nandadb
Pensando/Thinking
91 posts
Latest Posts by nandadb
A letter from your future spouse
like & rb if it resonates ♡
01.
Hello,
You must be up to something, because I cannot get you off my mind. Day and night you haunt me. I type away on my computer, answer phone calls, and I could swear I saw you in the corner of my eyes. At night as I begin to drift, I hear your voice and jolt up, only to be met with an empty room entirely void of you. When you're really here with me in the flesh, I look at you only when you look away. Will I be punished for these stolen glances? You and I, are we forbidden, and if so, who will be the judge?
I thought my life was stable, and in many ways it was. Though it was painted grey, dull. I lived dreary mondays every day of the week. I chased after new experiences, new achievements, new opportunities, new things. New, new, new, new. But it was not until you walked into my life that I truly felt the warmth of the sun and the rain on my skin. Was I colour blind all along? Because you show me colours I never even knew existed. You were truly new. A new light in my life that shines so brightly, but never hurts my eyes. Still I look away. It's not proper, is it? I've been caught up in the crossfire, amidst a battle between head and heart. You're in my heart, you have it in your hands, but didn't I say you are constantly on my mind too? It seems then, my dear, that this battle has a victor, and now I must prcoeed to gather up the courage to speak what I've so carefully kept hidden.
Oh, but you're so observant. You already know. You knew all along, didn't you? You so innocently sat there, knowing I'm a moth to the flame, and that come hail or shine I would find my way to you. You're a mastermind. An architect, the keeper of the blueprint to our tale. I am in awe of you. You were supposed to be a problem, a silly crush I could get over and never act upon, but now I'm thinking of things borrowed and blue. The first day that I saw you lightning struck. It marked the beginning of the end for many things in my life which I had kept around because it was fine. Not perfect, just fine. Suddenly I saw all the cracks and flaws, saw that which I would tolerate, go along with, even when I really didn't want to. You shook me to my core. In many ways, you ruined my life. For the better, I am sure. But for a moment there I wondered what horrors you had unleashed upon me. With your face so sweet and innocent I thought surely you would be unable to trigger earthquakes. And that even if you could, surely you were much too sweet and much too kind to do such thing.
Yet here I stand, amidst the rubble of what I used to call my life. Everything came crashing down because none of it was as stable as it should've been. I'm rebuilding, slowly, and could use some guidance or inspiration. What's your favourite colour? Would you like these tiles for the kitchen? I want to build my life up to look like the perfect home for you. I wish to keep you safe. You've weathered storms just as I have. Had to grow quickly, like dandelions through concrete. You're tired, and I don't want to see you quitting so I am building you a shelter. I promise to keep watch while you get some rest in my arms. When you're healed and strong enough I will provide you the space and time so you can chase your dreams in peace. You can use our home as the foundation for your castle. I know the power you hold, and I will be there to help you wield it.
Sincerely, your future spouse.
02.
Hello,
Coincidentally that is exactly when I knew. "You had me at hello" is such a cliché, but I swear that it is true. I always know trouble when I see it, and you are quite the nightmare indeed. I hope you take no offence to my words. I say what I mean and mean what I say. That typically results in problems, but to me it's another one to toss onto the existing pile. I have a lot of baggage, but if you don't mind, I won't mind yours. Maybe we could get a big storage locker and shove all our baggage in there, lock the door and toss the keys, skip town and never return. It'll all be auctioned off one day for somebody else to deal with. Wouldn't that be nice?
Where was I? Right. Hello. That's when I knew. I always do. I fall very quickly and passionately. Really I leap off into free fall all by my own judgement, sometimes perhaps lack thereof. I know a pretty thing when I see it, though pretty isn't enough, is it? I've learned that the hard way. As I've learned most things. Behind me lays a trail of burnt bridges and broken hearts, though most of those pieces are my own. Most people are unable to tell. I have a reputation, but I think the judgement is unjust. Wholly unfair. I have developed trust issues. Betrayal cuts deep. You know that, don't you? I keep people at bay, and guard my territory fiercly. I am very loyal and I am known for my equal bark and bite. I want to be your guard dog. I swear I will lunge for the jugular if anybody dares cross you. I am protective, albeit a little reckless. I have a lot of scars to prove it.
Little birdies may warn you of me. Tell twisted tales of my exploits. I've been called toxic. Perhaps there is truth to some of it. My love burns bright and hot, but it never wavers. I crave closeness, and wish to crawl into the heart and mind of my target of affections like a spider trespassing into your home to weave its webs in the darkest corners. I want to know you better than anybody else. Know your body, mind, heart, and your soul like it is my own. You will never be left wanting reassurance, because I have known doubt, and doubt is my enemy and I will fight it on sight. You will always know that I am yours. With me you have nothing to fear. Least of all me or my commitment to you and us.
Perhaps we both had to scrape our knees as we crawled through painful loves before we found each other. Together we'll be powerful. A dynamic duo, partners in crime. Those closest to me would come forward as witnesses to my ride or die nature, and you as my life partner will be my biggest testament to this part of my character. You're not too different, are you? You would die for your people, fight with your bare hands if you had to. Together we will face the world. I'll have your back and you'll have mine, a 360° of the battlefield. We can tear down and build up whatever we want. We can build an empire, or bring them down. With you by my side, everything is possible. I would move mountains and part seas for you. Your love is an enchanted rose and I am a beast, and I will wait for you. Come to me quickly.
Sincerely, your future spouse.
03.
Hello,
I hope my words don't bore you with their simplicity. I also hope that you've been well. I have so many questions, but let us not rush. There is no finish line in love, correct? I've been alright. Y'know, ups and downs. I've kept to myself a lot. Self improvement has become akin to an occupation. I always strive to do and be better. I may not seem the kind, but I have a soft heart which I guard closely. I like old timey romance and watch sappy things when I am down. Please don't tell anybody! I am a rock, but for a long time I was but a pebble, kicked around and misplaced. I have moved around a lot and all I want is to grow roots. Would you mind sparing a little spot in your garden? I just need a little sunlight and a fall of rain to grow. I promise I won't waste your time and do my all to never disappoint you.
My affections build slowly. Too slow for many, but I hate accidents and mistakes, at least my own. I strive for perfection, though people tell me it does not exist. I see it in you, though, so they must be wrong. Sure, you have your flaws, but the glue between your cracks glisten in the light and are still beautiful to me. I really do enjoy the simple things. Do you stop to smell the roses too? I have a gentle love to offer. A kitchen bathed in morning sunlight and the smell of pancakes in the air. I'll eat the first pancakes, because the ones I bring to you in bed should be perfect, and the first one never is. You deserve so much good, and I really hope I can provide a lot of that good to you by my own hands.
I am shy, and don't always have a way with words. I will tell you through music how I feel, or paint you on a canvas in all your favourite colours. I'll help you sculpt your dreams and wishes. I'd make a great assistant. I would love to follow you on your way up ladders and mountains. I believe in you like some believe in a higher power. You can put your faith in me too. Love is a choice, and I will make the choice to love you every morning when I rise. You are the kind of fun that doesn't make me ill. The adventure I am unafraid to embark on. We can play our own roles and support each other. I'll be of service to you at every step if you need me. In return I only ask that you hold me close and never let me go.
I fear abandonment, and have known a life without guidance. I've become rigid, and hope that you'll help me bend without snapping and show me the wonders of the unknown. With you by my side I won't be afraid. My skepticism will not be a hindrance because you lead me into uncharted territory as though you have a map, and I trust that you know where we're going. And should uncertainty rise, well, I have dealt with that beast plenty, and I can tame it and send it on its way should it bother you. I will always stand by you so that never again will you need to face challenges alone. You are a promise I will keep forever if you let me.
Sincerely, your future spouse.
04.
Hello,
Have you eaten? Taken your meds? Keep yourself hydrated. Take even just a sip. I apologise if I'm fussing, but I've always been a caregiver. People depend on me. At home, at work, even my friends. I get taken advantage of pretty easily, and I try my best to keep my boundaries. Though I am admittededly prone to a bit of a saviour complex. It's not so much that I don't think others cannot get up on their own, I just think they shouldn't have to. A helping hand is often rare these days. For many, even just the day to day grind is unbearable, so any chance to take the load off another's shoulders and let them rest and catch their breath I'll happily take.
I try my best to be fair, but often lose sight of what's best for me. I want to help and support everyone who needs it, but in my quest to save everyone, I have often abandoned myself. My care is often expected and thus taken for granted. Nobody seems to understand how much it hurts. Well, until I met you anyway. You're a little fire cracker. You have a great presence despite your size. You're honest and so very clever. I was instantly in awe by your radiance, your willpower, your resilience and your strength. You taught me important lessons. I'm older than you but sometimes I feel like a student listening to my teacher preach. You're opinionated and steadfast, and have such a strong sense of justice. You call it like it is, and have called me out aplenty. Always well-intentioned. You get worked up easily, and I find it rather cute. You scold me like a parent their child when I don't take up enough space, don't hold my head high, or when I give away too much for free. You are objective and fair, never tell me I'm right or wrong unless I really am. It's refreshing. You're like a breath of fresh air.
It pains me to hear of your past. How you've been to hell and back. You face struggles even when you really can't or feel like giving up. You always get back up again, always try to find another way around when an obstacle sits in the way of where you're going. You've lived life on hardmode, and now I yearn to make things easier for you. You if anyone deserves my devotion. I know you are much too just to take advantage of my kindness and return my love in earnest. I trust you, and that says a lot as I've only ever been able to trust myself.
Would you let me be your safe space? We can build you a nest and make sure you have the nicest, softest things and plenty of snacks. I wish to provide you the space and time to really relax and let your guard down. You can safely get in touch with your inner child and heal them from all their past wounds. I will guard your sanctuary and let you be free and able to go wherever your heart desires. Let your curiosity guide you, and I will follow and keep bandaids in my pocket should you stumble and fall. You don't need to be strong all the time, and you need not be ready for battle at all hours of the day. I will take the wheel and take us in the direction of your choice whilst you rest safe and sound for as long and as much as you want and need.
Sincerely, your future spouse.
05.
Hello,
Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear, ay? Am I late, or were you just early? It seems as though you've been waiting a long time. Wasted your time kissing a whole lot of frogs, huh? Settled for good enough? Jumped from ship to ship like a pirate looking for the best loot? Well, congratulations! You made it. I'm here now! I'm just kidding, but I am, in fact, very happy now that you found me. Lots of hurdles to get over, had to crumple up many plans and ideas and kick yourself into gear on the career front. I'm far from your finish line, I am merely a little prize for a job well done. And now you'll have me by your side for the next chapters. Oh, the adventures we will have! How exciting, I can hardly wait.
Something important you had to learn before you got here is beating the status quo to the curb. You always did struggle with fitting into a neat little box and following orders, didn't you? Yet so many fools tried to bend your will and make you follow a nice little step by step pre-determined program. Hah, as if you'd ever be happy giving up your freedom like that. And I adore that about you. To hell with the status quo. I never do what is expected of me unless I myself set or agreed to those expectations. This is my life, and your life is yours. Wanna dance? Because I'll choose to court you on sight, and I hope you don't make me look like yet another fool because truly, I tell you, our dance will be an exhilarating one. We can both lead, because screw the rules!
Do not mistake my arrogance and my eleutheromania as purely egoic and a sign of wavering commitment. Though I have my admirers and my comrades, I am fiercly loyal. I do intend to flaunt you, because you are a dream come true worthy of the spotlight. I hope you're not shy, and if you are, then well, it'll be that much more entertaining for me to see you flustered by all the attention and applause. So learn to take a compliment, kiddo, because you just hit the jackpot and the prize includes a lifetime supply of praise. Along with a steadfast support system, as not only will I be at your beck and call, I fully intend to introduce you to my network of friends in higher places. Fret not, because your wildest dreams will soon appear mundane as together with some found family we will get where you are going so much faster than you've been going before.
Speaking of family, I'm not very close with mine. Perhaps neither are you, so you will understand the feeling of always having to do everything yourself and not having the kind of safety net that a family can provide. This is why I have collected friends over the years to whom I serve as family and they the same for me in return. In my anxieties of abandonment and neglect, I do everything in my power to help and support my loved ones because I know what it feels like to be without as much as encouragement on this journey of life. If you ever need some kind words, I'll be sure to whisper them in your ear and shout your name from the rooftops. You deserve the world, so pack your bags. We have tickets to explore it all.
Sincerely, your future spouse.
06.
Hello,
I pray you did not hear me talking to myself. I cry out into the void often. My mind, always abuzz with what ifs and wonder, has its way of driving me mad. Often I feel like a mad scientist, fixated on something so long I fail to take care of all my human needs. Before I know it, the sun has set and made way for the night. I recognise the passing of time only when I notice it is dark and the only source of light is the screen right on front of me. I have so many tabs open in my head I don't always notice what goes on around me. But you startled me. Admittededly I did not notice right away, but when I did I was shocked. It must've been weeks before I zoned out, watching your face as I thought of absolutely nothing. I waited for you to finish whatever it was that you were occupied with, and then it hit me. You're beautiful and I like you.
It feels easy to be around you. I can't say the same for many people, if any. I have had plenty of offers, but competing against my solitude is difficult. A race few finish, and none truly come out of as the victor. I get bored easily, and I must be honest and admit that though I may be quickly intrigued and glue myself to my newest interest, my attention is hard to keep. I enjoy the rush of newness, and yearn for a love that stays fresh and full of intrigue. And I found that in you. For you lead your own life, explore your own paths, then report back to me your newest finds. We pick apart things and situations like mechanics figuring out all the parts of a new machine. Then we go and find new things to inevitably share, and sometimes we journey together too. There is always something. I no longer feel like I am the only one keeping the conversation going. No longer the one in charge of every who and what and how and why and when and where. You pull your own weight. For once I, too, feel fascinating. And not only do I feel interesting, I find you equally interesting. It didn't drop for either of us.
Some may look at us strangely, but good heavens, are some people so easily lulled into a boring and mundane routine. Every time I would cry out my woes, I was called childish. Told that love will and should settle into a comfortable and steady routine. That it is normal for the excitement of newness to fade as you get to know someone. I refused to believe every relationship was doomed to become such a snooze. And I am glad you did too, because you keep growing as I grow and our vines they intertwine and part ways and cross again in this intricate web of possibilities. To know you is to be a student of law or medicine. Doctors and lawyers practice their craft, they're not fixed by a mere degree because neither law or medicine is fixed. It is ever-changing and developing. I pinch myself because I can hardly believe I found another student like me.
Never fear I will leave you feeling stupid. I am aware of my own merit, but never wield it against anyone, unless needed. You are very clever and you have strengths and skills that I do not. I promise to be there to listen, especially in times when nobody else will. I have known loneliness and neglect. My curiosity is a form of escapism as I run away from the eldritch horrors of my past. Please be direct with me. Within me lives a tired old hopeless romantic, whom I locked away in shame as I was told it never plays out like in the movies. But you've proved to me that it actually does. And for you I'll do anything. Though you sometimes leave me tongue tied and flustered, you stabilize me. As thanks you'll have my loyalty and devotion. I'm used to taking care of others, and I know my care won't be misplaced on you. I read people easily already, but please allow me to study your face and note down every micro-expression so that I will always be able to tell how you are feeling even when you feel unable to put it into words.
Sincerely, your future spouse.
I'd love to read a drabble with "homemade lemonade"? And maybe with Joonas/Joel? 🥰
"Fuck, I said it was a stupid idea!"
"Hey, it's not my fault you're all thumbs! I told you not to hold it like that."
"Right, you think it's funny and I might loose my sight!"
Joonas sighed and rolled his eyes.
"God, don't be so dramatic. It's just some lemon juice, you'll be alright."
Still grumbling, Joel turned off the tap and reached for the towel. He had such a miserable look, one eye shut and expression pained, that Joonas relented.
"Let me help you, " he said taking the towel.
Joonas carefully tapped at Joel's eye to blot the water. "Here," he blew at the eyelid, then left a weightless kiss on it, "try to open."
Joel blinked a few times at high speed, hissing, before he managed to focus his eyes.
"That fucking stings!"
He frowned, the redden eye made him look even angrier. Or more ridiculous, Joonas wasn't sure, but he stiffled a giggle. He had to soothe his boyfriend somehow.
"Listen, I haven't thought making homemade lemonade can be so traumatizing," said Joonas with a conciliatory smile and rubbed Joel's shoulder. "How about I'll deal with lemons, and you will tear the mint? And then we'll watch a movie of your choice."
"Even 'Venom'?" asked Joel suspiciously.
He should have expected this. Well, Joonas can always turn it into making out, right?
"Even 'Venom'."
SOOO GOOD!
Congrats Carlitos!
Number One ☝️
(Roland-Garros via Instagram)
Please help us
My boyfriend has stage 3 stomach cancer and we have two toddlers together and we also take care of my boyfriend's mother who has alzehimers, diabetes, and a lost of other conditions. My boyfriend has been out of work for a while due to his cancer and also a few more surgeries.
Well there were complications with his last surgery and he's been in such bad pain to the point that he had to go to the er a couple weeks ago because he couldn't stop puking from the pain and they tried to put an iv in several different places on his hands and where he was so dehydrated and has tough skin it wasn't working so a nurse tried to insert one into his wrist and has either severed a tendon or seriously injured a nerve.
He's been back to the hospital a couple more times since then and we're in the process of trying to get it exactly pinned down what is damaged in his wrist but he followed directions from the specialist he first got sent to who barely spent 1 minute in the room with him and told him to just keep moving his hand around and it'll be fine. My boyfriend has since lost what little movement he had in his thumb thanks to following those directions and he's still swollen halfway up his arm and can barely grip anything.
His pcp has referred him to another specialist that he's supposed to see in Wednesday and we're trying to find a lawyer but right now we desperately need help please.
I've had to lose a lot of days of work so I could be home with the kids and my bfs mom and where I'm the only one with a job (one that still barely pays more than minimum wage) my paychecks have taken a decent hit. I don't have enough to pay next month's rent on the first and there's still another couple of bills in the week after. My next paycheck isn't until the 10th and even then it's going to be even less because of my loss of hours.
P*ypal: crackerjaxx7@gmail.com
V*nmo: jayep7
C*$happ: jayep7
Please, please help save my family. If you can't send anything, at least please reblog this so someone else can see it please
Never tired, never enough
EDWARD HOLCROFT as James Cox in
The Undeclared War - Episode Five dir. Peter Kosminsky
Well...
Congrats to Both!
Carlitos! 😂😍
Not that I'm very surprised, especially after that match against de Minaur in Barcelona with that crazy match points 😂
But uuuh, I'd prefer much less drama 😫😂
Okay BUT he in every gif 😳
EDWARD HOLCROFT as James Cox in
The Undeclared War - Episode Two dir. Peter Kosminsky
Well... Not risk
Damn I’m turning superstitious…usually I disregard these 🤷🏾♀️
“Cuando tienes miedo pero lo haces de todas formas, eso es valentía”.
-Aries, Sagitario, Escorpio, Virgo, Capricornio, Géminis
Edward Holcroft in The Undeclared War trailer
This is SO adorable
So happy for you, Stef
This is the most adorable thing I've ever seen in my life 🥰😄
Be careful who you call ugly in middle school. Not because they might become hot or something, but because it’s just mean.
-Cancer
"And, you're a nice person, that is the most important thing"
-Alcaraz, Miami Open 2022
Congratulations, Carlitos!
Edward Holcroft + social media ↳ Part 2
ig: natalinaartwork
...
It is difficult for a woman to define her feelings in language which is chiefly made by men to express theirs.
Thomas Hardy, Far From the Madding Crowd
( hey guys thank you so much for your patience with me, I'm so grateful for you all♡)
I shall do one thing in this life – one thing certain – that is, love you, and long for you, and keep wanting you till I die.
Thomas Hardy, from 'Far From the Madding Crowd'
Black History Month Art Challenge
Day 3: Tiana from The Princess And The Frog
“Until your mid-twenties, you’re still growing up mentally. It’s fair to say there’s a bigger difference between twenty and twenty-five than between twenty-five and forty in terms of who you are, how you relate to your work, and what you want out of it… Playing Pennywise will change my life and career forever. It’s going to change my path. And who knows where that path might lead me?”
Hi
I hope you find great
Do you can describe me?
Please
Sag (Sun)
Aries (Rising)
Capricorn (Moon)
I have lilith (Scorpio 😥) i heard it's complicated thing.
Oh, i love your blog 💖
And sorry for my english (Still learning)
Hii thanks for your ask😄💕
Sagittarius Sun- you are a natural teacher and you enjoy educating others (especially about philosophy), you could get an ego boost from being in the classroom and learningnew things. (Sagittarius rules higher education and Sun represents the ego/core identity). You could be a lucky person (depending on which house it's in) or things just work out in your favour often.
Aries Rising= you could have reddish undertones to your skin, can blush easily/your skin gets flushed easily. Your forehead is probably prominent/big OR you can have an injury to your forehead/head in general (scar on eyebrow/stitches). This is because Mars rules Aries and reprsents war (injuries) and Aries rules the head. Aries rising are fiery ofc. This is a cardinal sign, so this can indicate that you are an ambitious, driven person, one downfall of this is that you may start projects/endeavors but not finish them. You are perceived as confident and passionate by others. With Capricorn moon you could be naturally quite stoic and have a serious demeanor. You might have been forced to grow up fast (emotionally). You may often repress your emotions (Capricorn represents restrictions). A theory: your mother and father could be quite close if positively aspected. Or they might not get along if negatively aspected. This is because Capricorn represents the father and Moon represents the father. You could have a strong emotional bond with your father as well.
Lilith in Scorpio is very intense, you could have a alluring, magnetic aura. You may appear mysterious as well. Because Lilith can represent pain/hardships, you may have had a bad experience with things relating to death, sex, transformation etc. If this aspect is developed you could have no problem with death, sex ,transformation and you may even be good at this. You might suffer from intrusive/negative thoughts.
Hope it resonated 💗
x Okuhle ❤
Check out the rest of my blog 😊 👇
“Sensitive people should be treasured. They love deeply and think deeply about life. They are loyal, honest and true. The simple things often mean the most to them. They don’t need to change or harden. Their purity makes them who they are.”
— Unknown
This....
🤩🤗
Mubadala World Tennis Championship champion!
“I appreciate a natural look, as opposed to too made up. Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It’s like medicine - very healing. A woman who isn’t preoccupied with superficial things, who knows what is real and important. Someone who is willing to slum it every now and then. But mainly, whatever makes her happy.”
this cutie hugged me and said that he remembers me from october 💕💕💕