Latest Posts by kasuga707 - Page 3

In a world

it all came to a halt.

Unbreathing,

disrupted time,

it can no longer flow.

In this world

we are alone,

grasping,

pushing,

climbing—

falling—

Or are we?

Thus we wonder

“what is life?”

In my world

I begin clutching at my chest,

sheltering my heart,

wishing to live

one more day.

Here I hide,

running from what,

you say?

All.

All that breathes

while I cannot.

All that feels,

while I bear its weight.

All that smiles,

for I do not know how.

Masterlist

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮ Basic - 기본 ♡ Beginners Masterlist ♡ Hangul - 한글 (한국어 알파벳) ♡ Korean Numbers -  한국어 번호 ♡ Calendar -  달력 ♡ Korean Sentence Structure ╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯  ╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮  Vocab - 어휘 ♡ Christmas - 크리스마스 ♡ New Year -  새해 ♡ Grocery Shopping - 식료품 쇼핑 ♡ Korean Onomatopoeia -  한국어 의성어 [part 1] || [part 2] ♡ Clothes - 옷 ♡ Animals - 동물들 ♡ Idol Phrases - 관용구 ♡ Fruit - 과일 ♡ Veggies - 채소 ♡ Spring - 봄 ♡ Body - 몸 ♡ Family - 가족 ♡ Korean Slang / Shortened Expressions ♡ LGBT+ Vocab - 엘지비티 + slang ♡ Korean Homonyms - 한국어 이의어 ♡ Summer Vocab - 여름 어휘 ♡ Birthday Vocab - 생일 어휘 ♡ Occupations - 직업 ♡ Space - 우주 ♡ Phone - 전화 ♡ Traveling - 여행 ♡ Money - 돈 ♡ K-ommon Korean Phrases ♡ Colour Vocab - 색깔 어휘 ♡ Directions Vocab - 쪽 어휘 ♡ Cooking Vocab - 요리하기 어휘 ╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯  ╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮  Korean Culture - 한국 문화 ♡ Korean Age - 한국 나이 ♡ Shoulders in Korea  ♡ Batchim - 받침 ╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯ ╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮  Grammar - 문법 ♡ Conjugation - 동사  ♡ Particles -  문법적 입자 ♡ Counters -  복수형  ♡ -고 싶다 - want ♡ -ㄹ/을 것이다 - future tense ♡ More than - 보다 더 + comparing verbs ♡ -잖아요 - As you Know ♡ Adding plural counters to NOUNS ♡ The many versions of: 같다 ♡ Useful Verbs + How to Use Them!           [part 1] || [part 2] || [part 3]  ╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯  ╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮ Helpful Asks - 질문들 ♡ FAQ ♡ 이다 Conjugation ♡ “Is this right?” Korean Translation ♡ “How are you?” Korean Translation ♡ 이에요 / 입니다 Uses and Rules ♡ 행복하다 - meaning ♡ 난 네 블로그를 사랑해 - I love your blog ♡ Why did he say 언니??  ♡ Korean Spacing ♡ Am I a Koreaboo?      ~ Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3  ♡ Why is it -서 instead of -고? ♡ Korean Texting Abbreviations ♡ Sentence Structure ♡ Gender Neutral Korean Titles ♡ Difference between 저/제/저의 and 나/너/나의 ♡ Korean Difference ♡ Motivation to be courageous while speaking! How To: ♡ Staying Motivated / Focused ♡ Study Grammar! ♡ Improve Handwriting ♡ Improve Pronunciation ♡ Not Struggle with Hangul ♡ “Introduce Myself” (자기소개) ♡ Say you’re studying Korean for fun! ♡ Speak confidently in Korean ♡ Pronounce ‘ㄹ’ ♡ Go from basic beginner to intermediate/advanced ♡ Elongate Texts in Korean ♡ STOP Translating in your head! ♡ Say ‘Thank you’ in Korean Recommended: ♡ Textbooks ♡ Apps ♡ Websites ♡ Tips for Beginners ♡ Webtoons Korean Differences: ♡ 선생님 vs 교사 / 실 vs 방 / 늘 vs 항상 ♡ 이야기하다 vs 말하다 ♡ 친구 vs 벗 ♡ 담요 vs 이불 ♡ 저의 vs 제 ♡ 당신 vs 너 ♡ 은/는 vs 이/가  ♡ 안녕하세요 vs 여보세요  ♡ 어 vs 오 ♡ 안녕히 가세요 vs 안녕히 계세요 ♡ -말 vs -어 ♡ 생선 vs 물고기 ♡ 봤어요 vs 보았어요 ♡ -는 것 같다 // 같다 // -를 것 같다 ♡ 함께 vs 같이 ♡ 않다 vs 아니다 ♡ 노래 vs 송 ♡ 외 // 왜 // 웨 ♡ 좋다 vs 좋아하다 ♡ -ㄹ/을 수 있다 vs (잘) 못+verb ♡ 진짜 vs 진심 ♡ 오래되다 // 늙다 // 낡다 ♡ 심심하다 vs 지루하다 ♡ 위해서 // 때문에 // 덕분에 ♡ noun+verb VS noun+을/를+verb ╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯  ╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮  About Me ♡ Introduction -  자기 소개 ♡ 깜작이야 vs 감자탕 ♡ How I got my Korean Name ♡ My Study Routine ♡ My Face ♡ SK101 IG & TWITTER ♡ 10k Follower Special - About Me ♡ My YouTube Channel ╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯  ╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮  Reading Comprehension ♡ Little Red Riding Hood - 빨간 모자        Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 ♡ Diary - 일기        Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 ♡ My Friend Jiyeon        Part 1 || Part 2 ╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯  under construction constantly

I wonder what kind of girl I would be if the patriarchy didn’t exist. If gender roles and stereotypes didn’t stain my entire being. If I didn’t suffer at the hands of misogyny that molded the clay that was me. I wonder what I would do, what I would say, what I would like, what I would crave, what I would be. The likelihood of us being anything close to similar seems slim considering how many things could be different. I just wonder what type of woman I would be if I hadn’t been told from the day I was born how and who I should become. Would I still enjoy wearing makeup if I hadn’t been conditioned to feel better about myself with it on? Would my favorite color still be orange if pink hadn’t been forced on me and I didn’t care to make a point of rejecting it? Would I stand up for myself more if I hadn’t been taught to cater to the comfort of others before prioritizing my own? Would my natural instinct still be to feel wary of those around me if abuse and harassment and assault were not normalized in our society? Would I still want long hair if I hadn't been brainwashed into believing that my beauty is rooted in being feminine, and that my value is rooted in being beautiful? Would I be the same? How much, or how little, would that impossible girl resemble me as I am now? And are my interests and passions genuine—truly mine—or can they all be linked to some expectation to accommodate, some predetermined role to serve, some juxtaposing desire to please a system I don’t even like. Do I actually love video games as much as I think I do, or do I only like them because I think it makes me appear cooler to men? Do I actually want to get married as much as I think I do, or do I only want to because historically that was where the female fit in? Do I actually find solace in journaling as much as I think I do, or do I only find solace in it because it is the only time I can share my traumatic experiences without being called a crazy attention seeker? There is so much I wonder about, which parts of me are real and which have been tinkered with. Which is just pure me, and which is because of something else. A factor of the patriarch. Of course I’ll never know, but that truth does not keep me from being curious about the girl who does not suffer from the wrath of an internalized male gaze and the burden of internalized misogyny. I bet she is lovely—free of the shackles—and I hope she feels at peace.

— alhwrites

03/25/2021+03/26/2021

The unconscious act of clinging to one’s tangible emotions removes all possibility of these coming into existence.

The backwards law plays a paramount role in these cases.

Trying to draw out something,which not even the owner can feel on command is foolish.

It’s like stomping on the ground and then start fishing,meanwhile believing to go home with a handful of goods.

To actually be able to accomplish what you set out to do,you have to immerse yourself in the environment and follow where the current brings you.

Then,and only then,the reward will come to you.

The focus should not be one’s own emotions,and therefore not even themselves as a person.

Shifting it on a purpose beside that which has been the constant object of such attention,would prove benefiting for the primary objective itself.

For one to receive love,they must first know how it would feel before being able to open the doors to it.

By bestowing close ones with your own small acts of love,each in their different shape,will open the one-sided path of love.

Do not covet from others what you have never given to them.

“I walk along a street and see in the faces of the passersby not the expression they really have but the expression they would have for me if they knew about my life and how I am, if I carried, transparent in my gestures and my face, the ridiculous, timid abnormality of my soul.”

—

Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet

“The way people treat you is a statement of who they are as a human being. It’s not a statement about you.”

— Unknown

03/10/2021

It wasn’t a long time ago,though it supposedly was.

Here I laid,in this same bed,hugging my covers as tightly as I could,

genuinely wishing to become one with them and vanish in that exact moment.

It felt like a void,the harshest and heaviest one could experience within their bodily existence.

My mind,an abyss.

My body,an havoc.

Somewhere,somehow,I envisioned a version of me which could grasp that forlorn warmth.

She welcomed it in the most easy-going manner,very-well knowing how fleeting that emotion would be.

It was not light,nor was it fuzzy,or bubbling or anything at all.

It just was.

It was right.

May it be precognition or the strength of my will,I do know that THAT was the precursor to who I am now.

I’m alive,living who I yearned to be.

And a lot more than than that as well.

Sometimes I feel like I am in a bathtub filling up faster than I can drain it. And lately, the drain is clogged and I am drowning and drowning and drowning.

I am losing air faster than I can handle; killing me slowly, suffocating me with black spots filtering over my eyes, decorating my room’s walls.

It’s a strange sensation, that of time running out. Who chained me to the bottom of this bathtub in the first place? Who is turning on the water, was it me?

I am the hand of ruin; the catalyst to my own destruction. Salvation seems beyond reason and unfathomable beneath the water.

Writing was my drain.

It breathes fire into my lungs and ice into veins. It’s the only time I feel in control, powerful… alive.

Now, the doubt, guilt and shame ties me to the silence. It weighs me down and binds my hands below. I don’t think I can tell which way is up anymore.

Words are losing meaning and the space between them is an abyss.

I am told to have hope. To write of the sun after rainy days. But what do you write about when the sun burns you charred and the rain soaks you to the bone?

God, I need five more minutes of peace.

I know it’s too much to ask, I haven’t been your favorite for years.

I am drowning, lost and fearful.

My heart has turned to solid as my body sinks further. Is floating up even worth it at this point? Or should I let the darkness continue its course? After all, who am I but a hollow vessel to tell it to stop.

The fact that you can feel so strongly for someone but they never have to feel the same. The fact that you can love and want only one person and they don’t have to feel the same. The fact that you can miss someone so much your heart aches for them, yet they can be fine without you

02/03/2021

It’s not me.

It wasn’t me being so out of it that everything seemed dull.

There was and there is a reason.

No overthinking ended up being futile insofar as it became a starting point for a new series of events.

Things started making sense as some behaviors connected themselves with words spoken by the people in question.

Incongruent actions were carried out by people who are no more coherent themselves.

It’s okay as much as it will not worsen.

I will not just bear with it and that is a given.

———————————————————————

My world has yet to change.

What has fundamentally morphed is only myself,albeit I have to carry on like this for a while longer.

I must work on myself without trying to find distractions,whether they force themselves in my life or I let them in willingly.

It all depends on my capability of consciously making the decisions which are waiting in line and have been for a while.

02/28/2021

A person’s actions may be a result of careful thinking;

they may be a wim based on precursor principles and ideas,

although they might just as well be without a meaning.

A shell.Or not?

A wall.Or not?

Ensuring the groundwork behind every action should be the first priority.

None can be commenced whenever it is missing the meaning that should be conveyed.

However fundamental I regard this notion to be,not many do so nowadays.

Therefore I am left wandering about whether the meaning I see is real or made-up by my own beliefs,thoughts and needs.

Humans can be rather imaginative when it comes to deciphering the smallest of actions.

Nothing is almost ever delivered in its integrity,

May it be for fear of giving away the true meaning and reason they formed in their minds;

Or for a specifically intended reason,which,for all intents and purposes,is intangible.

02/27/2021

It feels warm inside.

Like a boiling well that makes you feel fuzzy;

Its water ascends so as to reach the furthest parts of the body.

Its heaviness is counteracted by how lightweight the body feels.

It reminds me of the aftereffects of getting drunk.

Feelings are feral things

Half of them want to be free

Half of them want to stay in their cage

Thing is

You can't leave the door open halfway

.

And you can't take the sound of them

Banging on the bars

Shrieking to be loosed

And you can't look them in the eye

Or you'll go insane

.

Feelings are feral things

Half of them want to be free

Half of them want to stay in their cage

Thing is

You can't open the door halfway

.

You can visit them sometimes

The pieces of you that live in a zoo

Just remember -- don't feed the animals

And never give the tiger the key.

“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.”

— Mitch Albom

In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.

- Friedrich Nietzsche

“Maybe, the only thing that has to make sense about being somebody’s friend is that you help them be their best self on any given day. That you give them a home when they don’t want to be in their own.”

— Elizabeth Acevedo, The Poet X (via thebookquotes)

02/13/2021

I feel so relatably lonely.

Surrounded by others,I’m able to laugh and have fun,yet I’m so alone.

Truly,deeply,alone.

That was it all along.Loneliness.

Craving for a soul that matches your own.

Yearning for somebody that makes you feel right.

Longing for a meaningful connection to someone.

Silence feels so foreign to the point that i can’t breathe in it.

It’s helplessly eating me alive.

I want so much to happen just to fill this void i have inside of me.

Oh.It feels so compelling.Numbness seems a divine state of being right this moment.

How good would it be to be back to the old me?

Too much.And yet nothing at all.

Who am I in this life?

Who am I in this moment?

What am I supposed to be living for?

“You’re going to love it.

You’re going to love the you that has always wanted to be you.”

Right?

The scariest part of a depressive episode isn't crying due to the intense sadness and pain, but when you can't.

Art by Claralieu

I don't know how many times I survived myself without telling anyone.

-V. J.

Olivia Laing, The Lonely City

You take in the image; the bed that I sit in is a throne of safety. Your eyes are disappointed. Mine are enthralled. You ask, "what's the matter?" I tell you, "you know." You ask, "what can I do?" I tell you, "you know." The crescendo of metal from the chair excites me, and you are on your knees begging, "what can I do?" I rest my palm on your sweat soaked crown, and my final response - "you need to get your shit together." The echo of your cries mix with my empty laughter as the wolves remove you. It is followed by silence broken only by the dull dripping sound of saline against nylon. Ah, it's time for meal number five.

January 19, 2021

I found this on Pinterest and am crying for some reason-

"What cannot be said will be wept"

~Sappho

Saying the truth aloud could free me from this burden.Or will it not?

It's all new to me,what I'm feeling does not fall under any of the categories I've explored so far. I've fallen in a deep calm, like a lake without shores.

All I've collected in my life so far surrounds me.

I can't tell its purpose.

It does not feel as if it's trying to drown me,or even coaxing me into drowning myself.

It's distracting and compelling.

A friend told me something which is not far from the truth.The lake promptly absorbed it,and I could not see the end of what its raw form meant to me,not as I would've intended to.

It all weighs heavy on my soul.

I'm transitioning from my self-created alter ago to what I believe is my true self.

Is it hurting?I can't tell.

True pain does not feel as this does.

Maybe I'm not in pain.

It's not an option I can exclude.

Let's wait and see how this longed metamorphosis will take place.

2021/19/01

#DiaryOfAGirlMisunderstood

The Letter I was Afraid to Send

It wasn’t that the feeling for you wasn’t there. It wasn’t that the love I have for you was momentary and based on temporary stimulations - I just wasn’t ready.

Thank you for being who you are, for the man you are. I wasn’t ready for the direction you were heading in. I wasn’t ready to hold your hand and be your eyes when you lose your way. I wasn’t ready to be part of a storyline that I felt I felt I had no part in.

Parts of me were scared of you, scared of the depths that exist within you. My own biggest fear was that my own inhibitions would throw rocks on your path and slow you down from getting to your destination. I was scared my flaws hindered you from being the man you want to be. I was scared that my own shortcomings would become your shortcomings because pain has a way becoming contagious when you’re in a relationship with someone who feels as deep as you do.

At that time, I felt that I was being considerate. Now I realize how selfish I was I can admit I should’ve been better and that you definitely deserve better

2021/12/01

Maybe it's time to take a step back.

All I've built does not sit right with me anymore.

Everything I believed to be one of my key truths isn't actually what it should have been.

It made everything seem like a transient moment.

That's why I feel so lost.

I couldn't fathom this realization,my mind was keeping it from me until I was ready to welcome and accept it.

It is considerably unalike the way it felt years ago.

I feel void but so full and overwhelmed by my emotions.

My emotions.How strange it sounds to be able to openly display them both to my own self snd to others.

It makes me proud.

~

There's also hurt in there.

I can't shake this overwhelming flow of emotions that is burning within me.

I wouldn't give it up for anything in this world,neverthless I feel powerless.

I am supposed to start anew.How is that supposed to be done?

Am I still the person I believe I am?

Is there more that wants to come out of its abyss?

"Un solo sguardo e tutto è finito lí"

~Lacrime dal Cielo

There are two thing you can't fake or hide: the look in your eyes and your heartbeat.

May it be because they are connected to your spiritual self or because of a scientifically proven phenomenon,the true you knows that they will always be true.

They are truths that do not need to be proven.

They can't be concealed and you can't stop them from being conveyed to others.

It flows through that thin connection that surrounds us all and does not pass unobserved.

This allows you to let your trust reside in someone.

To let your emotions run freely.

To give it your all.

People are not made up of only one self,unfortunately.

As much as those things are true,they reflect the true essence and feelings of only one of their selves.

Their others selves are not obliged to uphold those truths.

Believe in them and believe in yourself as well. Good will surely come from it.

2021/08/01

Start,start,start...where to start....

The vibe around me has changed since the New Years.

Being aware of oneself is hard although seemingly doable as far as I've tried.Nonetheless,being aware of the people around you as well as everything that comes with the everyday life is not a joke.

Empathy makes part of it seem right,despite how much hurt I feel afterwards.

It's so tiring honestly.

The good thing turned to be that I actually accomplished the most important (almost everything) goals that I had set for myself in 2020.I'm a new person as a result of that.

There's still so much going on but my giddiness is obfuscating every thought.

Well,looks like I'll have something to ponder over the next month.

2021/01/06

Loneliness is a Dangerous Thing

‘Everyone knows there are forms of cruelty which can injure a man’s life without injuring his body. They are such as deprive him of a certain form of food necessary to the life of the soul.’                     - Simone Weil, The Need for Roots

Rootlessness and homelessness, though similar in nature, are also quite different. A person who is rootless may very well have a home, but does not have a sense of belonging, they identify themselves as ‘the other’. 

Since the end of World War II, migration has increased significantly with people opting to set up their life somewhere new, whether this be for a job, education, religion, or whatever opportunity this may provide. A person disentangles themselves from the ties and bonds that they have with one place and form this relationship somewhere new… this is now home.

But home for you may not always be home for the new family that you set up. I have mentioned this before in another post so I won’t go into it in too much detail, but when looking at those with extremist and ‘radical’ thoughts, we find that they are often children of those who have migrated. The parents have chosen to build home in a new foreign land and build a relationship with that place, but the relationship is not so straight forward. This relationship is a half way house between assimilating and holding onto one’s culture; the migrant chooses which parts of the new culture to adopt and which parts of their old culture to hold onto. This might vary from eating and drinking habits, clothing, social life, it could be anything. 

The child of the migrant however, having not chosen but instead having been brought up with this conflict between the two cultures feels lost. This is something I have thought about for a long time, but Arendt put it into the words I have been searching for for so long. 

The child feels a sense of rootlessness. 

Arendt argues that those who feel rootless or homeless will seek out a home for themselves at any cost, which can have disastrous consequences. 

She states that for an individual who feels rootless and homeless, often with this comes the feeling of having an existence that is not meaningful or fruitful. To find this sense of belonging, individuals often turn to exclusionary movements and groups, which actually only increases the feeling of alienation and rootlessness. Now they are in a group that only contains people such as themselves, perhaps from one place, class, religion, etc. all together feeling like outsiders, because of the absence of others of a different background. 

Arendt says that uprootedness has been ‘the curse of the modern masses since the beginning of the industrial revolution’.

Loneliness is a dangerous thing. When a person is lonely, when they feel their roots are not in any ground but sort of drifting from place to place, a person is not themselves. Who are we, after all, without a background against us? Just an entity, perhaps? 

‘To be rooted is perhaps the most important and least recognised need of the human soul.’

"This Jesus of Nazareth, as the embodiment of the gospel of love, this 'redeemer' bringing salvation and victory to the poor, the sick, to sinners - was he not seduction in its most sinister and irresistible form...?"

- Friedrich Nietzsche, On the Genealogy of Morality, First Essay:'Good and Evil', 'Good and Bad'