Latest Posts by alienitz - Page 2

there’s this kind of heavy sadness invading me for no reason and leaving me broken even when nothing’s wrong

things are doing ok but my heart feels heavy and i’m holding back tears but i have no idea why

i spend my time telling my 'friends' that i have a lot of free time and i'd love to spend time with them and hang out and all

and then i spend my time seeing new posts on my feed where they're all together having parties or even just hanging out at one of their houses and they're all happy, saying how cool it is to be all together

and no one told me about it, no one thought about inviting me, no one remembers my very existence, and they won't mind talking about it while i'm here, it's just completely normal for them to cut me off their lives whenever they want to and pretend they don't mean it

something’s making me very sad about my crush

he’s very popular and handsome, so most people know him and most of his friends are also popular and all so you either like them or you’re a nerd (you see what i mean)

so every time i hear compliments about him, it’s like ‘you’re so handsome’, ‘you dress so well’, ‘you look so cool’, ‘your clothes look great’ and all

but as soon as you start talking about his personality, all you’ll hear is ‘he’s shallow’, ‘he doesn’t even have a personality’, ‘he only has looks’, or even ‘he’s dumb’

i don’t think i ever heard anyone making a compliment about his personality or his interests, not even his friends

whenever he makes a post on instagram, he easily gets hundreds of likes and about 100 comments in no time, everyone telling him he looks fine and he’s handsome, girls asking him to marry them, this kind of stuff

if he asks people to tell him something random in his story, everyone will tell him he looks good and he dresses well

and imma be honest, it’s true, he does look good, he’s very handsome and he dresses well; but he’s not shallow, he’s not here to just look good and shut up, he’s not superficial

the first time i heard about him was when he randomly texted me for the first time and we started talking; we had a lot of long and interesting conversations about so many things... beyond his looks you’ll find his interests if you just try to care about it.

he’s very cultured because he believes it’s important, he listens to pretty much everything, even traditional music from countries you forgot about, he enjoys learning new things, especially about our society and the way it works (here and in countries no one ever talks about), he loves music, plays guitar, he’s very funny and open-minded, he wouldn’t disrespect you, he’s very fun to be around, he likes to hang out and talk about literally anything, he’s the opposite of a fake, he’s real and you won’t feel embarrassed or out of place if you ever get to talk to him; if he knows what you’re talking about, he’ll give you his opinion and if he doesn’t, he’ll be interested and he’ll ask you about it, he definitely isn’t dumb, he’s also very talented especially when it comes to music

i wish people would just try to understand him like he’s always trying to understand how the world works; everyone loves him for his looks but no one cares about his interests, this is so unfair..

i’ve been talking to him for months and he always respected me, showed interest, helped me and supported me; he showed me kindness and a beautiful smile even after i said the most embarrassing things to him

i just hope he’s doing ok, i don’t want this to make him feel bad but he does know about people calling him shallow and superficial; i think he told me it was making him feel kinda sad because it’s not true

he deserves the world, not a bunch of fake people

i just thought i’d write about it because i noticed it quite a long time ago and i find it very unfair 

okay nevermind he doesn't seem to know about it

i'm just overdramatic

might have gotten drunk and drawn my crush’s eye because tbh it’s one of his best features

and somehow my drunk ass managed to post it in my story and write that i have a crush on him and luckily i only used a song he likes to let him know it’s him i was talking about

now he’s either so dumb he didn’t realize (which he definitely isn’t) or he’s read all of it as usual and basically doesn’t give a fuck (which is actually good because it means it’s not a big deal, right??)

well at least he hasn’t blocked me (yet huh)

one of his friends i never talked to followed me today and texted me as soon as i followed him back and i mean it could be a coincidence but i’m freaking out

might have gotten drunk and drawn my crush’s eye because tbh it’s one of his best features

and somehow my drunk ass managed to post it in my story and write that i have a crush on him and luckily i only used a song he likes to let him know it’s him i was talking about

now he’s either so dumb he didn’t realize (which he definitely isn’t) or he’s read all of it as usual and basically doesn’t give a fuck (which is actually good because it means it’s not a big deal, right??)

well at least he hasn’t blocked me (yet huh)

might have gotten drunk and drawn my crush’s eye because tbh it’s one of his best features

and somehow my drunk ass managed to post it in my story and write that i have a crush on him and luckily i only used a song he likes to let him know it’s him i was talking about

now he’s either so dumb he didn’t realize (which he definitely isn’t) or he’s read all of it as usual and basically doesn’t give a fuck (which is actually good because it means it’s not a big deal, right??)

well at least he hasn’t blocked me (yet huh)

he definitely made my day and i just can’t believe it’s real and i wonder what was going on in his head

damn this life is getting too good

my life was literally falling apart and then for no reason it just started getting much better in only a few days wtf

like.. i met a guy that’s being very kind to me and he sent me a meme saying i was cute, also my crush sent me something really useful for my exams and told me to take care, also for the first time in months i managed to work so i might get better grades and i’ve just been told that i’ll be able to study what i really want to study next year

i’m trying not to cry but i’ve been screaming for half an hour because i can’t believe this is truly happening omg

me: *randomly telling myself that my crush is no big deal and i'm fine*

crush: *texts me*

me: omg i love him, LOOK AT HIM HE'S SO KIND

someone please tell me why i thought it’d be a good idea to open my old emails from when i dumped that abusive jerk and he kept sending me emails telling me he’d show up at my place

nice guy: hey wanna spend some time together tomorrow? Or even have lunch together?

me: sure, i'd love that

my brain: nooooo he's gonna realize how ugly you are without a mask on, CANCEL

thinking about the day someone will actually read my tumblr and find out it's about them-

i'll be so embarrassed and ashamed

me all day every day 

writer culture be like

literally my team in genshin

It makes them look better at least

just lent money to a guy i didn't know and he said he'd get me a drink someday and he'll pay me back :)

(no worries i don't know him but he's friends with my friends so it's safe and he's a good guy)

lost a few friends, found some real ones, shared a beer, got drunk, learned to know my friend, my crush said hi to me for once and i found out my drunk art is better than my usual art

maybe that’s what we call a great day

my english teacher just came up to my desk during the break to read the text i had written down and it starts with 'when my time comes..' and he just looked at me like 'wtf are you ok??'

i'm sorry sir i didn't mean to make you worried

my life’s literally falling apart

i’m giving up on everything and everyone, i’m isolating myself and barely answering the few dms i get, i spend my time avoiding my ‘friends’, my crush still ignores me in the hallways, my coping mechanisms stopped working and my autodestructive behaviors are back

the only kind thing i received in days is a text from my crush cheering me up

idk how to describe the life i’m ‘living’ but i definitely didn’t sign up for this

i keep having nightmares where he comes back and finds me and hurts me and no one tries to help me

wow my only support rn is my crush and i mean i'm still falling apart but i'm a bit happier and relieved

just logged out of instagram and i told people i was feeling out of place, i'm always left behind

and i know i'm gonna receive a lot of dms like 'hey you know i'm here for you' and all and i know they mean it but i don't need fake people that show up when i tell them i'm giving up, i need real people that can see i'm just falling apart and all i need is some real and honest company, a word, a smile, a look, anything

sooo my friends have been making plans right in front of me and not including me for a while and they keep talking about it all the time when i’m around and the whole crew is invited except me

so far they planned holidays and movie nights, some in a few days, some in a few weeks

and i know i sound kinda angry or jealous or anything but honestly i just feel worthless and it hurts to see i’m not wanted and it’s just proving me right, i’m not important and they’re better without me

i had a nightmare (i mean i think i was daydreaming or phasing out or idk) so i was on my way to the art class but as i reached it i saw him, he was waiting for me i immediately started running in the hallway and the staircase because i knew he had seen me and he was after me i reached the office and yelled 'let me hide here, please! i'll explain everything to you afterwards but please help me!' and the woman knew me so she allowed me to stay and showed me a seat behind a wall where he wouldn't be able to see me a few seconds later he came in and asked her about me, pretending to be worried she pretended to use the computer to know where i was supposed to be and then told him that she didn't know he eventually left and i told the woman everything i was crying and i couldn't take it anymore i left the building and once i was on the parking lot i decided to run again, to get hit by a car on the road the same end as all the other nightmares where he finds me again so when he finds me for real, i already have my way out.

feel your heart crack open and let your blood meet your tears

i just realized that this sounded creepy as if i was just standing there and staring at them or something 

but hum i’m actually friends with both of them so i basically have random conversations with them and at the same time my heart goes awwww these eyes and i lose focus

also i don’t think they know each other

that’s it

currently in a room with both my crushes and i think my heart's gonna stop or something

so much pressure but so much happiness at the same timeeeeee

currently in a room with both my crushes and i think my heart's gonna stop or something

so much pressure but so much happiness at the same timeeeeee

my crush just sent me a very sweet and supportive voice message

i think it’s the healthiest crush i’ve ever had

am happy

me: *sad at 3am*

'[crush's name] replied to your story'

me: am happy 🥺