(Credit To CollegeHumor For Making This Wonderful Trailer)

I have come up with a better metaphor than “you can’t pour from an empty cup” for burnout. You can’t boil an empty kettle. Pouring from an empty cup just gets you nowhere. Trying to boil an empty kettle can ruin the kettle, the stove, and burn down your house if you keep trying it.

It’s posts like this that make me wish tumblr had a “well, shit” button to press because I “like” funny posts, relatable posts, inspirational posts. But this. I do not “like” this. I feel the need to express the personal discontent this post caused and my only option is “like”

I’ve never quite been threatened like “You are young. Life has been kind to you. You will learn.”

Procrastinating be like

Add a sense of mystery to your RPG by not doing any game planning until 25 seconds before the first session.

You know what? Screw future cultural relevance. I want more songs that are immediately dated by name dropping technology. Give me early 2000s songs talking about calling people on your Motorola RAZR flip phone, allude to how much people are going to love your song by saying the CD will be so worn it’ll start skipping, tell me to turn the volume up on my Walkman, give me cultural flashbacks damn it!

Credit to ArtSpear Entertainment

I’m gonna need you to perform a full memory wipe before leaving, thanks

if we break up u have to return your keys and all knowledge of my personality traits & netflix queue

Prosecution: Your honor, the defendant has been scamming people into buying fake “immortality elixirs” for years!

Defense: Objection! Your honor, the defense requests the prosecution specify exactly how many years?

Prosecution: Gladly, your honor. As you can see from the arrest records submitted into evidence, the defendant has had the audacity to continue committing this felony for 148 years!

Judge: I’m sorry, did I hear that correctly? The defendant has been selling immortality elixirs for 148 years?!

Prosecution: Yes, your honor, the earliest documented arrest was in 1886.

Judge: It’s 2014.

Prosecution: Yes, your honor.

Judge: And you don’t see anything weird about that? Anything at all?

Defense: In light of this stupidity, the defense demands the immediate release of my client followed by a drop of all charges and would like to file a lawsuit against the arresting officer for slander.

Judge: Yes. Right. Bailiff, please release the defendant. Oh, and bring me any of the elixirs taken into evidence.

You have no idea how hard my dumb ass would slam into this sign

I just need you all to see this picture of actual notes I found in my homework folder from a project I did in college last year

Five minutes of petting my service dog goes to anyone who can tell me what subject this was even for