If We Have To Have Single Family Housing Can It At Least Go Back To Being Pretty

Reblog to put one of these in your mutuals’ pocket when they’re not looking

repeat after me: i am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014

constantly switching between “this is MY tumblr and i post whatever i want” and “oghg  god . oh my god. okh god. okay. im going to talk abt. an interest now. im so sorry.”

shout out to all the bitches NOT having gay sex this pride month

getting into the shower: evil evil evil

being in the shower: there is no past and there is no future, there is just the here and now, i am alone but i am not lonely, i am calm and one with the universe, existence is sublime

getting out of the shower: evil evil evil (wet version)

the real danger of spending too much time with friends is you stumble out of ten days of happiness and good food like oh my god THAT was real life. my job means NOTHING

"i would kill for you" "i would die for you" okay but would you forgive me if i forgot something important for the 51204th time in a row even though i tried my best to remember

Another chapter of my "The Waynes on Twitter" AO3 work

Masterlist of Tweets

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18 - Wayne kids being gay on Twitter

a non-comprehensive list of reasons why bruce has tried banning halloween in the manor

1. dick was overly trusting of clowns as a child. he still holds the family record for most kidnappings in a single night

2. jason tried wearing his robin uniform as a costume. every. year.

3. jason then graduated to dressing up as his corpse and haunting (traumatizing) his brothers

4. cass always manages to scare him. no clark he does not shriek.

5. tim, duke, and steph got ‘spooky scary skeletons’ stuck in his head and martian manhunter started laughing at him in a JL meeting because of it

6. damian was followed and subsequently kidnapped by what they assumed was a group of very tall trick or treaters, but were actually just the league

7. that time of year is when jerry the turkey gets a little self aware (re: defensive). there have been incidents.

8. he walked downstairs only to be greeted with every member of his family dressed like green lantern. even alfred.

9. young justice decided to throw a giant party and to get in you had to wear the shittiest batman costume possible for their contest

10. jason won said contest. he didn’t even stay for the party, he just wanted the excuse

11. gotham rogues are drama kids and are therefore sluts for good thematic irony, so half of them do special edition attacks on halloween

12. the kids all do a candy swap at the end of the night, they invite kate and not him

13. tim has an allergy to peppermint and never seems to be aware of this, so he has to keep multiple epi pens on standby

14. he’s expected to wear slutty costumes and that’s just not worth his playboy cover

15. alfred only confiscates the candy he gets

16. he was just really hungover one year

17. damian has made them all watch coraline so. many. times. he doesn’t even get nightmares anymore

18. tim goes on a sugar high and has to be put on tech lockdown or he might frame lex luthor for murder and extort 90% of gotham’s elite

19. when dick and jason were younger they left open pumpkins outside his door and he would accidentally step in them every morning

20. damian tried to convince them to bob for apples with lazarus water

21. tim fell asleep while bobbing for apples (in normal water) and almost drowned

22. dick and steph drew a glittery skeleton over the batsuit

23. when he complains they all call him the grinch. it’s not even christmas.

24. pumpkin carving always leads to them flinging the innards at eachother and making a mess even alfred refuses to clean

25. the validity of candy corn argument comes to blows. every. single. year.

26. duke lead a revolt one year against the tyranny of bruce’s “no slanderous costumes” policy (he wanted to be slutty batman)

27. the kids throw a rager in the cave and somehow never get caught. it’s the only time they’re all willing to clean and it pisses bruce off that he can’t prove it.

28. bruce got sick and clark walked around the watchtower in a batman costume pretending to be him for two days

29. steph and dick glued the lorax mustache to him while he was sleeping because he refused to pick a costume. it didn’t come off for a week, and lois posted an article speculating he was secretly a natural ginger.

30. all the kids stayed in once and watched ‘it’s the great pumpkin charlie brown’ instead of partying and he’s been trying to get them to do it again ever since

Damian vibes “TT”