Our Incompatibility Is In No Way A Reflection Of Your Worthiness.

I’m here to remind you to hydrate and smile! I hope you have a sweet sweeeet day and I hope October is treating you well ☁️ oh also, I’m proud of you for doing your best it’s good enough

Been hydrating and this just made me cheese/smile so hard you have no idea. Didn't see this earlier but I got to it when I needed it the most. You're the sweetest ✨ and I hope your existence is as sweet and thoughtful as you are. Thank you lovely.

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.”

— Gloria Naylor

"I don't really believe you, but I trust you. I'm choosing to trust you and if in any case you're lying you're breaking that trust."

I've found myself going back to this recently, whenever I feel like someone is lying to me. I could run myself into the ground trying to figure out the lies or I could just let it go. Sometimes people we care about, people we trust lie to us. Sometimes it's all in our heads. We don't always believe them or have to believe them. Since I'm still learning how to operate from a healed place and not a wounded one, I hold grace for how I choose to respond.

And I think that phrase just helps me take a moment. Take a step back and assess the situation or not get too in my head about something that could really just be that, 'in my head'.

This is coming from someone who has a hard time trusting or believing people. I have such a distrustful nature, that I'm trying to work on and until I figure it out, I will not be projecting that onto unsuspecting, undeserving folks. I figure it can't be easy to always hear, "you're lying" or a version of it when you're being nothing but honest. Baring your heart out or giving an account of events or just about anything.

So I repeat the phrase to myself till I calm down. Till I don't want to pick a fight or shut down because I feel like someone is lying to me, taking me for a ride. Till I don't feel as triggered. Because I want to be better. Because the people in my life deserve better and that hinges greatly on who I am or choose to be. On how I respond to the information I receive, lies or no lies.

If your emotional bandwidth allows for it, have as many friends as you possibly can. It is paramount. Typically we're told two or three friends, then from there that's acquaintances or whatever other label they're given. But I'm imploring you to have lots of friends. Genuine, best interests at heart, nurturing friends. For so long I fed into the narrative and let me tell you-- what happens when your 3 friends are busy, are caught up in there lives, have outgrown you, you've outgrown some, they're on different stages of their journey, you're at a different stage? Doesn't necessarily have to be drifting apart, breaking up, toxic typa thing.

But as is human nature, loneliness will set in, resentment, anger, jealousy, sadness and all manner of emotions. But if you had other friends who you could still meet up with, with whom you'd fulfill your need for connection, feel seen and heard, who would hold space for you, I think you would be way better.

Some things are inevitable. There's gonna be relocation, work comes into the picture, some have families to raise now and you're gonna feel lonely, you're going to feel less than, left out, at some point you're even going to feel like you're failing. It's not that they're not making time, they just can't pour that much into you as before. Imagine a friend who now has to work up to Saturday's, they only have one day off to handle their affairs. They have to fix their family, you, their hobbies, their other relationships into this tiny day. Don't forget they have to rest, maybe do laundry, run personal errands and such. You really can't begrudge them if you don't get to see them as often as you were probably used to.

Words aren't everything I swear- I'll die screaming this!!

"Sorry if I hurt you" the only thing that can make this insincere is the intention behind it. I promise you there are people who've learnt the art of saying the right thing without meaning any of it. It's not a manipulative tactic because let's face it sometimes we do things and we don't anticipate the outcome. I'm acknowledging that I hurt you even though that wasn't my intention. You've gotta see that.

What's manipulative is craftly wording apologies, or requests to throw people for a loop. What's manipulative is saying, "sorry that I hurt you" when you don't mean shit, you're not apologetic, you're just saying that to get back in someone's good graces.

I'll scream that till my face is blue. It doesn't mean you shouldn't be intentional with your words, I just need you to understand that even intentionally worded apologies will do you no good and this is where I agree with Nina if they don't take accountability and understand the impact of their actions.

When I say, "sorry if I hurt you, but-" what I mean is when I did said action hurting you wasn't my intention but now I know doing that hurt you and for that I am sorry. This is where I'm coming from. I didn't just set out to hurt you. And this shouldn't excuse repeat offenders, because they knew and still went ahead and did it. This is only for those out of the blue, once in a while times.

Sorry if I hurt you, but- I was triggered//I was having a bad day//you touched a sore spot//I didn't know this was a sore spot for you// I think it's important to also see where someone is coming from. What's important for me is intention. What's important is honesty. What's important is that you see that what you did hurt me and you avoid a repeat of it if we have a conversation about it. If you don't hold space for each other to be honest, true and vulnerable what's the use? What's the use of surface level apologies and communication because this is what you should say or this is how you should say what needs to be said?

In essence words will never be able to capture all that we're trying to convey.

"You can come if you want to," that offers me grace and space. It doesn't put pressure on me like, "I want you to come" because then there's not a lot of wiggle room for me when I want to back out. For some of y'all that spells doom, that they didn't want you there and if they wanted you there they would've said something along the lines of -

That's your interpretation. That's you reading between the lines. That's your comprehension of what they said. You can either ask for clarity or jump to your own conclusions.

I'll add more common phrases I've come across as I remember them.

I've been told I lack social skills 😂😂

You're worthy of love.

how many times have you heard this statement? do you believe you're worthy and deserving of love? well you are.

here's the kicker- YOU ARE LOVE!

you're looking for love outside you when at your core there's love? when your essence is pure love?

you don't believe me? take a moment to think about how you love your friends? another second to think about how you love your partner? or your pet? or your family? or your plants? you didn't even have to think about it, did you? you love deeply. you're full of love.

how much of that love do you give to yourself though? you're worthy and deserving of love from others but not from yourself, hmm?

you're out here desperately loving other people and there wouldn't be anything wrong with it if you poured into yourself first. take some of that love and pour into yourself.

I'll tell you why you're so hungry, why you're starving, why you're so thirsty. you have the love but you dare not take a bite. it's strictly for everyone else but YOU.

need I go on? this is your reminder to give some of that love to yourself.

What's better than discovering a new song or a new artist at the most opportune time? Like the universe granting you something to accompany you on whatever journey you're on then-- let's say you're falling in love, all giddy and you happen upon a love song or to my sad babies just finding a new song to be sad to right in the moment?!!

subjecting yourself to suggested playlists and mixes because how else are you gonna discover new music? it's torture!! but the payoff? coming away from it with two new songs you're completely obsessed with? bliss!!

Give yourself a fighting chance!

for so long I have fought myself, being an all or nothing girlie. I am a perfectionist and if I couldn't do it perfectly then guess what? it wasn't getting done and that was that.

fast-forward to now and I don't swing from one extreme to another. I have found things that help me. find ways to make whatever is holding you back work for you!

I don't let my perfectionism hold me back. if I see that I want to quit something because it's not going the way I want it to or it's not turning out exactly as I want it to- I have stopgaps in place instead of giving in to my tendencies.

if I have a goal, I will research and break it down to the nitty gritty. I will do all the due diligence. I will take it step by step. I would rather "waste my time" researching and planning, I would it takes me longer to achieve a goal thar could be achieved Ina lesser amount of time, I would rather feel like it's tedious at the beginning. but this is much better at ensuring I follow through. and taking a year to achieve a goal I could've achieved in 3 months is way better than quitting cold turkey and never finding out.

embracing my quirks gives me a fighting chance. embracing ≠ giving in to them

so instead of quitting or procrastinating because I want whatever to turn out perfect I 'perfect away'. I give myself a fighting chance.

I'm also trying to unlearn the conditioning and trying to change my beliefs around it. in the meantime I do the best I can.

You know when you watch people doing something and they make it look so effortless? And it's so zen and so aesthetically pleasing? But when you try to do the same thing, following the exact same steps it's all fireworks and bombs going off, frustration, perspiration?!! Everything is just off, nowhere near zen 🤦🤦