Latest Posts by paradoxf0x - Page 6

I get this ALL the time

seriously you guys, make up your mind

neurotypicals: why are you so weird? you’re really weird

me: I’m autistic

neurotypicals: but then why are you so normal? you’re really normal

Lost Girl feeds my lesbian soul

what I imagine heterosexual marriage to be like

brad: hey hon, whats for dinner

susan: vegetable soup

brad: 

susan: what

brad: its just that I had a really long day at work and I was hoping for a little more than….vegetable soup

susan: im fucking your brother

The queen is who we all aspire to be

I’m dying

This is literally what we do every time I get together with my best friend

I’m headed to the graveyard to go reanimate myself a girlfriend, anyone want me to pick up anything while I’m out?

Shout out to all the ghosts who died naked or at ugly sweater parties or in that one outfit you wear when you haven’t done laundry in weeks and you’ve run out of options

I have a friendship that is literally just this

Just her keeping me updated on all the shit happening in her life

I hate so many people I’ve never met, like, if we were walking and she was like, “yeah that’s Jared over there” I’d strait up punch a bitch and he’d have no idea why

#memes #funny 

Someone start a go fund me right now

I laughed so loud someone asked if I was okay

You have no idea how hard my dumb ass would slam into this sign

Have you considered:

Modern furniture is a vengeful god that was never meant to be touched and all those who dare defy it will suffer eternal pain from the pits of hell

Real talk I hate modern interior design. I loathe it. I detest it in the personal vindictive way typically reserved for middle school bullies and extended family members who vote republican. Modern furniture design is grotesque, and not in the fun freaky way I respect. It is disgusting. It is morally indefensible. It has no back support, provides no comfort, no joy, no cushion for my tush or my spine. Minimalism does not exist for you, it in fact resents your very presence and the fact of your birth. These worthless sticks of chrome and pleather furniture are shaped solely to stroke the slimy egoes of fool designers & capitalists & hipster-cum-sports bars that charge $12 for an appetizer. Such morally defunct furnishings are for observation and corporate office waiting room decoration only, their raison d'etre is stubbed toes and back pain, they exist to punish you for having the needs of flesh, how dare you mistake them for friends

This is honestly the best thing I’ve ever seen

Me: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea!?!

My med student best friend who’s had 3 hours of sleep in the last 2 days: Aye aye captain!!

Several seconds of silence

Her: Wait...

Me, putting a hand on her shoulder: It’s okay

Stalling for time be like

The gays just do it better

Gay🚀irl

AKA any deer seen in the Midwest while drunk

A deer that seems to be following you.

thought you might like this

My family is the weirdest combination of rich white people and crazy-ass redneck

Like,

Our fridge has a designated beer drawer filled exclusively with cans of Bud light, but our silverware is organized by use, with the soup spoons separate from the regular spoons, the dinner forks separated from the desert forks, and the butter knives separated from the cheese knives, and each is used as such

Our welcome mat says “trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again” and then you walk into the house and immediately see an ornate china cabinet filled with polished silver china, directly to the left of which you will see a machete hanging from a rope on the wall

Upstairs you will find a TV sitting on top of a broken TV, using it as a stand, and if you walk farther down the hallway you will come across a full liquor bar, filled with respectable alcoholic beverages such as cognac, surrounded by pictures of women in the traditional “skimpy German Bar Wench” outfits, then directly opposite this is a random weight bench and various scattered exercise equipment on the floor, because there was space for it I guess

All my strait friends keep coming to me when they have questions about gay people and I’m just like

Guys, I am one lone lesbian.

I am not the lorax of the gays.

I do not speak for all the LGBTs

You don’t have to be ‘special’ or extraordinary talented to do the things you love. There exists plenty of space in the world for the creation of new things of all shapes and sizes.

When you have made a thing, you have made a thing. And there exists somewhere some person who would love and cradle it close to their chest.

I was drawing a bunch of pentagrams in my notebook during math class because I was bored and I think I drew 150 pentagrams in total before a devilish-looking guy wearing a red suit broke down the door of the classroom and yelled “wHAT the fUCK do you wANT?!”