parkeryourefired
The only thing you should be worried about is this question I'm about to ask you: Who wants a taco?
186 posts
Latest Posts by parkeryourefired
What does it take to get someone to willingly escape from abuse? Two days ago, I got a cryptic text from a friend using a wifi text app that just said “I need you to text me back asap.” I can’t have my phone at work and didn’t see it for almost eight more hours. Tried texting her normal number. Nothing. Tried the texting app number. Nothing. Tried her facebook. Account deactivated. Wtf is going on here? Wake up two hours before alarm worrying and check phone. Still nothing. So, middle of the night, 18-ish hours from last contact, I call the police. Deputies go to her home. No one there. She has a medical condition that physically prevents her from sleeping without medication. She doesn’t get home from work until about midnight. It was 1:30 am. There’s no reason she wouldn’t be home and awake. Police tell me no contact. Trying not to freak out all through work that day. Get home. Still nothing. Checked with police. No contact. No answer from phone. About to go into panic mode. Conduct basic-level facebook stalking: Open fake account, find her account reopened (only certainly blocking real account). Has where she works posted (lucky break, but so so stupid). Call where she works in last ditch effort to make contact. She’s there. There and physically okay. Her fat fuck, red neck, piece of shit, white trash, caliphate-dick-sucking husband got mad she talked to any other men (i.e. myself). Forcefully took her phone from her for almost 24 hours. Blocked numbers of every other guy on her phone, blocked male Facebook friends, then changed her social media accounts’ passwords. Well, that explains what happened. At least she was physically fine? Talk to her for a bit to make absolutely sure. She swears up and down everything is okay. I want to scream at her. All I could do is say “Stay safe” and tell her I’d let the police know I’d gotten a hold of her. Likely last time we’ll ever talk to each other. Tell police we spoke. Police make sure to ask “You actually spoke directly to her on the phone?” Tell them about abusive husband. Deputy feels for the situation but knows she’s the only one who can do anything for herself. Guess this problem is kind of solved... Back to normal life? What the fucking hell is wrong with some people? Her own husband’s sister thinks he’s a piece of shit for how he treats her. Her mother (after learning what kind of shitstain he is) wants her to move back home. Her cousin and his wife want her out. And I, the only friend she was actually comfortable enough to talk to about this, have offered money, shelter, resources, time, anything I could. All she has to do is make the move. But she won’t. She thinks so little of herself, her own abilities, and those of us who’ve promised support that she’d rather stay with a fucking shitstack whom she has openly acknowledged abuses her. Guess I’m fucking useless after all.
I have spent my whole life trying to be water. But, I will only ever be fire. Consuming, hateful, never sated until every last living thing is destroyed. I want to see it all burn.
... Never thought I’d be the one to help shatter someone’s illusion... Did I really help save her? She’s so tired. She’s so numb. She’s so confused. She knew something was wrong. That’s why after four years, she reached out to me. She spent the last year being worn down, and she knew it couldn’t be right. She reached out to me partially to fill a void her soon-to-be ex-husband didn’t. I knew that wasn’t healthy. We talked about anything and everything. We aren’t afraid to talk to each other now, because we’ve both grown. She told me what he was. I told her what he really was, and a part of her knew. It took her a few days, and some googling to finally see what I saw right away. It’s hurt her so much. She didn’t want to believe what I knew was abuse (both physically and mentally) was what had been happening to her. Article after article told her the same things, and they described everything he’d been doing. She’s so tired and numb now. No one could want this for someone they love. In the end, it’s her choices, her willingness to heal, and time that will see her rebuild. I’ll be beside her wherever she is. But, as much as I’ve hurt her for destroying what she thought was her dream, her illusion. I couldn’t stand aside and walk away quietly like I’ve done for so long. If you see abuse, know someone who is being abused, or if you are the one being abused, whether it’s courage or a spurt of madness, reach out to someone. There are so many advice lines. So many counselors. Hospitals. Even law enforcement. Don’t be the one to see or know and do nothing. If you are the one in it, breathe deep, know you are worth more than how you’re being treated, and find someone to talk to. Anyone can get you started to saving your life, even yourself. It’s less unknown to stay in the situation you are in, but it’s not safer.
What do you do when you push away someone you love because you were both too young and scared, only to find them years later in an unhappy, physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive marriage? Is it right to try to convince her to leave? If I never stopped loving her, does wanting her to be safe and happy - even if it’s not with me - make me a terrible person? If she reached out to me after so long and still has feelings enough to want me back in her life as someone she trusts and loves, does caring for her enough to tell her she needs to run before it’s too late make me seem jealous? I do not want to be in her equation to stay or flee this overly-gender-roled, traditional, “christian”, repressive, abusive, marriage. I want her to be happy. I grew up in a household like that. My father using my stepmother as a brood mare and refusing to let her do anything outside the house. She always hated my brother and I. She was always cold and mean. It wasn’t until years later I found a bottle of anti-depressants she’d had hidden away in a spice cabinet (a place my father would never look). It took me years longer to realize the damage you sustain when you force yourself into a relationship with someone who isn’t who they claim, someone who wants you to change everything about you, someone who only wants to use you. It was killing my stepmother. It almost killed me. How could I on good conscience not want someone I still love to save herself from becoming warped, worn down, trapped in even something so binding as marriage. Before we even broke up, I knew leaving her was a huge mistake. I knew there was a risk she could be caught up in a near-shotgun wedding with some piece of trash who had no perspective outside his sheltered, “christian” life. I wanted to believe it would never happen. I wanted to believe she’d grow up, too, and find someone who loved her the way I should have, the way I would now that I’ve grown, too. Wanted to believe after these years she’d found that. She found the nightmare of my childhood... Is it wrong to want her to save herself? Is it wrong to tell her to stop rationalizing against his threats, his (for now) limited physical violence, his deception from who he was in dating to a 180° as married, his constant control and belittling, his refusal to acknowledge how hard she works as a nurse going to school part time while trying to stay physically healthy (This guy’s a fat POS, by the way [Not to belittle those who are overweight/big; he actually ridicules her for working out while he sits around on his fat ass eating food he expects her to prepare for him and refuses to do anything around the house after his cushy, 9-3, bank job.].), and his unconscionable mentality he is perfect and she should be changing for him? I cannot physically help her. We are far apart. I want her to be strong and make the decision for herself. She can, but she’s afraid. I would pay for her plane ticket away from there. I would drive there, if I could make it in time. I need her to be safe from that kind of life. Yes, she chose to marry him. She got caught up in her dreams as a young girl. Before you could really see what was happening, she was in this. She’s been married two years now. The first went by so fast. This last one has seen her finally realizing where she is. In this last year, she changed the most from what I remember. She’s still gorgeous, smart, wonderful, caring, loving, but it wasn’t until now she learned what I learned from my own abusive relationships. I regret letting her go enough in the first place. To lose her entirely to... that... would be too much.
Someone asked me if I believed in God. I asked them what kind of god would inflict me on their world.
How are the meds going? How do you feel? ❤
Well, you were right about how they're supposed to work. They don't even help ease the sadness, anger. They're just supposed to give you more energy and help focus. Doesn't make sense why humans would even bother to invent such a useless medication. Medication is supposed to be coupled with therapy, but what good is that if my mind has hard-wired itself to be, well, me?I wish you could have another opportunity to try them. Maybe they would work for you. Maybe you'd run into an incredible doctor, counselor, or someone completely new, and you could start to piece back together. Medication doesn't necessarily work the same on everyone, but the right support is essential. Otherwise, it'll only make things, in a way, worse. It's only easier to focus on the dark now.Thanks for checking on me. You are an incredible person. I'm sure it's impossible to convince yourself, but there are a lot of us out there who think so about you.Hope you're having a good day/evening/night. Hope tomorrow brings at even one moment of clarity and stillness.
When you spend most of your life feeling like you're going to die any second, yet every day feels like an eternity.
Bizarre shower thoughts: Is there a market for guys who just want to eat girls out? And how much would it be worth?
A psychologist asked me if I think about hurting myself or others. I said,"No." I lied.
Don't know what I'm supposed to feel on these meds... Is depression medication supposed to make you feel happy? That's not the case right now, for sure. Maybe just slightly less miserable? And a little less clouded over? Maybe there's no medication to fix what I am.
The sandwich community must have been outraged.
Thinking about the uproar from [people] who believe it's wrong to remove objects of the confederacy has me wondering if they realize they're acting more entitled and like (as they're so fond of calling others) "snowflakes" than any group of people in this country. Their ancestors lost that war, and they've spent the last 150 years demanding their consolation prizes. They demand parades, museums, holidays, and memorials to glorify their past divisiveness and continue to carry pride for it out of sheer ignorance. Of all the wars fought amongst a country's own people can anyone recall the losing side not being utterly purged? Do these "snowflake" confederacy lovers not understand their beloved slavery-based bullshit should have been completely eradicated? Sherman should have been given free reign to reduce every sympathizer state to ash, but he wasn't. He was recalled, and the stupidity was allowed to endure. How nice it must be to have that luxury. Do these confederacy-hailing jackwagons think for a second the people rebelling against Assad for rights far more legitimate than owing slaves will get to cry and scream they deserve to have their standards flown or have memorials made to remember their heroes? Those rebels will have no chance because they will be hunted until there are none left. Just like what Sherman should have been allowed to do. There are no consolation prizes for losing a war, you entitled crybabies. Whine all you want about having your statues taken down in Louisiana and your battle standards removed from public buildings. You should feel lucky you're even allowed to exist. There should be no pride in having relations to someone who tried to destroy this country. The only thing left should be shame. Shame for dividing our country and still more for believing in some fictional god-given right to own another human. You sympathizers and glorifiers are the absolute least American of all our people.
X_X
https://www.facebook.com/robertfrank615/videos/1902394196638792/
Glad this guy is as out of touch with stupid, fucking pop-culture/millennial shit as I am.
All these posts about depression and breaking down crying seem so foreign to me. When I break down, I could be mistaken as a pre-Joker Joker. Is that abnormal even by depression standards? Maybe when squared, depression becomes insanity...
When you finally overcome the helplessness just long enough to talk to a professional about how messed up things are, and they call to cancel two hours before the appointment.
