Expectations - Blog Posts

00:54

14 oct

It’s all on me

The Air that cloaks me is so still. I’m out past midnight and im scared. In a run down government funded hospital with floors that remind me of myself- so deeply dented and dirty that there exists nothing to cleanse it.

The low hum that the vending machine sings is accompanied with random outburst of the intercom calling for a doctor. This is a place of pain, a medium in which sickness and dread gather.

She tired to take her life. So soon, is all that I thought. Although she is physically alright, there is this distant pain that stings me- what if I had not answered the phone.

I hate to say it but she has proven them right, she is weak. But I only hate myself for thinking such and dread the fact that such thought occurred about my beloved.

I thought I would be able to catch up on sleep, but here I am seated on a steel cold bench waiting for the patient and her companion to come out. I don’t even know what they are doing to her. But I do hope she is not in pain.

Am I selfish for wanting her to stay? Yes…

But then again I think if she truly wanted to leave she would have by now. Her calling me gathered the fact that she still has hope, without hope she would be past that point.

But oh man, am I tired. Since she has not lived up to the expectations now I must. This is not words that have been directly communicated but rather suggested and installed throughout my youth.

I don’t feel much, I usually don’t when traumatic events happen, and it truly scares me. Why is that I am unable to process my emotions on that moment. It is only much later that they flood my mind and slash my skin.

Aren’t we too young to live up to expectations of the society We are just some teens who are lost and are in desperate need of support Is it too much to ask to stay, or believe in us Is only written part or what society wants is accepted What about the hidden talents which are yet to discover What about the value of Life of us Aren’t we too young to face this criticism

Samiha Narnaware

Mai kyu kisi ko bahut jaldi hi apna maan leta hu ...??

Why tf i expect anything from anyone....?

Expectativas no cumplidas - Expectations

50 x 35 cm. 

Acuarela sobre papel.

2017

Honestly if any of my school teachers raises the bar anymore I'm gonna dislocate my arms.

How Not to be Disappointed by Other People

How many times do I have to tell you, Vic? Never expecting someone abundantly!

It’s not literally their fault, unless they promise for nothing. Here here I tell you to do better:

1. Make your points clear to avoid misunderstanding and unnecessary assumption from both parties.

2. Giving trust is not a crime. Some people deserve trust but some of them could ruin it. So, keep checking to assure they’re in a right track, but do not be aggressive. They need a space too.

3. Forgiving is ok, yet if they break more than once, you’d better think do they deserve the second chances.

3. Separate personal and professional matters.

4. The world does not revolve around you, put yourself in their shoes.

5. Any situation could happen in a blink of your eye, so keep calm. Then, anticipate what you can control.

I'm a jealous friend. Like I only want few friends but close to me. I don't care if they aren't intelligent or smart or rich or all that. I just want kind, loving and caring friends. And I'd kill myself for them a million times over and over again. But I failed to find friends who'd do the same for me. I do think that expecting them to put in the same efforts or value the friendship as much as you do, is unfair. But why do I feel insecure about friendships whenever I see them with others laughing and smiling. Am I not good enough? Am I not as cool as them? I swear a small part of me dies everytime I see one of my friends with someone else just having fun. I know that that's wrong and unfair. The funny thing is I am always there for my friends be it a breakup, an accident or an illness, but I push them away whenever I'm suffering and I keep expecting them to show up and take care of me and then ultimately get disappointed and heartbroken. I know I'm stupid. I can't let anyone take care of me, even when I can't take care of me. What an Irony.

Finally Halloween season has arrived.

For me

What would you do if you wake up tommorow morning and realize that you are not that person anymore. That you have changed overnight. How would you react when you realize that you dont remember anything at all what happened. What would you do if you suddenly found yourself in a time span much much ahead of where you last were.

I dont know either. But somehow, somewhere I feel that I am lost. Lost in my own life. My own vicious cycle of finding myself. Being good to myself. Being the person whom I am expected to be. Whom I expect to be.

I am tired of deciding things in life after analyzing whether I am becoming what they always doubted that I would become. I am tired of the realization that I have lost track of myself.

I want to live for me. Decide for me. And do or dont do things because I want to or dont want to. I dont want to stop doing something just because maybe that is what I am becoming. I am tired of justifying everything I do. I am tired of fulfilling the expectations of others. I am tired of not becoming and sick of living for others.

I want to be me and live for me decide for me and understand me justify me feel happy for me guilty towards me and me me and me no one else.

These days, beauty is packaged and sold.

That box there is this weirdly specific hair

colour whose name

sounds like a desperate student’s last ditch

efforts to meet the word count

That shampoo is a scent that sounds like an

overenthusiastic writer’s sensory description

That t-shirt is designed to make you look slim

Mirrors are our enemies

Make-up our allies

and we gobble it up,

Burying our identities in

Consumer debt and social expectations.

— y.c.

I’m so tired...

too much expectations and responsibilities...

I too have a limit...