Harry: Oh And Hermione Started S.P.E.W

harry: i'm gonna teach my first kid how to avoid being a protagonist so he has an easier life than me

[later]

harry: ALBUS was the protagonist? shit

regulus is that one asshole who just casually coughs up blood sometimes. everyone around him is very freaked out and hes just like "yeah this is a normal tuesday dont even worry abt it"

HE WOULD

saitama is frankly such a millennial icon. like. the apathetic way he acts about most things. the fact that he just wants to find a decent job so he can pay for his basic needs. how he runs from commitment. how he let a near stranger move into his house only because he promised to pay the rent. just. what an icon.

harry potter, age 11: oh boy! i hope i have fun adventures in the magic world!

harry potter, age 15: time to bring down the fucking government i guess

a full set of kids in the 90s.

madara is a bad uncle (and an even worse babysitter)

have any regulus centric fanfic recs??

honestly i don’t read much regulus or harry potter fics in general, so i only really have one fic rec which is this one or anything by lullabyknell :)

do yourself a favor and read “Oh God, Not Again!” by Sarah1281

it is a harry potter fanfic from like 2009, 160k words, 50 chapters

basically, adult Harry accidentally goes back in time and wakes up on his 11th birthday again, but with all his memories of the future intact

(the way he travels back makes no sense whatsoever but it doesn’t really matter)

harry decides upon 3 goals:

fuck up as much shit as possible

make a shitload of money

save some lives or whatever

it is

H I L A R I O U S

his go-to explanation for how he knows what’s going to happen?

he has a psychic scar

(hermione is SO PISSED about this)

(neville’s like “either he’s psychic, or he’s the greatest conman alive”)

everyone just sort of assumes harry’s insane and he doesn’t do much to dispute this

harry also decides to make it his mission in life to LOSE the house cup every year

“snape is my sole ally”

he also goes out of his way to befriend neville, ginny, and luna earlier this time, so they’re part of the gang throughout and it’s great

even draco is a friend!

(kind of)

(when harry’s not spreading a rumor that draco’s the lovechild of narcissa and snape, anyway)

harry’s motivation for everything he does in this story is basically, “oh, this will be hilarious”

either that or, “it’s probably a tax deductible”

because the way lockhart is written in this story is also amazing and harry ends up teaming up with him to merchandise The Boy Who Lived so he can have cash to burn

(so he gets a LOT of shit done via bribes)

it gets to the point where harry is able to convince everyone that he’s not the heir of slytherin…. because if he was, he’d have found a way to make money off of it

and everyone’s like “yeah ok that checks out”

in this timeline, neville’s boggart isn’t snape…. it’s harry as the minister of magic

harry also decides to make sure cedric lives by quizzing him constantly on what to do if he ends up in a graveyard

harry: by the way, that reminds me – cedric. graveyard.

cedric, not even really listening: run like hell.

the sheer magnitude to which harry does not give a fuck in this timeline is truly awe-inspiring

he mouths off to everyone, and i mean everyone. lockhart, snape, the dursleys, malfoy, friggin’ voldemort

everyone is like “what… what the fuck, harry”

(though by the end of first year it’s more like “… *deep sigh* … fine.

snape is so angry

it’s fucking hysterical and just about everyone ends up better off

here’s the link

thank me later

After Sirius is badly hurt by Walburga, Regulus takes him to the Potters, where Euphemia takes him under her wing until Sirius is awake and healed. They have days baking and playing piano, James, Fleamont are all huge quidditch and have days spend on their brooms. When Sirius wakes up he realises Regulus has fit in perfectly with his found family, and the potters don’t plan on letting the two Black brothers go..

<33 regulus and euphemia mother son bond supremacy

submitted post

Seer!Regulus where the first thing he ever Sees is his death in the cave. He feels apathetic towards most things because he happens to have foresight and feels as though it’s all set in stone already. Everything he interacts with is an omen (his wand is cypress wood and thestral, every time he drinks tea the leaves seem to spell something out, he dreams of Sirius running away despite him not showing any signs at home, looks into a fire and sees the Dark Mark). He goes into the cave and drinks the poison, gets dragged underwater, but in the middle of drowning has a vision of Voldemort having made other Horcruxes, and he’s like oh shit, I refuse to die now. So he gives Fate a big ol’ middle finger and manages to gtfo (maybe through some weird apparition clause or whatev) and for the first time, he has no idea what the future holds.

—

someone write it hcbcbckdnd i love the idea of him just getting a vision while he’s drowning and then just saying no fuck u i’m not dying