Now I Can’t Stop Thinking Of A Vampire Politely Knocking On The Bedroom Window Of A House Whispering

Sorry man, it’s the rules, if you want to rob me you have to roll intimidation

Also, a dire bear has suddenly appeared behind you and you should probably do something about that

Remember- always carry some premade character sheets and a one-shot with you so if you’re mugged, you can distract your attacker by getting them to take part in an impromptu D&D session!

All right mirror me, roll perception

Having problems finding new players?

Just hurl dice at the mirror until your reflection starts pulling its weight and stats up an Elf Ranger.

I’ve always been a bit of a kleptomaniac, but to this day I’ve never taken anything that made any logical sense. For example:

A wrench off the top of a fire hydrant

A coil of rope from behind a dumpster (it wasn’t dirty)

A big ass tree branch I carried for two miles that barely fit in my friend’s car; reaching from the driver’s seat through the little door thing and into the trunk

A broken piano from the side of the road that I dragged toward my house for half a mile before giving up (pianos are heavy)

I have come up with a better metaphor than “you can’t pour from an empty cup” for burnout. You can’t boil an empty kettle. Pouring from an empty cup just gets you nowhere. Trying to boil an empty kettle can ruin the kettle, the stove, and burn down your house if you keep trying it.

Dramatically opens the door to the classroom on the first day of school wearing this.

“Sorry I’m late. Please, continue.”

Galia Lahav Spring 2017

You’ve heard of Manic Pixie Dream Girl, now introducing:

Non-binary Neurodivergent Nightmare 

The puns! I live for the puns like this!

I finally found it! The best explanation of my sexuality (demisexual):

Mentally: a romantic

Physically: an asexual

Spiritually: a fucking slut

Me: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea!?!

My med student best friend who’s had 3 hours of sleep in the last 2 days: Aye aye captain!!

Several seconds of silence

Her: Wait...

Me, putting a hand on her shoulder: It’s okay