Latest Posts by pisforpandemonium - Page 4

I reaaaaaaaallllllyyyyy wanna re-watch OITNB but I don't think I'm emotionally ready to see Poussey again~

I don't feel completely fine inside but I feel fine on a surface level and I know I'm not supposed and this is just me repressing my emotions unconsciously but I don't fucking know what to dooo

It's like my body is a laptop and I have a virus which isn't outwardly harming or affecting the system, but still there's something amiss inside, I just want to find my anti-virus ffs is that too much to ask for

I feel like something's missing - inside. Like, I don't want to go back home, well, I'm not having any mental breakdowns of wanting to go back home, and I don't mind staying here, but there's this feeling of something missing, a lack of something, a hollow feeling, something inside. It's weird and it's not sitting right with me and I don't know what to say or do and I feel so urghhh, kind of restless inside but not like actively restless, and I don't even knowwww

There's so much that's changed, so many changes and it's making me feel so weird and I keep repeating weird because my emotions have been repressed, I can't feel anything and I'm kind of scared because I know that I ought to feel bad and have breakdowns but I'm not, I'm passively going through all this - things that I know should make me have an episode aren't affecting me at all in the sense that nothing's getting past the no feeling vaala wall and I don't even know what to do about it. I know it's not healthy and yeah maybe I'll regret this when I do finally have a breakdown but rn I'm blank and I can cognitively think what I ought to feel but I can't feel things properly and it's dangerous and fuck

Um I'm a bad person, like, a really bad person. I'm rude with my mom and I don't even know why or if it's a defense mechanism or if it's something I'm just used to or whatever, but I don't even know and I feel guilty when she buys me stuff cUse I'm still not "nice" and I feel like I Dont deserve anything she does fit me and I don't kmoe and I can't show appreciation or gratitude because I'm fucking emotionally blunted when it comes to her and I feel like I'm this person she wastes time effort money and love on and that I deserve to die and that my mom wouldn't have so many conflicts and other emotional issues anymore cause I'm the cause, direct or indirect, for all that. And today I didn't wanna go back to my dad's house cause we'd come here only a few days ago and I knew we'd stay here at my mom's house only for a few days cause I had to go back to college soon so I asked her a week ago if we could come tjen but she said no and today I was pissed cause of that cause I knew this would happen I knew it and I told her I wasn't going today and after some arguing she agreed and she told my dad she couldn't drive cause she had a headache and a stomach ache and I couldn't help but think that it was because of me because I didn't wanna yo back today and what if the universe had listened to me and caused that and it was cause of that that Ammi actually did have aches its all my fault my fault my fault and I can't help thinking about deayh and stuff and feeling anxious and feeling lole I wanna cry and rn my only solace is that if any of my loved ones that then I have suicide as an option then and I know it's so fucking problematic and just wrong but that's the only thing that makes me not have a complete mental breakdown over such thoughts and I don't even know why my heads like this and guvk I wish I could get better

I'm sick of people.

Louis and Harry are together.

Louis is queer.

Harry is queer.

They're not out in the sense that they literally said so but it's even if you think Larry isn't real, Harry and Louis as two seperate individuals are both queer which is obvious in the way they're throwing out signs hinting at left and right, hoping people see/hear them.

Due to the whole Policeman movie debacle, I'm going to be talking about Harry here. In a hypothetical world if Harry weren't actually queer (trans/not-straight), then it'd mean he'd been queerbaiting with all his jokes/hints/insinuations about gender and sexuality (non-cishet vaala). Which would make him a problematic celebrity on so many levels I can't even begin-- Which would in turn make y'all ignorant deniers red flags because you'd still stan him if he's queerbaiting like this. BUT, FORTUNATELY, from what we know of Harry, he's not a grade A asshole, which means there 0.000001% he's queerbaiting, and so what does that mean my dear kids? THAT'S HE'S FUCKING QUEER, NOW STFU.

Okay, now that that's over and done with. I completely, totally understand why the gp (general public) is upset at Harry, because to them, Harry is this White cishet guy who's playing the role of a gay man, but has never claimed to be queer, to people who don't really know Harry, that's the image they might be getting and I understand where they're coming from, which breaks my heart, but I get their pov. On the other hand, strict gatekeeping makes the community a not-safe space for people who're questioning, and for people who're not blatantly out and open - like Harry isn't, even tho he has given many signs hinting at him not being cishet, and forcing him out of the closet is a huge ass nah nah.

If you disagree with AOTA (except for the Larry part cause I unfortunately can't force people into believing in H&L ka love) feel free to fuck off.

I'm such a horrible person. I'm a terrible fucking person. I feel no emotional connection to anybody, I can't feel at all, but this is

I don't deserve people, I don't deserve anybody, I only deserve to die and fuck. I feel like I'm using everyone in my family and I feel like I'm a fucking monster of a friend. When pellle tell me that they miss me, I feel absolutely nothing. I feel so entho pole around Ammi that today when I was acting annoyed she legit told me that I don't even let her come near me anymore, in a whiney way but I know she genuinely feels bad about it and I'm a fucking horrible person and god why am I like yhis why eh why

When I opened up to my friend when she was doing a case study on me about the time Achan and I had a slightly troubled conflict vaala relationship I felt so fucking guilty because he's really nice and stuff and here I am talking bad about him, even if it isn't actually talking bad about him because I didn't say anything bad about him just what had happened but my brain is convinced that I was talking bad about him and I'm a bad person and I deserve to die and there's nothing for me to do than diw

I don't want to go back not because of corona or whatever I don't want to go back because I'm scared to be lonely and no one seems to take that seriously and they don't seem to realise how fucking painful it is for me to feel lonely. I don't know if people with bpd experience loneliness differently from nts but fucking hell I can't go back to something like that I can't I can't I can't I don't want to leave home and go back to my PG please please please

But I'm missing classes and I'll have to go back for exams but I won't be ready for that because I don't even feel like all this is happening in this reality, I can't comprehend that college is actually going on and classes are being took until someone talks to me about it, otherwise I'm completely detached and fuck I'm going to fail I'm not going to be able to write anything and on top on all this I'll just be a sad fucking disappoingment

My therapist is amazing he really is really good but my therapy sessions aren't stable and continuous and I have a feeling he thinks my diagnosis is a mild one so that's why I don't need as many sessions, I think so, I dunno but I do, I do, I do I really do but I don't know to tell him and I read and I see these therapists and therapy sessions in the stuff I read and I want something like that I want to properly work on this and be able to feel stiff like a functional human being and I want to stop living through life feeling empty not feeling any emotion not feeling like I have a proper connection with people not feeling like I love people

I went out with Sanju yesterday or day before or something and it was no nice but I'm trying to control myself and not feel too emotionally attached like I used to, maybe she's my fp or something cause she's the only person i um feel intense emotions towards, but that too isn't like typical emotions so I dunno. Anyway I've been trying to put as much distance between ourselves so it won't become that bad again so even if that means I won't ever get to be her best friend again like before it's okay because I don't think I can go through so much mental fucking pain again and I never want to treat her like how I treated her back then so I'll do my best to handle my emotions and if tgat means not being able to be like before then it's okay I'll suffer through her being close yo Sanjana and Aswathy and never me not me and I'll support her when she has boyfriends who she tells me about and I'll try to be a good friend the best I can because that's all I can fucking be because she doesn't know about queer platonic relationshios and she wooldnt want to be in one because she's a straight person who wants boyfrienfd and wouldn't want to be stuck with me and even if we do become best friends again I'll never be able to always hang out with her like I want to because we'll be far away from each other and because even though I'm platonically in love with her it would never work out she wouldn't be into it at all and it's as impossible and me being a functional human bueng so yeah and since I've properly convinced myself of that it doesn't hurt as bad and it's okay sometimes I let myself feel it when I think about the non-possibility sometimes rarely when I'm really happy like when she texted me first but that's only for a shoet moment cause I know how to control myself better now so yay

FOR THE THOUSANDTH FUCKING TIME SAYING THAT SOMEONE IS QUEER IS NOT FUCKING IMPOSING A SEXUALITY OR GENDER OR THEM, IT'S JUST WONDERING IF THEY'RE QUEER! SAYING THAT THIS MEANS WE'RE IMPOSING A LABEL ON THEM OR ASSUMING THEIR SEXUALITY OR GENDER JUST SHOWS THE HETERONORMATIVITY AND CISSEXISM THAT IS SO DAMN FUCKING PERVASIVE IN THIS HETERONORMATIVE AND CISSEXIST WORLD FFS! THE DEFAULT IS NOT CIS FUCKING HET, THERE IS NO DEFAULT SHUT THE FUCK UP, I'LL SAY HARRY STYLES IS QUEER AS MUCH AS I WANT AND Y'ALL IGNORANT QUEERPHOBES CAN SHOVE IT UP YOUR DEFENSIVE ASS

*HUFFS*

wish I could leak my own nudes anonymously so that my family would finally stop fucking slut shaming and body policing me ://////

the way i would give up my life and my soul and my entire being for Samira Wiley should be a little concerning-

privileged people really do be petty and ignorant, honesty though. there's some message going around about how the farmers protesting are rich and now people are pissed off that they're protesting, as if being rich somehow negates their social standing; same can be applied for Savarnas who're pissed that rich marginalised caste ka people avail caste based reservations: as if people who are marginalised should stay marginalised and even the tiniest hint of not suffering as much as they expected them to be suffering warrants backlash and finger pointing. being rich is in no way related to how they still face prejudice and unfair treatment because of which group they belong to. and why the fuck do they care that the farmers are rich???? so fucking what???? how does that negate their right to protest against something that's going to affect them, that's going to overturn their means of livelihood? what makes them think that they get to have a say in matters which are none of their business? quite literally so. why do privileged people think that rights and concessions for one particular marginalised group is somehow going to affect their privileged social standing? it makes absolutely no sense. URGH

the whole concept of karma is rooted in casteist beliefs - getting what you deserve? being born into a particular style of life because of the actions of your previous life? suffering or being privileged in the life you have at present because of the actions of your ancestors/as a consequence of the actions of your previous life? all of the above = used to perpetuate casteism. The whole foundation of the caste system stands on this concept, of being born into a particular caste because of what you did in your previous life(-ves). Apart from it being casteist, I personally, don't agree with any of this. People do not get what they deserve (don't read it using a cynical tone, I'm using a matter of fact tone); a small child who has a chronic illness that's sure to result in death has not warranted it, no matter what they must or must not have done in their so called past life - that is, if you believe in such a concept - warrants such a form of suffering; a person who has been or is being abused does not deserve it, again, same reasoning; a horrible person who gets to get away with all the horrible things they've done don't deserve that, but it still happens; a person having a debilitating illness hinders who're their supposed to be isn't what they deserve; people being discriminated against for being a certain way, being born a certain way or whatever isn't because of their previous life ka actions or because they somehow deserve it; there are people who're doing good in life even though they've done bad actions and vice versa, there are people who did bad™ things which had bad consequences with good intentions, there are people who've done good their entire life but who still suffer, who's to say who deserves what, who's to say who deserves something because they must've been bad in their previous life, what gives an outsider the right to judge someone this way; your child being a "troublemaker" (that's a censored term BTW) isn't because you did something bad in your previous life and this is your fate now - I don't even want to begin to point out everything's that wrong and insensitive and messed up about that; you having a privileged life, being born into a family that's privileged, isn't because your ancestors did something great or worked harder than the ancestors of a family which is suffering (socially/economically, whichever), a family which isn't as privileged as yours - that's a very problematic thing to say, not only because of how ignorant and doused in privilege it is, but also because of how casteist it is. It sounds holier than thou, as if what your ancestors did was morally superior, in any way superior, and that the other person's marginalisation is because their ancestors weren't good enough, didn't do enough - you being born into a good, comfortable home was because your ancestors were somehow better than that person's, who's now suffering in life. My grandfather has used this argument so many times to point out the why to which I was born into the family I was born into and not into a family like our neighbor's, who aren't as privileged or well-to-do as we are, apparently it's because they all worked harder and did their "duties" (another term which pisses the fuck out of me) properly and so I was also gifted with this life, wtfffffff. Karma isn't simply tit for tat, there's much more to it - this concept implies that what people get in life is what they asked for through their actions (karma also refers to all your actions in your previous being accumulated and you having to face the consequence or the fruits of it in your following lives) which is fucking victim blame-y, a scapegoat and I do not stand by it. It could offer solace to people - the whole concept, I mean - when something bad's been done to them, I understand that, but that's a personal 'I want to feel good, so I'll believe in this' thing, and that's upto you, but on a wider scale, I'm not at all comfortable with people saying that 'karma' is the reason for what happens to people in life. It honestly disgusts me.

it's about time people realised self dx means "I've done intensive research on this, read outsider perspectives and personal experiences with people who have so and so, which is why I genuinely feel like I have so and so" and NOT "I relate to this one symptom, I totally have so and so"

yes, I'm pro-self dx.

I think that one of the worst things a family member could ask a child going to therapy is if they're "honest with their therapist" - not because they genuinely want them to be honest with their therapist, but because they don't want a stranger to judge what the child could possibly be telling them about their family or other issues. In other words : "are you truthful with your therapist?" = "are you sure you're not telling him (my therapist is a cis man, so) biased things which put you in a positive light and us in a negative light, thereby manipulating him to say things that are convenient for you, and choose your side whatever you tell him?"; which thereby results in my mind going -" ohmy gosh, what if you've tricked your therapist into thinking you're a/an good/okay person, when you're a burden and you're ungrateful and a bad child and you trouble your family, what if you tricked him into thinking that you deserve his kind words when you actually don't and what if you actually are painting everyone else in a bad light and yourself as a victim-", because my self esteem is even lower than my sense of humor. so yeah, fuck that shit.

Trying so hard to be a person who accepts other people's (difference in) pov without feeling ehem, but don't think it's for me 😳🥺😖

But like always, Imma fake it till I make it or else I'll have no friends hahahahaha

I genuinely feel like my family doesn't like me. I know they love me, because family and stuff, but there's a difference between liking someone and loving someone when it comes to familial relationships you know? I was having terrible, terrible, horrible, craving for death kinda cramps today and I desperately needed emotional support and I was crying and calling out to anybody, I literally yelled "somebody please" and they heard that and my grandma was coming and my uncle was like, I could hear him from the room, where are you going amma, don't go and stuff as if I was troubling her and I was an annoying baby who was crying and would stop it's crying when ignored long enough or something, but my grandma came and was like you know I have work, so I can't sit here with you, blah blah and your mom will come soon with the hot water bag, all this is happening because you never listen to us when we tell you to exercise so that your muscles will stretch, you don't even listen, now you're suffering etcetc and a lot of insensitive and cold stuff like that, not at all emotionally sensitive or comforting when I was suffering and I felt so fucking bad, so fucking heartbroken that I went silent. Then my mom came with the hot water bag and stuff and she lay with me for a while, not for me, but because she got an excuse to look at her phone and rest (she has a leg problem, so for that too) and then after a while, the water become lukewarm/cool and I told her that the hot water bag helped and if she could heat the water up and bring it and she sat up and kept looking at her phone and I waited for a while and the pain was returning so I asked her again and I was pissed that time, but I controlled it as much as I could (didn't yell like I usually did), and she was like stop getting angry and used her leg as an excuse as yo whyc she wasn't moving (which was an excuse because you can actually see the difference right? When a person is making an excuse and actually not okay) and scolded me a bit. Basically, when I needed softness and comfort and maybe a little pampering, all I got was bluntness, hard love, annoyance and being ignored. I don't remember the last I felt so fucking bad because of something people actively did (not internally feeling bad or hurt feelings feeling bad, feeling pathetic and like a burden). The words "I'll just kill myself and you'll all be finally rid of me and won't have a pain in tbe ass" was at the tip of my tongue (and I can't count how many times this thought ran through my head today), and if I was more non-woozy and had a teeny bit more energy, I would have blurted it out, honestly. I feel so fucking sick, in the miserable vaala way.

I just want someone to be soft with me and cuddle me and call me baby, is that too much to ask for :')

tiny rant #1 : I'm so fucking sick and done with people who shame Larries by telling them they're "shipping" two real life people, when in actuality Larries simply believe in Harry and Louis being together - they (we) believe that Harry and Louis have, or atleast had, something special, something more, and that they're most probably, very likely in love with each other. We do not "ship" them, there's a fucking difference. There are people who haven't talked to a single person who's a Larrie and they spout shit about how they're (we're) fetishising mlm, which is absolute bullshit because the literal meaning of fetishising is thinking of someone or something with a sexual lens, and none of us are jerking off to Harry and Louis having sex you ignorant fucks - atleast use words appropriately, according to their meaning, wtf. ALSO, most importantly, Larries aren't fucking cishet White girls who want to see two boys kissing - most of us are part of the lgbtq+ community and a lot of us are not-White (I'm aro-spec pan + agender AND Indian, personally).

tiny rant #2 : I feel like when people forcefully deny the fact that a person could be queer, they're being more microaggressive/queerphobic than when people assume a person could be queer (in a non-assholic way). Denying that a person could be queer with a lot of force just puts you in a bad light, kind of sending off a pretty problematic message, y'know? For example, so called Harries who're so into denying the possibility that Harry could be trans/non-binary by saying that it's transphobic to assume, are being transphobic themselves by doing so because they refuse to even think of the possibility that he could be, they're so against the idea that it seems as if they could never be open to such a thing, which is super queerphobic if I say so myself. This doesn't mean that Harry is trans/non-binary, I'm not saying that as a fact, I'm just saying that people shouldn't be so quick to stop queer people from wondering if their idols are queer just because they think we're "forcing a label onto him" - which we're not.

I'm so fucking sick of adults telling me to exercise, telling me that I never move, telling me that I never listen when they tell me to exercise when I DO exercise, I'm so fucking sick of adults speaking to me as if I'm not trying hard enough when I'm doing something solely for them, because they kept telling me. What's the point of doing something they're telling you to do when they don't even acknowledge that you're doing it? I'm not gonna stop obviously, cause I promised my uncle, but I'm just sick of listening to my family scolding me for something I actually am doing right. And I'm sick of having to prove myself, so nowadays I never tell them that I am doing exercise lest they say that's not good enough or ignore it and keep scolding me, better to receive scoldings when they think I'm not doing it. And I'm so sick of feeling like I'm not wanted, that I'm just an annoyance, so much so that I don't even feel like coming to my grandparents ka house anymore, I genuinely don't. I just feel like keeping quiet and not talking to anyone because they get annoyed at me so quickly and that hurts, I'm at a point where I'm kind of even scared to talk lest I piss them off or something. I feel like I'm this annoying fly that they're trying to brush away but keep coming back. Honestly tho, that's the perfect representation of my feelings. I'm just sick and tired, y'know?

the tpwk music video -

1. saved me

2. was the furthest thing from cishet

3. portrayed queer culture aka Phoebe and Harry

4. showed gender non-conf Phoebe (who had stated that she was gender non-conf) and Harry, just like they are in real life, which just proves the fact that Harry is not cis/confined by gender [PHOEBE WAS LEADING AJSJSJSJS LIKE!!! THAT'S FUCKING SYMBOLISM RIGHT THERE]

5. was one of the best fucking things to happen to this world

TW SELF HARM

My therapist suggested that I draw lines on my thigh with red sketch pen whenever I feel like self harming, and yesterday I tried that and it worked yayyy (only after I self harmed a bit and then remembered it tho)

my bpd is acting up with my fucking kitten and I'm so fucking done with it.

I found a baby kitten Yada Yada, took care of it, gave it love and affection, my grandma gave it food then I had to leave to my dad's house and the kitty grew closer to her and now she's closer with her than with me and I'm unconsciously distancing myself from my fucking kitten as a self defense mechanism cause she doesn't need me anymore and she loves other people more and wonderful

Knew Tumblr would not post it again, so I took screenshots like a genius 👀

I feel fucking pathetic, it's the new years and I'm sitting on the bathroom floor and crying fuck

I'm on a trip with my family and my family friends right now and I'm hiding in the toilet because I feel left out 😬

Please help me feel less pathetic.

But the thing is I'm pretty sure it's all in my head - well, atleast most of it. I feel like my family friends wouldn't care if I hadn't been here, my existence doesn't make a single difference. Cause, like, when I'm in my room or away from them cause I feel left out, they don't seek me out. I have to seek them out. And other stuff, other insecurities, y'know?

And my cousin is here and she's small, and I can't control myself, leave that - my brain is empty and my thoughts don't forewarn what my mouth is about to say and so I say things which are rude to her even though she's super sweet and loves me a lot and I feel like a fucking dick because I'm a horrible person and I don't deserve to be loved. I want to die. (and urgh, before you report it or whatever, I'm not gonna attempt suicide 🙄 this is the only platform I can be as pathetic as I want and remain anonymous and blunt, don't ruin that for me because you have a saviour complex - I don't actually mean that, but tbh I really got annoyed at the post which told people to report posts which mention even a lil bit of own vaala death. Nothing is going to happen except that the post will be taken down. And even if something does, it's going to be fucking messed up cause I'm not going to die of suicide anytime soon. I wouldn't be venting here if I was)

me, @ the updated version of wattpad : 🎶 this house don't feel like home 🎶

List of movies I want to watch but cannot find ANYWHERE

Billy Elliott

Vita and Virginia

Looking for Langston

Rafiki

okay, so I'm fat right? And all my life I've been conditioned with the prejudice that fat people can't be sexy, they can't be into sex stuff - the trope for a fat person was the funny sidekick who loves food and loves to tease their friends and be the butt of jokes. And I never minded that trope because I wasn't conscious of it, though at times it did rub me the wrong way. My family used to tell me if I lost weight I'd be able to dance better when I used to dance for fun in front of them (they meant it in a light way, but that made me an insecure mess who hated dancing - it took me a long time, and an entirely new beginning, to dance in front of people without being overly conscious of my every move), one of my ex classmates told me not even a pr*stitute would have sex with me (I can't even begin to point out how many things are wrong with that statement) and so on. So looking sexy or whatever has become empowering for me. Taking nudes and sending them to people (solicitedly of course), looking into the mirror fully naked, and wearing clothes that are revealing helped me in being comfortable with, and in, my body. For me, sex is something that has been so seperate from people like me, that I want to reclaim it and show people that - here, look, even fat people can dress sexily, even they can be sexual, even they can be into sex, even they can be sexual beings (DO NOT COUNT FETISHISM OR I'LL VIRTUALLY PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE). And that's been another um doubt, y'know? Like, people see me as this person who does things like this and I don't want them to mock me for being a fat person and believing it could be possible for me - if that makes sense. I know I look good when I do dress up, I mean you realise how you look after a certain point when you get complimented enough - I'm not being cocky, I know I fit into the cute/adorable/chirpy fat person stereotype, but I want to be more than that y'know? I don't want to infantilised just because I'm fat and cute. I'm also a sexual being (I don't mean to invalidate asexual or sex repulsed fat people, I'm talking about me, personally) and I'd like people to acknowledge that instead of feeling weirded out since society cannot see fat people and sexy/sexual together.

tl/dr : I want to dress the way I want to - also called slutty by our messed up society - because it empowers me.

there's this theory that Haz is trans/nonbinary and I am so fucking glad that I'm not the only one who thought of that!!!

it's like, Lou is talking to his younger self, telling him there's no point caring or speaking up against the fact that he's not allowed to show who he is openly. That he's not the first or the last who's going to have to hide who they really are just because of how messed up the industry is. And caring only kills love could mean caring about what the management or the other people say too much will only kill your love with the person you're in a relationship with (this could be what happened with Larry : Lou might have wanted to hide everything a little too much and Harry must've have walked away - like Lou says in his song, the day you walked away is the day I became the man that I am now; and like how Haz says in Golden, the other person is scared of being open because hearts get broken), and a kiss won't bring it back, which is pretty obvious.

There's nothing left to say since people have already said whatever there is to say and still nothing has changed - the industry is still the same, homophobia and the glass closet is still the same. So hush your crying, dry your tears, it's not going to make a change, it's not going to make an impact. Your broken heart is a copy of the broken heart of someone else and so on and on.

(I'm not talking about the glass and birds ka theory because people have already theorised that - the glass closet and the birds are the people, maybe Haz and Lou, or maybe every single person who had to hide who their truly were)

Spilt blood could be Louis actually believing everything their management told them, and the loss they had to face, all the pain they had to go through because they couldn't speak up or change anything. So there's no use in crying over all that - like he says in Too Young, he gives in to the pressure, he thought that a love like this would never last - and we can actually see parellels and connections to his other songs, his album and him, as an individual.

Like, damn, Louis Tomlinson is a goddamn genius and anyone who doesn't see this, see how much hurt he had to go through is a fool.

I hold so much bitterness towards adults and I'm sure it's unhealthy, but yeah. Like, I hate the way they treat their kids, I hate the way they're so hypocritical, I hate the way they think they can say anything and not be held accountable for the hurt they've caused just because they're parents or family members, I hate the way they consider it selfish for their children to tell them how certain things they did left an impact on them, I hate how adults seem to want to teach their kids how to live in the world and treat other people, but they themselves treat their kids like trash, without kindness or compassion, I hate how adults purposely say things which are aimed at making their kids feel bad, I hate how adults think that they can justify taking advantage of the kid's vulnerability for whatever reason (for the "greater good" or "for your own good" or whatever), I hate how adults are so mean and rude to their children, I hate how they use terrible language and say horrible, horrible things just because they're sad or upset and then go on about as if they said nothing bad, I hate how adults expect their kids to talk to them and be free with them, but at the same time, judge them or mock them or brush them away when they do; I hate how adults seem to think they own their children, how they seem to think they can silence them; I hate how adults say "this is my house", taking away the sense, the feeling of "home" from the child - because if it is their house only, because they built it, what is it to their child? What is their child to that house? Isn't it supposed to be a home, and not a house that belongs to just one person? ; anyway, I hate how adults are not reliable or trustworthy and nearly never nice, I hate how adults tell their kids they want to die because their kid is too much, I hate how adults think parents/family members get a free pass for everything and anything they say or do.