Latest Posts by tyzzlers - Page 7
i think the way i think isn’t really normal. i have a lot of unpleasant thoughts.
i think i may have some self esteem issues because why do i imagine myself getting rejected even in my daydreams. WHO DOES THAT.
all i do is worry about the future.. i need more hobbies
trying to figure out what i want my career to be 😞 life seems so hard
𝐀 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘 𝐈𝐍 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄
brushing up on physical intimacy might be hard for an adeptus like xiao. however, he's willing to put in the effort for a romantic like you.
⟡ content: xiao x gn!reader; sfw; fluff; xiao is ALWAYS serious about wanting to learn more about you :') ; 1.5k words
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You froze in shock hearing what Xiao had just asked.
“Do you want to kiss?”
The words reverberated in your head. Did you need to schedule a visit with Baizhu to have your ears checked? Or did your serious-minded adeptus actually initiate wanting to kiss you? If it was any consolation, Xiao seemed an equal measure flustered by his own request.
You had just begun to unwind for the night at Wangshu Inn—Xiao pouring out tea, and you folding laundry to be put away—when he spouted the question.
Seeing your wide eyes barely blink, Xiao blurted out, “You kept talking about the opera we watched”—he cleared his throat—“and about how romantic the kiss was.”
You flushed.
The romanticist in you couldn’t help it though. At Liyue Harbour, the Yun-Han Opera Troupe had just performed a story of forbidden romance. It was a tale of two lovers who had been banished to opposite sides of the night sky. For only a single day out of a year, birds would form a bridge to help them reunite. And when they met, they shared a passionate kiss beneath the heavenly skies dotted by milky stars and galaxies. You had almost been moved to tears. Believing that Xiao was unaffected by such things, you freely chattered about it the way back to Wangshu Inn after the performance. Gushing endlessly about the magic of it all.
“It was! But, that doesn’t mean that I want to”—
You sucked in a breath, cutting yourself off.
Well, you didn’t not want to kiss Xiao. You just weren’t prepared at all for this.
“It’s just that you said it so suddenly!” you said, shaking out a blouse that matched the shade of pink that spread across your cheeks.
Affection came in many forms between the two of you—heartfelt conversations on moonlit nights, swims in Yaoguang Shoal when the weather warmed up, exchanging trinkets from one’s adventures—but neither of you had engaged in anything physical. It seemed like an invisible line not to be crossed. Shoulders side-by-side, but never touching. Hands brushing, but never holding.
You stored your small pile of clothes away, staring aimlessly into the open drawer trying to figure out a reply. He sounded so genuine in his offer, how could you turn it down? Resolute, you shut the drawer and swung around.
Betrayed by his tendency to blush easily, Xiao fought to keep a calm expression on his face. He rested his elbow on the arm rest of the wooden sofa, hand covering his mouth. His words came out muffled.
“Forget I said anything.”
No, no, don’t backtrack! you thought.
You needed to salvage this situation. Though, your mind drew a blank. Quickly, your dug around your memories and all the romantic stories you’ve read, featuring love interests timid, bold and everything in between. What was the perfect move to woo someone the fastest? A move that would be impossible to refuse?
You crossed the floor of the room with an unfaltering gait. Xiao’s eyes followed your movement, curious as to your intent.
With little hesitation, you sat on his lap.
Every hair on Xiao’s body raised. His heartrate thundered in his ears, faster than in any fight he had been in. The curve of your body against his thighs was a foreign, yet oddly comforting, sensation.
“W-what are you doing?!” he spluttered, flabbergasted.
Your boyfriend was in the most embarrassed state you had ever seen, his face as red as a jueyun chili.
“You asked if I wanted to kiss, right?” you confirmed, trying to keep your voice even. “Well, here’s my answer to that.”
A fuse short circuited in Xiao’s brain.
He didn’t even know where to look. At your eyes? No, they held too much bated anticipation. At your lips? Certainly not. Even staring down into his lap meant acknowledging the vulnerable position you two were in.
He couldn’t do this. He definitely couldn’t do this. Why had he even asked you in the first place? Because he could somehow act like a prince charming? Hold the back of your neck and sweep you off your feet with an expert kiss? However, beneath his panic, the temptation he felt was undeniable. Yet, time and time again, his desires were drowned out by the alarms blaring in his mind.
You laid your hands on his shoulders. The air around him sweetened, the perfume on your wrists enhanced by your closeness.
As you drew nearer to him, he was forced to look up at you. The panic stilled. All he could focus on was you. The steadiness of your breathing, and the tensing of your legs. Every little texture on your face, and each blink of your eyes.
Xiao wanted to try. Try to fulfil those romantic fantasies you spoke so fondly about. Maybe, just maybe, he could make you just as giddy and lovestruck.
The unexpected passion in his gaze was too overwhelming for you. Unable to hold eye contact with him anymore, you turned you head to the side,
Xiao knew to strike when enemies left an opening in their defences. Whilst you were the farthest from an opponent to him, it was those same instincts that pushed him to move after the perfect opportunity you gave.
Your mouth parted with surprise at his lips pressed against your cheek. Though it only lasted seconds, the softness of his kiss lingered behind, your skin tingling with elation. Outside, past the balcony of your room, the stars seemed to twinkle a magnitude brighter before he pulled away. You turned back to him, an incredulous smile plastered on your face, practically beaming.
“I-I know it wasn’t like how it was in the opera…” Xiao’s voice trailed off, hands fiddling at the fabric of the cushion beneath him.
You shook your head in strong disagreement. “I thought it was even better than the opera.”
Interlocking your fingers behind his neck, your voice filled with mirth, “I should tell Yun Jin about it so she can incorporate it into her next performance.”
“Do not tell her.”
“I’m joking! Well, only about the telling Yun Jin part that is.”
Up close, he could see exactly the way your eyes creased and your lips curved when you laughed. Had he done that? Been the one to provoke such cheeriness for you? The previous fears he had subsided, and it boldened him to ask you a question.
“Why is it—” his voice grew small—“you never ask me to do things like this with you?”
His sincerity both gladdened you, and twinged you with guilt.
“To be honest, I always assumed that you didn’t like to do these sorts of things,” you admitted, downcast.
“It is hard for me due to my… inexperience,” his face scrunched up slightly as he paused. An endearing habit of his when he let his thoughts collect itself before replying, “but if it’s for you, I’m willing to try.”
Hesitatingly, he brought a hand up to cradle of your face. His touch was feather-like, leaving a gap of mere millimetres against your skin.
“Just… don’t move so fast.”
Xiao examined your reaction, hoping that his words made sense.
“I understand,” you reassured, “I want us both to feel comfortable too, so we can take things slowly.”
Comfortable… Once again, he was conscious of your position.
He coughed, a slight awkwardness to his tone as he spoke.
“Then, does ‘taking things slowly’ involve sitting in my lap?”
“Ah!”
You almost jumped out of your skin realising the position you had put him in.
“I’m so sorry! I don’t know what I was thinking. It was just something I’ve seen happen so many times in the light novels I read, and I thought I’d try to do one on you.” You were rambling at this point, spouting anything out of your system.
Hurriedly, you got up, brushing the sweat from your palms on the fabric of your pants. You sat beside him on the sofa, willing the heat away from your cheeks.
“I-I didn’t dislike it,” he said, gently. “I would prefer if you asked next time so I’m prepared.”
You nodded. The corners of Xiao’s lips twitched at your sulk. He knew well enough he should change the subject to dispel the embarrassment radiating off you.
“You spoke of light novels? What are they?”
“They’re a type of literature from Inazuma.” As you continued, your composure renewed itself. “Wanwen Bookhouse has been supplying lots of new genres recently, specifically romance,” you added, somewhat sheepishly.
He hummed with interest. “Could you… share them with me?”
“You want to read some?” You brightened at his curiosity. “But, why?”
Xiao’s expression fell into seriousness, as if calculating a decisive move in a battle.
“I want to understand your likes more.”
His words landed a direct hit to your heart, causing it to flutter. It was a different feeling to when you read your novels. It was far more intense, and infinitely more meaningful.
He smiled softly.
“These stories will be good study for me.”
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after staring at nude models for like 2 hours i think i’m pretty desensitized. when will i practice again… who knows…. (probably tuesday)
trying to improve my figure drawing by making a series of ugly timed sketches. trying my best !
trying to improve my figure drawing by making a series of ugly timed sketches. trying my best !
i love will graham so much 😞 one of my fav characters rn
“Morax saved me and gave me my name. Don’t ever speak ill of him.”
look at this fucking loser lol
audience of like -2 people but still !
debating making another blog just for my ocs (and actually using it for that purpose)
debating making another blog just for my ocs (and actually using it for that purpose)
🎀Gal ౨ৎ forever !!! ๋ ࣭ ⭑๋ ࣭ ⭑
Hair + bow ᰔ Outfits ᰔ Belt acc ᰔ I want to thank everyone again for giving my posts likes and reblogs, You have no idea how much I appreciate it. I want to share my sims with everyone and I want to see everyone else's too !!!!!! ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )
i think i’m nonbinary or something
i had a lucid dream last night. tbh i forgot exactly what happened, but i remember walking into my bedroom and it being weirdly clean. so i pinched myself and it obviously didn't work, so i tried again on my thigh and realized i was dreaming. But didnt do anything about it... what a waste
maybe a little sad
i can’t tell if i’m sad or just tired
crappy sketches from recently
i feel like i’m never really honest with myself or talk to anyone about my actual thoughts. oh well
talking to people is hard