Latest Posts by gloriousladypaper - Page 3
Fearless Social Confidence: Strategies to Live Without Fear, Speak Without Insecurity, Beat Social Anxiety, and Stop Caring What Others Think - Patrick King book notes
Socially confident people:
expect to be accepted. When they meet strangers, they expect to make a good impression. They never approach situations thinking, “What if they don’t like me?” Instead they think, “I hope I like them.”
evaluate themselves positively. Socially confident people are encouraging, positive, and accepting of themselves. They give themselves leeway not to be perfect and don’t beat themselves up too harshly when they are not.
feel comfortable around superiors. Socially confident people feel comfortable because they don’t feel threatened, or that their flaws and vulnerabilities will be highlighted by the other person’s qualities.
With a lack of social confidence, you are usually choosing the thought that is cruelest to yourself.
when navy SEALs recognize that they are feeling overwhelmed, they regain control by focusing on their breath—breathing in for four seconds, holding for four seconds, and then out for four seconds, and repeating until you can feel your heart rate slow down and normalize.
Core beliefs:
Steps in a thought diary entry can be arranged in the easy-to-remember A-C-B format—
Activating Event. Note down the event/ situation. This is simply the origin point of your emotional change. It’s whatever caused your emotional status to change from calm to agitation (a memory, a song, etc).
Consequences. In this step you identify the specific emotions and sensations that arose. These could be simple feeling words— “anxious,” “unhappy,” “sickened,” “panicky,” “melancholy,” “confused,” and so forth.
Beliefs. This is where the action begins. How do you link the activating event with the consequences? What unconscious narrative or story about yourself was told to achieve the consequence? (“What was I thinking?” “What was going through my head when this happened?” “What’s wrong with that?”“What does this all mean?” “What does it reveal about me?”)
Now you’ve gotten to the bottom of your situation and figured out what your core beliefs are.
The first step is writing down one of the core beliefs you’ve just uncovered. Ask yourself what experiences you’ve had that prove your core belief wasn’t always true. Generate as many experiences as you can and be very specific about what happened.
Write down the core belief you’re examining. Think of ways that you can put that belief to the test. These are actual tasks that you can perform. Then, write down what you expect or predict will happen after conducting these tasks if your core belief was true. Perform the tasks. Write down what really happened after you completed your task. Compare and contrast your predictions with what actually happened. Finally, document what you learned from the task and come up with a new, more reasonable core belief that goes in line with your discoveries.
Bushman’s results imply that sometimes the best course of action after being provoked to anger is to just sit quietly and let it pass.
There’s a direct link between social anxiety and negativity. A 2016 Australian research study showed that “elevated social anxiety vulnerability is characterized only by facilitated attentional engagement with socially negative information.” Obsessing over negative details—including by constantly talking about one’s problems—only reinforces one’s social fears and does nothing to inspire real confidence in a social setting.
Personalization is the mother of guilt. In the cognitive distortion of personalizing, you feel responsible for events that cannot conceivably be your fault. While it is admirable to take responsibility for your actions, there are things completely out of your control: the subway schedule, other people’s actions, and a million day-to-day factors.
Common cues of overgeneralization are “always” and “never.” When starting a sentence or a thought with “always” or “never,” consider whether you have the experience or evidence to back up the statement.
Other people aren't only what they are showing to the world. Most people put on a good show. But do you really know what might be going on in their private life? Take comfort from the fact that while there will be many people who are better at certain things than you are, there are also most certainly things that you will be better at.
If you are self-conscious and worried that people will judge you if you say something stupid or “off,” there's an easy workaround to that. The best approach is simple preparation. Create answers to predictable questions and conversations. Run that mental videotape in your mind about your past 10, 20, or 30 social conversations. I guarantee they are not all that different from each other.
Figure out the general questions that people will ask and the topics that will come up in normal conversation and be prepared with story-answers. For example, How was your weekend? What are you doing this weekend? How was your day? What do you do for work?
How can we ease ourselves into social confidence little by little?
List the social situations you avoid. Ask yourself what kinds of gatherings or circumstances you steer clear of and write them all down in a list. Your list should include both physical situations—parties, family gatherings, work presentations, and so forth—and personal experiences that you don’t want to face.
Give each situation a SUDS level from 0 to 100.
Plan your goals.
Build your goal stepladder. You’ve planned a goal and have decided to start work. Remember, situational exposure is a bit-by-bit process.
MY FAV IG ATM: @NICOLESNEUROSCIENCE
I struggle IMMENSELY with my mental health even till this day.
I’m currently reprogramming my brain to not operate on a default survival mode. I don’t have to hustle. I don’t have to grind. I am training my brain to relax for the first time in over 20 years. It’s a process.
My struggles with mental health issues is what pushed me to get a Ph.D in Neuroscience. There’s so many factors of our everyday 3D reality that play apart in the trauma we sort of self inflict onto our brain. Climate change, inflation, even the pandemic for example. Long term stress inflicts trauma onto the brain.
I’ve been hesitant about having a urTOOspoiled IG account but I love the simple infographics that allow me to immediately take in the information and apply it without being overwhelmed with information.
I would love to do the same thing since most of my advice is based on data, stats and resources I’ve read in books or on the internet.
Idk though. In the meantime, back to my hidey hole.
Happy Healing! Hope this helped someone who needed it! 🧿🕯💕🙏🏾
Hello I’m Sorry if this offends you, I’d like you to be my sugar baby, just letting you know my intentions Incase you will be interested...we could talk terms and weekly allowance later...just basically paying for your time ....no sexual relationship.. 1000bucks weekly allowance
Hey Derrick. I’m stunned. Rather you give me a direct message
guide to become your best version ✨
the first step, be clear about what your best version would look like. questions to ask yourself.
what would my best version look like?
what habits would i have?
what would my life be like?
what would be my morning and evening routine?
what thoughts would i have?
what would i focus on?
what thoughts and habits should i leave behind?
how would i like to feel?
and lastly…
what can i start doing to connect with this version of me?
you can also add your own questions if they resonate with you, the important thing about this exercise is that you connect a little bit more with that better version of yourself.
from my experience, it is important to focus and work on these three areas of our life at the same time so that none of these areas are out of balance and we can flow to that version more easily.
it is important because i have realized from my own experience and from other people who send me questions that they only focus on one area, in most cases, the habits, and forget others, then when something happens or we go through a bad moment we feel lost and it seems that everything is "wrong" but if we work on these areas at the same time and we nurture them day by day we will have more control of our emotions and thoughts, then we will not stagnate in "bad times". remember, we can always go through bad times but these always bring us a learning experience.
✨ physical
daily movement, create an exercise routine
eating healthy food, for the sake and perfect functioning of our body.
create a daily routine that will help us reach our goals.
healthy habits
hobbies that help us connect with our best self.
focus on the well-being of our body
✨ mental and emotional
read about personal growth, psychology, and topics that will help us to improve our personal best.
journaling
keep a daily record of our emotions, as well as our habits.
focus on what we do want rather than what we don't want
detect what our negative thought patterns are and change them for - more positive ones according to how we want to think and feel from now on.
affirm positively
work on those areas of our life that we need to improve or are damaged
✨ spiritual
healing and balancing both your feminine and masculine energies
develop your intuition
have faith in yourself and in the process of creation (god, universe, energy…)
read about spirituality
meditate day and night
doing energetic cleansing
connect with your spiritual side
love yourself for who you are now
forgive the people who hurt us and forget the past
practice gratitude
practice compassion and tolerance towards yourself and others
connect with nature
this is what i believe brings us closer to becoming our best version, as i am always learning new things about the subject and evolving both personally and spiritually so i will continue to share this in future posts.
as always all questions related to the topic are welcome and if you have any doubts you can also ask.
Reflections on building a better me
Exercise is not optional. Mental satisfaction from completing yet another workout cannot be overstated. Physical satisfaction from feeling good and enjoying your body in clothes, the mirror, and photos cannot be overstated. Stop messing around, stop info hoarding, go exercise. And tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. And the next day.
Looking your best depending on circumstances (ie, casual, dressy, bedtime, etc) is not optional. External confidence from taking care of your appearance top to bottom and loving what you see in the mirror is highly valuable.
You feel better when you eat better. You’re proud of yourself when you eat better.
Hobbies, hobbies, hobbies. Do you feel embarrassed when someone asks what you do all day and you can’t come up with an honest answer that doesn’t make you sound like a loser with no life? You need hobbies. Some that are outdoors, some that are indoors. Some that are taxing, some that are relaxing. You will enjoy life more, become a more well-rounded individual, and have positive ways to spend your time rather than racking up more hours on your phone. Get some hobbies. Plural.
Procrastination and laziness should disgust you. You shouldn’t be able to relate. You should strive to be above that. You like yourself better when you complete your tasks and get things done in a timely manner. You’re proud of yourself when you’re on a roll and have a productive streak. You’re impressed by productive people and no one likes a lazy bum.
Decide what you want from life and pursue it ruthlessly. Don’t take advice from people who don’t have the life you want, unless they were once on your desired path and fell off. Even then, you listen to them when they say what NOT to do (learning from their mistakes) but clearly they don’t know what TO do bc they didn’t make it to the finish line. Take “do this” advice from people who crossed the finish line and have what you want. You’ll find that the amount of input that is actually valuable to you has suddenly dwindled. Good. Less chatter in your ears.
Get yourself in order before you go around critiquing everyone else. Get YOUR face in order. Get YOUR body right. Get YOUR money up. Get YOUR style in order. Get YOUR relationship together.
Stop coming to everyone for validation like a toddler. Validate yourself. Do you like it? Okay then. Are you over it? Okay then. Stop being so weak. Stand tall, lead yourself. Stop being such a follower.
Be a good person. Help your family, lend a hand to strangers, give back, say sorry, do things for loved ones just because, show affection, work things out, watch your mouth, speak respectfully, remember that the world owes you nothing. Stop being an insufferable freak.
You can’t change anyone but yourself. Get yourself in order and be a good role model. That’s all you can do. Give people advice when they want it and then go about your business. Get yourself in order. Get yourself in order.
Outrage content is the lowest form of entertainment. Engage in things that make you happy or educate you. Doom scrolling only leads to doom. Don’t like this person? Don’t click on their articles or videos. Unfollow and block. Don’t like these people? Leave their spaces. You don’t have to be outraged every day.
Always keep your word to yourself. Make a plan, stick to the plan, always deliver. If you can’t be reliable for yourself then who can you be reliable for?
Things I've learned working with (for) some of the biggest names and elites in my field;
1. If you can Google it, don't ask it
2. If you don't know enough about it to be an expert don't talk about it
3. Your bachelor's means nothing. Most of those absolute gods haven't even studied this field and they're winning. Experience >>>> certification
4. Stay as far away from your fineeeeee specimen of a boss (there's a story here but the idea is FLEEE TEMPTATION)
5. Only narcissists like a flatterer. No one wants to be constantly told how awesome they are it's actually kind of embarrassing. Cut out the hero worship, find the balance between treating them as equals but knowing youre not.
6. Survival for the fittest. Only the strong survive
7. Leave your morals at home. In this world you do whatever it takes until the only option left is to sell your soul, then its better to go home.
8. Never outshine the masters. This intern was doing so good he got fired it's sad to watch but Robert Greene said what he said.
9. No oneeeeeeeeeeee cares about your accomplishments, leave past glory at home. 'I'm the smartest in my class' okay well so is everyone.
10. Let your competition stay comfortable and move in silence. Shoutout to my fineeeeeeeeee boss for this piece of advise btw. (Yall the man is so fine though )
11. Know your place. Learn the hierarchy and stick to your post, rise slowly in the background (I'll make a post about it)
12. The elite of the elite are some of the most insecure people in this planet. Due to the nature of my field I've met actual real life elites, News frequenters, heirs , business moguls (journalism major here) and my God what an insecure bunch.
13. Networking >>>> work. Working hard is great but all success is networking. Know who's who.
14. Just because someone is in a position of power doesn't mean they're the ones in power. I've seen bosses cave under employees. When you learn hierarchy,learn who ACTUALLY holds the power.
15. Workplace boundaries are everything. Matter of fact I think your workplace is the one place you need the most boundaries in. Either establish yourself or get used ( the other interns were telling me about how the bosses would call them at MIDNIGHT with work lol and there was me who doesn't even look at my phone after ten. Also, SEXUAL HARRASMENT gawd. Deeeesgoooosting. Boundaries, ladies. Boundaries)
16. Do not go above and beyond no one cares. Do whatever you're getting paid to do and go home.
17. Your workmates are NOT your friends. It's not a team nor a family. Look out for your best interests.
Never give up on a dream because of the time it will take. The time will pass anyway.
decided to become a person i wanted to be so badly when i was younger :
happy, in love with life and my body, doing things I want to do and saying things I want to say, good at taking care of myself and someone who worries less and lives more, watch me
how i organize myself and you can do it too (tips)
i get a lot of questions about this topic and I have decided to make a post about it so that you can understand it better and apply it.
how do i get organized? i organize myself with a to-do list, it's the simplest and easiest way for me but there are other ways, but today I'm going to focus only on this one. I use an app called "todoist" there are many more or even the option to write down what you have to do and your tasks in a notebook.
it is much better to write down what we are going to do the afternoon or the night before so that the next morning we can wake up knowing that we have a list of things we have to do already written down.
do not copy anyone's routine, it can serve as inspiration and motivation, but you have to create your own routine adapted to your current circumstances and even to the goals you want to achieve, this depends on each person.
in the mornings, i recommend that the first activities are the ones that are hardest for you to do, that is, if you don't like to exercise very much, start with that. we can also change our minds about it, look at the positive side of the activity and what it will benefit us, and then we will feel happy and proud of having completed it.
in the evening it is better to do quieter activities so that our body gets ready to rest. here you can do activities that are less heavy, for example, you can dedicate time to your body care or to reading.
If you have to do a heavier activity in the afternoon, like playing a sport because that is your schedule, that's fine. or if you have to study, i recommend that you use the pomodoro method because it includes breaks and this will help you to clear your mind.
i write down in my to-do list every day what i have to do tomorrow, that is to write the list for tomorrow, that will help to keep it.
if you find it hard to find the motivation, ask yourself why? what new activity would you like to include? include it and the fact that you have to do that will give you motivation. it is clear that sometimes we have to do things that we don't like or are more boring, but as i said before we can take the positive side. for example, if you have to clean why not do it by listening to a podcast or music? there is no one way to find motivation, i don't think you have to do anything specific, it's just a mentality towards life, towards how we see things. so if you are a person who finds it hard to find motivation, look for something that you like to do and that makes you get out of bed, because that is much more beneficial. it is important that we start to look more for ourselves and for what really benefits us, for the good that we are doing, I think that is enough motivation.
if you have many things to do in the day, it is not impossible to do them all, on the contrary, you just have to organize yourselves with this list and there is always room for everything! you always have 5 minutes to meditate, to do your skincare.
as i said, you can put the smaller tasks in between or at the end of the day.
this is just a guide and i hope it will help you to create a perfect routine and therefore your best version.
if you have more questions you can ask me of course!
This my thinking on a daily. And yes tumblr has made a huge impact on woman I am currently becoming.
Is Tumblr becoming more positive or am I just liking myself more every day 🤔
Check it out
Femme Fatale Guide: Small Ways To Look More Polished (Essential Style & Beauty Tips)
Some simple fashion & beauty tips to help you look more put together to turn heads and feel your best daily. Hope this helps xx
Style:
Always steam, lint roll, and snip any threads from your clothing before heading out the door
Ensure your top, pants/skirt, and outerwear proportions flatter your body shape. Choose cuts, hemlines, and strategically tuck or button (or unbutton) each garment to create lines that flatter your figure
Be mindful of how your pant/skirt/dress hemline aligns with the shaft of your footwear. You don't want any bunching or awkward gaps
Learn which colors are the most flattering on your skin tone (and which shades wash you out)
Study your body shape and the silhouettes that best streamline/elongate your frame
Find the right balance of textures/fabric weight (too many "heavy" fabrics like faux fur, quilting or puffer-style items when styled together can look bulky if not styled carefully)
Invest in a capsule wardrobe and neutral basics made in high-quality fabrics (Pima cotton, cashmere, silk, heavyweight denim, merino wool, etc.)
If an item does not look quite right on your body, tailor it or toss (donate) it out
Make sure all of the hardware matches with all of the jewelry, handbag, watch, cuff or button details, and footwear you choose for any given outfit
Maintain your accessories and footwear. Ensure they're no creases or scuff marks before heading out the door
Beauty:
Always keep your eyebrows well-shaped, brushed, filled in, and regularly tweezed
Tweeze and/or dermaplane your face as needed
Prioritize skincare/SPF for flawless skin
Ensure your foundation/concealer/brow products are all a perfect color match and fully blended into your skin
Use concealer to outline your brows and lip shape for greater definition
Strategically apply bronzer/contour, highlighter, and blush to your face to flatter your natural hollows, and prominent features (top of cheekbones, the tip of the nose, right under the brow), and use a light wash of color where your face would be naturally flushed
Find a flattering lip shade that suits your skin tone and doesn't make your teeth look yellow/dull
Embrace healthy hair habits (condition generously, use a wide-toothed comb and a specialty hair towel on wet hair, use a heat protectant and a round brush for blowouts/styling and satin or silk hair ties/pillowcases, get regular trims)
Use dryer sheets to minimize hair frizz and water or Vaseline to slick back fly-aways
Exfoliate and moisturize religiously (dry brush or sugar scrub with lotions including ingredients like hyaluronic acid or glycerin, depending on your skin type)
Use cuticle oil around your nails & apply hand cream/lip balm daily (or substitute with Vaseline for any of the three)
Maintain a diligent nail routine (consistent nail shape, classic pink, nude, red, or vampy polish color, and a high-quality top coat)
🎥 nimilolu (via tiktok)
Yes yes yes I totally agree
people are so used to online content being curated for their consumption that they forget tumblr isn’t like that… this is my diary. I don’t post for other people. if you find the stuff I post depressing or annoying or too much or u don’t agree or whatever whatever…. that’s fine it’s not For You? it’s for me. there is no audience I’m performing for. feel free to unfollow me if u don’t like, I’m not a carefully crafted online persona I’m a real person
We're all stars in the making⭐
If we never try
How will we know?
God blessed me with such a beautiful soul 😇🥰❣️
I choose you my friend 🥰💝💝
Don’t be afraid anymore. Not of anyone. Not of anything. Nothing. Ever again. Listen to me: not ever again.
I am the girl that I think I am. 💅🏾
A young woman from South Africa 🇿🇦 chasing her dreams, living her ancestors wildest dreams 💫. It is just a matter of time till I get where I am ordained to be!
You're looking at your Air Hostess, your steward 👩🏽✈️✈️🛳 a beautiful Flight Attendant👩🏽✈️❤️🔥💅🏾🌍.
i don’t want to be “pretty” i want to be drop dead gorgeous, magical, ethereal, alluring, doll-like, so unrealistically beautiful that it’s actually terrifying.
Learn all you can from the mistakes of others. You won’t have time to make them all yourself.
Evolve my love, the time is now 💖💫🌍
