Gay Ppl Be Like Yea These Are My Comfort Characters *literal Ray Of Sunshine*, *murderer*, *war Criminal*,

I was not expecting quite so many people to reblog this with a shout out to their own personal brand of anti-anxiety medication, but I guess its nice to know a lot of us are just out here tricking our brains into doing basic tasks, cartoon character high-jink style

My brain, having a meltdown like a toddler: everything is bad and awful and I absolutely refuse to function in these working conditions *dumps a shitload of adrenaline into the nervous system*

Me, sighing heavily and holding up lorazepam: would ya do it for a Scooby snack?

One more joke hate: You may claim to be a woman but biologically you are a featherless biped and thus a man.

Finally a good argument for why I'm actually a man

I’ve never related to a post more

This. This is the level of sarcastic arrogance I strive to achieve; where even my weapons are snarky, contemptuous bitches

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. “In english,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” - A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

Kids these days don’t know how easy they have it with their internet and cellular phones and the absence of regular tiger attacks

I think I just gained a new personal hero

Time to go dig up another grave! You know, for science...

The 4th of July approaches, Americans, you know what that means:

It’s time to play Fireworks or Gunshots: patriot edition

And for those of us in Florida, the very special:

Fireworks or Gunshots: Floridian Patriots Deluxe Edition

5 points for every correct fireworks guess; 10 points for every correct gunshot guess. Each incorrect guess is -5 points. Unconfirmed guesses will be decided by majority vote. If you are playing alone, a coin flip can be substituted for said vote. All points and deductions are doubled for the states where both are illegal

Feel free to post your scores and compare; anything is more fun when you share it with a bunch of strangers on the internet, or at least that’s what a stranger on the internet told me

I was thinking about how vampires need permission to enter a home and then immediately thought: Damn, vampires would make really bad house burglars.