For Your SP Au If U Have Time, How About A Scene With Injured/close To Death!ichigo And Kisuke Losing

Please tell us more about slutty virgin Steve there is not enough of him

Slutty virgin Steve:

Has been in love with Bucky Barnes since 1934, but was always to afraid to act on it/say anything re: Bucky is a ladies man and homosexuality was very much a crime.

Wakes up in the twenty-first century and is still Very Gay, but he doesn’t /do/ anything about it because 1) he has conditioned himself to be quiet and private about his preferences and 2) to him, Bucky died, like, three days ago.

Jerks off to thoughts of being smol again and Bucky pinning him down and fucking his mouth. Is very sad afterwards.

OOP BUCKY’S ALIVE 

Bucky’s alive and he comes home and he spends some time recovering in the apartment he shares with Steve now, etc etc, anyways.

Bucky is alive and Bucky is... a Grade A Beefcake. Steve’s sad jerking off becomes guilty jerking off, but it’s more than that, because now Bucky is constantly around and he’s wearing sweatpants that ride too low on his hips and Bucky likes wifebeater tanks and Steve’s horny level has been turned up to eleven (11).

Steve is only sneaky and quiet when he’s on the battlefield.

Steve is neither sneaky nor quiet when he is experimenting with fingerfucking himself in the shower.

Bucky is a good listener—especially when people are actively saying his name out loud. 

(Steve showers, and Bucky listens.)

(Bucky also finds a new, unfamiliar razor in said shower. A smattering of little black dark blond curlies clings to it. Bucky thinks about Steve shaving himself smooth and testing the new grounds with the tips of his own fingers and biting his lips until they’re as red as his cheeks and Bucky fucks his own fist and paints the shower wall.)

Steve shops online for dildos on his tablet, but he can never bring himself to check out his shopping cart, too much internalized shame, too scared someone will find out.

Steve has considered exploring phallic objects that do not come from adam and eve dot com, but 1) zucchinis do not have a flared base, and Steve thinks safety is Very Important and would literally have to off himself if Bucky had to drive him to the ER because he got a squash stuck in his rectum, and 2) Steve grew up in the Depression. Steve does not waste food.

So Steve shameshops for dildos online, buys zero (0) dildos.

Steve is bad at browser security. 

Steve and Bucky share a tablet.

Bucky checks out the shopping cart.

A package arrives one day from a nondescript sender, and it is addressed to Steve’s attention. Bucky picks it up and takes it into the kitchen.

“Package for you, Stevie.”

“Oh? Okay, um. Don’t remember ordering anything...”

“Open it then. Find out.”

“Uh, yeah. Okay.”

(Bucky files it away in his mind to scold Steve later—ten spanks should do it—for being an idiot who opens strange packages just because big, beefy soldiers hand them to him)

“Whatcha got there, Stevie?”

“It’s... um... I don’t think they had the right—”

“Show me.”

“... No.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s not mine.”

“What’s not yours?”

“This. All of it. I think someone played a prank on me.”

“Just show me, Steve.”

“I. I don’t want to.”

“Are you really saying that everything in that box—whatever it is—is totally unfamiliar to you? You’ve never seen it before?”

“...Yes.”

“...”

“That is what I am saying.”

“...”

“...”

“Steve?”

“... Yeah, Buck?”

“Do you want to take me up to your bedroom and show off what the mailman brought you?”

***

(It’s dildos.)

(The mailman brought dildos.)

[x]

Jason, stubs his toe: Damn!

Bruce: Language!

Alfred, drops a plate: Oh fucking hell!

Bruce looks horrified and Jason looks excited.

Alfred: Master Bruce, I would suggest you close your mouth before you catch flies.

Have a Bleach extended-winter-war time-travel-fix-it idea. In this AU Kaien's death happened before the whole turn-back-the-pendulum arc. (Yes, another Bleach time-travel AU, I know, shut up.)

As Ichigo and Kisuke are planning to go back to the past, Kisuke makes sure to emphasize to Ichigo that they have to protect Shiba Kaien. Apparently, it's of the utmost importance.

Ichigo doesn't know exactly how Kaien's continued well-being plays into saving the future. Kisuke never really explains it, or gives him a straight answer when he asks. But Ichigo knows that the Shiba Clan-Head carried a great deal of political power, and Ichigo also knows that Kaien -- according to Kukaku and Rukia -- was highly competent, incredibly noble, and fundamentally kind. It's not exactly unintuitive that a person like that could be important to bringing down Aizen.

So Ichigo listens, when Kisuke tells him to protect Shiba Kaien. He memorizes how Kaien died in the original timeline. He's attentive as Kisuke reiterates for the thousandth time that Aizen will keep trying to assassinate Kaien until he succeeds. He takes notes when Kisuke hypothesizes about what Aizen's various assassination attempts might look like -- poison during a meal, hired assassins at night, an ambush during a mission.

Ichigo ingrains the assignment into his core: protect Shiba Kaien, because if Kaien falls, the mission fails.

So when Kisuke slips a paralytic into Ichigo's tea and places Ichigo in the middle of the time-travel kido array and drains the entirety of his own spiritual energy to activate the array, a sacrifice that Ichigo never would have agreed to--

Well. The first thing Ichigo does when he arrives back in the past, numb and alone and only able to function by focusing on the duty that is his purpose -- is track down Shiba Kaien.

After all, if Ichigo is going to kill Aizen -- and he is, no matter what it takes -- he needs to keep Kaien alive.

Ichigo goes straight to the Shiba family grounds. In true Shiba fashion, they accept him immediately as family. They tend to his wounds and give him a meal and welcome him home. They let him get away with his weak excuses and explanations, and they defend his presence to the rest of Soul Society.

Kaien, in accordance with everything Ichigo has heard about the man, personally takes the newest addition to the family under his wing.

Ichigo's plans to deal with Aizen take shape around his need to keep an eye on Kaien.

Ichigo, instead of running as far and fast as he can from the Shiba clan, accepts the offer to live in the Shiba compound. He gets to know every clan member and retainer, subtly vetting for traitors. He sleeps in a room near Kaien's, allowing him to both guard against assassins at night and place warding runes around Kaien's door without having to worry about being caught somewhere he has no business being.

He joins the Court Guard in the 13th division instead of the 5th, because the only real way to protect Kaien on a mission is to be there with him. Ichigo knows that if there's an ambush, or if the mission details have been tampered with, he'll be more than enough fire power to get Kaien out of it. And it's easy to always get paired with Kaien; Kaien -- reliably taking every opportunity to hover around Ichigo that he's offered -- does most of the work, leveraging his status as lieutenant and Ichigo's combat ability to keep them together.

Ichigo finds himself frequently taking meals with Kaien and Kaien's friends. Kaien always invites Ichigo, and Ichigo accepts so he can subtly check the food for poison.

(Ichigo does not tell Kaien about Aizen. Ichigo is still unsure what Kaien's role is in the whole fight, and in the meantime, telling him about Aizen is a sure way to get him killed.)

Things heat up. Ichigo prevents both Miyako and Kaien's death, killing Metastacia before it can hurt anyone. Ichigo's shadow war against Aizen gets more intense. Ichigo sneaks out regularly to dismantle Aizen's illusions, destroy his labs, and attack his network of power, slowly weakening him.

Ichigo waits for the assassination attempts against Kaien, but they don't come, even several weeks after Metastacia fails. Ichigo takes it as a sign that he's got Aizen distracted.

Things continue for a while. Ichigo falls into a strange routine.

(And Ichigo tries not to break, seeing so many of his loved ones alive and unknowing of him. It is agony, to be around Shunsui, who is not his mentor, and the Visored, who are neither visored nor pack.

But the worst is when Captains Urahara and Shihouin catch on to his war against Aizen. He finds himself working with them as allies.

Allies. Mere allies, instead of --

Well. Not that it matters anymore.

All that matters is his duty.)

Time passes. Aizen weakens. There are no attempts on Kaien's life yet.

And then Aizen's web has unraveled enough for Ichigo to attack.

It's a long battle. It's a bloody battle. It's a very public battle.

Ichigo wins.

And it's only after it's all over -- after Aizen's crimes are revealed and Soul Society is at peace and the future is saved; after Ichigo finds himself still alive and adrift, with nothing left obligating him to keep going and everything telling him to give up; as Kaien refuses to leave Ichigo alone and escorts him to regular appointments with Unohana and forces him to talk about the truth of his past --

It's only then that it clicks.

Ichigo is whispering secrets about the future into Kaien's chest, Kaien's arms wrapped tight around him, when Ichigo confesses that he messed up, that he put the Shiba clan in unnecessary danger. Ichigo tells Kaien about his death in the original timeline. He talks about how Kisuke told him that in this timeline, Aizen would try and kill Kaien again if the first attempt failed. Ichigo promises desperately that he never would have sought out the family -- would have kept the danger far, far away from them -- if he hadn't thought he had to watch Kaien's movements so closely.

And Ichigo admits that Aizen never actually tried again. Ichigo admits that he and Kisuke miscalculated, that Ichigo brought danger to the Shiba's doorstep for nothing.

It happens like this:

First, the words leave his lips, "Kisuke" and "miscalculated" in the same sentence. Hearing himself say it lays bare the absurdity of its premise.

Then, Kaien draws away slightly, to look Ichigo in the eyes. Ichigo sees, plain on Kaien's face, a terrible, damning gratefulness.

Then, Kaien says -- fierce and defiant in the face of what could have been -- "I am so glad you came home."

And it clicks. At last, Kisuke's final manipulation reveals itself to Ichigo's eyes.

The emotions flash through him: the sting of betrayal; a flavor of love that bursts across his tastebuds as hurt; a familiar brand of exasperation that, a split second later, has his knees giving out under the weight of old pain made fresh.

Kaien catches Ichigo before he hits the ground and holds him as he shatters. And Ichigo can barely breathe through the knowledge that Kisuke would have been so smug to see them.

A sob rips itself from Ichigo's chest, and it's followed by another, and another.

Ichigo's older cousin holds him, in the home of their family, through it all.

_________

THE END except not really.

This must immediately be followed by a whole arc where Kaien, much to his own dismay, finds himself trying to hook Urahara up with his little cousin.

After all, Future-Urahara sent Ichigo to the Shiba clan. Future-Urahara tricked his little cousin into bypassing his own self-destructive tendencies to seek out family and love and support. Clearly, Urahara would actually be good for Ichigo.

And, you know, Ichigo clearly loves Younger-Urahara, judging by Ichigo's whole... well, everything, whenever the two interact.

(This whole matchmaking endeavor is made easier by the fact that 1) Kisuke is already infatuated, fascinated, and not a tiny-bit madly in love, and 2) Yoruichi is also, from the other end, trying to set Kisuke up with Ichigo.

This whole endeavor is made more difficult by the fact that 1) Ichigo is in denial that he loves this younger Kisuke since he never thought this younger Kisuke could also fall in love with him, 2) Kisuke is in denial that he loves Ichigo because that is a Shiba and he himself is a creepy low-born ex-assassin mad-scientist, and 3) neither Ichigo nor Kisuke know what it looks like when someone is interested in them.)

Poor Kaien. He succeeds eventually, but not before witnessing truly legendary social ineptitude.

jason comes back to gotham as red hood and the batfam have no idea who he is or that he has anything to do with the league of assasins until during a wayne gala theres a hostage situation and before bruce or anyone can figure out a way to go suit up a crime lord appears and saves everybody only to have a publically friendly catch up session with.... damian wayne.

damian covers to the press afterwards that its because of red hoods 'i dont hurt kids' rule and that he'd met the guy a few times in crime alley before he was dumped on bruce's doorstep. gotham's citizens are slightly concerned but honestly? the scary stabby child that's been glaring at them from the corners of parties since he got here with absolutely no backstory or history in gotham turning out to have a past with crime alleys most infamous protector/crime boss? it's a little comforting.

it's less comforting to the bats.

damian, getting out the car after the gala: I don't know what hood was thinking, making me his public ally. he's lucky the simpletons of this city bought that, don't you agree father?

damian: *turns to see the rest of the family staring at him with hard eyes*

damian:

damian: ...what did i do?

everybody's less than pleased that damian withheld the info that red hood is trained and from the LOA, but damian simply maintains that they never asked. when further questioned about why his relationship with hood was so familial and about what his identity is... they get

damian: hood was perhaps my favourite tutor back home, the only one i didn't kill. he taught me many things, from how to poison somebody to famous quotes and sayings from classic literature.

bruce: what. is. his. name.

damian: you know what one of those sayings was? 'snitches get stitches'

dick: *slams his face into the wall*

tim: well you did want him to be more childlike.

they eventually have to move past it because damian won't budge, unfortunately jason is finding this whole scenario fucking hysterical because holy shit he'd thought about coming back and pissing off his family through their secret personas but he hadn't even considered the beauty of coming back and pissing them off through their public personas.

and from then on the entire batfamily has to deal with pretending to be nervous or wary every time the red hood comes and crashes their very real wayne public events. it's fucking incredible. jason can't believe that he was gonna try and beat the shit out of tim to freak out bruce when all he had to do was grab a glass of champagne, walk up to the dude, and ask politely how stocks at WE are doing. 'brucie wayne' has no fucking clue what to do, and jason just poured the champagne against his helmet and let it all fall to the ground and everybody's too scared to say anything.

nobody else bats an eye when red hood becomes an occasional presence at these fancy events, apart from the people who know for a fact they could be on his shitlist. mostly because this is gotham, but also because they know he's a crime lord so like... riches and business running wise he kinda fits the bill for these things anyway? and if the stoic kid of brucie wayne eases up around him then the whole 'i dont hurt kids' thing must ring true so it's not like he'll cause too much trouble. also the guards are too scared to tell him he's not allowed in, so there's that.

the bats hate everything about this. they don't even know what red hoods game is, they have no idea why they're being tortured and they're getting paranoid about it. damian's absolutely no help because he's just happy to 1. get to see his brother on a regular basis again, and 2. get to see his brother find a less self-destructive outlet for the pit rage he's watched jason struggle with for years.

it's also just really fun to watch tim accidentally fall asleep against a wall mid-gala, wake up to red hood's helmet 2 inches from his face, and then almost break his own hand trying to punch it because he forgot that he wasn't in-mask and had to hold back last second.

dick is mostly just indignant because every time red hood shows up and hangs around near damian, damian immediately becomes a picture perfect public persona, interacting with the elites of gotham with the same expertise of tim or bruce. he's so mad that a crime lord can wrangle HIS little brother in public but he can't, that he completely disregards the whole crime lord thing and starts bugging red hood both in and out of mask about how to be a better older brother to damian. at one point he corners red hood on a rooftop mid patrol.

nightwing: ok, seriously, when I asked damian not to be rude to the new investors he told a woman her coat looked like it would hold up in a fight against two-face, but when YOU ask he becomes a model citizen, what is UP with that?

red hood, being an asshole: *gasp* y-you're.... YOU'RE RICHARD GRAYSON?

nightwing:

nightwing: ....oh my god you didn't know?

red hood: no i fucking knew you're just an idiot. and damian listens to me because I'm the only tutor he could never kill and he knows i'll beat his ass with my magic swords.

nightwing:

red hood: and also im the only one at the league who played Just Dance with him so i get special privileges, like telling him what to do.

dick asks damian to play Just Dance with him that night and damian just looks at him all forlorn, like 'it wouldn't be the same without the exhilarating thrill of knowing if anybody catches us hood will be stabbed and thrown in the lazarus pit again as punishment for corrupting me... it was really an unfair punishment considering he replaced grandfather's bed with a plastic pool covered by a sheet once, and the only punishment he got for that was being banned from the family dinners for two weeks'

dick stares at him. damian just adds 'he used to sit outside the window like a dog. watching and occasionally yelling about the injustice. mother gave him a plate of roast potatoes through the window once. grandfather disapproved.'

nobody knows quite what to do about red hood becoming a gotham elite, but they are becoming more concerned about damian's family's dynamic every goddamn day.

ichigo grows up beautiful. of course, kisuke doesn't see it for himself, careful to stay away after aizen. after isshin's request that his son be allowed to finish growing up in peace. but chad and orihime still drop by, and while they're only in the periphery of ichigo's life, they have the added advantage of having contacts who've remained close with the ex-substitute soul reaper.

so they've seen photographs - arisawa tatsuki and ichigo smiling towards the camera. a red-haired girl wearing glasses with her arm linked with ichigo's, sticking her tongue out at someone off frame. a group photo that includes ichigo, arisawa and the red head alongside a mousy brunette and a leggy, dark haired girl, as well as the two boys ichigo had always hung out with, standing in front of a giant waterfall.

in all of them ichigo shines like a tiny sun, blinding and beautiful.

so maybe it shouldn't have come as a shock when orihime comes by one day, worried about a man she sees following ichigo. soul society never did send anyone more competent to karakura after ichigo was... unable to continue with his duties. kisuke has had to konso a lot of spirits since then.

what does come as a shock is realising that the man following ichigo isn't a spirit, attracted by the gentle light of ichigo's soul. it's a man, attracted by something more physical, and with much darker intentions.

and ichigo is strong - if the man ever tried anything, kisuke is sure ichigo could send this man to the hospital with no problem -

but something protective and urgent burns inside the body kisuke had painstakingly built himself, seeing the vile things the man wants to do to ichigo. the man's soul is dark and festering, and kisuke doesn't want it near ichigo, even if it's just to kick the living daylights out of him.

and it's different to kill a living being. messier. heavier. the blood and viscera more than just a symbol of spiritual destruction.

but the way kisuke shrugs it off feels the same.

he breathes out, is almost done arranging himself back into friendly shop keeper when a voice calls out -

"i could've handled him, you know."

he smiles. "you would deny me the chance to save a damsel in distress? how cruel of you, kurosaki-kun."

then kisuke turns around to bask in the sun.

Could you do KoyoIchi (Swinging Pendulum), please? C: I have fallen in love with this ship ever since you posted those short one-shots (or whatever they are called) a while ago.

Hmm you didn’t include an AU and I’ve already done a KoyoIchi SP AU in the last batch, there’s not much else I can write for that I think. So how about KoyoIchi post-canon AU instead, where Ichigo’s human body gives out after the Quincy War, so he ends up splitting his time between SS and the Human world afterwards.

Edit: omg wtf did i do i went off i’m sorry this ended up semi-background pre-relationship KoyoIchi + like a dozen unrelated headcanons thrown in it’s a mess fml

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I headcanon that Ichigo can smile like Unohana, but he just doesn't do that, because he's scowling and irritated often, but not cold-like angered or raged.

Trully angered Ichigo is cooooold and quiet, but the most terrifiyng part begins when he *smiles*

And when Urahara aka mad-scientist-extraordinaire decided to see how far he can make Ichigo angry-

He saw in every detail how the scowl slowly faded and watched in crippling horror how the edges smoothed and the softest, sweetest smile he's ever seen appeared on Ichigo's face.

The shudder ran down his spine when Ichigo proceeded to say in the gentlest way possible:

"I'll plug out your spine and hang you on it in three, two-"

And then no one saw Urahara for the whole week.

1 & stucky

Bucky insists on putting their furniture together on his own, no help from anyone.

Steve knows why, of course. It’s the same reason why everyone on the team has hand-knitted scarves and hats and gloves. Same reason why their apartment is decorated in an odd mismatch of arts and crafts; pottery and homemade potpourri, random photographs in handmade frames, a wooden rocking chair that Bucky made at the Tower on a particularly bad weekend.

“It feels good,” Bucky told him one late evening; he only ever confessed these things at night. Steve understands. The darkness has been their secret keeper for as long as either of them can remember. “Rememberin’ that I was made for more than just killin’ people.”

So, yes. Steve knows exactly why Bucky prefers to do things himself but sometimes, well. Sometimes he just wishes Bucky would be practical about things.

Like now.

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Alright, but you're gonna keep the secret, right?

Bruce Wayne wakes up in the past, five months after Jason Todd died, and spends most days sat beside the grave because he never found out exactly when Jason had come back and he wanted to be there to save him when he did.

From an outside perspective, everyone is extremely concerned.