24, they/them, nonbinary lesbian, disabled. Studying medicine, working on my internalised ableism, prioritising finding out what I like to do. I write, ish, or try to at least and that's something
163 posts
Latest Posts by girlish-in-pain - Page 4
Sometimes all you can do is try. Even if you succeed or not, trying is already a very brave thing to do. Don't be afraid to be proud of yourself for trying.
It's not "anti-recovery" to accept that you'll never be fully abled.
First day of med school some of the older students "dress up" as and pretend to be first years. I spotted four of them within 15 minutes and one of them was in a wheelchair with a leg and an arm in casts and a neck collar on. So basically, he was pretending to be disabled. And most of us knew that he was a fake first year and I overheard people joking about pushing him out of his wheelchair to prove he was faking it. I don't understand how a group of future doctors sat around a table and decided it was a good idea to have a fake disabled person there. It just perfectly sums up the attitude of most doctors.
My chronic pain has gotten worse every winter for the past 4ish years. And not just a flare up that goes away again but permanently worse. And I don't know if it's simply a coincidence that it happens every winter but I'm so nervous and scared because it's getting cold again.
normal vs not normal: pain edition
normal: your knees/hips starting to twinge after climbing a big set of stairs
not normal: climbing stairs is hard for you, and you start to feel pain after a couple steps
normal: you wake up feeling pain after doing a lot of exercise the day before
not normal: you wake up feeling pain regardless of your activities the day before
normal: you are usually a zero on the pain scale
not normal: you cannot imagine what a pain scale zero would feel like
normal: when you experience pain, there is a direct reason for it, and it is able to be fixed with over-the-counter drugs (such as paracetamol)
not normal: you can’t figure out why you’re in pain, and taking over-the-counter painkillers doesn’t always work to fix it
normal: you do not spend most of your time in pain
not normal: you’ve spent most of your time in pain for over three months
if you experience pain regularly and for seemingly no reason, go to the doctor! you are not supposed to be in pain, and you deserve to find out what’s going on with your body!
the only life advice i feel equipped to give:
when you’re young u can only romanticize your pain and hurt for so long. one day you’re going to realize u have to stop sabotaging yourself by assuming your hurt is all that makes you. you have to consider all your good qualities. that u are a bright and creative person who might’ve been dealt a bad hand, and all u can control is how you treat yourself. you have to be kind to yourself to survive. you have to let go of that impulse to treat yourself poorly because u think u deserve it. forgive yourself for whatever makes you feel like you don’t deserve the same love and care as everyone else. please.
I finally got the tattoo I've wanted for years😁 so I always have an extra spoon for bad days🥄
It’s the not knowing when it’ll stop. The unpredictability. Wondering “will this ever get any better?” It’s the people close to you just accepting that this is how you are now. It’s the 24/7 nature of it all. It’s the not having a choice. It’s the not having a break from it. It’s the people around you thinking you chose this. As if you enjoy it. As if you actually chose this life. Nobody would ever choose this. It’s the having to play symptoms down. It’s having to pretend it isn’t as bad as what it is. It’s having people judge you, even the people closest to you. It’s having to live with symptoms that most people wouldn’t know how to even begin to cope with. It’s a lack of self confidence and self purpose. It’s staying hopeful when it doesn’t seem like there’s anything to be hopeful for. It’s a lot of things.
You might not feel it, but you’re one of the strongest people EVER. You put up an invisible fight daily. You do all that you can. You often survive second to second, minute to minute, hour to hour. You get through the day. You do your best no matter what obstacles are in your way. And it’s important to remember that even on the really bad days that you’re amazing. You’re strong. You’re tough. You’re fabulous. Lots of love xxxxxx
🥄Spoon Stop! 🥄
Take a spoon or two to complete any tasks you need to finish soon. Reblog to give your mutuals a spoon
In case anyone needs to hear this, the average person does not wake up every day in pain. The average person does not feel like they have the flu every day of their life, and if you, like me, feel sick 24/7 you in fact have a chronic illness. If your doctor is dismissive of your suffering, keep finding doctors and pushing for tests until you get something. It's exhausting and expensive but you deserve whatever comfort is possible for you and your illness
It's jarring to realize your baseline is most people's "sick" but that just makes it all the more important for you to rest and be gentle with your body. You aren't being lazy, you aren't faking your pain. Your disability is real, and you deserve to take care of yourself and make things easier for yourself regardless if you feel like you've "earned" it or if you think it "isn't that bad."
If you are struggling, I see you and I care you so much
i believe in you
I love spoon theory bc you can literally explain it exactly the same way it was originally explained, with actual spoons.
But also I feel like the failing phone battery is more accurate lately.
Like, you charge it all night, but it only slow charges. It never gets to full battery anymore.
When it says full battery, it doesn't mean the same as everyone else's, because it'll be gone twice as fast.
You have to limit your app usage bc of the battery drain, and even when you aren't doing anything the percentage is slowly going down.
Keeping it plugged in full time to charge means you can use your apps longer, but since it's slow charging it'll eventually reach 0 even when plugged in.
Keeping it plugged in full time also means the battery gets reliant on being constantly plugged in.
Actual percentages are a lie.
That shit will turn off with 5-10% battery still showing and there's nothing you can do about it.
pain and suffering are not things you earn or deserve. they’re just things that happen, often with no rhyme or reason.
you do not deserve to be in pain.
you do not deserve to suffer.
I hope your pain subsides, and that you find good pain management strategies. and I hope you treat yourself with the kindness and compassion that you do deserve
The normal amount of pain is zero. I don't know what to say here. The standard abled person amount of pain without injury or significant exhaustion is so low that it will not register to most of you. It's the slightest twinge. I am so unequipped to explain this to y'all but of you experience regular pain you have chronic pain 😭
Since it's fibro awareness month, I'd like to give a special shout out to all my fibro friends!
Here's to the people who were diagnosed when they were young, and had to sit out on everything other people their age could freely do
To my older fibro friends, who got diagnosed later in their life and were constantly told it's "all in your head"
To the people who have their diagnoses ignored or belittled
To the people who have no support and feel alone
To the people who have amazing friends, family, and doctors who actually listen
To the people who keep telling themselves, "I just have to make it through this day," every day
To those who lay on the floor with invisible pain, no one else can begin to imagine
To my friends who wildly swing from a 3 to a 10 on the pain scale
To everyone who feels like their skin is burning, just from wearing clothes
To my young and old friends who use mobility aids
To my friends who wear compression supports
To my friends who can't do basic tasks, such as showering, brushing your teeth, or eating because it feels like you've been set on fire
To anyone who hasn't gotten a diagnosis yet, but you just know something isn't right
To everyone who feels as if there is no end in sight
May your pain never be a ten, may you have heating pads, a comfortable bed and a nice cup of tea to help you feel just a tiny bit better. I see you, I hear you, and I am with you through this hell of a journey.
Why Does Fibromyalgia Weaken the Immune System? - Southern Pain and Neurological
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Firstly, studies have shown that fibromyalgia patients tend to have high counts of white blood cells and cytokines (immune cells), which is often observed when a patient is suffering from an infection. This in itself shows that this condition affects an individual’s immune system.
Similarly, further studies show that this disorder weakens our brain’s immune system. It does this by reducing the blood flow in the brain’s pain center, hence affecting the neuron receptors. This eventually leads to increased pain and stress levels and a weak immune system that is incapable of fighting off bacteria.
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Cerebral Palsy also causes cytokine dysgregulation. Did you know that? I just learned. How am I not dead?
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/dmcn.14724
Lockdown gave abled people the opportunity to experience some of the things disabled people have been experiencing their whole lives. This resulted in a lot of contradictory statements...
Disabled people were often scolded for spending so much time on social media / on our phones, yet when lockdown came, everyone realised the value of technology to keep in touch,
Disabled people were told they were lucky that they could spend so much time in bed, yet when lockdown came, mental health illness cases rose because people had to do just that.
Disabled people were laughed at for suggesting socialisation virtually with friends and family, yet when lockdown came, group calls and virtual family quiz nights held relationships together.
Disabled people were rejected when asking for the flexibility and accomodations to work from home, yet when lockdown came, these accomodations were easily made.
Disabled people asked for virtual doctors appointments and were told it wasn't possible, yet when lockdown came, it was the only option.
Disabled people were crammed into crowded places causing accessibility issues, yet when lockdown came, social distancing improved access.
Disabled people requested more online shopping and deliveries for essentials, yet when lockdown came, this was seen as a necessity.
Disabled people who wore masks before Covid were mocked, yet when lockdown came, wearing a mask was enforced.
Disabled people were met with jealousy when they stated they were unemployed, yet when lockdown came, many realised the true struggle of not having anything to occupy their time.
The hypocrisy of the abled people who would mock, deny and minimise the disabled experience who were then forced to live in a similar way needs attention. I hope that there is more compassion now. I hope that knowing the changes and accomodations disabled needed are possible results in more accomodations being made. I hope that companies choose to continue to support those with disabilities, even if that was never their intention. I hope that something good could come out of this devastation.
Comment below any more Covid contradictions you can think of!
ID: green background with cream text reads "covid contradictions" brown text reads "disabled people often asked for requirements that were rejected, yet during the pandemic, these became essential." Below is an image of a white woman wearing a yellow coat and brown mask.
Yet another reminder that faking is a conscious choice that you make.
It is not something you can do accidentally, regards of what you're talking about.
You can't accidentally fake depression, or anxiety, or bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia, or any other mental illness.
You can't accidentally fake Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, personality disorders.
You can't accidentally fake ADHD, autism, Tourette's Syndrome, auditory processing disorder, aphasia or any other neurodivergence
You can't accidentally fake being trans or ace-spec or aro-spec or any other LGBTQIA+ identity.
You can't accidentally fake chronic illnesses like CFS, fibromyalgia or any chronic illness.
You also can't accidentally fake being good/intelligent at something. You didn't fool your peers into reaching your position.
You can't accidentally fake trauma, PTSD/cPTSD, DID/OSDD/DDNOS or any other trauma-based disorder.
Tldr:
Faking is a conscious choice.
You cannot do it by accident.
If you are worried that you are faking, that in itself is proof that you are not.
people who are in pain don’t always look like they’re suffering. it’s especially common among chronic pain patients who’ve been ill for a long time, as well as autistic people.
going slack and moving as little as possible, including the muscles of the face, is in fact a sensible reaction to intense pain: it conserves energy. someone who looks outwardly relaxed or bored may be screaming on the inside.
if this is you, i just want you to know you deserve to be taken at your word when you say you’re in pain. you shouldn’t have to put on a fake grimace in order to give a convincing performance of what you’re actually going through.
if you have never experienced it yourself, please pass on this information so more people will be aware.
From friends and family, to doctors, and strangers: disabled people have to face judgement, disbelief and hurtful comments. But guess what? There are so many more disabled people in the world than you realise, in fact many of us try to fake being well, because of the stigma and judgement surrounding disability.
Faking disability and illlness is rare. The 1 in 4 disabled people in the world are not rare. So next time you think about questioning someone's disability - don't. That's all.
if you ever feel like you're not "smart enough" for STEM or didn't do that great in school, i just wanna let you know that i failed algebra 2 THREE TIMES and dropped my high school physics class the FIRST WEEK...
and NASA chose me to student research with them.
so what i'm trying to say is that STEM is for EVERYONE. if school wasn't the easiest for you and you're not the strongest in math, don't let that stop you from pursuing STEM. working hard for goals makes you a great scientist.
screw that stereotype that all STEM majors are geniuses who were building robots and knew how to work a microscope at 3 years old.
STEM IS FOR EVERYONE! BECOME A FREAKING SCIENTIST! YOU CAN DO IT!
Don’t ever let anyone tell you it’s not okay to rest. Don’t let anyone tell you to just push through your pain because “you’ll be in a ton of pain anyway, right?” You deserve rest. Your body may be used to constant, unbearable pain, but when you start doing extra things your body may need a second to adjust. Yes, you’ll be in pain anyways, but don’t let someone override your personal experiences because they want to get somewhere faster. It doesn’t matter if you did jumping jacks yesterday, today you need a rest and dammit you deserve it.
Yet another reminder that faking is a conscious choice that you make.
It is not something you can do accidentally, regards of what you're talking about.
You can't accidentally fake depression, or anxiety, or bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia, or any other mental illness.
You can't accidentally fake Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, personality disorders.
You can't accidentally fake ADHD, autism, Tourette's Syndrome, auditory processing disorder, aphasia or any other neurodivergence
You can't accidentally fake being trans or ace-spec or aro-spec or any other LGBTQIA+ identity.
You can't accidentally fake chronic illnesses like CFS, fibromyalgia or any chronic illness.
You also can't accidentally fake being good/intelligent at something. You didn't fool your peers into reaching your position.
You can't accidentally fake trauma, PTSD/cPTSD, DID/OSDD/DDNOS or any other trauma-based disorder.
Tldr:
Faking is a conscious choice.
You cannot do it by accident.
If you are worried that you are faking, that in itself is proof that you are not.
Your future self is so proud of you!
MÅNESKIN WORLD DOMINATION
ICELAND ICELAND ICELAND ICELAND
I love Switzerland’s entry so much