Dark, Light, Grey, And Science

Today was crunch day and was finished off with the first anxiety attack of the semester... heheh so much for a less stressful semester

Unfortunately, I actually studied a lot more than what is displayed (just didn't start the app). I'm incredibly stressed out. I'm not a writer by any means. Some people have math anxiety, but I swear I have essay anxiety. I had to write an "essay by example"... but that doesn't make sense to me. It was very unclear what was meant by "essay by example" so I tried a persuasive essay that highlighted individual examples to refute a really dumb prompt. Idk. I missed the first 1.5 weeks of the class and feel lost. She wouldn't extend the first draft due date for me by even a few hours. I turned in the most garbage essay of my life. I feel like I did the entire assignment wrong.

What I did today:

● finished the other half of a stats module

● made an initial discussion post

● replied to 2 discussion threads

● took a walk in nature with one of my doggos and my sister

● oriented myself for the composition class I joined late (syllabus, directions, assignments, expectations)

● read a couple example essays / instruction in the textbook I finally got

● wrote a 4 page essay that is absolute garbage

● anxiety attack

^Today's set up. Currently reading about online teaching practices.

I'm in a really pissy mood because my dad has been very very very hard to live with as of late. I'm currently in my room with literal ear plugs in and I can still hear the TV blaring. The house has the worst set up and everything is heard everywhere. However, he's a grown ass adult and can go down stairs and watch tv there. I miss the quiet floor of the library so much 😥

I felt so unproductive, depressed, stressed, and distracted today. I'm overwhelmed. I dropped a stats class yesterday (first time ever doing that) because

1) I no longer want to minor in stats

2) I truly couldn't understand the lecturer

3) the course didn't closely follow a textbook.

It wasn't her accent, I had absolutely no issue with that, but her slides just didn't make any sense. There were no sample data or pictures or diagrams and even the formulas didn't make sense (instead of sub scripts she would just put random punctuation afterwards). I gave it a valid shot for two classes, but it was clear we weren't a good match. I'm now enrolled in a comp class (counts towards my degree), but I'm so incredibly anxious. Writing stresses me out so much. I also think that my university doesn't do a good job with their composition courses. I finally got a copy of the syllabus and textbook, and I'm going to be rereading and rewriting about essays I saw in 10th grade Accelerated English. I feel anxious even though I have already done this. I have a lot to improve on, which is painfully obvious, but it doesn't sound like this course will help me. Also, I'm now about 1.5 weeks behind in that course. I needed today to be productive, but my mother called and brought up some touchy stuff and I got all blown out. Anywho... here's what I got through (1/3 of what I needed to do)

• read ch. 1 for reading in the content areas

• read ch. 3 for reading in the content areas

• digested a pre-recorded presentation + took notes

• explored some cool vocabulary sites for teaching K-12 (mostly elementary if we're being honest) (it's very very important to teach literacy in all grades for all subjects but my university kind of drops the ball with high school / secondary ages)

• did 2 loads of wash

• actually put away my clothing

• saw my sis and it was a little cathartic to talk about how messed up my mom is and what we went through but also bothered me a lot

...And with that I'm gonna go to bed and hopefully tomorrow I feel a bit better and can get some more stuff done considering all the due dates coming up 🤞

Quando... avresti molto da dire ma a nessuno interessa la tua opinione...

😆😂🤦

Transgender Day of Visibility.

@kopikuestudies that's the worst. Especially since proof writing isn't always the most natural feeling thing. I hope things worked out for you. Just know, math feels like such a horrible and unrelenting subject. If you're struggling, everyone else is or just lowered their standards or already took the class. Please try to find it in you to relax and do something non-math related. Take home math exams are literally torture in a new form.

Yesterday was a very long  day, and was made even longer by attempting to do a math test for a good 6 hours.

Did someone call an ambulance

(via)

I love my houseplants, but I have to say this post resonated a bit

I am very glad to have drawn away from the houseplant hobby before it went... entirely to shit. I'm doing one order of plants online this year because I want to try some fancy gesneriads but my brain is just checked out on houseplants and ready to do some real gardening

3. 29. 21 //

A word of wisdom: mind maps aren't supposed to make any sense, they're just suppoesd to get your thoughts down on paper!