@kopikuestudies That's The Worst. Especially Since Proof Writing Isn't Always The Most Natural Feeling

This semester needs to end 😫😢😓

The current view from my desk 🌱

I love it

So there’s this artist, Alex Schaefer, who makes a bunch of paintings of Chase Bank burning.

There’s just

so many of these

and I think it’s incredibly funny but

I just read this bit from the artist and

This is a "plein air" painting which means I set up my easel right across the street of this Chase bank in my city and painted it like it had caught fire. The police questioned me on the spot. Three weeks later Homeland Security was knocking on the door to my home. The question they kept asking me was "Do you hate these banks?" I can honestly say yes.

And I just think this is the greatest artist statement I’ve ever read.

Any tips for dealing with a parent who won't acknowledge your accomplishments? Tonight was my university's honors convocation. I sent my mom a link to the YouTube video (it was a virtual ceremony) and told her the time my picture came on the screen. She read it and never said anything. It's been about 2 hours. I was actually proud of myself, but now I'm bummed out. It's like when she said she would go to my K-12 band concerts and then I'd look for her in the audience and she wouldn't be there because she "forgot" or something like that.

3. 29. 21 //

A word of wisdom: mind maps aren't supposed to make any sense, they're just suppoesd to get your thoughts down on paper!

I felt so unproductive, depressed, stressed, and distracted today. I'm overwhelmed. I dropped a stats class yesterday (first time ever doing that) because

1) I no longer want to minor in stats

2) I truly couldn't understand the lecturer

3) the course didn't closely follow a textbook.

It wasn't her accent, I had absolutely no issue with that, but her slides just didn't make any sense. There were no sample data or pictures or diagrams and even the formulas didn't make sense (instead of sub scripts she would just put random punctuation afterwards). I gave it a valid shot for two classes, but it was clear we weren't a good match. I'm now enrolled in a comp class (counts towards my degree), but I'm so incredibly anxious. Writing stresses me out so much. I also think that my university doesn't do a good job with their composition courses. I finally got a copy of the syllabus and textbook, and I'm going to be rereading and rewriting about essays I saw in 10th grade Accelerated English. I feel anxious even though I have already done this. I have a lot to improve on, which is painfully obvious, but it doesn't sound like this course will help me. Also, I'm now about 1.5 weeks behind in that course. I needed today to be productive, but my mother called and brought up some touchy stuff and I got all blown out. Anywho... here's what I got through (1/3 of what I needed to do)

• read ch. 1 for reading in the content areas

• read ch. 3 for reading in the content areas

• digested a pre-recorded presentation + took notes

• explored some cool vocabulary sites for teaching K-12 (mostly elementary if we're being honest) (it's very very important to teach literacy in all grades for all subjects but my university kind of drops the ball with high school / secondary ages)

• did 2 loads of wash

• actually put away my clothing

• saw my sis and it was a little cathartic to talk about how messed up my mom is and what we went through but also bothered me a lot

...And with that I'm gonna go to bed and hopefully tomorrow I feel a bit better and can get some more stuff done considering all the due dates coming up 🤞

I've been thinking about the mums I most likely killed in my garden. I hope they come back in the spring.

Definetly not my most productive day. I'm proud of what I got done, but it just wasn't nearly what I needed to do. I'm still bumbed out from yesterday. I'm actually behind schedule this week (not just because I joined a class late). On Wednesday I was too depressed to do any schoolwork and slept and watched videos most of the day. Today I couldn't get focused until about 11am. I woke up somewhat early, but I definetly slept in compared to my schedule last year/pre covid.

What I did today:

● wrote two initial discussion posts (~700 words total)

● replied to a discussion post (another ~300 words)

● got half way through this week's Environmental Statistics module

● attempted to do some affirmations in the mirror today (I have horrible self esteem and body image... it's been particularly bad lately)

With that I'm going to listen to some Headspace and go to bed 😴😴😴