Say It Ain’t So On Infinite Repeat In A Barnes & Nobel That Never Closes

You know, having had my name legally changed forever ago, it’s fucking wild to open random accounts and suddenly see my old name, like

*Ahh oop Jump Scare*

Promise?

Friend: “How’s that book coming along?”

Me: “Which one?”

Friend: “You already finished one?!”

Me and my seventeen half-finished prologues of various novels and thirty other abandoned books with absolutely no endings: “Well, you see...”

i need to stop picking at my face but the problem is theres Textures On There and i would prefer if there Werent

something u need to understand about me is that me and my brain are NOT friends and she is NOT helpful to me. bitch gives me all these thoughts and feelings and is like "deal with these for me will u?" GIRL YOU'RE LITERALLY THE GUY IN CHARGE

Science needs to not. Like, this is how sci-fi horror movies start.

we all have a specific knowledge that just…changed us. for life.

anyway it is super important to me u know that scientists have successfully performed head transplants on mice

yes, that is a black mouse head transplanted on a white mouse body, and it is alive. 

THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN HOW IS ANYONE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL DRAGON BABY?!??!?

You like a girl with a lot of personality, you say?

meirl

Director: How should we show the newfound power and confidence these girls have? The sheer empowerment they feel?

Intern: Have them walk confidently and react to situations without being self conscious because they feel comfortable with who they are and know they don’t need to change themselves because they’re already perfect just the way they are.

Director: *blank stare*

Intern: Change everything about them and make them look like sluts?

Director: Brilliant! Make it happen!

All my strait friends keep coming to me when they have questions about gay people and I’m just like

Guys, I am one lone lesbian.

I am not the lorax of the gays.

I do not speak for all the LGBTs