13cupsofteareblog - Blog Posts

sorry

My words might be beautiful, but they are empty

Devoid of soul, devoid of feelings, a low hanging fantasy

I use it as traps, trying to catch strangers' hearts

Trying to cram those pieces into my chest, hoping mine would start

My hands are so red, I have crossed too many lines

Does my guilt absolves me? Do I still have the right to call this pain mine?

As my self-made ghosts roam around this false cemetery,

As my body sinks with the weight of the burden I chose to carry,

Can I still forgive myself before this imaginary coffin turns real?

For all the wounds I've inflicted, for all the wounds I never learned to heal.

It is my tragedy to have you as my enemy

Once upon a time, you loved me dearly

Sweeter than I prefer until it turned bitter

Everything soured, words could've been phrased better

But once a year, like an eclipse, we'll be back

Trying to touch those hands, tiptoeing around the cracks

You'd pour salt in my wounds and I'd offer you a smile

It is my tragedy, to have a taste of you for a while.

Farewell

Untie your hands, love, use your feet

Let go of my waist, dance to your own beat

It will be clear, if only you'd wipe away your tears

For your happiness, I'd go and face my fears

The wind in my sails, we're at your stop

Promise me I'll at least be in your map.

I knew I loved you then, but I didn't tell

You've only fallen and I wasn't well

Cold, cold days with arms wrapped mine

Flowers were wilting, and you're looking for a sign

I want to be better, you want me to be yours

I keep screaming, screaming 'till my voice is hoarse

But you didn't know, didn't know 'cause you were deaf and blinded

I was paralyzed, trying to be found, you're lost, we're both stranded

I was rage, you were kindness, we made a home out of lies

Second chances, third ones, a promise that flies

A pair of wings growing while one withers away

I will never deserve you, I didn't ask for you to stay.

Sunset

I take off the hatred, take off the love

Until I am empty, breathless and numb

And I lay beside you, under the stars

We're kids again, ignorant of the wars

Yet your hand, I can no more hold

You used to radiate warmth, now it's cold

And I expect you to recount my mistakes, where I went wrong

But all I could hear is a familiar melody, you're humming our song

So I reach out and laces our fingers, this is not the end

We're just two kids with broken hearts, we could start again.

Betrayal

One eye blind, one bright and clear

Both swimming with doubts, both filled with fear

One hand with gun, one gripping yours

Both bloody and bruised, both aching with force

Your lips on my ears, whispering the same words again and again

Telling me you're sorry, to pick up the pen

But the one's not holding mine, clutches a sword

And blood flows through my mouth instead of words.

Innocence Lost

My heart clenches as if it can still feel

Can still discern what's right, what's real

But I know better, it was torn

The day it fell for you, I was reborn

I can still feel the phantom beating

I can still hear the echoes of footsteps receding

The day it fell for you, I was reborn

That was the last day in my sleeve, it was worn.

Destiny

I hide behind these walls, I hide away my soul

Yet one look from you I fall, one look and you stole

What was never mine and has always been yours

You're good, you're good, I whisper as it gets worse

We're not meant to be, you made me happy

We're not meant to be, a footnote in your story

We're not meant to be, all I want is an apology

We're not meant to be, please tell me why you left me.

Delusion

My fingers graze your skin

And my heart beats loud and fast

A flinch, and a step back

The scene shatters in a flash

I blink my eyes open

As sunlight filters to my room

And I reached for your side

To be met with empty sheets

It is a beautiful day

But I close my eyes, letting myself drift

To the land of dreams

Back to you again.

Defeated

I was running when you found me

With my heart filled of thorns and your head crowned with daisies

In the field of dandelions we met

Your tired eyes looked at mine with regret

With petals in my hands, and yours filled with blood

We part ways, losing what we never have.

Hoping

I wonder if I flit through your mind

If there are times you still try to find

Me, in those songs, those places

If in your life, I left some spaces

For you part me with a void, an aching in my soul

The face I look for in the crowd, the name I try to howl

Or maybe you don't even remember

The girl you've given a hasty farewell that chilly December.

Ruthless

My heart aches as you walk near

You, who've once taken everything I held dear

You have some nerve to come to me

When you made certain to ruin who I could be

Are you here to gloat, parade your victory?

I want to go, but you won't set me free

And I'm tired, I have nothing left to give

I wish you wouldn't come back once you leave.

Deny

We're here again, stuck in the same place

With flames in my eyes, tears streaking through your face

I can see the tension you carry, the way your shoulders sag

All I did was raise your red flags

I can't be your hero, can't love you the way you want me to

So why won't you go, why not leave too?

Why won't you fight? You deserve someone better

Don't weigh yourself down with me, I'm a monster

Believe what you believe, but I can't be, I can't be better.

Mute

My pen glides through the paper as I bleed you out

The ink tells what I can't speak through my mouth

It seems I lost my voice since you left

Not does it matter, with me, you're always deaf

I beg for you to stay, I plead for just another minute

But you're hellbent on tearing my heart, blowing it to bits

Yet you say there's nobody crueler than I

When you didn't even think twice when you said goodbye.

I float, empty, a husk

In solitude, I bask

Don't let me, don't let me drown

Fill this void and anchor me down.

I watch the pebble skips in the water

As my heart flips, flips, flips

The ghost of your touch, my knees waver

And I weep, weep, weep.

Sisters

I smile as I lift my phone up high

It was one of those nights that don't make me wish to die

There was singing and teary eyes

As the laughter echoes, and we're free of lies

And for the first time since I can remember

I slept with thoughts of getting better

For them with my side

I can do anything, I can try.

Lies

I was watching the moon up in the sky

As I sat up and sigh

I told the stars I'm letting you go

That it hurts, but I have to grow

I hope the whispered message reaches you

I forgive you and I'll learn to forgive myself too

Though I know I'll miss you forever

I accepted that things end, connections sever

And I wish, I wish someday when we meet

I can smile and say I'm happy without lying through my teeth.

Why

I can hear your laughter echo in my head

I can feel the love I wish to raise back from the dead

Your footsteps recede, you turn your back

I whimper and stare, still in shock

For even if I knew you're gonna leave

That we run out of stories to weave

My fragile heart can't still accept it

That it'll no more flutter to your smile, it won't no longer beat.

What I Hate Most

Often I wonder if I'll ever hear your voice again

'Cause I can no longer remember its sound, its tone

I can only feel the warmth it brings when it rains

The way it made my heart skips, the way it chilled my bones

I wonder if you still laugh the same

If my soul, your singing can still tame

'Cause all I have now is a dusty memory

One that's leaving me, leaving me slowly

So here I am, still hoping against it all

That you'll one day give me call

That once again, I'll feel that honey dripping in my ears

Just so I can be reminded, there's someone real behind these tears.

Tired

We dream, we love, we cry

We live, we strive, we die

No matter what, it's the same fucking cycle

Long bloody wars, the never-ending battles

And I want out, I want to run away

From the life I'm doomed, from the words they have to say

So go on, pull that trigger

Maybe in death, there is something better.

Ashes

I feel the hatred in your eyes as you look at me

It was once love, now tell me, what do you see?

A monster with your bloodied heart in her hands

A cruel savage wreaking havoc in these lands

Oh I know, I know, an apology won't cut it

But please believe that I meant every bit

I told you, I told you, don't give me something I do not deserve

I'm only meant from afar, something to be observed

I am chaos, I destroy everything I touch

Now, the pieces shatter, as you resent me and watch.

Smoke

Does my love make you feel good?

Does it make you feel things you thought you never would?

A slave to your evey whim

Offered my light so yours won't dim

Is this all we are?

The moon and the dying star

Is this what you meant when you promised me something real?

When I have nothing left to give, will you love me still?

Do you make me feel good?

Not anymore, but I wish you would, I wish you would.

Naive

I remember lying in the snow

With the winter lights giving you an ethereal glow

Our hands intertwined, my heart beating fast

The night sky shined only for us

Oh, how I wish we've stayed there

When there are no worlds yet for us to bear

You were mine and I was yours

Now, we're cold shoulders and slamming doors.

Fire

Catch me, catch me, but we're both falling

To my hands, don't you cling

I'm black and blue, you're shining golden

Blood runs black, wounds gaping open

This is an illusion, I'm not your forever

Lying through our teeth, don't you remember?

My voice in your head, a song, a warning

This is a trap, now we better start running.

Played

Tears racing down my cheeks

I'm trying to find the words but I can't speak

My hands tightly clutching your shirt

Your eyes full of confidence and mirth

Here's another girl running after you

Foolish enough to believe that your promises were true

You smirked and pried me away

Saying, I'm too boring to make you stay

With that, you turned your back

An offhand comment wishing me luck

My knees buckled as I accept defeat

This is karma, so swift and sweet.

Wrong Timing

You asked for love but I got nothing to spare

And you begged for at least a little care

I tried, believe me, I did

I wanted to be what you need

But we're destined to fall apart

I lost my mind, you misplaced your heart

Now, we say our broken goodbyes

Between the two of us, I was the first to cry.

Cursed

I'd close my eyes and I'll still see you

Behind my eyelids, in the places only we knew

I want to run to you, but I am frozen

How you could not see that I am broken?

And I know, I know you still love me

But you long to set yourself free

And though I wish to be your answer

You'd always be the fire I doused with water

And our fingers might touch, but our hands will never fit

We're fated to be strangers, walking in different sides of street.

Dreams

We trip and stumble around

We're lost, but we don't want to be found

This is our own little paradise

Away from the world and its lies

And for a moment, there's only love

We can't let them taint what we have

So please, stay a little longer

I'm not yet ready for this fantasy to shatter.

Afloat

I'm in a perpetual state of numbness

Forgotten how to feel, how to be

I only have my pen as a witness

Stranded in this strange, bleak sea

I have been alone in this boat for so long

Plugging holes with paper

Coldness seeping to the pages and my bones

My oars swallowed by the water

Maybe I'd let this sink in the deeps below

Release the burdens of sorrow

And I'll be free, unencumbered by tomorrow.