Latest Posts by leeisallyouneed - Page 2

There are signs

That the tide is about to turn

That new things are coming

That there is a reward on the horizon

There are signs

That you are going to be okay

That this overwhelm you feel will pass

That you can handle it 

There are signs

That the universe smiles warmly on you

That your journey is beautiful

That it will all work out for you

There are signs

On the floor of my room, curled up as far as my hips will allow, wondering if in a years time I would be in a different place were everything worked out, were everything came together so beautifully, so when I look back in my minds eye and I see my self on the floor of my room, trying to hold it all together, I might in that moment think of this moment as resilience

Musings part 301

I look around and it seems life is sucking the energy out of us, to be alive is to struggle but it’s time we all got a break, trying to not speak for the whole collective but right now planning for the future feels like a pipe dream, the goal is to make it through the day, the week, the month

How is it that of all the worlds and realities we could have built this is the one we saw fit to nurture, a world that leaves so many wanting and so few full

It’s innate for us to be greedy and selfish, it’s could even be called life, life exists by survival and survival is primal but we are conscious sentient beings shouldn’t that count for something.

I wonder what other type of worlds could we have built? Worse or better than this ?

Feelings that come with a new year

It’s melancholy

You can’t be too excited, lest the entire year doesn’t go as expected

You can’t be too sad because there isn’t any present reason to be

Can you hope?

Sometimes it feels futile, your hope can’t make it go any way either good or bad

So I ask for the strength to seat and be excited about the present, while working towards a reality that I am hopeful about

Musings part 209

Is loving a part of hurting or is hurting a part of loving

We meet someone who makes us smile and happy and excited but they also make us sad, hurt and upset

It’s like a dance between two souls, is it a forever dance? Where we find each other and do the dance in every single life time?

Or is this life time sadly not the forever after one but the dance one

I’ll never know, all I know is, in every moment that I am not with you, I long to be.

🥹🥹🥹

🤣🤣🤣

Nov 2024 | Netflix: "What's In My Trunk?" (x)

As an introvert, HSP

Living in a highly extroverted world, picking where I choose to extend my energy without feeling ashamed or like I am missing out, is one of the things I want to embody

and so we stand, 2 lovers on opposite side of a great river without a clue on how to cross but unable to walk away maybe eventually we will find a way

Being there for someone who is struggling is exhausting, the ups and downs and constant cycle of presence and absence can be overwhelming

So here’s a poem

My heart beats rhythmically when the skies of your mind are clear, I can see your laughter light up your eyes with a slight twinkle of mischief in them, I recognize you I think to myself you are right here

But without warning the skies darken, it creeps up on you like spring comes after winter, it’s been brewing underneath, under that thick hearty smile, under the jokes and the occasional glances

As I watch you sink, struggling to breathe, I reach out my hand but it misses yours and I know then that all I can do is wait in your line of sight so you see that I am the light at the end of your tunnel but my heart beats like a horse racing for it’s life as I am screaming at the top of my lungs “breatheeeeee”

Into the well

Some people make the mistake of confusing “submission” with “weakness,” whereas it is anything but. Submission is a form of peaceful acceptance of the terms of the universe, including the things we are currently unable to change or comprehend.

From the forty rules of love

90% of the time I am worried about doing something wrong, guess what?! I still end up doing something wrong

Forbidden whack-a-mole

(via)

Missing her

Hyper independence and help

These days you feel let down, your therapist says accept help, you don’t have to do it all on your own

Almost immediately you start to realize you get a lot of unsolicited support and then instead of saying no, you try a new approach, you say yes why not

You start to feel good, wow it’s nice to be helped until you get 2 disappointing news out of 3 and you feel so deflated and even more alone than you felt when you didn’t accept help

And you wonder why you tried in the first place but you also know you have to keep trying cause disappointment and handling disappointment is part of the learnings

Monday

Monday feels different these days, not anxious about the work I am doing or not wanting to do the work, I am doing.

I love what I do, I am happy I get to do this, but it also has its drawbacks, like, when will I get my invoices paid, will I find another opportunity to keep me fed and kept?

And so the anxiety is now about surviving, not the work and in some ways it feels like such a vicious cycle

Very much okay and it’s also okay to be uncertain about it from time to time, there are no rule books anyways

Chai tea bag + lil but of brown sugar + apple cider packet + 16 oz. mug of hot but not quite boiling water

it will not Fix You but like. maybe. maybe.

Numb???? (Rant not a poem)

I Dont know how i am feeling, i just know that i am not okay okay, i look okay but i dont think i am, i want to lie on the floor, i have to convince myself not to eat the same thing over and over, even though that's all i honestly want to eat, its hard to focus and i feel so easily irritable.

I hate having to explain the way I am feeling to people most times I am met with template responses and on the worst side, seemly dismissive responses or passive dismissive responses, like “you will be fine” and the other variations of it, the craziest thing is, I don’t even know what the response should but it makes me want to shrink still, a part of me feels like people avoid me or reduce interaction with me when they can’t quite grasp what I am feeling and that makes me feel alone and like I shouldn’t share how I am feeling but I also know that bottling it up is not the way to go, so no up and no down

Sometimes I daydream or bother line dissociate from my body to relax, I wonder if other people do that too.

There are days were the heaviness in my chest is so strong that I want to crawl under the bed or be unconscious for a while till the heaviness lifts off.

Is it always going to be like this?

Not a lot of people talk about GAD but it’s a real and deep struggle on its own

#anxiety #breathless

A little life walks you through the life of 4 friends and it’s a really good book but in there I also see where love and converting intersect, we’re friendship meets envy, we love our friends for who they are and also envy them for who they are

On the verge 

This is not a poem or poetry, it’s rambling, I feel close to tears not for anything in particular but because I think I feel everything and nothing all at once, i want them to come get me and make me feel better, i want them to call but i know I don’t want to pick up, I want them to stay and I want them to go, I want the opportunities but I don’t know if I can manage, I want ice cream, berry blast and suya, I want to be home so bad, I want to close the door of my room and disappear, I want to ball my eyes out.

I want to not care so much, while simultaneously caring about everything, I wish I had more bandwidth, I feel loose at the hems, I feel too overstimulated but somehow bored, I want to not exist, I want to not feel, I want to sleep so deeply and only wake up when necessary, I want love, I want to be wanted but also not care about being wanted, I want to move out but stay put.

Nothing helps, nothing helps, should I have fought harder, why does life have so much to do with fighting, even plants fight each other for sunlight, can being alive even ever be categorized as peaceful, I think to be alive is chaos, living is chaotic, the entire universe is chaos with everything hanging on a delicate balance.

This too shall pass, Abi is that this too shall end, anyone Sha, social media is shit, the economy is shit, can I manage my life, myself. Knowing there is something special about myself doesn’t make me feel special, does anyone feel so uncomfortable being seen as I do? I don’t want to need anyone or anything, why do we all need sustenance, why can’t life be just a little easier, to be Nigerian feels like you drew the short straw, do you think we draw straws for the kind of life we get to live?

I passed out once, I think about it sometimes the simple and quiet emptiness of not being conscious or could we also say of not existing, I feel nothing but a low buzz of everything, I know it’s there, I am just disconnected

Source: kitten.foster.corner