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"God, I'm always confused"
"So you're always in a state of confusion?"
"I mean what other states are there?"
"Arkansas"
How Altair deals with ghost
Altair: *in the living room reading* ...
From the table in the dinning room counter there was a small tin can just sitting there till a sudden force pushed it off the table.
Altair: hm? ... *sighs* Jacob frye- *gets up and walks over* if this is another one of your stupid jokes I-
No one was there.
Altair: ... *pick up the can and puts it back on the table* ... ok? *is about to walk back*
The can falls over again.
Altair: *quickly turns back around* hm!? ... *picks up the can again* ... what the hell? ... *puts it in the center of the table* ... stay. Now then- *turns around again to walk back* What!?
Once he turned around there was a stack of all the dinning room chairs in a pyramid formation in the middle of the living room.
Altair: . . . What the allaena is this? ... ok! Listen to... who ever the allaena is messing with me! I would kindly like to see you in person now! ...
No response.
Altair: ... ok then... hm... *smug grin* well I guess I'll just turn around and- *turns around* just walk on over to the kitchen- *turns swiftly back around* AH HA!
There is now a spirit standing before Altair.
Altair: . . . Oh wait, your an actual ghost? ... I thought you were Jacob or one of the others, who was doing all this.
Ghost: ...
Altair: well since your here, do you mind cleaning up the chairs-
The chairs are back where they use to be.
Altair: oh... you already put them back.
Ghost: ...
Altair: ok but listen, you still need to leave, I don't know if you know this all ready, but it isn't the day of the dead or Halloween yet so, why don't you go back to the grave you crawled yourself out of just to irritate me.
Ghost: ... *uses telekinetic powers to pull the can off the table and onto the ground*
Altair: and would you stop doing that! That isn't even scary! What kind of ghost-
Ghost: *is now holding a knife*
Altair: ... ok where did you even get that from?
Ghost: ...
Altair: that still doesn't scare me I hope you know that.
Ghost: *is now standing a bit closer to Altair still holding the knife*
Altair: look why are you even here? This isn't a Halloween store and it certainly isn't October yet, so leave.
Ghost: ...
Altair: fine you wanna stay? then go use you ghost powers to clean the kitchen or something.
Ghost: ... *pulls out a chair from the dinning room and moves it next to Altair*
Altair: .... your terrible at being a ghost, I hope you know that.
Ghost: *is now holding Altair's sword*
Altair: OK THAT'S IT! HEY! YOU KNOW THAT CLOSEST DEMON!?
Ghost: ?
Aaltair: You know one by the name of... JERRY!?
Ghost: . . . *has dropped Altair's sword*
Altair: oh that got your attention I see! Ya well he's my b@#$ now! Ya that demon takes orders from me now!
Ghost: *has moved farther away from Altair and close to the door*
Altair: where do you think your going?
Ghost: . . . *slowly reaches for the door handle*
Altair: *grabs a chancla and looks like he's ready to throw it* I WILL SEND YOU TO JESUS!
Ghost: . . .💧
Altair: ...
Ghost: . . . *tries to open the front door*
Altair: *Throws the chancla at the ghost*
Ghost: *Gets hit in the head with the chancla and falls unconscious to the ground*
Altair: ... Hey ghost guess what! Your now my b@#$ too! Don't f@#$ with me!
Desmond: *just witnessed the entire thing from the stairs* ... I thought you were an atheist?
Altair: Desmond at this point I stopped giving a sh*t, now help me clean up this mess. *walks over to the Kitchen*
Desmond: ... *looks down at the ghost* ... you shouldn't have f@#$ with him man.
Ghost: ...
This is why you don't mess with Altair... even if your dead.
my favorite part of tumblr is when it goes "it's tumblin time" and then tumbles all over the place
POV: the younger bros wondering where casey jr has been for the past few days
beautifully drawn in ms paint with a mouse in 2 minutes
@somerandomdudelmao
hope u like it :3
FISCAL POLICY IS HERE
@whoischrista *trying explain some shit to me about something
What my brain hears from them
@whoischrista : blah blah blah blah yip yap yap yap *funny joke* blah blah blah blah what’s the word..?
Me: whats the haps. Whats your major! *evil noises*
@whoischrista : SHUT THE FUCK UP
just heard about communion!! "bred"????? "whine"?????? now thats something i can get behind!!!
I need Lucifer discovers bible fanfiction please 😂🥺
Multiple ways this could play out,
Bible fanfiction excited in Alastor's time and he teases or references it in some way
Or
The vees.
Doesn't matter which one, it would be quite in character for all three of 'em
KILL DIE THE VIOLENCE GUY
AMAZING ANIMALS BIOLOGY FUN FACTS
”Jesus Christ, what is that?”
”How is it alive?”
"What does it want?"
”Will it hurt me?”
”Will it hurt my children?”
It's only natural to ask questions like this when encountering such a disgusting creature, but rest assured- it's quite harmless!
Meet the hampter.
Hammers are Europe's largest species of insect. They are mostly found in plains, mountains, parking lots, underpasses, the savannah, landfills, trees, and shurbs. They are heavily endangered because they are too stupid to drink water if it's not in a water bottle manufactured for small animals. But evolution has produced a remarkable solution: a female hamper can lay thousands of eggs every day! Most of her young will die of dehydration, but the sheer numbers of hamspers makes it inevitable that at least some will find a water bottle and thus survive to sexual maturity.
Hapster biologist Dr. Lexapro Beaufort said in an interview, "I know of them. They like to sniff around in the dirt for seeds and grass and discarded cigarettes. They like to dig holes in the ground. They were not created by the same God that created everything else."
They can even be kept as pets! One proud hamser mommy had this to say. "Yeah, mine is named Keith and he fucking sucks. He just hides in a hole and only comes out when he hears me rattling my adderall prescription."
Wow! Truly the hater is the fascinating creature of planet earth.
Sketchy nonsense
I do think "old enough to be your father" is very funny in warrior cats because it can be true if the other cat is only like one year older than you.
Whatever you do, don’t ask the Toichiro Suzuki ai about gay people. He loses his shit.
I was cackling so hard when this happened. To be fair I was also running on an hour of sleep
Me practically everyday: