Wrong Timing

Fire

Catch me, catch me, but we're both falling

To my hands, don't you cling

I'm black and blue, you're shining golden

Blood runs black, wounds gaping open

This is an illusion, I'm not your forever

Lying through our teeth, don't you remember?

My voice in your head, a song, a warning

This is a trap, now we better start running.

Words, Words, Words

I write not because it make things better. I write because it's the only thing I know. And I know it's dumb. Words are very unreliable, yet it's the only thing I could hold on to. It's my rope. I know people tend to break them every time, but I don't care. I'll still hold on to it like its my last piece of thread. And maybe that's the reason behind my brokenness. Because I try to latched on the thing that people barely keep. But I can't help it. Words, writing them down, it doesn't always make everything clearer, but for me, it's the only thing that makes sense. The only constant in my life that I could turn to no matter what. And there's no word for everything. There are feelings and experiences that I cannot fathom into phrases or sentences. But somehow, when everything is fading too fast, and I'm alone and lost and confused, these breakable, limited words became enough for me. Not enough to be fine and happy, but enough to survive. And I hope it'll be enough for another day, because I honestly don't know what to do if it isn't.

Ashes

I feel the hatred in your eyes as you look at me

It was once love, now tell me, what do you see?

A monster with your bloodied heart in her hands

A cruel savage wreaking havoc in these lands

Oh I know, I know, an apology won't cut it

But please believe that I meant every bit

I told you, I told you, don't give me something I do not deserve

I'm only meant from afar, something to be observed

I am chaos, I destroy everything I touch

Now, the pieces shatter, as you resent me and watch.

sorry

My words might be beautiful, but they are empty

Devoid of soul, devoid of feelings, a low hanging fantasy

I use it as traps, trying to catch strangers' hearts

Trying to cram those pieces into my chest, hoping mine would start

My hands are so red, I have crossed too many lines

Does my guilt absolves me? Do I still have the right to call this pain mine?

As my self-made ghosts roam around this false cemetery,

As my body sinks with the weight of the burden I chose to carry,

Can I still forgive myself before this imaginary coffin turns real?

For all the wounds I've inflicted, for all the wounds I never learned to heal.

I still love you

Maybe it's time to burn those unsent letters

Let my past go through smoke and embers

And the walls you breached should be once again fortified

Regain my dignity, my freedom, my pride

Though I love you and you'll always have a piece of my heart

It is time that I move on, move forward, and restart.

-D.G. Gir// 03/26/2018

Sisters

I smile as I lift my phone up high

It was one of those nights that don't make me wish to die

There was singing and teary eyes

As the laughter echoes, and we're free of lies

And for the first time since I can remember

I slept with thoughts of getting better

For them with my side

I can do anything, I can try.

If I’ll ever meet you again someday

I wouldn’t know what to say

Should I smile or cry

Do I need to say hey or goodbye?

I’m wondering how would you react

Would you walk away or come back?

Would you see the misery your absence brought to me?

Or would you act as nonchalant as you can be?

I don’t even know if I’m over it or not

If there’s no more feelings or there’s are a lot

What I know for certain is this pain

And fear that I might forever wait in vain

There’s too many questions, too many regrets

If you’re not meant to be mine, why can’t I forget?

I’m trying to catch up, but you’re too fast

If we meet again, this insanity might stop at last.

I know that I'm healing when I realized that I don't want to die anymore. I realized that there are still things I wanna do, feelings I want to experience, adventures I want to go to, though I still have no motivation for it. But I'll get there. I believe it.