Dive into your creative stream
Insecurities come crashing down
As I bang on the drums to drown out the sound.
You think you can hide it oh so well
The looks you give me
When light is no longer there
and there is darkness in my eyes.
You fail to see
I’m not like the others before me
I won't run to you
I won't give in to the call.
I will do this right
I won’t cower under your gaze no more.
I will be different than how I once was
You will lose the power you once held from your finger tips
As I finally decide I’ve had enough
do i like emo aesthetic? do i like pastel aesthetic? do i like preppy stuff? am i plain?
do i like country? do i like punk? do i like pop? do i like whatever genre(s) twenty one pilots/my chemical romance/fall out boy/panic! at the disco even is?
am i intimidating? am i friendly? am i mean? am i nice?
do i word my sentences right? do i talk calmly enough when i’m in an argument? do my friends really want to be with me as much as i want to be with them? can i talk about my interests without censoring them?
should i talk about my sexuality or preferences? should i talk to my mom about my crush on a girl? should i correct my parents when they only talk about me getting a husband when i’m older? should i tell my extended family that i’m not straight?
can i be open at school? can i raise my hand more than once every five minutes? can i tell my friends about what i really think about? can i be uncloseted at school and not have my flag and explanation of bisexuality on my locker taken down and have it explained to me by the school counselor that it’s because the younger kids could see and ask their parents?
is it okay if i talk louder? is it okay if i don’t apologize all the time? is it okay if i say what i’m thinking? is it okay if i laugh loud and smile wide with my teeth and walk with a wide stride?
is it okay if i ask these questions?
Everyone in the tavern was silent. Otis looked up from his hand, the cards carefully and neatly formed into a fan row. He stared at Katharnie who was still moving her cards about, Otis took that as a sign she was nervous. The dealer asked them to present their hands for the final time to reveal who was the winner of a fine Appaloosa mare and 300k Feathers. The people out of the running were angry their money was still in the game to be won, but Feathers didn’t mean much in currency out of town. The punters held their breath as Otis showed his hand, spreading it out on the bar top. “Three Dark Cicadas and a Violet Rooter Fungus,” The dealer announced, some of the punters cheered, it was a good hand, worth seven in total. Otis continued to look at Katharnie who checked her hand once more, observing quietly her points against her opponents. With a flick of her wrist she snapped the cards down onto the wooden top and the dealer moved them into a row so he could see them better, on seeing the cards she had he gave her a small look. “Two Horn Trumpets and two Forest Barberries,” the dealer said, raising his voice so everyone in the tavern could hear. Otis stood up and slammed his hand down, making a few Feather chips jump off the top. His top lip curled up “She cheated, she cheated. I fucking won, do you understand me. How could someone like her get Barberry cards, she slipped them in. No one beats me, you should know that.” Katharnie ignored his anger and bent to pick the coins up, she smiled, and her ears twitched. In her mind she saw Otis as being jealous, she’s a younger generation so she has the new luck. Now she has to take on the task of pursuing The Succubi of The Beast, and its something her father trained her to do. She knew she was up for the job.