"Like, Which Part Of This Clusterfuck Specifically?"

“Stop breaking this pencil! Do you know how expensive this was?!”

-Somebody with a cheap pencil they probably found on the floor

"I can't believe people live in California..."

“That’s a pretty gender neutral way of killing someone!”

-Me, not making nearly as much sense without context

“Are you sure you’re a human being? You have no belly button.”

-My aunt to my grandma

"Insulin is the hormone equivalent of 'not like other girls'"

"We need more queer pyromaniacs around here!"

“It should be easier once we get rid of the pile of noses...”

-My mother, not making nearly as much without context

“I refuse to get this philosophical over Pingu.”

“What a great six! Very sixy!”

-Me, not intentionally making a pun

“I’m far too goth for gravey.”

-Me, not goth in any way