When Emily Brönte Said "You Said I Killed You. Haunt Me Then."

you made me feel like i was not enough

like i always need to pretend to be someone else

someone you wanted me to be

someone you would like to be friends with

even if you didn’t you it on purpose , this stayed with me till now

i will never walk through the valley of my personality without looking back, on this shadow. Scar that you left on my heart. Fear that’s going to follow me into the darkest days, just to give me opportunity to arise

from hellfire i walked through again

push yourself to do the hard yards. if we always listened to that sneaky part of ourselves, humans never would’ve achieved anything. stay up a little later, wake up a little earlier, turn on that website blocker a little longer and always remember that success is something you need to work for every single day, no matter how you feel or how many people tell you that you can’t do it, even if one of those people is yourself. no one is guaranteed to stay in your life, not even the people you think will be with you forever (especially those people), so how about you set up your life instead of wasting it away focusing on other people. and always remember that setbacks are a given, but you’ve gotta get out of there, for your own sake. 

this is one of my shitty art works from today :( anyways i’m feeling like i totally forget how to draw and it drives me crazy which not good and i’m tying out this new style or maybe even technic to draw when you do it by layering, which i already used when i was drawing not digitally which acril but rn in digital art i feel like i totally suck at this stuff and i just really want to learn to do it better. so for now i have goals and this whole quarantine took my motivation and power and i just want to be finally free and wish it is going to be soon because i’m literally dying which is not good yk yk

Dark academia reading list ✨📚

-The Secret History by Donna Tartt

-The Lake of Dead Languages by Carol Goodman

-If We were Villains by M. L. Rio

-Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

-The Magicians by Lev Grossman

-Metamorphoses by Ovid

-Dead Poets Society by N. H. Kleinbaum

-A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket

-The Hound of the Baskervilles by Arthur Conan Doyle

-Never let me go by Kazuo Ishiguro

-The Bacchae by Euripides

-The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

-Memoirs of Hadrian by Marguerite Yourcenar

-Possession by A. S. Byatt

-Les Fleurs du Mal by Charles Baudelaire

the nine muses but dark academia

clio

plays her own music on the guitar, she sometimes covers lorde’s songs, knows random history facts, shows particular interest in english history, speaks latin and ancient greek, drinks tea three times a day, introverted, lights candles when studying

euterpe

speaks italian, plays multiple instruments, though the flute is her favourite, good with animals, wears turtlenecks and golden jewellery, doesn’t like people, doesn’t respect people who have no general knowledge, wants to attend the milan conservatory

thalia

has great humour, sometimes sarcastic, favourite book is vile bodies by evelyn waugh, great at math and wants to be an architect, vegan, she only trusts herself, listens to gang of youths, goes to art museums all the time

melpomene

thalia is her best friend even though they are complete opposites, sees life as a tragedy, has read all of shakespeare’s works, rhetoric speech is her way to express herself, her dream is to be an actress, deep blue sweaters and beige cigarette pants are her favourite things to wear

terpsichore

a great dancer, does ballroom dancing and ballet, plays the harp, goes to her favourite café to write music, doesn’t use her phone, writes in fountain pens only, speaks only when spoken to, daydreams about her university years and can’t wait to find the university she’s going to attend’s library and spend hours in it

erato

hopeless romantic, though still very dark academia-ish, secretly a matchmaker, coffee addict, listens to hozier and debussy (weird combination but she loves it), also listens to ballet music, reads all day every day, wants to major in english lit, writes poetry when she isn’t reading

polymnia

wants to take linguistics, her biggest pet peeve is people who don’t speak correctly (naturally, she corrects them all the time), studies to podcasts, great at debates and is interested in politics, strong opinions about everything and is not afraid to speak her mind, bi

ourania

reads tarot cards, great at astrophysics and wants to study the subject in uni, first thing she asks when meeting someone is what their zodiac is, silk blouses and golden jewellery (rings mostly), has a moon journal, favourite song that isn’t anything lana del ray is drops of jupiter

calliope

natural leader, writes and reads odes, her favourite thing to read is odes by horace, quotes the illiad and odyssey, adventurous, sometimes thinks of creative ways to commit murder, wears dark colours, has friends from all around the world and lots of pen pals, visits old buildings way too often

the reason of me still existing is my weakness, and the same thing is the reason of my unwillingness to live. my mom doesn’t need me because i’m ungrateful piece of shit just like my brother as she says, my dad just doesn’t really care. the only person that made my life better and happy, is the one whom i’m making miserable, and for whom it is hard to be with me p, not due me being piece of shit but because of his own problems and past. i don’t feel right now. i don’t feel alive. i don’t feel happy. i don’t feel care. coming from others nor from myself. i try to smile, every fucking day i try to fake it until i would make it, but on this planet shit doesn’t seem to work this way. i’m already dead, all flowers in my soul are intoxicated, and i’m going to be nothing, i feel nothing, i want nothing, i have nothing. nothing to loose. people for whom i could live, hope that i will die. i’m making everyone’s life miserable and i’m the first in the list of those people. i need pain, i love pain, because i could never fully appreciate happiness. i don’t know the price of anything im a piece of shit and nobody needs me, and i am so fucking weak i can’t even make a blessing for everyone and just fucking kill myself, i’m this kind of an awful person, i’m so weak i hate myself , i hate every muscle bone and organ that i have i should be hanged or killed by the worst kind of death ever i just hope it will happen soon and i just hope to die

Top 10 favorite Females from the Summer 2017 anime season.

10. Ryouko Kaji (Tsurezure Children)

9. Dorothy (Princess Principal)

8. Chise (Princess Principal)

7. Yuki Minegawa (Tsurezure Children)

6. Kuga Akine (Yokai Apartments)

5. Takano Chizuru (Tsurezure Children)

4. Ange Le Carre (Princess Principal)

3. Horikita Suzune (Classroom of the Elite)

2. Hoshinomori Chiaki (Gamers!)

1. Jabami Yumeko (The Compulsive Gambler)

October 2020 Tarot Challenge

Hello everyone, this challenge was made with the 2020 October calendar in mind but you could apply this to any month. Allow this challenge to guide you through your October up to the Samhain full moon.

What will I get out of this challenge?

What can I expect from this month?

What should my efforts be focused on?

How can I prepare myself for the upcoming week?

What is my current mental state?

What is my current physical state?

What is my current spiritual state?

What is the interaction between my mind, body, and spirit?

How can I reap the benefits of my efforts?

How can I rest my spirit and find peace?

How can I take on this week with an open mind and spirit?

What in my life is draining my energy?

How can I energize my mind, body, and spirit to take on the day? 

What am I missing in my life?

How can I prepare for a new start?

What goals are most important to me?

What is the first step to pursuing my goals?

What is the root of my suffering?

How can I let go of pain?

What am I holding onto?

What relationships should I focus on?

What is holding me back?

How can I push past my doubts and keep moving forward?

What can I expect from the sun in Scorpio?

How can I honor my ancestors?

What are my spirit guides trying to tell me?

How can I heal my wounds from this month?

How can I connect with my higher self?

What do I need to do to prepare for the full moon?

What did I accomplish this month?

What do my ancestors want to communicate to me on this day when the veil is most thin?

I’m gonna try fasting for 48 hours!! I already have 14 hours, so only 34 hours left!! That means I’ll be done by 10 pm tomorrow. But who knows, maybe I’ll go longer because I’ll be sleeping by around that time. If anyone has fasting tips, feel free to leave them !!!

My rules for fasting:

-coffee, tea, and water only

-if I do start to feel really sick, eat a healthy, low calorie snack

-continue the 30 day fitness thingy but stop if I begin to feel ill

-gum is allowed

-if someone asks why I’m not eating, tell them I feel sick/my heard hurts