shortest-jorts

Latest Posts by shortest-jorts

(hosting an oprah-style talk show) everyone check under your seats! no no none of you are getting free cars. i left my tums under one of the seats earlier and i have a tummyache now. first one to find my tums gets a thousand dollars

my first contribution to this forsaken community.... they all have a light-eyed stare and you cannot tell me otherwise. freaks, the lot of them. bonus knubbler.

hey guys long time no see this is about to become a metalocalypse and oc blog. sorry about that dndads fandom

happy boston molasses flood anniversary, friendly reminder that a little over a hundred years ago some people faced a downright terrifying fate, being massive, drowning quantities of a substance that's horrible to try to move in completely swallowing them whole. happy boston molasses flood to everyone who developed an irrational fear (me) or fixation-like fascination (me) with the idea of it. 🕺

Jorts so short they be lookin like janties

ok

Cowboys kissing. you agree. reblog

me individually reviewing the lyrics for every single song on a character playlist nobody else will ever hear for an oc approximately 3 people know about

Guess who cosplayed Erin O’Neil, took pretty photos in the forest, and forgot to post it? It’s me!!!

Thanks to @kitzve-n-kavre for being my photographer and tolerating my bullshit

Howdy it’s me again, making more covers for fics I’m obsessing over!!! I’ve made art for it before but if y’all haven’t seen—there’s a city boy x cowboy au fic of nark!!! I love au’s and am so glad ppl r writing them for this ship [esp bc it’s cowboyssss]

How rare, how daring of me to continue a fic I have already started! Now that AP season is over and I don’t have to care about school anymore, I’m free to write and draw seriously. Rejoice!

Also sorry about a lil angst in there it’s mandatory to hurt Glenn any chance you get.

Idk, we don't know what’s what with s1 dads but I still wanted to draw them older, as grandparents. Designs might and most likely will change when we are told more about themmm.

I just realized both lark and nick have hit there heads on glass so hard they pass out and the glass cracks after being tricked by the teens. They really are soulmates

Been a while, hasn’t it been? About darn time I gave Ron the portrait treatment! I love him, he’s literally my favorite dad and I would do anything for him. Go king. Step up.

another addition to the cowboy au

after their first meeting at the bar

an addition to the cowboy au

…what did Willy do to Scary’s stomach?

Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone else, put your appendages together for Hen! Ry! Ooooaaaaak! This took way too much time because I colored him wrong and had to completely redraw it but shhh don’t worry about it baby. Next up is Ron, so hold onto your tube socks, dawg.

So I wrote this lil fic thing based on the prompt of just what went down in Hell while Glenn was in there. It’s fun! Stay tuned for updates!! This is the first chapter!!! No flammin da stury, prepz!!!1!!

Special thanks to my beta readers @cinnamon-rol and @newtdoods god bless

I’ve given up on rationality and am choosing to make all five dads in nice cute little portraits. Look at him go. What a guy.

Yes I drew Scam Likely. Yes I used spare balsa wood to make a frame. Yes it’s on my wall. Don’t talk to me.

Google Docs

The Dad Fact Master Doc

DISCLAIMER: The Dad Fact Master Doc is a rowdy, horny, violent Google Doc for grown-ups who have already listened to all of Dungeons & Dad

Google Docs

The Teen Fact Master Doc

DISCLAIMER: The Teen Fact Master Doc is a rowdy, horny, violent Google Doc for grown-ups who have already listened to all of Dungeons & Da

hail and well met, fans of this stupid podcast!!! for a while now, i've been diligently keeping a record of the dad and teen facts, and now that i have a tumblr, it's high time i plugged it here! these are lovingly curated, painstakingly maintained, and embarrassingly comprehensive, truly a sign of the most severe stage of clinical brainrot. come get y'all soup. eat up.

edit: a couple people brought up my content warning joke and in hindsight it was honestly a) not funny b) not cool and c) not helpful which is d) not any of the three things i want this project to be so i fixed it. thanks for bringing that to my attention, i didn’t realize how rude it sounded!

this is exactly what was going on in my head while i was listening and i’m overjoyed that someone else thinks the same

This one time at Bard Camp…

Scary isn’t a villain.

I had to say it somewhere.

<S2 EP25 SPOILERS AHEAD>

I’m writing a character analysis essay on this, so I’m not posting my full thoughts here just yet, but I have to get this off my chest.

Scary Marlowe is not a villain. She’s a tragic figure. Albeit, her tragedy is biblical in proportion, and it’s a bit hard to sympathize with her as a character, but she is still tragic in nature. By definition, a tragic hero is a character who faces difficulty and eventual downfall at the hands of some intrinsic fatal flaw within. While I don’t think Scary is going to face literal downfall - after all, she’s still one of four main characters in a long-running podcast - I do believe her flaws and weaknesses need to be seen in the greater context. Scary’s fatal flaw is her hostility and her wallowing, I think we can all agree on that; she’s a lonely figure who seeks out someone, anyone who will understand, and she lashes out to the ones that don’t get it. She hurts the people she loves because she projects her self-hatred onto others. Simply put, it’s hostility rooted in self-loathing, rationalized by the idea that anyone who thinks her worthy of love must themselves deserve repercussions for their poor judgement. She refuses to be empathized with because she refuses to let her guard down, knowing that she’s already so broken that the smallest chip in her armor will make her shatter like glass. She drives people away because deep down, she knows whoever actually will understand her must be “dark and twisted” like her.

And what do you know. William Stampler. Dark, twisted, morally bankrupt, the most detestable villain I’ve seen in a while. As if being abusive and hateful wasn’t enough, he exploits a young girl that he can see weakness and naïveté in. He knows she’s impressionable enough to get her on his side with enough emotional bribery (and magical bribery too). I think sometimes fans forget that Scary is a fourteen or fifteen year old girl. She’s a kid. Not only does she not know better, she finds comfort in shutting out the ones that do. Though she may be hostile and contemptuous, it is Willy that fueled the destructive flame. She’s a victim of manipulation, and her clear need for help is answered by the worst possible human to help a child. He uses her, and it was never the other way around.

Her relationship with violence is obviously harmful on a good day and massively destructive on a bad one, but it’s worth noting that she often is short-sighted when it comes to consequences. Whether she means to hurt or kill anyone she’s done so too is really up to interpretation of the nitty gritty, but it’s clear she doesn’t fully understand the repercussions of her actions. She thinks she’s in the right, and I’ll admit that anyone who commits violence thinks they’re in the right. Scary is really a matter of nature and nurture, being fed only the idea that violence can solve her problems and not that there’s a functional better way. The one person who actually did, to his credit, fully understand her, used it to take advantage of her. She’s correct in saying that no one understands, but this doesn’t discount the fact that she makes herself hard to understand. She fears being perceived in a way that won’t validate her hostility.

Scary is not just one thing. She’s not a hero, she’s not a villain, not a victim or a perpetrator or a redeemable figure. She’s all of it at once. Scary is complex and should be allowed to be such.

Stay tuned for my extremely nitty gritty and over-complicated character analysis essay about Scary, because when they say brain rot is a disease, they mean it’s debilitating.

....when I was....a young girl....some asshole... took me some place real shitty🎶

Scary Marlowe page to celebrate dndads day!!!

ME AT THE MOMENT YOUR HONOR OH BOY OH BOY

FR!!! THEY FORGOT WE LOVE PARSING OUT THE TECHNICALITIES OF RULES AND RESTRICTIONS AND WILL FIGHT OUR AUTHORITY FIGURES ON THE MEANING OF MENIAL GAME TECHNICALITIES!!!!

we would make great lawyers

glenn close weed jar,,,

THE GLENN CLOSE JAR INCIDENT OF 2022

a couple discord friends and i were talking about how insane dungeons and dads fans must sound without context, like what on god’s green earth do you mean by “jodie foster is boyfriends with scam likely” and so i made this meme for this blog’s virginal post/baptism/introduction to the world

scam x jodie otp 5ever 💞💞💞💞