Coldbonesforperfection - Striving For Perfection

Is anyone here who suffered from Bulimia and managed to start restricting properly without having to binge and/ or purge?

It feels like i just cant stop binging and purging every damn day

My personal bingo

For you:

✨✨✨

yeah being hungry sucks but have you ever been full? shit feels nasty

Just venting

I got a message that yesterday, i had contact to a Person who has covid. I was at the doctors office with my mum and later went to university.

So to decide where i had this contact, i went to my mum and asked her if she had gotten this message, too. My mum and my father were watching a movie when i asked. My mum immediately checked her Phone, but my dad just yelled at me for disturbing them and blamed me for leaving the house so often. Then He yelled at me to go to my room befor my mother could even answer me

Bruh i wish i could live on my own

Sooo

At the moment, i am almost back at my highest weight. I used to feel horrible about that and somehow, i still do.

On friday, i binged and felt totally unmotivated, i thought that i just fucked up another day

However, on Friday evening, i decided to save the day. i ran a half marathon even though nobody believed that i could Do it (well, i believed in myself at some point, but neither my family nor my friends, except for one, thought that i could do it).

I am amazed by what my body is able to do if i fuel it properly.

This is why i will now try to stop obsessing over my enormous thighs and start training, challenging and improving my body rather than wanting a lower number on the scale

Idk if this makes any sense, just wanted to vent lol

Well we all know that no matter what i do, ill binge on the cake when Im alone

So my father just forbid me to eat cake on Easter Sunday because it has too many calories

FIRST, I know the calories, he knows nothing about them

SECOND I am at a normal/healthy weight, he is oberweight

THIRD, I can make myself purge, ge doesnt

FOURTH, I will go for a long run in the evening

FIFTH I wont eat breakfast on Sunday

But well, i guess ill just watch everyone eat cake because now there is a 0% chance that i will eat cake in Front of my father

Lmao i wish i was dead

Montag, 21.06.2021

Morgens:

Gewicht: 54.2

Gegessen: -

Kalorien: 0

Hunger: nein

Essverhalten: -

Sport: spazieren vor der Schule

Vormittags:

Gewicht: -

Gegessen: -

Kalorien:0

Hunger: bisschen

Essverhalten: -

Sport: -

Mittags:

Gewicht: 54.1

Gegessen: weckauflauf und Apfel, danach noch weclauflauf sehr unkontrolliert

Kalorien: 600

Hunger: ja, aber auch richtig Heißhunger

Essverhalten: erst nur eine kleine Portion genommen, beim Essen abgelenkt, hat nicht wirklich geschmeckt, habe mich davor geekelt

Sport: -

Nachmittags:

Gewicht: -

Gegessen: 2 Pfirsiche, 3 dosenpfirsiche, später 6 maiswaffeln mit frischkäse

Kalorien: 550

Hunger: ja

Essverhalten: abgelenkt, in der Küche, alleine, schnell

Sport: -

Abends:

Gewicht: 55.5

Gegessen: -

Kalorien: 0

Hunger: nein

Essverhalten: -

Sport: 40min joggen, 21min bauchworkout

Fazit

Gewicht&BMI: 54.1kg, 19.4

Erste Mahlzeit: 14:30

Fastenstunden: 22

Letzte Mahlzeit: 17.30

Gesamte Kalorien: 1150

Getrunken: 3l

Schritte: 25000

Sport:  1h

I wanna be scary thin but I can’t even get normal thin.

May rules & goals points system (high restricting)

Rules (1 point each daily):

Calorie intake limit 1400

Net calorie limit 1000

Work out 5 days a week

Vegetables and/or fruits with every meal

2 meals a day (or less)

1 fruit/veg snack a day (or less)

1 non-fruit/veg snack a day (or less)

Protein in every meal

Eating window: 12pm-8pm (16:8 IF)

Drink at least 2l of water daily

Goals:

Lose at least 2lbs a week (10 points weekly)

Stay consistent

Get below 187lbs this month

Build workout stamina

Max daily points: 10

Max weekly points: 80

I will post daily updates of my intake, net, exercise and points with the tag #may accountability. Feel free to use this system if you think it will help you.