What I Got Done Today:

I felt so unproductive, depressed, stressed, and distracted today. I'm overwhelmed. I dropped a stats class yesterday (first time ever doing that) because

1) I no longer want to minor in stats

2) I truly couldn't understand the lecturer

3) the course didn't closely follow a textbook.

It wasn't her accent, I had absolutely no issue with that, but her slides just didn't make any sense. There were no sample data or pictures or diagrams and even the formulas didn't make sense (instead of sub scripts she would just put random punctuation afterwards). I gave it a valid shot for two classes, but it was clear we weren't a good match. I'm now enrolled in a comp class (counts towards my degree), but I'm so incredibly anxious. Writing stresses me out so much. I also think that my university doesn't do a good job with their composition courses. I finally got a copy of the syllabus and textbook, and I'm going to be rereading and rewriting about essays I saw in 10th grade Accelerated English. I feel anxious even though I have already done this. I have a lot to improve on, which is painfully obvious, but it doesn't sound like this course will help me. Also, I'm now about 1.5 weeks behind in that course. I needed today to be productive, but my mother called and brought up some touchy stuff and I got all blown out. Anywho... here's what I got through (1/3 of what I needed to do)

• read ch. 1 for reading in the content areas

• read ch. 3 for reading in the content areas

• digested a pre-recorded presentation + took notes

• explored some cool vocabulary sites for teaching K-12 (mostly elementary if we're being honest) (it's very very important to teach literacy in all grades for all subjects but my university kind of drops the ball with high school / secondary ages)

• did 2 loads of wash

• actually put away my clothing

• saw my sis and it was a little cathartic to talk about how messed up my mom is and what we went through but also bothered me a lot

...And with that I'm gonna go to bed and hopefully tomorrow I feel a bit better and can get some more stuff done considering all the due dates coming up 🤞

Officially caught up on all my sick work!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Now to tackle this week's activities that mostly accumulated on this weekend 🙃

Also, I use google docs as a planner because my online classes are hard to manage with their random postings and due dates and changes. I normally don't need to do this, but the rainbow highlighting at the top was part of a list of everything I needed to do this week (I am doing the work for this week and last week). I color coded it for each day to help break it up.

Day 70/100: March 30th

Can this semester be over already?

One of my great great aunts or something like that used to have a lemon tree in her kitchen (old greek lady) and I want to do the same when I finally get my own place 🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋

If there's a loving, caring, and stable adult who wants to take in a child... why are you trashing this????? Is this a cultural thing????? I don't understand this. I knew one girl who was from Bolivia and her white parents adopted her and they kept her in soccer, threw her a lavish quinceanera, and kept her in other culturally appropriate things. These were the whitest people I've ever met, yet they did a wonderful job raising Hannah. It's possible to be culturally aware of how you are raising an adoptive child... idk why that's even a debate. Educate yourself. A great example is hair maintenance classes for white parents who adopt a little black girl. Her confidence is boosted by walking into whatever life throws at her if adults help her navigate her hair. I don't get why that's a problem. The list goes on. Disappointed that there's shade being thrown anywhere.

White couples that adopt non-white kids

I've been a mess lately, but it's a good kind of mess. I actually felt ~happy~ yesterday. It was a foreign feeling. I've been trying to catch myself feeling happy or proud of myself. It's the same idea as trying to catch kids being good instead of catching kids when they're being bad. I had a really good day at work yesterday. Driving home I was a bit stressed, but I heard some great feedback and I was just on cloud 9... well compared to stressy and depressy. I really needed that with the pandemic, online classes, weird hybrid subbing, my grandma, and just everything else.

me making another post for my 12 followers knowing that it will get approximately 4 notes

3 of my classes are fully asynchronous. I love it. I think the discussions are just dumb and superficial, which I miss having good conversations about the material, but I need all the flexibility I can get right now. However, my comp class has zoom meetings once a week and I hate it. Our discussions are dumb and are literally the questions in the book.

I hope online learning starts to look up for you! The internet connection sucks bruh. It happens at the most inconvenient times too

I’m really grateful about how our university only holds video conferences once a week because our internet connection at home is not that stable. However, it does make me sad how our discussions on lessons have to be fast-pace. It is understandable but I wish we had more time to engage on the topics because all of my subjects for this semester are highly interesting. 😕 Would love to hear how are the online classes in your school 🙏🏻

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Mom’s potato staring at me across the room