Free Write - Blog Posts

//Whatever dies, was not mixed equally;

If our two loves be one, or, thou and I

Love so alike, that none do slacken, none can die.//

The Good Morrow, John Donne

if today was my last

If today was my last How would I spend it? would I take in all the little things, gathering all those little details that I have always missed, my head has always been too full of all these things that keep me up at night. Or would I still just float through it all Still just a shell of the kid I once was, all the vibrancy and wonder having left years ago.

Would I go to the library? to collect a few last lines Letting them live on the tip of my tongue. only to set them free with my last breath. letting the feeling of ink on the page, be the last thing my fingertips will feel. the smell of paper and secrets, invading my senses and welcoming me home at last.

Would I go to the school that has hallways I have haunted? having drifted through them, my eyes empty and my brain always too full with all those thoughts. stopping in the classes to whisper a few final goodbyes even though nobody would notice or hear me pausing the disorder and energy in those hallways, for just a few moments, finally letting myself take it all in.

would I go to the forest wherein the deepest part I could lie on its soft grass floor, in the utter calm of it letting my lungs finally breathe in the crisp air, the feeling of its coldness expanding within them. closing my eyes for the last time, finally letting myself feel at peace and safe, hearing the bird's singing floating around me, their cries being the last thing I will ever hear.

My last words will be uttered so softly that not even the wind would hear them, when they escape this prison of my mind, floating away with my final exhale. My last breath will flow out feeling free for the first time, escaping into the world seeing it all.

i love you

I have loved you since We were young. barely old enough to even understand what love even was. the feeling of pure and utter devotion I had felt for you before I fully realized How much love would ruin me. How much it would kill me Tearing me apart, never letting me go Stealing away my heart, never giving it back

Anger feels like a sharp green. It lives in the eye of a snake ready to strike. Sharpening its tongue using it as a knife Ready to lash out and wound. Anger is locked in the eyes. Constantly watching and waiting to attack

Yellow is the color of safety. It warms like the sun's rays. Surrounding me. Being a beacon in the dark It's soft and shining in contrast, to angers hard sharpness Safety is free to roam. It finds those in need and makes them safe.

Fear is the darkest blue of the ocean. Primal, cold and harsh Running parallel to anger. Fear stalks its prey, Watching and waiting to strike. never hesitating, always ready. Waiting to cover you in its shallow depths pulling you under like a riptide Devouring you in its purest form

Photo Credit: @thiu_thiubo

We tend to show the parts

of our life that we find beautiful

Its human nature

to find joy in them

and console our frail bodies

that everything is okay

But I wish we could show each other

our tears, pain and regret

through a liquid crystal display

Then maybe we would be

a little conscious and kind

of the words we choose

to bring to life.

- 🍀

These are the days my Friend

*Chirp*chirp* The songs of the blue jay resonates from the tree that seems to be the stronghold of this mighty forest. The roots entangle all other plants and appear to stretch to the far ends of the earth. As each creature begins its routine. Deer run and leap, squirrels play along the extravagant roots, each bird begins to line to sing the anthem of the forest. While in one particular borrow their lies a single raccoon. He is old fur matted and falling out, each step slower than the last, but mind as sharp and cunning as the young wolf. He is treated respectably in this community, or so he would like to wish. Many give looks of pity, disregard, malice, annoyance, and some don't even acknowledge  his existence. Each morning the old raccoon goes picks at some food scraps lying in plain sight. He no longer has the strength to gather real nourishment. Rumor has it the old fur ball survives on pure willpower, but where does the willpower come from? As the old raccoon returns home to the rotting root that is his home, and begins to nestle back into place he notices something missing. Well for you see each night since the raccoon has began sleeping in this root he heard the drill of a young woodpecker. The old fur ball grew bewildered wondering where could the redheaded brat could be. So he mustered up the strength of his old bones to go looking before dusk came. After some time he reached the home of most woodpeckers. 

  Here he saw many participating in different activities and games of sorts, but couldn't help but notice one woodpecker that truly caught his attention. Young lad who drilled into his home every night. See the young little pecker was sitting to himself yammering some nonsense under his breath. So the Old fur ball approached him. Why "Why hello their young one" "Who are and what do you want crapface" replied the ill tempered woodpecker. "Why I'm the owner of the root you drill that bright mouth of yours into each day and through the night". "Oh so its you figured you didn't want making any more holes since no one really want me around" commented the woodpecker. "Now what makes you think that" questioned the raccoon. "No one can hear what I am saying or really tries to understand what i need, they just remind me of my problems and remind why i should hate myself." the woodpecker cried. "Well do you even know what it is you need" asked the raccoon. "No i have know idea i just feel the need to express myself, i just want to be able to be me with other people cheering me on and telling me how i fly and what i do is amazing". "Well maybe i could help you " explained the raccoon. "I need a friend as well , for in these times I've grown mighty lonely. So i tell you what my new friend when you wish to express yourself you may use my root all day, and when you just wish to talk these old ears will listen." "Why would you do that for me crapface" wondered the woodpecker. "Simple its not when we have no one around that we feel lonely, it is when we feel that there is no one who we can talk to. Those are the days of true loneliness, and no soul deserves such an experience 

A mess from the best

Ain’t like the rest .

She was blessed by the man

With his shoulders at rest .

A danger to the devil from the inside , out

As her emotions were made to be numbed out .

Like hitler , wanting you to be his butler ,

Hid in the darkness from the stars ,

Never knew what it was like to see past the dark .

It’s a shame , but we don’t pass the blame ,

especially when your blinded by The other game .

Now she can see , so much more clearly ,

She is starting to look a lot more pearly .

The sadness in her eyes , are replaced with the sunlight .

The breeze on her skin , awakens her inner self esteem,

Something you tried to keep locked in .

A beautiful soul, you tried to hide ,

Hid beneath your evil eye .

The man with the rainbow eyes , clearly showed up in perfect time .

Her soul was crushing , a big mistake,

Made from the man, with the holes in his skin,

Who now has nothing to sink his claws in .

@trueemotions91

She ignites me

In a way no one , could even come close.

She knows

Just how to make me feel alive .

She is my flame

On the coldest nights .

She is the spark in my eyes.

Believe me when I say she can turn any heart

From stone to gold dust

In a blink of gods eye .

She don’t know evil

Only pure love .

She locks on and never lets go .

She is stronger then any diamond

Rough for ever in the making

As that what makes her so powerful.

She learns from everything

She never will look perfect

Coz the best things

Are always hidden beneath the dirt

Spreading love but never heard.

@trueemotions91

@tammyfeabakker ❤️ x

I see the sun, I see the sand , I see the sea, but I can't see the air .

I can see all that's beautiful around me.

But you no what I can't see .

The thing that keeps me alive !!

And that's the distraction in life !!

We are surrounding by beauty, ugliness , and everything far and between .

But do those things really bother me ??

Where's my twisted feelings , my emotions when they run high, the 1000 words that race through my head every night !!!

But why ? Cant I see these in front of me!!

If these were on show they wouldn't be a distraction it's my lifelong goals !!

These are the main yet they kept locked away ... tightly secure inside my brain... The things we can see , touch, feel , smell are distractions in my way!!

Why can't the things that matter be so easy to reach and grab!!

To put all that matters out on a table would be a lifelong puzzle but that puzzle is my goal in life it's the only thing on this earth that's been made just for me!!!

So when you see that beautiful flower blossoming don't make it a distraction , make it a reality and amend it on your perception to alter what it divides your own path to!!!

I see the sun, I see the sand , I see the sea, but I can't see the air .

I can see all that's beautiful around me.

But you no what I can't see .

The thing that keeps me alive

And that's the distraction in life.

We are surrounding by beauty, ugliness , and everything far and between .

But do those things really bother me ?

Where's my twisted feelings ,

my emotions when they run high,

the 1000 words that race through my head every night !!!

But why ? Cant I see these in front of me!!

If these were on show they wouldn't be a distraction it's my lifelong goals !!

These are the main

Yet they kept locked away

Tightly secure inside my brain

The things we can see , touch, feel , smell are distractions in my way!!

Why can't the things that matter be so easy to reach and grab!!

To put all that matters out on a table would be a lifelong puzzle but that puzzle is my goal in life .

You see it's the only thing on this earth that's been made just for me!!!

So when you see that beautiful flower blossoming don't make it a distraction , alter it to the reality and perception , your own path in life is taking you through.

@trueemotions91

Are u excited to see me?

Do u miss me when I'm gone?

How often do u think about me?

What do u think if u do?

What is it that u see in me?

...And I wonder.

...And I wonder.

Droplets

Drip..

Drip....

Drip...

The sound of the water crashing onto the porcelain pierces my ears.

But it's not that kind of piercing, not the 'gotta stand up and fix this'-type.

And even if I would like to stand up to fix it, I couldn't. I'm frozen, falling into the abyss, in a timeless place without any meaning. Everything's so meaningless.

And I'm just like these droplets, falling.

Falling deeper..

deeper....

And deeper...

I don't know who I am,

What to do,

What is real.

This anxiety and depression

Devour me day in, day out.

Every step outside

Is a struggle

A fight against myself

And I hate it, hate myself,

Despise myself.

Isolate even more

So that the world

Won't see my worthless being.

If I had one wish

It would be

That I'd forever

Disappear.

You asked me to

Meet you at the bridge

I went there

And you burned it down

Do you even care?

Just an alien amongst humans longing for a connection.

A connection back to my homeworld, where we get each others way of communication.

That bright shining star far, far away, somewhere in the seemingly endless void.

This is what i like about photographs- they are proof that once, even if just for a heartbeat, everything was perfect.

Jodi Picoult

Hands are unbearably beautiful, they hold on to things they let things go.

What should i do with these hands if they can’t hold you?

Give me your hands

My soul will sleep inside of them

Inside of them my soul will sleep for eternity

Her hand in mine and in my chest a garden.

But i still don’t know how to hold your hand without reading the ugliness of my own, but i can’t contain my soul from enveloping yours!

I clung to your hands so that something human might exist in the chaos.

I don’t know what to do without you, i don’t know where to put my hands.

Texting sucks, lets have deep conversations and roll on the grass instead.

"I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself."

Franz Kafka

When God holds the paintbrush.🤌

I myself am made entirely of flaws,

stitched together with good intentions.

Augusten Burroughs

I either urge to over explain myself or be left misunderstood. There is no in-between.

the entire point of life is to be silly, kind, and really weird btw.

Ada Limón, from “Too Close”, The Hurting Kind

People don’t understand that we quiet ones are quiet because the conversation’s always playing out in our own heads.

The wheel of time

"My alone feels so good. I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude."

Warsan Shire

“…but you people do not understand me, and i am afraid you never will.”

Vincent Van Gogh

Healing taught me that honesty wouldn't ruin a real thing. Speaking about your feelings won't lose you anything worth having. Setting boundaries won't scare off proper people. & authenticity won't cost you genuine relationships.

Some nights I wake and everything hurts a little. It is amazing how long a ruined thing will burn.

Paul Guest, from “1987”