Latest Posts by r3v3rie - Page 8

the way i see blake looking back at me in the mirror and i can’t even be bothered to care right now.

oh the things i wish i could tell him LMFAO

so much meaning in one little action. if he knew me at all he would know that i go to sleep at about 11 every night since my meds knock me out. this has been happening for a year. we live together.

it just keeps coming in waves. this soul-crushing feeling that i never can describe right. it hurts, it aches, it longs, it rolls but it’s sharp and stings. the great ambiguous birthday blues are settling into my bones for tonight.

i'm sorry for the awful audio of the spoken word, i am not sorry for my emotion.

when i think of you my heart is filled with anguish. i pray that when you think of me, yours is filled with penitence.

my therapist has no idea how bad she fucked up LMFAO. like- you think he thinks about me??? really??? no no no dez idc if he feels bad about what he did, he still thinks about me??? 🥺🥺🥺

tonight the black hole where my heart is supposed to be feels as if it will eat me alive.

i was just a kid, how is any of this fair?

"Am I supposed to be grateful to have survived this?" -Brenna Twohy, from "I know Its A Little Late," Forgive me my salt.

4.23.22 - Springtime Winter (excerpt)

I tell him how my dad is clearly trying to kill me, by leaving all of the windows open. I feel a passive pang of ideation. I don't tell him how I wish that it actually would.

this being 11 thing blows.

nothing is bringing me comfort, i don't know how to help baby brained me. no shows, music, stories, games, nothing. i can't even figure out the trigger. i know its a flashback or regression or whatever the f*ck but im tired. i am 8 years older than this. we lived, we aren't dying. i don't know how to get that through to her-me-whoever. all i know is that we are alone right now and we are not okay with that for some reason.

4.20.23 - Guardian Angel. (excerpt) I find it sad now, how life was so bad that I needed him. I find it sad, how I can sit here and ache. How I miss him as if he were real. How I can grieve over having to now endure my hardships alone.

‘Prowling Cats’ by Tim Southall

three hours later and i was in literal tears about how unfair it is that i have to work so hard to be a person. this Borderline shit got HANDS

i stg this shit is just Big Puppy Disorder. like wag wag wag my tail over this new friend, he is so nice and he is so nice to me and i want to be his puppy and make him happy too :3

i’m like some braindead golden retriever wtf is going on.

i stg this shit is just Big Puppy Disorder. like wag wag wag my tail over this new friend, he is so nice and he is so nice to me and i want to be his puppy and make him happy too :3

i’m like some braindead golden retriever wtf is going on.

made it 2/3 of the way through my therapy workbook. taking these broken wings and learning to fly, slowly but surely.

very close to giving up. i feel like i need to go back to the damn ward. i hate that this is my life, and that none of it gets to be easy.

i am tired.

something visceral about my mom sadly looking at me and quietly saying “do you think your dad would have done the same if it was you instead of your sister?”

sometimes the validation that i am and will always be the scapegoat child hurts

literally obsessed with him..like holy jesus he’s so pretty and sweet and hot and i just wanna kidnap him and throw him in my basement and eat him alive :3

TW: brief mention of SA and physical assault

I know I don't talk much about my practice or worship much here as this blog is mostly just mental illness venting in a prettier format, but today I feel connected to my gods and that is a wonderful thing. To be able to hear the existentialism lectures in my philosophy class and know that I no longer can buy into such a way of thinking is lovely. I sit there like "this is interesting n all but my gods are here! I am not some abandoned spec of dust in this big universe!!"

So here is a digital thank you to my gods, for many things that I will never be able to adequately explain and express.

when richard siken said "love, for you, is larger than the usual romantic love. it's like a religion. it's terrifying. no one will ever want to sleep with you" and when halsey said "'why do you need love so badly? bet it's because of her daddy, bet that she'll never be happy' I bet that you're right and I'll show you in time cause I sabotage the things I love the most" and when emily burns said "tongue-tied, screaming on the inside, when I say that we broke up and they ask why. Are you crying in the shower like a freak, or is it just me?" and when maisie peters said "all the hows and the whens and whys I thought it would be us for life" and when lauren jauregui said "she doesn't let me have control anymore, I must have crossed a line, I must have lost my mind" and when hozier said "i think of loss and I can only think of you" and when-

if Lord Apollon allowed song alone to heal, florence + the machine would have me considered sane

TW: TALK OF SA AND SA FLASHBACKS

i just wish to be perceived as gentle and kind. that’s it, that is truly all i want.

it hurts to know this will never be.