paradoxf0x
Good luck trying to find a gold bar in this dumpster fire of a blog
174 posts
Latest Posts by paradoxf0x
My parents made fun of me my whole life for not liking black and white movies. As a kid I absolutely refused to watch them and my parents called me spoiled, uncultured, said my generation lacked the attention span to appreciate good cinema. And I hated it. They wouldn’t listen to me when I told them black and white movies made me feel uncomfortable. They forced me to watch various old classics to prove how great they were, even resorting to showing me ones in full color, and I hated almost all of them.
And that’s because I didn’t hate old Hollywood movies because they were in black and white, I hate old Hollywood classics because of how women were represented and treated: like objects whose entire personality, hopes, and dreams get completely and utterly changed by the main male protagonist and this is portrayed as good and right. Even as a kid I could see this portrayal of a willful, confident, inspired woman be transformed into a “good women” by a domineering man until she perfectly fits in this housewife stereotype and it made me feel sick to my stomach. Women lacked any personhood at all in almost every one of my parents beloved “old classics.”
I guess all this is to say parents often say things like, “we didn’t raise you to be this way” or “why would you think we believe [some specific thing]” but like, it’s not just the things you directly tell your children that shapes who they become, it’s everything you expose them to and the message behind those things. Children are really quite remarkable at picking up context, so it’s important you’re aware of not just the direct message you’re sending, but the subtext and context of everything around it.
You know what? Screw future cultural relevance. I want more songs that are immediately dated by name dropping technology. Give me early 2000s songs talking about calling people on your Motorola RAZR flip phone, allude to how much people are going to love your song by saying the CD will be so worn it’ll start skipping, tell me to turn the volume up on my Walkman, give me cultural flashbacks damn it!
My sincerest apologies to everyone I told that my allergies got worse after taking testosterone, turns out I just needed to buy a nose hair trimmer, my bad lol
You know, having had my name legally changed forever ago, it’s fucking wild to open random accounts and suddenly see my old name, like
*Ahh oop Jump Scare*
people will look at classic dystopian sci-fi like "wow how did the author predict this would happen" and the answer is they didn't. they hoped and hoped this wouldn't happen. (some of them, the lucky few perhaps, even died believing the worst had been averted.) these writers took a look at terrible things happening around them, and imagined a future where these terrible things dominated and warped reality, and they held it up to the audience and said "see? does this future not appall you??? it has already begun."
dystopian fiction isn't a prediction. it is a warning and a PLEA
Temples are built for gods. Knowing this a farmer builds a small temple to see what kind of god turns up.
I was not expecting quite so many people to reblog this with a shout out to their own personal brand of anti-anxiety medication, but I guess its nice to know a lot of us are just out here tricking our brains into doing basic tasks, cartoon character high-jink style
My brain, having a meltdown like a toddler: everything is bad and awful and I absolutely refuse to function in these working conditions *dumps a shitload of adrenaline into the nervous system*
Me, sighing heavily and holding up lorazepam: would ya do it for a Scooby snack?
Today, completely unprompted, on his own, my dad, who even just two years ago told me I would never be a man, got me a “Happy Birthday, Son” card. He still has a long way to go as far as support goes, but for him that was a huge step and it means the world to me that he cares enough to keep trying. My point is that where there is love, there is hope, so don’t give up on them.
I would like to clarify that this post does not mean you should stay with/coddle your abusers. If a relationship is damaging to your physical/mental health, then absolutely cut it off. What I am saying is that if they care about you more than their preconceived notions of you, they will see how much happier you are after transitioning and they will work to overcome their biases (even if it takes them far longer than it should to realize).
- @jistring
I feel like pirating media that isn’t sold or offered anywhere legally anymore shouldn’t be called piracy. Girl thats archaeology
Just tried to play an ancient flute and it started filling the room with this awful miasma that wont go away
Just a quick reminder PSA for cis people: it’s not okay to ask trans people super invasive questions, and it is especially not okay to ask those super invasive questions in public.
To be clear, I am not telling you it’s wrong or bad to be curious and to want more information about some of the more intimate details related to transitioning.
What I am telling you is that you need to remember this is not an abstract concept to the trans person you are questioning. When you walk up and ask me what kind of surgeries I want, you are not asking about the abstract concept of gender affirmation surgeries. What you are asking is incredibly invasive questions about my genitals, and that is wildly uncomfortable and also unbelievably rude.
We live in the wonderful age of technology where you have access to an unimaginable amount of information at your fingertips! If you want to know something, google it! I guarantee there are resources online that will answer whatever questions you have.
And, I cannot say this loud enough, it is also never okay to ask any of these kinds of questions in public!!! Even if your trans friend has said they are open to answering your more invasive questions, when you are in public, talking about these topics can be dangerous and even deadly for the trans person.
Your curiosity is not worth more than our safety.
People are always telling me I spend entirely too much time in the gym for someone who has no interest being a professional athlete, and like, I’m glad some of you had normal, well-adjusted childhoods or whatever, but some of us are out here fist-fighting our demons, so why don’t you mind your business, Trevor?
As someone who is rapidly approaching 30, if I can share just one price of advice I’ve learned as an adult it’s that life is so unserious you guys.
As an AuDHD trans man with several anxiety disorders, believe me I understand how stressful it can be to navigate the world, constantly feeling like everyone else knows exactly what they’re doing. When I was younger I used to equate this to feeling like life was a stage play and everyone had a script but me (I’ve probably posted something similar on this site at some point). But I’ve got news for you, we are all just out here winging it.
Life is not a stage play, life is a collage improve class and the teacher has left the room. So just relax and try to have some fun while we all “yes and” our way through this train wreck of a performance.
There are many aspects of male culture that I wasn’t expecting once I started passing, but one of the ones that confused me the most was how many guys wanted to shake my hand??? Like, this is not a job interview my guy, we are in a d&d store??
The types of questions about my transition that my friends worry will make me uncomfortable: Are you gonna take your shirt off at the beach now?
The types of questions they ask that do make me uncomfortable: Does it make you sad that your father doesn’t respect you?
One of, perhaps the funniest conversations I’ve ever had:
Me: *explains double incision top surgery and why nipple grafts are necessary*
My dear friend, a cis woman: So do you get to choose whose nipples they are?
Me:
My friend:
Me:
Me: No honey, they’re my nipples. I do get to keep my nipples, they just borrow them for a minute.
My friend, absolutely delighted at this news: Oh! That’s good! I think it’d be a bit weird to have someone else’s nipples!
The thing about this is that it’s not just other people. I used to get compliments all the time on my hair before I transitioned; it was long and wavy and people loved it. But I hated it. To me, my hair was plain and ordinary and burdensome. It was always in the way, an absolute sensory nightmare, never did what I wanted, so I never styled it, never put any effort into making it look nice, besides washing it every so often. I didn’t understand why everyone loved my hair so much, but I liked that they liked it, so much so that it became part of my personality. So then when I transitioned and cut it all off, I was deeply upset, thinking no one would like my hair anymore and therefore that I had lost a piece of myself.
But after a few very very bad haircuts (as is the right of passage for every trans man) I found a hair cut I absolutely loved. I loved the way it felt, the way it looked, the way it wasn’t in my eyes all the time, the way it wasn’t touching the back of my neck, absolutely everything about my hair I loved. So I learned how to style it, how to use all kinds of different products so that I could make it do whatever I wanted, and I started putting effort into my hair. I styled it every morning, dyed it a different blue every six weeks. My hair has never looked better. And I still get compliments all the time from strangers about how much they love it. Probably more than I ever did pre transition. But it wouldn’t matter to me even if I didn’t, because for the first time in my life, I love my hair, because for the first time in my life, it’s mine.
There is something so so very absolutely, incredibly, incomprehensibly amazing about looking in the mirror and finally seeing yourself. And I hope every person gets to experience that in their lifetime at least once.
btw the biggest lie you will ever be told about being trans is that transitioning will make you ugly. that could not be further from the truth: i never got compliments on my appearance ever, but after i transitioned, began dressing like myself, wore my hair the way i wanted to, and especially started T, i have gotten more compliments than i ever have before in my life. people can tell when you look like yourself, like who you're meant to be. it's beautiful, attractive, and sexy. transition will not make you "ugly". it will make you yourself, and that's inherently beautiful
Something I did not expect was how profoundly funny it was to show up to the airport with a doctor’s note as a grown ass man to get out of doing the TSA’s naked machine
One more joke hate: You may claim to be a woman but biologically you are a featherless biped and thus a man.
Finally a good argument for why I'm actually a man
Porch Swinging Spirit: A Hauntingly Peaceful Scene.
I have come up with a better metaphor than “you can’t pour from an empty cup” for burnout. You can’t boil an empty kettle. Pouring from an empty cup just gets you nowhere. Trying to boil an empty kettle can ruin the kettle, the stove, and burn down your house if you keep trying it.
Look, I’m not saying for sure you’re a trans man, I’m just saying you obsessed a little too hard over Spider-Man as a kid
This reminds me of the time my old roommate asked me to cut an apple for the dish he was making and the absolute, utter disappointment in his eyes when he looked over and saw me cutting it with a fillet knife.
He did most of the cooking after that because apparently I “couldn’t be trusted with basic tasks” or whatever.
Favourite songs too short? Turn your favourite song into a 2-hour album with just one simple trick! Passengers in the car are gonna love it!
Super thrilled to learn that people think the scars on the bridge of my nose are from a bridge piercing and not because I fell asleep in my glasses too many times as a kid and the nose piece cut into my face