Temples Are Built For Gods. Knowing This A Farmer Builds A Small Temple To See What Kind Of God Turns

“And you?”

“I was tying someone up on the subway”

As someone who is rapidly approaching 30, if I can share just one price of advice I’ve learned as an adult it’s that life is so unserious you guys.

As an AuDHD trans man with several anxiety disorders, believe me I understand how stressful it can be to navigate the world, constantly feeling like everyone else knows exactly what they’re doing. When I was younger I used to equate this to feeling like life was a stage play and everyone had a script but me (I’ve probably posted something similar on this site at some point). But I’ve got news for you, we are all just out here winging it.

Life is not a stage play, life is a collage improve class and the teacher has left the room. So just relax and try to have some fun while we all “yes and” our way through this train wreck of a performance.

A well playing job, countless new friends, *and* I can legally threaten bitchy customers with an iron rod? Where do I sign?

I’ll keep them graves so spotless you’ll be able to see the reflection of your dead loved ones standing hauntingly behind you.

Have you considered:

Modern furniture is a vengeful god that was never meant to be touched and all those who dare defy it will suffer eternal pain from the pits of hell

Real talk I hate modern interior design. I loathe it. I detest it in the personal vindictive way typically reserved for middle school bullies and extended family members who vote republican. Modern furniture design is grotesque, and not in the fun freaky way I respect. It is disgusting. It is morally indefensible. It has no back support, provides no comfort, no joy, no cushion for my tush or my spine. Minimalism does not exist for you, it in fact resents your very presence and the fact of your birth. These worthless sticks of chrome and pleather furniture are shaped solely to stroke the slimy egoes of fool designers & capitalists & hipster-cum-sports bars that charge $12 for an appetizer. Such morally defunct furnishings are for observation and corporate office waiting room decoration only, their raison d'etre is stubbed toes and back pain, they exist to punish you for having the needs of flesh, how dare you mistake them for friends

Salem the cat from Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Salem was sentenced by the Witch's Council to spend 100 years as a cat, as punishment for trying to take over the world.

And he’ll be dammed if he ain’t gonna be a sarcastic attention whore the entire time

I like the idea of witches familiars being monstrous beasts that witches have trapped in the bodies of small animals. They can no longer wreck havoc on villages for fun or whatever monsters do, so they just sit there being a convenient source of magical power and acting grumpy about it

How gay is it? Hollywood had to admit it, that’s how gay

Sorry man, it’s the rules, if you want to rob me you have to roll intimidation

Also, a dire bear has suddenly appeared behind you and you should probably do something about that

Remember- always carry some premade character sheets and a one-shot with you so if you’re mugged, you can distract your attacker by getting them to take part in an impromptu D&D session!

The 4th of July approaches, Americans, you know what that means:

It’s time to play Fireworks or Gunshots: patriot edition

And for those of us in Florida, the very special:

Fireworks or Gunshots: Floridian Patriots Deluxe Edition

5 points for every correct fireworks guess; 10 points for every correct gunshot guess. Each incorrect guess is -5 points. Unconfirmed guesses will be decided by majority vote. If you are playing alone, a coin flip can be substituted for said vote. All points and deductions are doubled for the states where both are illegal

Feel free to post your scores and compare; anything is more fun when you share it with a bunch of strangers on the internet, or at least that’s what a stranger on the internet told me

i need to stop picking at my face but the problem is theres Textures On There and i would prefer if there Werent