It never used to really affect me, all of this. I always had this innate confidence that it wouldn’t be like this forever; that my person would come when they’re meant to. But lately, it’s been weighing on me. I’m not a middle-schooler anymore, or a teenager. As each year goes by, it seems more and more out of reach.

Maybe it’s seeing all of my old friends from school getting engaged on social media or moving in with their SO. Maybe it’s because we’ve been in a pandemic for two years and having someone to love and feel loved by would bring a sense of comfort and lightness. I’m not really sure. All I know is, it’s a heavy feeling, this feeling like you’re not desirable or wanted. It makes you so afraid that you’ll never find anyone, because how could you if all you’ve ever known your entire life is being single? The thought of being in a relationship *EVER* is like a pipe dream to me. And it’s awful to feel that way.

But I still hope for it, just the same. It’s just that the hopefulness if starting to get painful.

I dream and I dream and I dream.

To learn that

one who speaks of

such that is different from their actions

is an idiot,

to entertain the notion

of facing you.

Why?

Who are you?

"To define is to limit," you say,

a smirk dancing on your lips.

It is because you know who you are, that you need someone to find out who that is.

For that is what it is

to be worthy of you.

Hopes and expectations

Ps: I’m doing a survey on Dark Academia for a university project, if you like DA, I’d be happy to have you do it: https://forms.gle/bhFRX9ivTs9BXXdj8

we had been late for coffee

versailles

You ever see a pretty dress, a well-organised notebook, a peculiar balcony or read one line of poetry and get the overwhelming urge to reinvent yourself