Bc I Just Saw A Post Use The Word: If You Use “theyfab” To Speak About Transmasc/nonbinary People

I don’t give a shit about kink discourse. Anyone who thinks too much about what other people jerk off too is weird. Especially people who try to turn it into a “my kink is more progressive and radical than your kink” shit. That’s like the queer discourse version of “my dad is stronger then your dad”

So much pointless LGBT+ discourse could be avoided if people just stopped assuming they knew everything about the oppression OTHER identities face.

For example, if you’re nonbinary, you can absolutely talk about the struggles you’ve dealt with as a nonbinary person, and speak of the issues your community is dealing with. But if you’re not transfem, it’s not your place to comment on how transfem issues compare to your own.

And if you’re a trans woman, you should absolutely not be talking about how trans men “have it easier” or what transitioning is like for them, because you fundamentally don’t know! You’re not a trans man!

And it goes both ways- trans men shouldn’t speak on trans women’s issues! Binary trans people shouldn’t claim to know what it’s like to be nonbinary!

It even hearkens back to older varieties of discourse, like ace discourse. You saw non-ace people talking about what THEY thought being ace was like, because they believed that being LGBT+ themselves made them the arbiters of oppression.

Or hell, gay men claiming that lesbians had it sooo easy compared to what they went through! Like, man, how the hell would you know, you're not a lesbian!

Just. Stop! Stop talking about the assumed experiences of other people! Being one flavor of queer doesn’t mean you’re the expert on ALL queer oppression! LISTEN to other people, stop talking over them!

I think if people accepted this, 90% of stupid online identity discourse would vanish overnight.

I'm so tired....

I had to block 2 people on my post who saw "stop generalized transmasc experiences and dismissing our struggles" and respond to that with "stop acting like there's a secret cabal silencing transmascs" and "you don't think trans men can live meaningful lives as men". I don't even like blocking people but it's impossible to discuss with these conspiracy brained weirdos.

Sorry I'm trying to boost the voices of trans men who are suffering because I consistently see them shot down and the world is dangerous right now? Sorry I AM a trans man who's suffering and in constant fear? Sorry my lived experience doesn't align with your strawman but I'm unabashedly a man and my struggles are real and I won't let you dissect my identity into pieces to try to fit your narrative that the more a trans man identifies as a man the less oppression he faces. It's literally not true at all.

I AM living my life happily as a man, it was the first time I ever felt complete in my life when I was actively suicidal as a woman and thought I wouldn't live past 22. What a weird way to dismiss someone talking about their oppression. "You're struggling and communicating it so something can be done about it so you must not be happy with your identity". I'm very happy with my identity, I actually had hope for the future before all this transmasc hate but it's been wearing on me because uncriticized hate against a group of people lessens our quality of life and makes it more dangerous for us to live freely. The government's insistence to detransition me makes me unhappy, the mainstream uncriticized hatred of masculinity makes me unhappy, the insistence that other people know our struggles better than we do makes me unhappy.

I'm very happy being a trans man and I love the trans men in my life and I want them all to be happy, but I'm seeing us all struggle, so I'm speaking out about it.

Pathetic losers on their way to assume everyone they don't agree with is a dude..

definitely not a weird thing to do at all!!

"queer people need to get weirder"

but can you handle a nonbinary transmasc/trans man who is femme and passes as his agab, yet DON'T want to be grouped with women and/or femmes, AT ALL???

CAN YOU???

"you can't be a bisexual lesbian, that doesn't make sense."

"you can't be a bisexual gay, that doesn't make sense."

isnt it fucked that we still have to remind people that yes, misogyny is still misogyny when it's aimed at trans men and transmascs.

Some of the main points I see used against aromantic and asexual people are narratives that go like:

You can't know you're aromantic or asexual if you've never tried dating or having sex. (Translation: you should date someone you aren't attracted to and have sex with someone you aren't attracted to just to be sure you aren't attracted to them).

You can't be asexual or aromantic if you've dated and had sex. (Translation: the actions of dating someone and sleeping with someone can only ever be motivated by attraction, directly opposing what was demanded in the first point.)

If you date or have sex with someone despite not being attracted to them then you are manipulative and deceiving your partner. (Translation: dating/sleeping with someone without attraction as a motivation is inherently Bad and Evil)

And like, I've come across people who believe all three points at once without seeing the hypocrisy of it all.

Anyways, you don't need to try out all possibilities in order to figure out your orientation. Most people don't go around demanding that straight people sleep with and date the same gender before being allowed to call themselves straight, and yet they'll demand that of aspec people without hesitation. At the same time, there's nothing wrong with trying stuff out. While certain actions can be motivated by attraction, they don't always have to be. People have sex without being attracted to each other all the time, for all sorts of reasons. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, and it doesn't necessarily determine your sexuality either.

And I think the last opinion comes from a) people's tendency to tie attraction to a bunch of other feelings that just sum up to caring about someone, and then translate the absence of attraction into the absence of even liking a person and b) the tendency to see romantic attraction as the highest emotion one can have for someone and seeing any other feelings as inherently lesser, therefore making such a relationship "unbalanced". And with the way most people view aromanticism it's very easy for them to jump to the conclusion that the aro person is obviously being dishonest and just using their allo partner for their own evil little plans. It's all bullshit and I wish people would realize how easily these arguments fall apart when looking at them critically.

i love you bears i love you butches i love you trans men i love you transmascs i love you drag kings i love you masc queers of all persuasions the world is so much better and brighter for the existence of queer masculinity

trans men will say something like "having access to reproductive care is something that affects me personally, even as a man. i understand that conservatives speak about it as if it's a woman-only issue, but they see trans men as women too, and losing access to these services would affect us just as much. it'd be nice to be able to add my perspective and experiences to the conversation and have them taken seriously" and people will go "oh so you're erasing women? you're speaking over women? you hate women? you're a misogynist? typical man?"

like for the love of god "this issue affects me just as much as it affects you" does not mean "i think im more important than you" and its wild how many people take it that way. no reasonable trans man is actually trying to make discussions about abortion or trans healthcare or etc exclusively about them, and if you take it as a threat whenever a trans guy opens their mouth in a discussion like this, then that's your problem to work through, not theirs