I Do Actually Own Two!.

I don’t feel that way with you though.

I never have so far.

I have learned that people say they want me to be myself, but they rarely ever mean it.

They mean: be myself, but in a way that makes sense to them. Be myself, but not so much that they have to rethink anything. Be myself, but not in a way that makes them wonder if they even know me at all. In a way that won’t embarrass them. And now I’m the one hesitating, trying to figure out what I’m apparently not giving—something I wasn’t even aware was missing.

And I have to wonder if I’m the one getting it wrong.

No raccoons, but you have uninterrupted access to the stars. That’s something worth envying. Light pollution makes it nearly impossible to see anything clearly here—our atmosphere scatters artificial light, washing out all but the brightest celestial objects. Even planets struggle to compete. It’s especially difficult in a city like New York.

I would love to go to a place like that sometime.

Hello, Adam. I was wondering if you have a favorite flower or plant or a favorite animal?

-Duncan.

Good evening Duncan!.

I do have a favorite animal.

Raccoons. Definitely raccoons. They’re highly intelligent, their problem-solving skills are impressive, and they have these incredibly dexterous little hands. Did you know that they can remember solutions to tasks for years? And they wash their food before eating it, which is both practical and oddly endearing. I often go to watch a family of raccoons at a park near me. They bring me joy.

As for plants, I think carnivorous plants are fascinating. They literally evolved to defy the usual order of things—plants aren’t supposed to consume animals, and yet, here they are. The Venus flytrap, for example, counts the number of times its trigger hairs are touched before closing, like it’s verifying the presence of prey. That kind of adaptation is remarkable. If find that they have a philosophical aspect to them.

My head hurts and my hands are trembling.

Everything is too loud today. My skin feels too tight. My head won’t stop running in circles.

I wish it was possible to turn everything off for a while.

I recently read about Tardigrades, also called water bears, they are micro-animals that survive things most organisms wouldn’t even make it through halfway.

When conditions get extreme; dehydration, radiation, freezing, heat etc. they enter a state called cryptobiosis. That means they shut down almost all biological functions. No metabolism, no movement.

In this state, they’re called tuns. They can stay like that for years.

Then when water is added, they pick up where they left off like it’s nothing.

They’ve survived space exposure, temperatures from just above absolute zero to over 150°C, and pressure levels that would crush submarines.

They’re not strong in the usual way. They’re just built for their environment.

That is not the only thing I mentioned.

If you could assign constellations to your associates/friends what would they be and why?

I don't know much about constellations but I'd love to hear you talk about it :)

- 🧷

I actually spent some time thinking about this. It’s a interesting question, astronomy as a mirror for people. It’s not the first time I’ve made that comparison in my head.

So Nigel would probably be Andromeda. There’s something about Andromedas story that reminds me of him , chained and waiting, not exactly helpless, but holding back. Andromeda’s one of those constellations that’s easy to overlook unless you know where to look. But once you do, you stay looking. He’s like that. Quiet and beautiful, and much more capable than most realize. There’s distance there too. Something unspoken and mysterious. And maybe that’s part of it.

Abby is Lyra. Steady, constant sound in the background that makes everything else feel less chaotic. She’s the kind of friend that doesn’t try to change the rhythm, she plays along, and somehow makes the melody make sense. She won’t try to change but instead accept the people around her. I trust her more than I trust most people. Probably more than I know to articulate.

Duncan is definitely Ursa Major. He’s calm and grounded. One of those people you automatically listen to when they speak. Like the Big Dipper, It’s just always been there. Reliable. Big presence. Never unpleasantly overwhelming.

I see Tonny as Gemini. There is some sort of double-sided energy to him. Always talking, always bouncing between ten things at once. Sometimes it’s annoying. But he makes things feel alive. That counts for something. Very unapologetically himself.

Beth… She’d be Scorpius..I think. There was beauty, but also something sharp underneath. I thought I understood her. Maybe I didn’t. It’s hard not to associate that constellation with betrayal once you’ve been stung by someone you trusted. But I also think Scorpius is about change. You don’t walk away from it unchanged.

Lastly Hannibal , Aquarius. There’s a logic to him that i understand. The kind of person who thinks about everything three steps ahead. Our conversations are always sharp. Always interesting. We don’t need to be close emotionally to have a kind of mutual respect, and I appreciate that.

That’s how I see it right now.

That could change, maybe it won’t.

I took the job offer in Baltimore.

I will be working as a guide at the Davis Planetarium. I’m very happy it worked out. The planetarium has such a rich archive and so many exhibits in rotation! I’ll have a lot to learn and organize, and even more to share. I am already experiencing a lot of excitement about that.

That means Beth and I will be moving to Maryland soon, leaving New York behind. I will miss New York. But I’m looking forward to seeing some people in Baltimore. And it’ll make getting to Dr. Lecter’s appointments easier, once he returns from his retreat.

People have said that before. I still don’t see it. Does it bother you Dr. Lecter?

It's very weird, having a patient with the same face as my Will.

Do you like bread?

If so, do you like the crust?

I take them off when I eat bread.

I love bread.

I like the crust most. The rest is fine. It feels sort of mushy, sometimes. I don’t enjoy that.

I know many people like you though. Most people prefer bread without the crust rather than the crust without the bread.

But sourdough especially has a wonderful crust in my opinion.

Sourdough bread is actually one of the oldest types of bread, with evidence of it being baked over 4,000 years ago in ancient Egypt. It makes sense why it tastes so good.

If you could assign constellations to your associates/friends what would they be and why?

I don't know much about constellations but I'd love to hear you talk about it :)

- 🧷

I actually spent some time thinking about this. It’s a interesting question, astronomy as a mirror for people. It’s not the first time I’ve made that comparison in my head.

So Nigel would probably be Andromeda. There’s something about Andromedas story that reminds me of him , chained and waiting, not exactly helpless, but holding back. Andromeda’s one of those constellations that’s easy to overlook unless you know where to look. But once you do, you stay looking. He’s like that. Quiet and beautiful, and much more capable than most realize. There’s distance there too. Something unspoken and mysterious. And maybe that’s part of it.

Abby is Lyra. Steady, constant sound in the background that makes everything else feel less chaotic. She’s the kind of friend that doesn’t try to change the rhythm, she plays along, and somehow makes the melody make sense. She won’t try to change but instead accept the people around her. I trust her more than I trust most people. Probably more than I know to articulate.

Duncan is definitely Ursa Major. He’s calm and grounded. One of those people you automatically listen to when they speak. Like the Big Dipper, It’s just always been there. Reliable. Big presence. Never unpleasantly overwhelming.

I see Tonny as Gemini. There is some sort of double-sided energy to him. Always talking, always bouncing between ten things at once. Sometimes it’s annoying. But he makes things feel alive. That counts for something. Very unapologetically himself.

Beth… She’d be Scorpius..I think. There was beauty, but also something sharp underneath. I thought I understood her. Maybe I didn’t. It’s hard not to associate that constellation with betrayal once you’ve been stung by someone you trusted. But I also think Scorpius is about change. You don’t walk away from it unchanged.

Lastly Hannibal , Aquarius. There’s a logic to him that i understand. The kind of person who thinks about everything three steps ahead. Our conversations are always sharp. Always interesting. We don’t need to be close emotionally to have a kind of mutual respect, and I appreciate that.

That’s how I see it right now.

That could change, maybe it won’t.