Kitchen

A Relationship Is Not a Wishlist.

Look, a romantic wishlist is a nice thought, but it’s also creepy and unfair. It’s setting up an impossible monstrosity of expectations and you’ll be disappointed for no other reason than you played yourself.

I don’t mean lowering your standards. I mean setting real ones, for actual people who exist. For people who are just people and not a customized Frankenstein creature.

The person you’ll end up with is going to be their own person with their own hopes, dreams, goals, anxieties, and weird little habits. They’re not a checklist trophy that will meet your every size or quota.

They’re going to be way different and in fact way more interesting than the stitched up hologram made from half-baked movie cliches and choir-preaching memes.

Relationships are about compromise. Not compromising yourself, no. But about two weird people making it work. It’s a wild mix of chemistry, compatibility, non-negotiables, history and trauma, highs and lows, disagreements and pushback and feedback, augmenting goals, and lifelong change.

“Get you a guy/girl who” only works if you see yourself as a main character-savior-hero and you see others as a secondary prop to fulfill your romantic comedy narrative. In that case, you have other issues and you can wait.

And waiting in the meantime is a really good time for growth, for self-discovery, and for becoming the kind of person you never knew you were looking for. Singleness, really, isn’t waiting. It’s being.

— J.S.

in your 20’s find a balance between hustle & rest. you don’t need to have a love life or a soulmate figured out. go travel the world. battle your demons. set up a business, find people who value your heart & yours will attract. don’t live in the past, you have so much more to see

I like sleep.

So if I ever skip sleep for you, that just shows I love you so much.

Other than that, dont flatter yourself.

Please.

Thesis 101: Condensed version

In my experience, there is always someone somewhere starting their thesis, or struggling to the thesis finish line, or stuck in that middle part where it’s hard work without the reward. If you are just getting started on your thesis (or another big project) and you feel a bit lost and overwhelmed: fear not, I have your back. I created a list of tips that I found useful while writing my MSc thesis (psychology).

Let me know if this was helpful and if you want more. I originally wanted to post a whole series of tips on different stages of the thesis process, so consider this the drastically condensed version of that.

Getting started

Find a lab that works on a topic that interests you and with a team that you feel comfortable with.

Make sure you know where to go with questions and get to know the structure.

Set up your goals from the beginning and make a planning.

The best thing you can do at the beginning of your thesis is figure out what you want, what your university requires, and how the project works.

Planning

Create a list of all the steps you need to take to finish your thesis and divide them over the time (months, weeks?) that you have until the deadline.

At the very beginning, discuss this schedule with your supervisor.

Create in-between deadlines, with your supervisor and also with yourself.

At the beginning of each month, write down what you should do each week.

At the beginning of each week, write down what you should do each day.

Make a list of things you need to do each day, preferably the night before, so you can start right when you sit down.

You could even calendar block if that’s your cup of tea.

Steps

Here’s an example from a psychology graduate (me):

Literature search/brain storm

Research question, hypotheses

Summarizing results into proposal

Make a plan

Learn how to analyze data

Execute plan (e.g., data collection)

Analyse data

Write down results

Draw conclusion

Revision, feedback, revision, feedback, revision!

 Reflection

Every week (or at whatever interval you prefer), sit down for 20 minutes and reflect on your progress. Ask yourself:

What did I do this week?

What went well?

What did not go as planned?

What can I do to improve next week?

What is on my to do list for the next week? What’s my focus? Are there things on the long run that I need to start working on?

Reflection keeps you on track but also allows you to think about what you learned in the process.

"Is education important or making money?"

Source

Studying is so unnecessarily hated, so can just appreciate the sheer aesthetic of studying?

Waking up early and drinking green tea with textbooks on your lap as light spills in through the open windows. Laying out post-its and notebooks and coloured pens as you begin to write colour coordinated notes for each subject. Having textbooks and notebooks spread out all over your desk with your laptop in the center, as you make powerpoint presentations for each chapter. The feeling of scribbling down formulae that you pin up all over your walls, creating a colourful display of knowledge in your room. Having a binder filled to the brim with detailed diagrams with annotations and post-its all over them.

And if you’re chaotic and messy and disorganised? That’s equally aesthetic!

Having pinned your hair up in a messy bun as you sit on the floor, surrounded by open binders that have pages upon pages of notes spilling out of them. Sticking your pencil through that bun because you can’t find your rubber band and then cursing two minutes later because where is my pencil it was right here. Piles of used coffee cups and plates from the hundreds of different snacks that have just piled up in your room. Messy diagrams sellotaped to the bookshelves because you can’t find any of your notebooks. Random pieces of information scribbled on the cuff of your jeans because there’s no more space on your arms and you can’t find a spare bit of paper. That one page of notes that you made that was actually informative and organised before it trailed off into three pages of doodles.

Studying is aesthetic. And the aesthetic of studying is a fucking great motivator to start doing it.

Constantly reminding that this body is fighting for you to be alive.

Stop belittling yourself.

“I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.”          – Confucius 

Getting myself together

If you want to be ATTRACTIVE you can be.

-Get up early. Set your alarm and stretch first thing. Then go make some tea.

-Get dressed, do light makeup & go for a walk (Always look your best even if it’s light makeup & your hair is in a ponytail).

-Work out. Even though you don’t want to! Do you think anybody wants to at first? No. How do they get results? Discipline.

-Check off a calendar to feel accomplished after u do these things every day (with a rest day in between. Even then, stay active just go easier—walk).

-Do a face mask 2X a week at the end of the day. Put teabags on eyes to reduce puffiness. Moisturize and use gua sha roller to massage face.

-Sleep to binaural beats music for deep sleep

If you want to be SMART you can be.

-Read portions of a book mindfully and try to retain that information.

-Try to finish 1 book every 2 weeks. The library is your friend.

-Do a crossword in the local newspaper

If you want to be STRONG you can be.

-STOP giving into your emotions & being at their mercy.

-Do you feel sad? Well cry it out, comfort yourself & then get right back to doing whatever you need to further your goals.

-Don’t be an open book. Even if you don’t feel well nobody on the outside needs to know. Don’t give away your secrets. Only ask for help from appropriate people.

If you want to be FRIENDLY & PERSONABLE you can be.

-What would you do if you were drunk/ not overthinking it?

-How others react to you is none of your business. Don’t let them determine your worth/ mood.

-Compliment strangers. Ask for directions. This can lead to small talk.

-Mirror people subtly. Add on to the conversation by asking questions. Wait until the other person is done speaking no matter how badly you want to get a word in.

-Get approached by always looking put together & nice. Even if you’re not, fool them on the outside.