Random Ramblings - Blog Posts

Is anyone else curious about what flavor purple ice cream is??? Because I see purple ice cream all the time in anime’s and I’ve never once in my life seen purple ice cream, but now it’s driving me crazy! What is the flavor?! I need to know!!

SoMeBoDy TelL mE!!!

Sometimes I think about the fact that before Freud presented his Oedipus complex theory as an explanation of hysteria he was actually very invested in research on children sexual abuse and how that would be the cause of hysteric reaction during adulthood. He was in fact the one to advocate on “trusting the victim”. He himself stated that it would be impossible for the survivors to lie as they 1) mostly wouldn’t even remember the fact of abuse 2) when suggested by therapist that the incest or other form of sexual abuse might have happened during their childhood, survivors would do EVERYTHING to deny that form of possibility (because the memory of it would be too traumatic to even consider let alone to recall) 3) only after very specific form of therapeutic approach survivors would recall some aspects of the abuse and ALSO 4) it would be impossible for the therapist to induce this kind of memory because, as stated by Freud, suggestion never succeeded in evoking this kind of real reaction unless the abuse had happened.

And it’s so interesting that he dropped this because he thought that the statistics just COULDN’T possibly be true as the numbers suggested that the majority of women were taken advantage of during their childhood. Also he was a coward and was afraid that others doctors (men) wouldn’t approve this (and he was probably right).

And what’s the most fascinating aspect of it is how psychology would look like if he suggested the former explanation, if he presented it instead of the Oedipus complex explanatory which states that hysteria was all about the “natural children’s fantasies” and other bullshit. I mean we still use this theory even though we have a clear evidence of how it was a “substitute theory”. Ofc I’m well aware of other usages of this theory, but how the former theory would affect believing the victims? How much further we would be, even in psychology, if Freud hadn’t had dropped his former understanding of hysteria? Would the stigma around hysteria and being “hysteric” be any different? Would he be even famous if he presented the former theory?

i fucking LOVE the dichotomy between v1 and v2 in ultrakill

like conceptually yea you two are the same. functionally? not in the slightest. v2 is a police officer. can totally kill you but it would be better they could just threaten you down and take you in, with or without force. durable and long lasting so even an armed criminal couldn't so much as scratch them, and you cant get a way either they are FAST fast. but if they are doing their job right you aren't dead, just in jail. but v1? v1 wants you dead NOW. v1 doesn't need durability and long lasting mechanics because if they get hurt they just use internal healing mechanisms power by YOUR DEATH. sure if you get a few shots on them they'll kick the bucket but you wont g e t a few shots on them because they are to fast and strong, and don't even thing about shooting them because that bullet is going to find its way back to you. there is a reason v1 will always beat v2, because they were made to kill fast and without end. you are the machine and you will win, weather your opponents fights you or not.

We can all blame Allison for acting shitty in s3 of the umbrella academy but what we can't ignore is what she went through. No one paid attention to the way she struggled. Losing a child is something i can't even imagine, sure you can argue that she got her back but the emotional turmoil must have been unbearable for her. She tried to make herself happy and pretend everything was alright but at the end of the day she's just one woman that was going through hell. Of course this doesn't excuse everything she did but it does make it understandable, to me atleast. I don't have kids, but if I did I would do unimaginable things to make sure they were happy and safe even if that makes me a bad person. I relate to Allison and I understand. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

I don't know that I've ever heard a more apt turn of phrase than "consumed by depression"

It swallows me whole without remorse and I wonder if this is the time I am truly consumed

Some Days

Some days I love myself.  Overjoyed to help others feel useful A treasure whose bliss is creating bliss Worthy. Loveable. Hopeful.

Other days I hate myself. Overwhelmed with feeling useless A burden and toxic to everything I touch Unworthy. Unloveable. Hopeless.

Some days I wonder if I will ever get back to some days.

You spin me around

like we're pinning the tail on the donkey

Yesterday this, tomorrow that

contradictions and half-truths

Until I'm dizzy and can barely walk straight

and you end up with a tail on your forehead

Collected

You collect hearts    the way others collect shells Shiny hearts full of love    you are too scared to return Holding them to your ear    to admire the way they admire you Then back on display    until your ego needs another stroke There my heart sits in your display case,    dripping love and devotion Among the other trophies,    stolen by the heart collector

Dolly

I am your dolly You pull me down from my shelf    when you've nothing better to do To manipulate and pose me To play pretend Until another toy    catches your eye Then back I go Lifeless and empty    on my shelf

#need something to grab onto #to ground me #feeling lost #hold my hand #before i float away

Chase me Not because I am worth the chase But because I believe I am not

My eyes ache And I can’t tell if it is from lack of sleep Or all the crying But either way I blame you

the darkness i thought it would consume me but here i am with my light shining through

how can i feel  so empty and yet so full  all at once

I am a believer Always wanting To believe In the good in people In something bigger That promises made Are promises kept

It took a long time And immeasurable disappointment To become this distrustful But I’m really not

On the inside I still believe In you

And I believe You will break my heart Again

You tainted my book

The one where all my words go Every other page soiled With thoughts of you Poems of adoration And lines of punishment My devotion literally Written all over it

You tainted my heart

I wonder sometimes  - okay, more than sometimes - if your inner demons  - those bastards; fuck them - let you feel what you actually feel  - not just the watered down emotions which manage to filter through your walls - would you be able to love me  - would you be in love with me -

lost abandoned help me find me love me