Im So Not Ready For Him To Go - Blog Posts

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Papa Emeritus IV x Reader Word Count: 1,820 Not proofread. Warnings: angst. I mean... I literally cried while writing this.

A/N- This is much different from what I usually write, I try to keep things happy, but I just couldn't get this idea out of my head. <3

All day you had felt something was off, precisely since the moment Copia left your suite in the morning. His movements had all been slow, as opposed to most mornings when he was rushing to get out the door in time to please Sister Imperator, he took extra time with you when you woke up, making sure he left you happy, making love to you, and showering with you, doing everything you loved to do on mornings when you weren’t as rushed. 

Every time you attempted to rush him and get him out the door so that he wasn’t late for work he would put his index finger against your lips and shush you. He would repeat the same thing to you. “What is waiting for me out there is nowhere as important as you, amore mio.” 

What worried you was what he said after that. 

“I want to spend every moment I have left with you.” He pressed a soft and gentle kiss to your forehead. You couldn’t help but close your eyes and revel in the touch of your beautiful husband. His hands gently cupped your face, and his lips delicately brushed against your skin.

“Copia is something wrong, my love?” You asked him finally. He pulled away from you, taking you in. The only thing you had covering you was your silk robe and that didn’t leave much to the imagination. 

“No, no… everything is as it should be, Tesoro. Do not worry.” Your eyes scanned his face trying to see if you could read his expression but he was all over the place. His expressions were telling you one thing, his body language another, and his eyes… well his eyes looked like he could burst into tears at any moment. 

“Alright then… You should go. I don’t want to keep you any more than I have to. I don’t want Sister to be upset with you,” you said, attempting to dismiss everything. If he told you everything was alright then you’d take his word for it. He had no reason to lie to you. He gave you one last passionate kiss before turning around to leave. “I will see you tonight, hm?” He gave you a sad little smile. “Copia, you’re worrying me—”

“I will see you tonight, Bellissima.” You smiled back at him before watching him leave. 

You tried to go on with your duties as you would any other day, but those moments before he left kept replaying in your head. The sad smile, his words, everything. 

You also realized every time you bumped into a ghoul or another member of the clergy they’d all give you sorrowful looks. Even the day took pity on you for some reason. The clouds were gray and gloomy and the rain came and went every few minutes. That rain eventually turned into a storm. The claps of thunder gave you a scare almost whenever they bounced off the walls.

You eventually found yourself on your knees in the chapel in front of the altar praying. You tried to think of other things to pray for but you kept coming back to “please, Sathanas keep my beloved safe.” You were thinking about the unfortunate fate of the last three Papas… But surely not. Sister wouldn’t… her own son, her own flesh and blood? Of course not. You were just being paranoid is all. With one last loud and mighty clap of thunder, you closed your prayer and straightened up. 

A chilly breeze ghosted over your body and you wrapped your arms around yourself to keep warm. Maybe you should’ve borrowed Copia’s red jacket after all. You finally allowed yourself your first real smile of the day as you thought back to that red jacket you loved so much, how it was too big for you, and how Copia’s smell always lingered on it.

You walked out of the chapel to immediately be greeted with very cold air. You decided since it was getting dark you might as well go find Copia, and let him know that was enough work for today. You had been looking forward to getting Copia to cook for you tonight, maybe some soup since it was cold out. 

Oh, how you loved it when he cooked for you. He’d always look divine while doing so too, his sleeves rolled up to his elbow, his eyes very focused on whatever he was chopping or mixing, and of course, his ‘Kiss The Cook’ apron never failed to be on. 

You finally reached his office which was not too far, but in the cold, it felt like an eternity. You knocked a few times but you received no answer. You knew Copia had the sounds of your knocks memorized because he would always say something along the lines of ‘Tesoro, I have told you before. You do not have to knock’ and you’d always giggle a little bit before opening the door and going straight to his desk and giving him a soft kiss and distracting him from whatever he was doing for a little while. 

“Copia?” no response. “My love? It’s me…” You opened the door, just to find he was not there. His office however looked a mess, like he’d left in a hurry. Papers all over his desk (and the floor), his chair pushed away from the desk, his writing utensils scattered all over his desk rather than in the mug he used to store them, and the top drawer of his desk opened. 

You went around the desk looking over the papers on the table. Nothing of importance, just requests from ghouls, and siblings of sin. You carefully closed the drawer that was opened, and that’s when you saw a letter addressed to you from Copia. 

Something was wrong. Something was most definitely wrong and you had to find out what it was. At that moment you didn’t care you had a dress on, you stuck the letter in the pocket of your dress and ran. You ran as fast as your legs could take you. 

You almost ran past the courtyard but stopped when you saw Copia standing in front of a ghoul in the rain and Sister Imperator, who had an umbrella just big enough to cover herself. 

“Copia?” you mumbled to yourself. You weren’t close enough to hear what they were saying, but you could see Copia’s face and all you saw in his eyes was fear. Sister Imperator’s arms were crossed behind her back and the ghoul was standing a few steps behind her almost like it was waiting for orders. You saw Sister Imperator turn her head to say something to the ghoul before walking away, leaving Copia alone with said ghoul.

Before you even had time to react, Copia was raising his hands in surrender and the ghoul was lunging at him like a vicious dog, with a blade clutched in his hand, knocking Copia down. 

“No!” you screamed out. Your scream alerted the ghoul who looked back at you, Swiss, but he did not attempt to harm you. Instead, he got up from where he was on top of Copia and pulled the blade out of your husband, who was now lying on the ground. Swiss looked over his shoulder at you one more time before dropping the blade on the grass right at Copia’s feet and walking away with his head hanging low. “Copia!” 

You ran as fast as you could toward him, and you dropped to your knees as soon as you were beside him. Your hair got in your face, but it was the least of your worries as your hands went immediately to the severe wound that was bleeding more than you’d ever seen. Your vision went blurry with the tears that pooled in your eyes. 

“Copia, you have to stay with me, alright? Just look at me please,” you said as you put pressure on his wound. Copia let out a pained groan and you looked around trying to see if there was anyone that could help you. “Help! Please! Someone!” Copia coughed due to the blood that was now coming out of his mouth as well. 

“They will not come… I am afraid my time is up, cara.” You shook your head. “Just stay with me, si?” 

“No, no, I can help you… I know I can.” you cried. 

“Y/n…”

“You can’t—you can’t leave me, my love. I’m not… I’m not ready, we haven’t—we haven’t had a chance to start our family yet.” With the strength he had left, he pushed your hands away from his wound and took one of your hands into his. You moved him into your lap as best as you could, your free hand going into his hair soothing him like you did on days when work was hard, or when he was sick and he didn’t feel good. 

“We have, Tesoro.” he was struggling to get his words out, his breathing uneven and his mouth covered in blood. “Remember—last week when you couldn’t eat the rigatoni I made for you? Hmm? Or when you couldn’t stand the smell of your own perfume?” You gasped, your eyes growing wide. You felt your world come crumbling down at that moment, and your heart shattered.

“I can’t—I can’t do this without you.” Copia smiled at you despite being on the brink of death. He brushed the loose strands of hair out of your face and just knowing it would be the last time he ever did that for you sent more tears down your face. His hand cupped your cheek, and you placed your own on top of his.

“You will never be alone, tesoro. I will always be in your heart and you will always have a piece of me when our bambino is born… always.” 

“Copia… Copia.” You watched as the life left your lover’s eyes and suddenly you were alone in the courtyard, with only the corpse of the man you’d loved for many years. Your scream of agony finally got the attention of people around the abbey and doors began slamming open. You could just slightly hear the gasps of terror and the whispers over the sound of your own crying. You bent over and hugged the lifeless corpse of your husband, kissing him as if that would somehow bring him back to life. 

No one moved as they witnessed the scene in front of them. Some siblings of sin cried for their Papa. Some cried for his prime mover, who would be a widow for the rest of her life. His prime mover who would raise their child, the future Papa Emeritus, with only the memories of his father. His prime mover who would lose the spark in her eyes for the rest of her life. His prime mover who would die protecting her son from the same fate of his father.

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