If You Could Assign The BB Cast Basic Minimum Wage Jobs For This Holiday Season, Where Would They Work

Can I pls have some nsfw slenderman headcanons 😗

Ask and thou shall receive. NSFW below~

Prepare to be pampered by not only the king of the kitchen but also the king of the bedroom. This man is experienced and he can give it to you any way you want it. You want him to slam you into the mattress for a few hours? Bend over for him and let him get to work.  You wanna ride him until you can't anymore? Hop on. Rough sex, lovemaking, angry sex, worshipping sex. He's done it all and can give it all.

Open to lots of things if his partner wants to mix it up, but nothing in public. If he were to get caught it could jeopardize his career and the respect that he's earned over the last few centuries. 

You can't really leave marks on him because of his skin/healing powers, but if you try to anyways it'll get him even more fired up. If you want him to leave marks on you he always does it in discreet locations.

He can be loud or quiet during sex depending on his lover's preference, but if you get him too into it the noises he tries to hold in will end up reverberating around inside your mind. Best hope nobody else is close enough to hear.

He can't decide on a favorite place to finish so he'll finish wherever you want him to.

Also a God at aftercare. He'll give you a nice massage if you need one, run you a nice hot bath, or just clean you up and cuddle if that's all you really need. Always keeps a glass of water on the nightstand for you.

PDA Headcanons for Crowley & Aziraphale (gender-neutral reader)

Crowley:

Super comfortable with public displays of affection. Only if he knows you’re also comfortable with it, of course.

He likes letting other people know you’re his (and, vice versa, that he’s yours).

Touchy. VERY touchy. Like one or more of his hands are probably on you at all times.

He likes having his arm around your shoulders (bonus points if you are quite a bit shorter than him - he likes the feeling that he’s keeping you safe.)

If you’re sitting down in a public place (like a park bench, for example) do not think he won’t pull you into his lap. Because he will. All the time.

He will grab your ass in public. He will probably do it discreetly, but he does it just to make you blush and get all flustered.

Constant use of petnames. Sweetheart is his favourite.

Absolutely not ashamed to kiss you in public. Like he will do it a lot. Not just your lips either. Cheeks? Yep. Neck? Y E P. If you have skin showing, Crowley wants to have his mouth there.

More than once he has kissed you, pinned you against a wall on some discreet London corner and things got a little too heated. Cue the two of you rushing back to the Bentley to get to somewhere a little more private 👀

Aziraphale:

Definitely not as confident about PDA as Crowley, but that doesn’t mean he won’t show you any affection in public. He’s just more subtle about it.

Hand holding. Literally his favourite thing to do ever. Does that thing where he rubs little circles into your hand with his thumb !!!

If you lean your head into his arm/shoulder when you’re walking and holding hands?? This angel will straight up melt.

Also likes using petnames on you, though Aziraphale prefers the more traditional “my dear/darling”.

I mean he’s just a good old fashioned gentleman. Holds doors open for you, never lets you carry anything ever even if you insist you’re fine.

You’re cold? He’ll be wrapping his jacket around your shoulders before you can even start shivering.

Will still give you forehead kisses and probably also kiss the back of your hand because he is SOFT AF.

One day you surprise him with a kiss on the lips whilst you’re out for a stroll and he goes red and probably starts tripping over his own feet but is grinning the whole way home.

Eurus is smarter then both Sherlock and Mycroft combined! 🕷️❤️😍🥰😘😌👀😉🤣😂😁💯👉🏻👈🏻

LITERALLY me when talking about spiders.

POV you made a popular post about insects

Mind it I'll also have a swig of that? 🕷️❤️😍😘🥰😌😁😋😉🤤☺️💯👉🏻👈🏻

Speaking of whiskey...

...You still have the one I imported?

I can't believe I'm actualy going to ask for this but, I wanna know Slender brothers reactions when one of the other creeps (or even the other brothers) tease him for his crush on the reader who happens to walks by at moment and hear everything? If you write for them and want to write this of course

Here you go! I hope you like it! Sooooooorrrry its taken so long ): 

~~~

Splenderman:

·         Splender cares not for ‘teasing’? Pft. What are you talking about! He’s a centuries old eldritch being who basically feeds off of the happiness around and inside him- you don’t think he’d have learnt not to be bothered by most words by now? (I say ‘most’, because words said by his brothers that ring with truth still, of course, hurt and push him to change and improve).

·         But, Slender is still irritating when he’s persistent. And Slender is always persistent. Stubborn bastard. Especially when he has a goal in mind- which is to get you and Splender out of his home because you’ve both been here for 3 months non-stop, beating around the bush with each other and not just coming out with your feelings and Slender is going to get you out of his house even if it means playing cupid *Disgust audible on ‘cupid’*.

·         Splender is aware of this ulterior motive to Slender trying to get him to confess… its just not enough. Splender never confesses feelings first to mortals, although he really wants to. He wants you to come to your own conclusions first because he doesn’t like the power imbalance involved in him taking the reins in a romantic relationship between you, a mortal, and him, an omnipotent immortal being. (Side note: He will absolutely never, ever, in a million years read your mind, either. Absolutely not)

·         They’re in one of the many hallways in the mansion and you’re walking through the kitchen on your way to the living room which will lead to this particular hallways, when everything goes to hell (Or heaven, depending on how you feel XD). “I can’t, Slender.”

·         Quickly, out loud and out right, Slender says. “You’ll never know how bleeding irritating your sense of morality is to me Splender.”

·         “Hm, what?” Splender hadn’t quite heard what he said because he had to quickly catch a book that had slipped off his pile, as he was busy carrying some books down the hallway (Towards the Livingroom doorway) to the archive room down the hall as his little brother badgered him.

·         “I said I hate your moral compass.”

·         “Ah, what’s new?”

·         Slender, for a moment, stops talking. Doesn’t have a quip ready yet then, Splender thinks. Must be thinking of a new angle to persuade me with.

·         Really he’s sensed your approach to the living room door, just as they are, and is waiting for the appropriate moment to be am evil little shit. “Ah, mind blip. What were we talking about again?”

·         Splender reads the cover of the book he saved from the floor absentmindedly. “My ‘Complete idiocy in staying in your home, that I helped to build in the first place, as I wait for lovely Y/N to confess to me so I can confess back and not force her into a relationship with our power imbalance, which is bothering you, King of The World Slenderman, for but a couple months of your immortal life’? I think that’s how you put it- I mean, I could have added some things but- “

·         “Oh, good afternoon Y/N. Finally. You’re here.” Slender greets you, standing now in the living room doorway as they stand, like, 2 feet from it. Definitely not far enough away that you didn’t hear all that. “You heard. That’s wonderful. Bye, then. I expect you both out by the morning- if I do see you then, you’re on your own for breakfast you squatters.”

·         Then Slender disappears and you and Splender are left standing shocked in the hallway.

·         “Umm… “Splender wonders what he could say, being cautious as he slowly lowers the books from his face. “Dear, we should talk.”

·         You grin. “Come on, hand me some of those books and we’ll talk while we put them away.”

Offenderman:

·         Look, Offender can handle teasing. All the Slender’s can (Except for Slender, haha), but Offender especially doesn’t mind it because he has total confidence in how, uh, disturbing he is and his ability to scare people off. Especially, he thought prior to this day, little scrawny oven fried teenagers.

·         But apparently, he had overestimated his capability with this particular pest.

·         Offender had come to Slender mansion today to rest up because no place is quite as uneventful and as such, good for rehabilitation as his brothers home (And also, you’re here so that’s obviously a factor) is, but Jeff had been catching him every time they were anywhere near each other with a quip or a chortle about his obvious feelings for you.

·         I mean, of course they were obvious (To everyone but you, clearly). He flirts with you heavily, and yet has never made a proper, serious -unwarranted, - advance towards your person. He always saves a seat for you if he knows you’ll be around, and he’s been around the mansion far more often then he used to be. So, yeah, it was obvious. Offender wasn’t trying to hide it- in fact he wanted you to know. But somehow you hadn’t picked up on the hints?

·         Jeff had, though. And, also, everyone else who has visited the mansion at any time that you and Offender are there as well. But Jeff is the only one posing a problem at the moment.

·         He just thought it was so funny, that Offender had found a person he actually liked, and who caused him to hesitate about hurting (The first time he met you, and he intended to hurt you he hesitated. And that is how he realised he had a crush), and Jeff would just not let that slide.

·         Offender had brushed him off and snapped back at him in his casual, yet very very threatening style enough today.

·         So now Jeff had to be really dealt with.

·         “Look, ugly child, in my experience a boy only spends this much energy on someone if he likes them. So, unless you want to prove your worthiness to me in a more private setting- I’d give it a rest!”

·         And that moment, in which Offender has cornered a Jeff The Killer who is now reconsidering his actions today in the shadow of the Sexual Offenderman, is the one you walk into.

·         Jeff and Offender spot you at the same time and as Offender’s wondering how he can twist this into him not actually threatening to rape Jeff, Jeff’s panicked pea brain goes a completely different direction to what his cunning (Yes, I promise you, when he isn’t panicked because a Slender Brother is hovering over him, he can in fact be smart) ass would have done in another position, and points to Offender and exclaims- “He’s in love with you!”

·         Offender stops- Well, actually, thank you Jeff, that’s actually helpful. You might actually hear it, now. But he is still frustrated by the boy so he turns away from him and just growls, “You’re excused, thank you for your service Jeff.” *And in Jeff’s head: And wish on your lucky star that I don’t visit you when you’re sleeping tonight. You’ll learn it’s not so funny to badger an eldritch monster. *

·         (Don’t worry, he doesn’t plan to visit Jeff at all. His focus is on you now)

·         Jeff BOOKS IT, anyway. Cuz he doesn’t know that!  

·         Now that it’s just you two, and he has sufficiently scared Jeff shitless, Offender brightens again. “Y/N!~ I think it’s a good idea that we have a sit down together and talk about this, yeah?”

·         *Cue Offender manipulating you through acting like a nice, level headed guy who just wants ya’ll to have tea together, into sitting with him and so he can charm you, now that he knows you actually understand his feelings*

Trenderman:

·         Zalgo is bored. And when Zalgo is bored, the Slender brothers end up getting bothered. It’s usually Splender or Slender (Mostly Slender) and almost never Trender, but Zalgo is happy to work with this.

·         There are two reasons Zalgo never gets to annoy Trender. 1. Trender is usually very levelheaded, and as such, is the least fun to play with. Zalgo can ordinarily, never find a good angle. And reason 2 is a result of the first reason: Being that he never has anything going on that can be picked on.

·         But… now, Zalgo knows about a little crush that Trender has! And as such, he can finally finish his collection of annoying the Slender Brothers. So yay for Zalgo!

·         Not so yay for Trender.

·         “Zalgo, I’m really busy, so let’s get straight to the point. We’ve never had any sort of relationship, so, and take this with the most sensitivity- why are you here??”

·         “Ooh, so authoritive and formal. Just like Slender- tell me, Slender’s older brother, why haven’t we had a relationship?”  

·         “Can I pay you to leave?”

·         “Oh right! You would rather Y/N think you’re hot. I wouldn’t worry, I’m sure they do. Don’t worry, you have Slender’s formality, Offender’s shoulders and Splender’s approachability, “Chef kiss. “Perfection!”

·         Trender’s mouth rips open and he forces a natural growl out. He hates being compared to his brothers. He is not a cocktail of his brothers; he is nothing more and nothing less then himself.  “You deeply offend me. You’re whole being does.”

·         “That’s what I go for!”

·         “Anyway- “

·         “Anyway,” Zalgo mimicks Trender here, getting a deep sigh from Trender in response. Chuckling, Zalgo, straightens himself and speaks again in his normal voice. “So you do like Y/N, right? I’m not way off?”

·         Trender, mid wiping down his face halts, then turns to look at Zalgo. “Wait- That was the point of this conversation!?”

·         “Yeah! Wasn’t that clear?”

·         “No!” Trender exclaims, outraged. He thought Zalgo was just mindlessly antagonising him- that sure is what it felt like!

·         “Well, haha, mate. You were way off, then!”

·         “Agh, YES! I like Y/N! Wouldja go, now?”

·         “Certainly!” And, with one last giggle, he does. Walking down the hall to Slender’s office. He sends finger guns and winks to someone hidden in one of the rooms he passes. “Oh hey Y/N, see ya later! I’m sure you have lots to talk with Trender about!”

·         “Uh… yeah… “ You, left standing in the doorway to your room as you were about to leave it and go get something to eat when Trender yelled at Zalgo that he liked you, turn down the hall to a very still, very surprised Trender. You raise your eyebrows.

·         “Oh… of course.” Trender drops his arms to his sides and zips his mouth shut again.

Slenderman:

·         “Toby… “Slender says the words slowly, nearly whining in frustration as he just wishes his proxy would leave him alone about you. Alas, Slender had made a mistake and given Toby the duties that revolve around being close to their boss all day, like a moron, and now he was stuck with him.

·         And it’s not like Toby is teasing his boss. No! He’s but… questioning him.

·         Interrogating him.

·         But in the friendliest way possible!... Which just so happens to annoy Slender even more.

·         “So, you don’t like them?? Yes? No? Maybe? ‘Its Complicated’? Do they scare you? Do you know anything about them? Have you told your brothers? I mean, I wouldn’t. You might though, they are you brothers and you trust them, right? RiGHt? Uh well… on second thoughts, maybe you don’t. You’re a lil bit of a locked shell you know boss? You should confide in someone more! You’d feel way more chill. I confide in Masky or Clocky! Masky only with gross things like this mole I have on my butt- He hates it. I also talk to Hoodie! But I feel like he tells everything to Masky, he’s a bit untrustworthy. A bit off, I dunno. Scares me- OH maybe that person that you can confide in, sir, can be Y/N!”  

·         “Toby!”

·         “Yes boss?!”

·         “Calm yourself!”

·         “Yes boss!!”

·         “I need to stop hiring rando’s off the street… “Slender mutters to himself, continuing down the hallways even grumpier than usual. “Next time I need to pick up an accountant or a lawyer or something… Absolutely no more waffle crazy arsonists. “

·         “What was that sir?”

·         “I was just pondering where I should bury you after I get your replacement trained.”

·         “Ah, right sir! I always liked that bit of earth down by the lake- not too cold, not too warm, no bears nearby… “

·         Slender groans, turning and entering into the living room and going for the kitchen. He needs a cup of tea desperately.

·         “Toby, new rule. No more talking about my ALLEGED feelings for Y/N, got it? Punishment is death.”

·         “I wont need to sir.”

·         Immediate suspicion fills Slender’s chest. Toby… wont… need to talk about it? Why? “Why is that, Toby?”

·         “She’s sitting on the couch, sir.”

·         Slender has never whipped around so fast. But once he has, he definitely feels the need to do it faster, again, and run off somewhere but he restrains himself.

·         There you are, bundled in a blanket on the couch like a caterpillar sitting up the remote and some of your fingers peaking out from the face hole (The struggle of turning on the TV when you’re bundled up in the blanket, aghh). Your eyes are wide, as anyone’s would be after hearing the Slenderman hint that he has feelings for you.

·         It’s a very awkward moment. You, a caterpillar, Slender, a mute, and Toby looking between the two of you expectantly waiting for something to happen.

·         … Before Slender teleports away without a word.

Thank you so much! 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️☺️😌🥳😋😉😁

Your favorite tarantula is back! 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️🥺

So I was in Sweden for two and a half month and it was great! Unfortunately I couldn't access my mobile data (we didn't have wifi) for some reason and whatever I tried to make ot work didn't change anything!

When I went into Tumblr though when I did have wifi (at someone else's place) I couldn't access my old account ( @shame-of-chimical ) anymore so I had to set up a new one.

But I'm happy to be back and I missed you guys (I really missed spending time with Irene, sitting on Jim's nice and warm hand and Sherlock's awesome deductions and scientific explanation about things, but also I missed talking to Harry and the banter between John and Sherlock for example!)

But on that note, hello to @twireneadler, @criminalisticonsultant, @consult-sherlockholmes, @consultjohnwatson , @mrs-hudsons-blog, @mrs-turners-blog, @atamh, @antheaisntmyname, @therealharrywatson, @a-victorian-girl, and @everyone else that I might not have mentioned in my post! 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️🥺😭☺️😌😋😁😉😇🥳

*Throws snowballs at @consult-sherlockholmes, @criminalisticonsultant and @consult-johnhwatson* SNOWBALL FIGHT!!! 🕷️❤️😘🥰😍😏😁🤭😋😌😉☺️🤣😂👀👉🏻👈🏻

It's about to be a white Christmas...😏

Yes, I was! I was just too drunk to say no and accidentally turned into my human form! 🕷️❤️😘🥰😍☺️😌😁😉😋😅👀😳🙂😏👉🏻👈🏻

👀

.....Ah, it's a "sip of the ol' 50 year whisky day".

when you reopen asks can you do the ages of the slenderbrothers pls :D

Stuff like this I don’t consider requests cause they only take like, less than five minutes to do xd

Slender- 

The oldest of the brothers was born in the late 1700s, and I’d say he’s around 239 years young.

Offender- 

The second eldest was born in the early 1800s, and stands around 189 years old.

Trender-

Trender was born in the mid 1800s, so he’s around 172 years old.

Splendor-

The youngest, He was born around 1890, so he’s only around 130 years old.