Dive into your creative stream
Lowkey thinking about writing up a new version of the masterdoc that cuts out the bullshit.
(main edits being: no liking feminine men doesn't make you a lesbian, actively dissociating and imagining a woman MIGHT mean something. especially if it happens frequently in otherwise healthy hetero relationships.
Do you have trauma? how young? what ‘lessons’ were you taught from this trauma? “I can only receive attention and care under the condition that I am a sexual resource available to men” If that sentence kicked you in the gut, your sexuality is probably fucked up in general. go to therapy. be very careful with “LGBT friendly” therapists when you do.
If sex with women makes you feel happy in ways that sex with men doesn't. maybe you have shitty boyfriends. but also maybe that is your inherent sexuality?) I would obviously want to do a fuckload of research before even writing a first draft but, is this even a thing anyone would want? can the masterdoc be fixed at all?